{
  "bookId": "michtevay-shmuel",
  "part": "2",
  "torah": "44",
  "title": "Letter 9 ט",
  "hebrewTitle": "מכתב 44",
  "sourceUrl": "/reader/michtevay-shmuel/2/44",
  "plainUrl": "/reader-plain/michtevay-shmuel/2/44/",
  "segments": [
    {
      "index": 1,
      "he": "יום ג' פרשת אחרי קדושים י\"ט למב\"י פה אומן יע\"א [ד' אייר תרצ\"א]",
      "en": "Peace and blessing — to the honor of the dear young scholar — who yearns for the service of Hashem[עבוה\"ש = עבודת השם — \"the service of Hashem.\"] in truth — and for drawing close to the true Tzaddik — and for fulfilling his holy counsels — his honor, his splendor, his glory, Mr. Yitzchak Moshe HaKohen, may his light shine. I received your precious letter — and I took great pleasure from your breaking through the obstacles — and your studying of the fixed sessions — and your effort to fulfill the holy counsels. Know my dear: the entire world was created only for the sake of free choice and tests — and the entire greatness of the person — that he can merit in this world — is through breaking through the obstacles."
    },
    {
      "index": 2,
      "he": "שלום וברכה וכט\"ס אל מע\"כ אהובי ידידי יקירי כנפשי ולבבי מוה\"ר נתן נ\"י וזוגתו הצדקת מרת שרה גיטעל תחי' שלום וכט\"ס.",
      "en": "Breaking Obstacles = Moses Entering the Cloud; Vessels Formed Through Humiliation; The Aleph of \"Ahyeh\"; Pesach–Omer–Shavuos Applied to All Spiritual Work In the aspect of \"And Moses drew close to the thick cloud [ומשה נגש אל הערפל — \"And Moses drew close to the thick cloud / darkness\" — Exodus 20:18. When the people of Israel heard the divine voice at Sinai, they retreated in fear — but Moses drew close into the very thick cloud of divine concealment. Applied here: the obstacles (arpel — thick cloud, concealment, darkness) are not something to be avoided but to be entered and broken through — for specifically there, inside the thick cloud of concealment, is where Hashem is found most intensely.] \" — that is: the very denseness of the obstacle — for there specifically — there is the divine — specifically through the obstacles the essential drawing close to Hashem is accomplished. For through this the soul is refined and purified from the physicality and the turbidity and the filth — and one makes from the obstacles beautiful and fine vessels — to receive specifically from within them all the true and eternal divine goodness and the supernal lights — for without anything it is impossible[א\"א = אי אפשר — \"impossible.\" The standard impossibility marker.] to receive. The vessels — the letters of \"vessels\" (keilim) are the letters of \"shame/humiliation\" (kelimah). [הכלי\"ם אותיות כלימ\"ה — \"the letters of 'vessels' (keilim) are the letters of 'shame/humiliation' (kelimah).\" A brilliant Hebrew wordplay: כלים (keilim — vessels, receptacles) and כלימה (kelimah — shame, humiliation, embarrassment) contain the same letters — כ, ל, י, מ — rearranged. The spiritual insight: vessels of holiness are formed through shame and humiliation. The capacity to receive divine light is built precisely through the humiliation that one endures on the path to G-d. One cannot receive without a vessel — and vessels are made of kelimah.] Through the humiliations and shames and disgraces that the person endures to draw close to Hashem — through this the vessels are made. And this is the essential of teshuvah: to hear one's humiliation — to be still and silent — through this one is refined and purified — and kills the evil inclination — and it becomes nullified in the heart from the lusts. And if the person has no humiliations from others — he must be ashamed of himself before Hashem — for being so physical and so far from Hashem — and he is still far. And he must receive these afflictions and obstacles and humiliations with love — for this is his essential rectification. And through this he merits to true teshuvah — which is the aspect of Crown — in the aspect of \"Crown — wait for me, little one, and I will crown you.\" [כתר לי זעיר ואחוך — \"Crown — wait for me, little one, and I will crown you.