PART TWO (CORRECTED & COMPLETE) The Story of Drawing Close to Rebbe Nachman of Breslov Through Reb Yisroel Karduner

I did not have someone to speak to me, to instruct me — I was always sad. Yes, broken, broken. But this was a great benefit, because I was broken and this brought me close to H"Y, to the Torah... yes. Yes. This was for the good. Yes. I had yearning — I had yearning for H"Y, yes. And I was embarrassed. I thought that only I had an evil inclination, only I had desires, and everyone else was clean. I did not know what was by other people. So I said [to myself]: all the desires, and all the difficulties, and everything everything — I am worse than the whole world, worse than everyone. I did not know that other people also have an evil inclination. I only knew that I was a Karlin Chassid; I have an Admur in Karlin and he knows — he has Divine Inspiration and he knows — he is outside the Holy Land and I am in the Land of Israel, he recognizes me.

And I was very happy, because the Karlin Chassidim — like all Chassidus — they have a certain specialty that it boasts about, and so I thought that my Admur of Karlin is greater than all the Admurim, because they scream in prayer... and I loved to scream to H"Y. They screamed, but I screamed more than all of them. There was an elderly man next to me; he said to me: "You are a fiend! I am an old man, I already cannot hear, and you want to make me completely deaf?! What do you want from me? Why do you scream so much?!" Until I left Karlin. Don't ask! When I merited to draw close to Rabbainu — who knows?! Nu — the klipos [spiritually corrosive husks] that came first, which I had from Karlin — from this I had confusion. There are Admurim who are outside the Holy Land; there were no Admurim in the Land of Israel. So I thought: before the coming of the Messiah, as long as Messiah has not yet come, the Admurim are outside the Holy Land — they cannot come to the Land of Israel, their holiness. I considered all the Admurim holy, but Karlin was the Holy of Holies.

But blessed be H"Y — H"Y did miracles for me: I merited to draw close to Rabbainu, I merited to understand, to see, and to feel what Judaism is and what Torah is, yes. But I did not have anyone to guide me, I did not have Rabbainu, I did not know from Rabbainu. Afterwards — when I merited to draw close — then what did I know? Did I know what I know now? But every portion [of understanding] that I merited to feel the truth — I felt this truth: there is nothing like it! Until I merited to be freed from Karlin and all the klipos. Yes...

Because when I drew close to Rabbainu and traveled to Jerusalem — and Jerusalem is a city of Torah scholars, geniuses, Tzadikim, great ones — but our people [the Breslov Chassidim] were broken and they were humbled before them [the general rabbinic world]. And every statement that I heard from our people I felt such truth... I saw, I understood — H"Y gave me wisdom and intellect to understand. I saw Reb Naftoli Cohen: he was a wise and intelligent man, and he was very clever, yes. And he was an expert builder — he could build large houses; he built the synagogue.

Certainly, certainly — first and foremost: Reb Yisroel [Karduner], yes. He opened for me all the gates — through him I merited to understand, I merited — yes. And principally Reb Naftoli. I asked him questions: what to do with the evil inclination? And he loved to speak with me — he saw my temimus and my truth — so he loved me very much, yes. Nu — he was not able [to do more], there was a great distance [between our levels]; he was already old and I... and also I was simple and he was a Torah scholar [Ben Torah]. And he spoke with me — he did not like to speak a great deal — but this, what came from his words was holy wisdom, yes. And he put a new spirit within me, yes, in the matter of Rabbainu. Yes. He explained to me what is the matter of false beliefs [emunos kozoyviyos]. Yes. He said that it is falsehood, deception — false beliefs.

So I thought: my Admur of Karlin — he is not a liar — until I merited to know that he too is with them together. Until I merited to know and to understand this — because if I would not understand it, I would be in great distress. The heart — this was the heart: I have a defect in my heart, yes. A blemish. A blemish... Nu, what does one do? And blessed be H"Y — H"Y helped me, that the words I heard from our people in Jerusalem were for me a comfort, salvation — salvation and comfort — and he illuminated within me a great light, to know what this is. (False beliefs?) Yes. I saw that Karlin... who... and also all of them. I strengthened myself against all of them, against all the liars — only my [own] liar, he is holy and pure, Karlin... until I dismissed this, until I merited to understand that this is a lie — Karlin and also all of them, yes.

But I was happy with my lot — that I merited to understand, to see and to understand, that this is falsehood and this is truth... yes. Against the whole world — and the reverse [of what everyone believed]... yes. I was [standing] thus. "Who are you? What? What do you know? What do you understand?" No... H"Y constricts Himself — Yisroel Ber also. Yes. I merited to feel, to see and to understand that this is truth and this is falsehood. This was at the time when the whole world was sunken in falsehood — in the Admurim. And I merited to see the opposite of all of them... yes. And it did not affect me — they are many and they are great in Torah: what? Who am I? What are you? No... the truth is strong — such a strong, mighty warrior, the likes of which there is none....

Every statement that I heard from the people of Rabbainu — Reb Noson, Reb Noson the husband of Gittele* [after the passing of Reb Yisroel Karduner] — his temimus, his truth, his words, his face, his words — I saw that all of them [the others] are nothing, with all their Torah, with everything... this, this — Reb Noson: this is a servant of Hashem. And I was in Jerusalem and I received from this one a saying, and from that one a saying, and this entered into my heart. And I came back to Tiberias with new merchandise, new melodies — and a new Yisroel Ber; this is not the old Yisroel Ber. So everyone knew that Yisroel Ber had been in Jerusalem. And this was a miracle from H"Y, above nature — impossible to understand: I was born among them and I knew that this [Breslov] was the fear of Heaven... all of them had a false reputation — that they are God-fearing — but H"Y gave me wisdom and intellect, and I discerned and I knew and I saw and I understood that this is the truth... this...

