Segment 1
מצוה גדולה להיות בשמחה תמיד
All of this is an astounding wonder! Astounding wonders! Wondrous Wonders! - How I got out of Egypt?! (*). How is it that I got out – how is it that I merited to draw close to the Rebbe'n?!
Segment 2
מצוה גדולה להיות בשמחה תמיד
רבינו הקדוש אינו מניח אותנו להיות בעצבות. "עצבות ועצלות" הם שני מזיקים כאלו - - ולדאבונינו נופלים בין בעצבות - ובין בעצלות... ועל כן אין לנו חיות ביהדות כמו שצריך.
ויותר מזה, רבינו הקדוש הזהיר אותנו; לא רק - שלא נהיה בעצבות ובעצלות, רק - להיות בשמחה! כמו שכתוב בסיפורי מעשיות - שהמלך אמר לו; אני חוזה בכוכבים שאתה עתיד לירד מן המלוכה, בכן תראה שלא יהיה לך עצבות - רק תהיה בשמחה! קודם כל - עצבות - זה לא, רק מה? להיפוך - יותר מזה - שיהיה בשמחה!
נו, רבינו הקדוש אומר - רק להיות בשמחה תמיד. נו, אם כן זהו מצוה! רבינו הקדוש מדבר כל כך משמחה, ורבי נתן בליקוטי הלכות, ובליקוטי עצות, מה שרבינו הקדוש מדבר בשיחות הר"ן - - בשיחות הר"ן יש שיחות משמחה כאלו, שכמדומה שכבר אי אפשר - - איך יכולים להיפרד מזה?! נו, והבחירה הוא כל כך גדול, ולא יודעים - - רבינו הקדוש הוריד את זה לדרך!
*
(* See Likutay Halachos, OC, Laws of Blessing of Thanksgiving 6:67 – how a person is obligated to see himself as if he got out of Egypt – recognizing all the goodness, miracles and wonders, that HY does for him especially for drawing him close to the true tzaddikim which is an eternal kindness etc. see there.)
Segment 3
I did such things that were mamash – so cruel. My father was blind, and poor, he was an embittered man. A blind person – may the Holy Merciful one spare us – a sick person – either he dies or he lives, and this (-blind person) lives and suffers – a man lives and he cannot see?!
Segment 4
And father begged me so much – he gave me permission – I can be whatever chussid – I can choose what I want! “Perhaps you feel better with a different chassidus. Just not Breslov!”
Segment 5
It wasn't necessary for me to make such an issue, and (should) not (have) said, “Father, it cannot be any other way, I will not listen to you!” I pained him so.
Segment 6
It is possible that this was “reeboy ohr” (-too much light – overenthusiastic and carried away), I should have had wit, and not have said that, the aspect of “arrow in the eye of Satan” (*the Talmud warns that one should not openly and overtly challenge or take on the evil inclination, with such a proclamation), it was not necessary for me to say, “it is not possible for it to be any other way,” and, “you will not accomplish anything,” and, “I will not obey.” I should not have made out to be knowing (-certain, resolute), yeah - - (rather) hear what he says, and answer, “I will see,” “I will consider,” “for the time being it is undecided.” - - No! I was so - - but even still – bidee-eved (-not optimal but since it was already done) this was good.
Segment 7
And everyone, and the family, and the whole city, saw how I was so cruel, how I don't listen to father and mother, and how I don't pay attention to everyone – and this was a tremendous kiddush (sanctification of) Hashem.
Segment 8
And afterwards, in the time of R' Yisroel – he was in Tiberius, he was our crown, he was an altogether different matter - -
Segment 9
Like Rabbi Nussun sang to himself, when the misnagdim (antagonists) wanted to kill him - - he traveled to the wedding of his son, and the misnagdim found out that Rabbi Nussun would arrive, so they went out towards him outside the city, and they wanted to kill him. And Rabbi Nussun hid himself, and afterwards R' Nachman Tulchiner searched for him – he traveled with R' Nachman Tulchiner, and R' Nachman saw from a distance how Rabbi Nussun – there in his hiding place – how he dances and sings with great joy, “Master of the World, our greatness and our splendor will be revealed in the time to come, when Messiah arrives!” (* based on Likutay Moharan 66:3; see the entire story in Siach Sarfay Kodesh 3:135).
Segment 10
Standing here are men who want to kill him – Is it possible, he is going to marry off his son! Where has such a thing been heard – that a father who is going to marry off his son – even the most execrable – that they should demean him so much – that they should want to kill him?!
Segment 11
And Rabbi Nussun needed to hide himself, and he left the wagon, and hid himself somewhere in the forest, and R' Nachman Tulchiner went to search for him, and he found him standing and dancing, “Our greatness and our splendor will be revealed in the time to come, when Messiah comes!”….
Segment 12
Nu, and we merit here in this world – even though this is not quite how it should be – however it is also a kidush (sanctification of) Hashem. Every soul that comes to Rabbainu Hakadosh is a kidush Hashem – after such a conflict, after such a concealment.
Segment 13
Whoever wants - - the holy Rebbe - - however he is, the holy Rebbe searches for aitzos (remedies, advice), schemes, how to draw us out from all the vanities of this world. This is something nevertheless! It is not the way it should be?! It is not R' Yisroel?! Nevertheless there is made from this – it pays off to come!
Segment 14
It comes Rosh Hashana – many Jews come to Rabbainu for a tikun (rectification) – on Rosh Hashana. I think, this year – who knows if there will even be space – even to stand!
Segment 15
Already a year ago - two years ago – I spoke with some Jews who came for Rosh Hashana, I asked them, “Who was mikarev (drew close) you? Where did you hear?” He answered, “No one was mikarev us, we didn't hear from anyone, we bought the books” – in The Life of Our Leader Rabbi Nachman he saw how the holy Rebbe speaks of his Rosh Hashana, so he came for Rosh Hashana! From The Life of Our Leader Rabbi Nachman he came for Rosh Hashana! From the Likutay Moharan he is coming for Rosh Hashana! And from the Likutay Tefilos he is coming for Rosh Hashana!
Segment 16
There are prayers for Rosh Hashana, and one must already prepare himself for Rosh Hashana – one must already say the prayers for Rosh Hashana, so as to merit to know of Rosh Hashana – that Rosh Hashana is approaching!
Segment 17
R' Yisroel r.i.p. always was burning (-enthused) like fire, for Hashem Yisburach, but Elul (the month before Rosh Hashana) was an altogether different matter! This transcended everything - - a completely different matter! His (reciting from the Rosh Hashana prayer) “And every creation will know that You created it, and every formation will understand that You formed it!” burned! It was a burning fire!
Segment 18
He was in Meron, and his hisbodidus – all of his devotions – Elul (his devotions of that month) was completely different from the whole year! A completely different fire! He was always a fire, this I saw!
Segment 19
And thank G-d, the holy Rebbe said – when one draws close to the tzaddik through toil and exertion then one merits to receive more from the tzaddik (*Likutay Moharan, Torah 185, summarized in Likutay Aitzos, entry of Mineyos – Impediments, article 5)! The essence is from the toil and exertion!
Segment 20
Here I was the geebor (-champion) from among the chasidim, the greats of the world, yeah. And I was a frummer (devout/pious), and I was always with them. Nu, suddenly… what happened here?! There exists one R' Yisroel, a poor Jew - - and HY brought about circumstances so that I merit to hold (-remain) by Rabbainu Hakadosh.