\" An Aramaic phrase from the Zohar (Zohar II:2b) — the Crown (Keter) speaks and says: \"Wait for me, small one, and I will crown you.\" The Keter is the highest of all the Sefirot — it is the level of perfect teshuvah — and it is also the level of waiting. The Crown says to the aspirant: wait — be patient — wait for me — and then I will crown you. This is why the Rebbe teaches that teshuvah is in the aspect of Keter — and Keter is in the language of waiting (המתנה).] For one must wait — greatly greatly — almost all the days of one's life — until one merits to enter into the holiness in truth. And specifically through the waiting — and specifically through what passes over the person — and he yearns toward Hashem — and pulls himself in truth every time[בכ\"פ = בכל פעם — \"every time / each time.\" The standard phrase: b'chol pa'am.] from all the descents and the obstacles — these are holy vessels for the service of Hashem. For it is impossible to enter into holiness all at once — rather one must wait much time — in the aspect of the Omer count: seven times seven — Ahyeh times Ahyeh — in gematria equals Emes (truth). [ספירה ז' פעמים ז' אהי' פעמים אהי' בגימ' אמת — \"the Omer count: seven times seven — Ahyeh times Ahyeh — in gematria equals Emes / Truth.\" A Kabbalistic calculation: אהי' (Ahyeh — \"I will be\" — the divine Name associated with Keter) has the numerical value of 21 (alef=1 + heh=5 + yud=10 + heh=5). אהי' × אהי' = 21 × 21 = 441. And אמת (emes — truth) also equals 441 (alef=1 + mem=40 + tav=400). The forty-nine days of the Omer count are the process of seven times seven — which equals the product of Ahyeh times Ahyeh — which equals Truth. To reach truth / to reach the true Keter requires passing through the full forty-nine days of counting.] That is: Ahyeh — this is the essential of teshuvah and the humiliation — when the person says \"Ahyeh\" — \"I am about to become\" [I am ready to be] [אהי' — \"I will be / I am about to be.\" Ahyeh (אֶהְיֶה) — the first-person imperfect of the verb \"to be\" — meaning: I am in a state of becoming, I have not yet arrived, I am on the way. The Rebbe teaches: the person in teshuvah says \"Ahyeh\" — I have not yet been a Jew as I should be, I am not yet close to G-d, I am still in the process of becoming. See LM Torah 6 — \"Kra es Yehoshua.\"] — [See Torah 6 — \"Call out to Joshua\" — §6 in Likutay Moharan] — \"until now I have had no Havayah at all in the world — for it would have been better for me not to have been created than to have been created — since I have acted against the will of Hashem.\" But one does not exit with one Ahyeh[פ\"א = פעם אחת — \"one time / once.\" Pa'am achas — a single iteration.] — for one needs yet again and yet again — and then one merits to the Truth. And this is the aspect of Pesach and the Omer and Shavuos. \"Pesach\" is the aspect of the beginning of the person's drawing close to Hashem — for so it is every year in general and in particular and in the most particular detail. And so too throughout the year[ג\"כ = גם כן — \"also / as well.\"]: when the person begins to draw close to Hashem — this is the aspect of Pesach — the Exodus from Egypt — in haste — that is: to flee from the Sitra Achra[ס\"א = סטרא אחרא — Aramaic: \"the other side.\" The demonic/impure forces.]. And to flee to the Torah and the service of Hashem — one must do it in haste — and not think about what will be of me and where I will take my sustenance from — just as Israel went out of Egypt and \"they also did not prepare provisions for themselves.\" For one who is in a pit and does not want to exit while calculating: \"what shall I do when I exit — where shall I take my sustenance — and where shall I be healed from my illness?\" — this is a complete fool. For first: exit from the pit — and afterward Hashem will help. And so it is when one must flee from the pit of destruction — from the evil inclination and its lusts and its stratagems — one should not think anything about what will be afterward and so on — only trust in Hashem and flee from what one must flee from. And so too: to flee to the Torah — one must do this with alacrity — for the adversary[בע\"ד = בעל דבר — \"the adversary / the prosecutor.