Segment 1
האמת מנצח תמיד
Nu, we can make peace – I am a Breslover, but I needn't yet reject the entire world, one needs money… this is the story of the “country of wealth” - - “he speaks against the entire world!” “What are you saying here?!”… (*From the Story of the Prayer Leader).
Segment 2
האמת מנצח תמיד
ואני - נפש קטן כמוני, ילד בן שבע-עשרה, בחור פשוט, הכי פשוט מכל הישיבה... אני הייתי בן-יחיד - יחיד במינו... והבן-יחיד הזה, הילד, נעשה מזה ככה, כזה קידוש השם, למעלה מדרך הטבע.
והראש שלהם - ראש המתנגדים, הוא לקח אותי כמו חבר טוב, והלך לטייל עמי מחוץ לעיר, והכניס בי כזה רעל של התנגדות, עד שהחלטתי שאני לא אהיה ברסלב'ר! אני ילמוד את הספרים - אבל ברסלב'ר אני לא אהיה...
נו, נפש קטן כמוני, איך זה שנעשה עמי כזה שינוי - לעזוב את העולם, לבטל לומדים כאלו?! נראה מזה כי האמת מנצח תמיד! האמת הוא דבר חזק כזה, האמת מנצח תמיד!
אחרי כן, כשהחלטתי שאני לא אהיה ברסלב'ר, אבל הלב שלי כאב, היה לי 'אוי לי מיוצרי אוי לי מיצרי'. הוא הכניס בי רעל, ואני רציתי - אבל היה לי מלחמות. אפילו שהחלטתי שאני לא אהיה ברסלב'ר, אבל זה לא היה ברצון.
אז סיפרתי לרבי ישראל שהוא דיבר עמי ככה. והשי"ת ריחם עלי, ורבי ישראל דיבר עמי, הוא דיבר עמי כאלו דיבורים - שנעשו מכל אלו הרעלים 'כלום'! הייתי שוב כמו מקודם, הוא לקח ממני כל הרעלים.
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וכל זה הוא לימודים בשבילנו, כי אפילו היום שאין כל-כך מתנגדים כמו שהיה פעם, נו, אבל עדיין נשאר, עדיין יש...
העולם, הלומדים, הגדולים - אפילו אם מסתכלים בהספר - אבל ה'חיזו דהאי עלמא' מכסה!
ואני - אף-על-פי שהקב"ה ריחם עלי שאתקרב לרבינו הקדוש, אבל מה שאנו צריכים להיות, ומה שאנו צריכים לראות - זה עדיין אינו! צריכים להמשיך להתפלל עוד ועוד ועוד...
נו, יכולים לעשות שלום - אני ברסלב'ר, אבל עדיין אין אני צריך להשליך את כל העולם, צריכים כסף... זהו המעשה של ה'מדינה של עשירות' - - 'הוא מדבר נגד כל העולם'! 'מה אתה מדבר פה'?!...
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רבי נתן נולד בבית של תורה וגדולה. החותן שלו היה למדן, תלמיד חכם, וירא שמים, רק ליטאי [- מתנגד]. ורבי נתן גם-כן היה ליטאי, הוא היה 'גדול', הוא היה חתנו של גאון וצדיק. נו, ורבי נתן כשראה את רבינו הוא עזב את כל העולם ונשאר אצל רבינו!
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נו, והמעשיות, וכן התורות - כל תורה צריך להיות תמיד חדש! מה זה חדש? למצוא אור חדש, לימודים חדשים! עיקר הלימוד שיביא אותנו אל מה שרבינו הקדוש רוצה להביא אותנו - אל התכלית האמת.
אצל העולם מסתכלים על איש כזה כמו על משוגע - - עולם הבא? יש זמן לעולם הבא! עכשיו?! הולכים לבית הכנסת, מניחים ציצית ותפילין - - אבל עולם הבא?!... אבל אני הכרתי יהודי שאצלו היה העיקר, כל החיים שלו, תמיד, כל דיבור - הכל היה רק בשביל התכלית...
וכל העולם צוחקים מזה. אבל רבינו הקדוש הזהיר לעשות בכל יום שיעור קבוע - דרך לכל אדם מישראל, מקטן ועד גדול - 'התבודדות'! שילך לאיזה מקום שאין שם בני אדם, ושמה ישפוך שיחו לפני השם יתברך, ולבקש על כל מה שצריכים. דבר ראשון צריך לבקש על עיקר התכלית, ואחר כך כסף - - כן.
