Siman 65

(6.) I heard from one man of our men who said that he heard from Rabbainu o.b.m. the story about the tzaddik who once fell into great sadness, and revived himself by recalling the greatness of the lovingkindness of Hashem Yisburach "who has not made me a gentile" — which is already printed in the Legendary Tales, see there — which was written as I myself heard it from his own holy mouth o.b.m. And the aforementioned man said that he heard this story from Rabbainu o.b.m. in a slightly different version. And he said that Rabbainu o.b.m. told: There was one great tzaddik who was a master of self-accounting (m'marei d'chushbena), who reckoned with himself each day whether he had performed the service of G-d completely on that day as was always his custom, and he reckoned the things he needed to do on that day, and found that he had not fully discharged his obligation on that day. For example: he needed to walk back and forth within the house such and such a number of times, as was fitting according to his lofty attainment — and on that day he had not walked so much in the house as was proper for him. And through this he fell very low in his mind, to the extent that it was impossible for him to revive himself, until he revived himself by recalling that he had merited "who has not made me a gentile." And also in the telling of the story there was a slight variation, and I no longer remember it more than this. And from this matter you will understand the extraordinary exaltedness of that tzaddik — how great he was in his level, that he had so elevated a service in the mere act of walking back and forth within the house — to the extent that through his having, as he reckoned, diminished somewhat in this service, he suffered so greatly that he was nearly unable to revive himself — had he not recalled "who has not made me a gentile." See and understand and behold the service of the tzaddikim and their anguish over their diminution in their service — how far, how far it reaches. Fortunate are they.