\" The evil inclination as spiritual prosecutor.] can delay the person all the days of his life — to waste his days in vain and emptiness. And therefore: to the Torah and the service of Hashem — one must flee to them with alacrity — in the aspect of Pesach — the Exodus from Egypt[יצי\"מ = יציאת מצרים — \"the Exodus from Egypt.\" The standard abbreviation: Yetzi'as Mitzrayim.] — in haste. But when one is already sitting with the book — and with the divine service — and with the Tzaddik — then one needs the Omer count — and it is forbidden to rush and hurry — only in the aspect of the waiting — wait — time — times. And every single movement in holiness — and every small movement — however it may be — in whatever manner it may be in holiness — [even though one must be greatly ashamed about any manner it may be] — but let it be very precious to him — the service. Just as the pure simpleton gave life to himself through his work — even though he had no face to stand against the other craftsmen. And when one merits to strengthen oneself all one's days in the Omer count that one is counting — even though one falls greatly again and again and always — then in the end one merits to the holiness of Shavuos — which is the final purpose — for then one merits to the giving of the Torah — which the angels did not merit to this — for they do not count the Omer and they have no obstacles and no descents. And Shavuos is the holiness of the Crown — \"Crown — wait for me, little one\" — and if they do not count the Omer — and even if they are missing one day from the days of the count — they cannot receive the Torah — as brought in the holy Zohar on Parshas Emor. And so too regarding the service of Hashem and the connection to the Tzaddik — one must have the power and patience for the waiting — and for all that passes over him — whether physical or spiritual — and to strengthen oneself not to fall at all."
    },
    {
      "index": 3,
      "he": "נא למסור המכתב שבפה לחותני נ\"י וגם המכתב להרב קוק והקארטיל למסור תיכף לחותני.",
      "en": "As brought in the Torah \"Call out to Joshua\" mentioned above — that one who wants to enter the paths of teshuvah must gird his loins and always strengthen himself in the service of Hashem — both in the ascent: in the aspect of \"If I ascend to the heavens\" — he should know that he is still very very far from Hashem — \"for the high is above the high\" and so on. And so the opposite: even when he falls, G-d forbid — however he falls — even into the very depths of Sheol literally — let him not fall from anything — and let him not think that, G-d forbid, he is far from Hashem — and let him know with certainty that Hashem is certainly with him — \"and if I make my bed in Sheol — You are there.\" And as long as he is not strong in this — to always strengthen himself — not to turn away from Hashem and the Tzaddik — however he may be — he is not yet safe that he will draw close to Hashem — for he does not know what will still be with him — for the adversary lies in wait — \"and do not trust yourself until the day of your death.\" [Pirkei Avos 2:4 — \"And do not trust yourself until the day of your death.\" Hillel. The lifelong spiritual vigilance required — one cannot assume final victory over the evil inclination while still alive.] And all the falls of the great people who fell completely — like Acher and Jeroboam and so on — because they could not strengthen themselves. But when the person is strong in his mind — that he will always hold himself to Hashem — and will do what he can — whatever passes over him he will not fall, G-d forbid — and will always hold himself to Hashem — even in the very depths of Sheol literally — he will do what he can — then he walks in the paths of teshuvah — and \"the right hand of Hashem is extended to receive his teshuvah.