ורבינו הקדוש צוחק מכל העולם - ש'לחם ומלפפון' הוא מאכל טוב!...
ויש עוד שיחה, רבינו הקדוש אומר; מה כל הפחד? שאם לא יהיה לו פרנסה, אם לא יהיה לו לחם לאכול אז ימות?! נו, מה כל הענין? הלא ממילא מתים! אם - ככה היו חיים לעולם וככה מתים - - אבל אם ממילא צריכים למות, נו אז מה?!...
[חסר קצת] - - 'שחורות כעורב' - להשחיר את הפנים - 'שחורות'! לומדים; 'שחורות כעורב' - וממשיכים הלאה... אבל את ה'שחורות כעורב' צריך להרגיש היטב! צריכים לראות שהפנים ישחרו כמו שצריך - - למאס תאוות עולם הזה!
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Rabbi Nussun was born in a house of Torah and greatness. His father-in-law (-the gaon Rabbi Duvid Tzvi Aurbach o.b.m. Chief Justice of the Court (Av Bais Din) of the Holy Congregation of Sharigrad, Kraminitz, Muhuluv, and their surrounding (territory much larger than the current state of Israel)) was a lamdan (-skilled scholar), a talmid chuchum (-knowledgeable accomplished Torah scholar), and Heaven fearing, just he was a Litvak (- of Lithuania – insinuating that he was an antagonist to chasidus). And Rabbi Nussun was also a Litvak, he was a great (“gudol” - of great standing), and he was a son-in-law by a gaon (-genius), a tzaddik. Nu, this Rabbi Nussun saw the Rebbe'n, so he abandoned the entire world and remained by Rebbe'n!
Segment 3
Nu, and the stories, and also in the Toaroas – every Torah must be always new! What does new mean? One finds new light, new lessons! The essential learning is to bring us to what the holy Rebbe wants to bring us to – the true tachlis (-purpose, end).
Segment 4
By the world, they look upon such a person like a meshugana (-crazy) - - the future world? There is time till the Future World! Now?! One goes into the synagogue, one puts on tzitzis and tefilin - - but the Future World?!… But I knew (“recognized”) a Jew that by him the main thing – his entire life – always – (every) word that he said – everything was just for the tachlis (-ultimate purpose, end)….
Segment 5
And the entire world laughs at this. However, the holy Rebbe warned that one must make a designated time every day – a way for every Jew – from small to big – hisbodidus! One must go away to a place where there are no people there, and there one speaks out his heart before Hashem Yisburach'n, and beseech everything he needs. First one must beseech for the fundamental tachlis (-purpose, end), and afterwards comes money - - yeah.
Segment 6
And the holy Rebbe laughs at the entire world – that bread with cucumbers is good food!… (*Life of Our Leader Rabbi Nachman, article 528).
Segment 7
And furthermore there is a seecha (-a talk, discourse), the holy Rebbe said (Sichos -Words of Rabbi Nachman, article 250), “What is the whole fear? That he won't have any parnasa (-livelihood) – that he won't have any bread to eat, and he will die? Nu, what is the big deal? Anyways one dies!” If – this way one lives forever, and this way one dies - - but either way one must die! Nu, so what will it be then?!
Segment 8
[missing a little] - - “Black as a raven” - his face is black (*)! “Black as a raven” - and we go on further… but the “black as a raven” one must feel well! One must properly see to it that his face should be black - - despise the desires of this world!
Segment 9
(*See Likutay Moharan 15:5, “And our sages said, 'someone who blackens his face like a raven, and someone who makes himself cruel to his children like a raven', and this is the aspect of 'black as a raven' etc., and through this one merits to the aspect of the hidden Torah, for the secrets of the Torah one merits to them through mesiras nefesh, that he blackens his face like a raven etc..”)
Segment 10
The Terrible Suffering of His Youth
Segment 11
Such poverty that I had, isn't in the world! That there is not one piece of bread?! And I saw this with my own eyes! I saw the pain of the children that they had from hunger – I am embarrassed until today even to speak of it. I live in a desert?! I live amongst people! Jews, merciful people! However, with me HY dealt that all the gates were closed, I was like in a sea, or in a desert, where there is not any - -
Segment 12
I am by nature extremely shy, however, when I see such a type of hunger – I wanted to take action, so that I can receive a piece of bread.