\" For the essential is the strengthening — and so: to serve Hashem in joy. For even though truly one must mourn at midnight [להתאבל בחצות — \"to mourn at midnight.\" The practice of Tikkun Chatzos — the midnight lamentation over the destruction of the Temple and the exile of the Shechinah — a central Kabbalistic devotional practice, especially beloved in Breslov. Performed at exactly midnight, it consists of reciting Psalms and lamentations (Tikkun Rachel — for the first half of the night; Tikkun Leah — for the second half). The author here reconciles this practice of mourning with the overarching requirement of joy.] and so during the days of affliction — and in particular on the Ninth of Av — for the exile of the Shechinah and the destruction of the Holy Temple[ביהמ\"ק = בית המקדש — \"the Holy Temple.\" The standard abbreviation.] — and the suffering of Israel — and the suffering and oppression of his own soul. But this too must be only in the aspect of yearning and longing toward Hashem — for what we have lost of such holinesses. But one must be consoled that certainly in the end of all things everything will be rectified. And the rest of the service of Hashem and Torah should be in joy and strengthening. And the study of the Shulchan Aruch every day — and the Tikkun HaKelali every day — and a little Likutay Moharan — and Likutay Tefillot — and Likutay Halachos — and hisbodidus every day — and the Oral Torah at night[תושבע\"פ = תורה שבעל פה — \"the Oral Torah.\" The entire Talmudic-rabbinic tradition transmitted orally. The abbreviation: תו[רה ש]בע[ל] פ[ה].] [תושבע\"פ בלילה — \"the Oral Torah at night.\" תושבע\"פ = תורה שבעל פה — \"the Torah that is by mouth / the Oral Torah.\" The Talmudic tradition (Avoda Zara 3b; Zohar) that the study of the Oral Torah (Talmud and halacha) is especially propitious at night. תושבע\"פ is the standard abbreviation for Torah shebe'al peh.] — besides the other study sessions — Talmud, Tosafos, and so on[גפ\"ת = גמרא, פוסקים, תוספות — \"Talmud, halachic decisors, Tosafos.\" The standard abbreviation for the traditional trio of Talmudic study: the Talmud itself, the Tosafos (12th–13th century Franco-German commentaries), and the halachic decisors (Rishonim and Acharonim).] — according to capacity. And the connection to the true Tzaddik — which is the essential."
    },
    {
      "index": 4,
      "he": "אחים ידידים יקרים נא להרבות רחמים הרבה מאד בשבילי ולעורר כל אנש\"ש שירעישו ברחמים על כל מקה\"ק בשבילי כי אני צריך רחמים רבים מאד כי עכשיו עיקר חבלי לידה שלי וצריך לבקש רחמים שיהי' ההולדה (לבא לארץ ישראל) בנקל בלי יסורים ושום קשוי הולדה כלל ובלי תפיסה ח\"ו ונא ונא להרבות רחמים מאד מאד.",
      "en": "Therefore let your honor look into this and inform me of clear things. And let him appease me for his distance [יפייסני על התרחקותי — his long absence and silence], so that this distancing shall become the beginning of a drawing-near. And let him make amends for the abandonment of the sin [ויתקן בעזיבת החטא — playfully using the language of repentance: abandoning sin as the way to make right what went wrong] — by increasing in words of encouragement [hischazkus], conversations [sichos], holy speech, and good counsel for the service of G‑d, blessed be He."
    },
    {
      "index": 5,
      "he": "ממני ידידכם שמואל הלוי בן פיגא.",
      "en": "If I have sinned against your honor — do not look at that, and turn to my request. [Yiddish — triple repetition:] \"Have mercy! Have mercy! Have mercy!\" [האט רחמנות — three times, like a cry] [Hebrew:] \"Have compassion! Oh have compassion! Oh have compassion!\" And I await G‑d, blessed be He, that He will certainly have compassion on me, and that he [R' Alter] will exert himself on my behalf in all that is in his power — for my witness is in the heavens [סהדי במרומים — a phrase from the Book of Job 16:19: \"Even now my witness is in heaven\" — used here to swear sincerity: G‑d above knows my heart is purely for Heaven's sake] that my intention is for the sake of Heaven. And let him fulfill my request and inform me of clear things."
    },
    {
      "index": 6,
      "he": "שלום וברכה לכל אנש\"ש היקרים ובפרט לר' שלמה וועקסלער נ\"י ולר' יעקב זאב וכל אנש\"ש.",
      "en": "Postscript — To R' Yankel [Yaakov], may he live forever: Heartfelt greetings from the depths of the heart to the honor of my friend, my dear R' Yankel [יענקלי], may he live forever, the G‑d-fearing one. Please inform me why my dear friend R' Alter is angry with me, and inform me of your welfare and your situation — all at length. And do you yearn for Meron? And especially R' Alter — does he yearn? And how is your spiritual situation? Write it all to me at length."
    },
    {
      "index": 7,
      "he": "נא להרבות רחמים עבורי ובפרט אצל הכותל ושמעון הצדיק וכל המקה\"ק רחמים רבים! רחמים רבים! רחמים רבים כנ\"ל ונא ונא מאד מאד לבלי לישן עכשיו בעיקר הזמן הולדה כי הנני נוסע היום למסק' וכו' והי\"ת ירחם עלי ויראה בעניי ויאמר די לצרותי וצרותינו אכי\"ר ממני הנ\"ל.",
      "en": "Postscript — To R' Shlomo Atik, may he live: Heartfelt greetings from the very depths of a burning heart to the honor of my dear friend — of whom one can say: \"Acquire for yourself a friend\" [קנה לך חבר — Avos 1:6: the highest designation of friendship] — diligent in Torah and Divine service, outstanding in Torah and Divine service, etc. — the distinguished Torah scholar, R' Shlomo Atik, may he live. First, I inform you, my dear friend, that we are, blessed be G‑d, in good health. And know that I wait with utterly longing eyes to already be in Jerusalem, the Holy City, at the Torah study institution [ישיבת ת\"ח — the yeshivah] — to learn with you together. And I await G‑d, blessed be He, that very soon, G‑d willing, I will be in Jerusalem. And my heartfelt request before you is that you inform me of your situation — in spiritual and in material matters. And how does Jerusalem appear to you? And in what subjects are you studying? And how — is it with sharpness [חריפות — incisiveness and depth of analysis]? [Yiddish:] \"And how did you come to enter the yeshivah?\" \"Write everything to me at length.\" \"And what must one know before entering the yeshivah?\" [Hebrew parenthetical:] (And how did your acceptance into the yeshivah come about — easily or with difficulty? Write it all to me at length, and what one needs to know before entering the yeshivah.) From me — your friend who awaits to be there very soon, to be diligent together in Torah and Divine service, day and night, as our souls desire and as G‑d wills. From me, Shmuel Horowitz. Please write me an immediate reply."
    },
    {
      "index": 8,
      "he": "יעקב זאב נ\"י כתוב לי אם קבלת המכתב ששלחתי לך היום איזה עלים מסדר היום והנהגות וכו' ועוד, נא לכתוב משלום כולם ממני הנ\"ל.",
      "en": "My dear friend — after inquiring of your good, dear, and beloved welfare with great love, from the very depths of the heart — I hereby inform him of my welfare as well: I, thank G‑d, have life and peace with me. May Hashem grant that we merit to be together very soon in Meron, to serve Hashem in truth as He desires it — and as our master Nachman [Na Nach Nachma Nachman MayUman], of blessed memory, and his holy disciples desire it — Amen, so may it be His will.\n\n[Yiddish — heartfelt and direct:] \"My dear, warm, and good friend — it is a very great wonder to me: how is it that you have completely forgotten me and want to know nothing of me at all? I do not know — it appears you are angry with me. Indeed, there is something to be angry about — but even so: one who begins a mitzvah is told to complete it, and it is named only after the one who completes it [the Talmudic reproach he has now used in several letters].