Segment 13
There was in Maya She-urim (-an ultra orthodox neighborhood in Jerusalem) a Jew, he was a talmid chuchum (-Torah scholar), a learner, a Litvak (- of Lithuania - not chasidic), he would always beg alms, and he would give to every poor person – when one came to him he would give him something. In short, it was on a Friday, it was already after midday, and there wasn't anything at all in the house! Absolutely nothing! No fish, and no challa (-bread) – absolutely nothing! In short, I was worried that Heaven forbid it would remain like this for Shabbos. In short, I strengthened myself, I went down to the shteiblach (-group of different prayer rooms), I lived in Maya She'urim, I entered the shteiblach of Maya She'urim. He would pray Mincha Gedola (-the earliest time one can pray the afternoon services – a half hour after midday), he was always to be found in the shteiblach of Maya She'urim. And he was sitting with another Jew, a great (“gadol”) of Jerusalem, and they would both be speaking in learning. In short, he was sitting with him and speaking with him. In short, I went to him, I told over to him - - HY had mercy on me, and he felt a bit that this is a correct (-true and worthy) matter - - In Jerusalem it was possible for a poor person who has “kul toov” (“everything good”) and when he wants that they should give him money, he says that he doesn't have (the necessities) for Shabbos… and the opposite, there comes someone who says on Friday after midday that he still has absolutely nothing, then he is (-considered to be) such a type of beggar…. - HY had mercy on me, and he recognized something in my speech – in my face – that this is a correct (-true and worthy) matter. Nu, so he went with me, near my house (there), there is a makoalet (-small grocery store), a store, and he spoke with a loud bellowing voice… and he said to the seller, the owner of the store, “Give him a rotel [-a coin which would buy approximately three kilograms of] flour! And afterwards he went with me to the fish, the store of the fish – my house was on top of the store. In short, he went to the owner and bellowed at him, “Give him a fish'el!” And I heard, and it was darkness on my eyes, I was ashamed – Friday after midday – and he says, “give his a fish'el,” “give him flour.”….
Segment 14
And this is now all for the good! At the time it happened I didn't want it, “not them and not their reward (Brachos 5b – regarding accepting suffering)!” Such a type of situation (-plight).
Segment 15
And furthermore – there was one person, he had a store in Maya She'urim. In short, he was a merchant, he was a mikurev (-someone drawn close, a chusid), of the Polish mikuravim (-plural). He would go in the synagogues in the morning and would make money (-collect charity), and he never once gave me. And even though I told him once, he made himself as if he didn't know, and nothing at all came of this.
Segment 16
In short, it was in middle of the week, on a night that [the children] cried – a piece of bread. In short, I went down to the shtieblach (-group of different prayer rooms), outside of the shteiblach he was standing, so I went over to him, and said to him, “Do a mitzva – give me epess (-something - anything at all) a few pennies! I need epess for bread!” - - -
Segment 17
Nu, when one doesn't have the merit, Heaven forbid - - but by me it was like that, all the gates closed! HY wanted it that way, so that I should experience (“feel”) such a taste. It could be that I was exonerated from death, harsh decrees (*that HY commuted this suffering from a more severe fate. See Character – The Aleph Beth Book of the Traits, entry of Money, item #17 that one who's children are starving is spared from death) – it was for the best. However at the time it happened, it was by me “katztee bicha'yee (Genesis 27:46 and elsewhere).”….
Segment 18
[Continuing the story of erev Shabbos]
Segment 19
In short, by me every second was like a year, I wanted it to be as fast as possible - - on the way he went into a textile merchant and spoke with him, I thought that he would come out right away, but he was in no hurry to leave, and I stood and waited, and he stayed with him – I know how long (-for some time) – and spoke. And afterwards he went with me, he went into the store, and he said to his wife – when he was on the street then she was in the store, a store after all needs a person (-attendant), so she was in the store. He said, “Give Yisroel Ber'n a penny, he needs it urgently!”….
Segment 20
He couldn't go over to the register where the pennies were kept and taken a penny? He said out loud with amplitude, “Give Yisroel Ber'n!”…