\"\n\n[Yiddish continued:] \"From the time we parted — when I traveled to arrange the shiduch [שידוך — betrothal / engagement; this is the first mention of R' Shmuel's engagement — a major new development] at a good and auspicious hour — from then on I have had no word at all from you. And even when you sent letters to R' Noson — you did not even include for me a single greeting. You cannot imagine in the slightest the pain and anguish of my soul from this — without measure and without reckoning. And then when I sent you several letters from the very depths of my heart — and received no reply at all — I do not know what to think. You cannot depict to yourself my suffering from this. I plead with you greatly — oh (Gott!) — have compassion on me and write to me why you have forgotten me so completely. I hoped for good and there is none — and my hope is for the longing of the eyes and the fainting of the soul, G‑d forbid.\"\n\n[Yiddish continued:] \"Oh (Gott!) my warm-hearted brother — do not let go to ruin all the toil, the self-sacrifice, and all the strength you invested in me. How can you forget me? Believe me — I do not forget you for even a single moment. I yearn and long after you — I have yearning and longing for you beyond all measure. How can you forget what we worked together in Meron, and at the Western Wall, and at Shimon HaTzadik [the tomb of Shimon HaTzadik in Jerusalem — a site of pilgrimage], and at the grave of Rachel our Mother? We were always together — and how can you forget what we spoke as we walked on our hisbodidus on Friday, returning from Shimon HaTzadik? We spoke then that we would always be bound together, one to the other — always companions in the service of Hashem to serve G‑d, blessed be He. Oh (Gott!) — how can you forget what we toiled and suffered together? The Daughter of the King [הבת מלכה — an enigmatic reference; likely the Shabbos Queen, or possibly a Breslov mystical concept; or perhaps a specific story or teaching of Rabbainu referred to by this name] said: great compassion upon me and upon you — upon what we parted from.\"\n\n[Yiddish continued — the call to come to Meron:] \"Oh (Gott!) my dear brother — save yourselves — and see to work with all your strength to be together for these several months in Meron. And regarding Meron — know this: one can sit there and serve Hashem without any confusion, without any obstruction, without any delay. We can acquire for ourselves in these several months as much as in several years. I am sitting there now since the first of Tammuz [meaning: R' Shmuel is now already in Meron! He has been there since Rosh Chodesh Tammuz — approximately since June/July 1923], and I am truly being revived. Oh (Gott!) — one can attain wholeness there! There is no finer place than this. Oh (Gott!) — have compassion on yourselves and on me. We will engage, G‑d willing, in Rabbainu's matter with enthusiasm — and this will take root permanently.\"\n\n[Yiddish:] \"For your information — everything is ready, nothing is lacking: a house, vessels, money — it will also not be lacking for you. I have four lirot [pounds of currency] — just for you. Only: speak with R' Avner and come with him, and bring all your things and all the books of Rabbainu the Holy and Awesome Nachman, of blessed memory. And for the sake of Heaven — write me immediately a reply: how are you, your health — everything at length. And whether you are resolved to come, and when — everything at length. Immediately — a clear, correct, and true reply.\"\n\nHebrew parallel of the above [enclosed within the same packet — a Hebrew re-rendering of the same letter for R' Alter Ben Tzion himself, addressed directly to him:] My good, warm, and dear friend — it is a great wonder to me: how is it that you have completely forgotten me, and do not want to know anything of me at all? I do not know — it appears you are angry with me. Indeed, there is something to be angry about — but even so: one who begins a mitzvah is told to complete it, and it is named only after the one who completes it. From the time we parted — when I traveled to arrange the shiduch at a good and auspicious hour — from then I have had no word from you at all. And even when you sent letters to R' Noson — you did not even include a single greeting for me. You cannot imagine the depth of my pain and anguish of soul from this — without measure and without reckoning. And then when I sent you several letters from the very depths of my heart and received no reply — I do not know what to think. You cannot depict to yourself my suffering from this. I plead with you greatly — oh! (Gott!) — have compassion on me and write to me why you have forgotten me so. I hoped for good and there is none — and my hope is for longing eyes and fainting of soul [a paraphrase of Lamentations 3:18 and 4:17: the language of Tisha B'Av — perfectly fitting the Three Weeks period in which this is written], G‑d forbid. Oh (Gott!) my warm-hearted brother — do not let go to ruin all the toil, the self-sacrifice, and all the strength you invested in me. How can you forget me? Believe me — I do not forget you for even a single moment. I yearn and long after you — I have yearning and longing for you beyond all measure. How can you forget what we worked together in Meron, and at the Western Wall, and at Shimon HaTzadik, and at the grave of Rachel our Mother? We were always together — and how can you forget what we spoke as we went on our hisbodidus on Friday, on the way back from Shimon HaTzadik? We spoke then that we would always be bound together, one to the other — always companions in the service of Hashem, to serve G‑d, blessed be He. Oh! (Gott!) — how can you forget what we toiled and suffered together? The Daughter of the King said: great compassion upon me and upon you — upon what we parted from. Oh! (Gott!) my dear brother — save yourselves! And see to work with all your strength to be together for these several months in Meron. And regarding Meron — know this: one can sit there and serve Hashem without any confusion, without any obstruction, without any delay. We can acquire Divine service for ourselves in these several months as much as in several years. I am sitting there now since Rosh Chodesh Tammuz — and I am truly being revived. Oh! (Gott!) — one can attain wholeness there! There is no finer place. Oh! (Gott!) — have compassion on yourselves and on me. We will engage, G‑d willing, in Rabbainu's matter with enthusiasm — and this will take root permanently. For your information — everything is ready, nothing is lacking: a house, vessels, money — it will not be lacking for you either. I have four lirot — just for you. Only: speak with R' Avner and come with him, and bring all your things and all the books of Rabbainu, the Holy and Awesome Nachman, of blessed memory. And for the sake of Heaven — write me immediately a reply: how are you and your health — everything at length. And whether you are resolved to come, and when — everything at length. Immediately — a clear, correct, and true reply. From me — who hopes to see you soon in Meron, to be together as one man, to serve Hashem in truth. Shmuel Horowitz son of Feiga. Immediately — a good reply! Send letters to the address of R' Noson Chanhas, on behalf of Shmuel Horowitz.\n\nAnd I hereby seal with blessing and with the expectation of salvation from above. From me, Shmuel Horowitz. For the sake of Heaven — have compassion and pity upon me, and reply immediately, and inform me why your honor has not written to me at all until now, and has not replied to me at all."
    },
    {
      "index": 9,
      "he": "ט\nנתעכב עד יום ג' לך לך [ט' מר חשוון תרפ\"ג] \nפלא גדול לי מאד מאד בלי שעור עליך ידידי כנפשי שעדיין לא קבלתי מכבודו שום ידיעה. \nידע כבודו שמניעת המוח גדול מאד בלי שעור \nע\"כ יחוס ויחמול כבודו עלי ויודיעני דברים ברורים בגין נסיעתי לירושלים פה בצפת ת\"ו וער איך פאר פאלין איך האב ניט מיט ויימין צי לערנין אין אוארט צי רעדין עס איז אגרוס רחמנות אויף מיר (אני הולך לאיבוד אין לי עם מי ללמוד ועם מי לדבר אף מילה ורחמנות גדולה עלי ). \nויודיעני אם דיבר בגיני עם ר' זרח אפשטיין וכו' וידע כבודו שנסיעתי תלוי בזה, בית ופרנסה. \nאם יהי' לי אפי' בית מיוחד אמה על אמה וכסף בצמצום קבוע כו\"כ לחדש בעצם היום הזה הנני נוסע לירושלים. \nע\"כ יראה כבודו ויודיע לי דברים ברורים ויפייסני על התרחקותי שיהא תחלת התקרבות ויתקן בעזיבת החטא מיעט ירבה בהתחזקות ושיחות ודבורים קדושים ועצות טובות לעבודת הי\"ת. \nאם חטאתי נגד כבודו אל יביט ע\"ז ויפנה לבקשתי האט רחמנות או האט רחמנות או האט רחמנות (רחמו אוי רחמו אוי רחמו) והנני מצפה לשי\"ת שבודאי יחוס עלי וישתדל בגיני בכל אשר לאל ידו כי סהדי במרומים שכונתי לשמים. ויעשה בקשתי ויודיעני דברים ברורים והנני חותם בברכה וצפית ישועה ממרומים ממני שמואל הורוויץ למעה\"ש לחוס ולרחם עלי להשיב תיכף תשובה ולהודיעני מדוע לא כתב לי כבודו עד הנה כלל ולא השיב לי תשובה? \nד\"ש נלבב מעומק הלב לכבוד חברי ידידי היקר החביב עלי מאד היי\"ש כבוד יענקלי נ\"י. \nתודיעני מדוע ידידי עוז כנפשי ר' אלטר ברוגז עלי ותודיעני משלומכם וממצבכם הכל באריכות ואם אתה מתגעגע אחר מירון ובפרט ר' אלטר אם מתגעגע ואיך מצבכם ברחניות. הכל באריכות תכתוב לי. \nובפרט ד\"ש נלבב מעמקא דלבא ומלב בוער לכבוד חברי היקר שעליו יכולים לומר \"קנה לך חבר\" המתמיד בתוי\"ר המופלג בתוי\"ר וכו' כש\"ת כמר שלמה עטיק נ\"י \nראשית אני מודיע לך חברי היקר כי אנחנו ב\"ה בריאים ותדע שאני מחכה בכליון עינים להיות כבר בירוש' עה\"ק בישיבת ת\"ח ללמוד אתך ביחד ואני מצפה לשי\"ת שבקרוב אהי' איה\"ש בירוש' בקרוב. ובקשתי שטוחה מלפניך שתודיעני ממצבך ברחניות וגשמיות ואיך נראה לך בירוש' ובאיזה ענינים אתה לומד ואיך אם בחריפות אין ויא אזו איז דיר אן גקימין דאס אריין אין דער ישיבה. \nאלדינג מיר שרייבין באריכות. אין ואס מיז מען קענין איידער מען גייט אריין אין דער ישיבה (ואיך בא לך ההתקבלות בישיבה [בקלות או בקושי] הכל לכתוב לי באריכות ומה צריכים לדעת לפני שנכנסים לישיבה). \nממני חברך המצפה להיות בקרוב להתמיד ביחד עה\"ת ועל העבודה יומם ולילה כאות נפשינו ורצון ה'. \nממני שמואל הורוויץ \nבבקשה לכתוב לי תיכף תשובה.",
      "en": "Key terms: U'Moshe nigash el ha'arafel — Moses entered the thick cloud; the divine is specifically within the obstacle · Keilim — kelimah — same letters — vessels of holiness formed through shame/humiliation · Keter li ze'ir v'achovech — \"Crown — wait for me, little one\" — Zohar; waiting is the essence of teshuvah · Ahyeh × Ahyeh = 441 = Emes — Kabbalistic calculation of the Omer's purpose · Ahyeh = ana zamein l'mihavei — \"I am about to become\" — the teshuvah of becoming · Pesach = haste; Omer = waiting; Shavuos = purpose — applied to all spiritual work daily · The pure simpleton — gave life to himself through his simple work despite shame · Missing one Omer day → cannot receive Torah — Zohar Emor · Al ta'amin b'atzmecha ad yom mosscha — Avos 2:4 — don't trust yourself until the day of death · Tikkun Chatzos — midnight mourning; reconciled with joy as yearning, not despair · Tushbe\"p b'lailah — Oral Torah at night; the propitious time for Talmud study"
    }
  ]
}