If not for the strife, if not for the opposition — I would not have known anything of Rabbainu; this specifically drew me close. Yes. This was a good gift: "I have brought you a present from the Land of Israel — strife [machlokes]." [Reb Nachman said this to his followers upon his return from the Holy Land]

This was such a gift that there is none [like it] in the world! Now if you give all the money in the world — I want! I want!... There is none! The time has passed!... But also today, Messiah has still not come, the truth is not so much [revealed], yes. But the world is beginning to hear and to understand Rabbainu, Reb Nachman. Reb Nachman, yes. All the days of my life I had... they were afraid... frightened to touch a book of Breslov, and now it is possible to read the books of Breslov everywhere. I had questions before H"Y: why is the truth not revealed? If the truth were revealed, it would already be the Rectified World [Olam HaTikkun]. When will this be? How is it possible for the Redemption to come? How is it possible? So now I see — from before eighty years until now — I see such a power: that the world is drawing itself to Rabbainu.

The world — it would have been fitting for the whole world to distance themselves from Breslov, because all the great ones were opponents, they were... yes. A wonder occurred — such a wonder. So our holy Master said: "I have brought you a gift from the Land of Israel — strife." The whole world, all of humanity, the whole world will repudiate him — and then whoever draws close to me, these are my people. What? Oy — what they suffered! They suffered for the generations; in these generations they prepared for Messiah — Rabbainu's men and Rabbainu's books, every statement... every statement... and every... But the falsehood... the falsehood — this blinds [defiles] the eyes, blinds the eyes, yes. They desecrate and degrade the truth. But Rabbainu has already arrived — when he entered Uman he said to Reb Noson: "Even still — H"Y always finishes as He desires." Such a Master and such a disciple — unique in the world, from the day of creation. Such a Rebbe and such a disciple... And also all the disciples of Rabbainu — what this is. I, blessed be H"Y — I was crushed and broken and in a state of submission... but the heart inside was... the truth burned like a blazing flame. This was a miracle...

One day I found a book of shaymos [a holy book with G-d's name, in tatters, set aside for respectful burial], without a binding, without a beginning, without an end — shaymos — in the garbage bin. So I took it so that it should not be in disgrace. I took the book from the garbage bin and went in order to place the book in the geniza [the repository for worn sacred writings], and I walked to the courtyard of the geniza, and the geniza was in the Yeshivah. I entered the Yeshivah and walked to the geniza to deposit the book — as all torn books are deposited. And then, before I placed the book [in the geniza], I saw the name of the book: "Hishtapchus HaNefesh" ["The Outpouring of the Soul"]. And it was torn — without an end, without a binding. And this made an impression upon me: perhaps this is good for me? I began to read in it, and I saw that this was a kindness from H"Y that I had merited to find this book — because every single statement was for me.

Nu — at the time that I found the book, I went with the book to do hisbodidus with the book, and I prayed as is prescribed there in the name of Rabbainu — how to seclude oneself and how to pray — and I went into the fields. No one knew. Like theft — I stole myself away into the fields. And I had hisbodidus and I read from the book, I fulfilled what was written there. I saw for the first time in my life what the power of this book is — what a power of hisbodidus! This kills all the destroyers, all the harmful forces, and all kinds of bad afflictions, all kinds of [corrupt] deeds, all kinds of desires. I saw with my very eyes that after the hisbodidus, when I returned to the Yeshivah, I was like a new person. I felt within myself: "Where are all the harmful forces, all the destroyers? They have been killed!" So I adopted this practice — almost every day going out to the field with the book — and I had hisbodidus and I saw new miracles and wonders, the likes of which — from the day I came to awareness — I had never seen such wonders. This went on for a continued period of time...

Once I was reading in the book, and I did not know from whom it was — who was the author of the book? Because it was without an introduction, without a beginning, without an end — and I did not know. And I guarded the book and locked it inside my chest, and almost every day I went to the field with the book and I saw great new wonders the likes of which I had never had — and I did not know who was the author of this book. Once I was reading this book in my room. And a friend came to me — one of the Karlin Chassidim — and he saw that I was reading with great arousal in the book. So he looked at the book; he saw that it was "Hishtapchus HaNefesh" and he knew that this was from the books of Breslov. So this friend said to me: "Which book are you reading? From this book you are reading?" So I was very shocked, and I became very angry. And I said to him: "This book is Holy of Holies — what are you talking about?! What are you saying?!"

So he said to me: "Animal! You do not know what there is in the world — you do not know anything. This is from the books of Breslov; it is forbidden to read them. The Rebbe and all the Admurim and the whole world are opposed to this and say it is forbidden to read these books. You are so brazen — against all the Admurim? All the Admurim say it is forbidden to read them, and you do not want to listen to them? This is from the books of Breslov. What, you don't know? Everyone knows!" I said to him: "No, I do not know..." I heard for the first time in my life that there is Breslov in the world and that it is forbidden to read from these books.

So I said to him: "I do not listen to the whole world, to all the Admurim. This book is good for me — I have seen such wonders, what is impossible to tell." So he said to me: "You are so impudent, so brazen — against the Admur, against all the Admurim? Then you are not a human being." I said to him: "For me, this is good." So he said: "This book is mine — I want this book, it is mine!" I did not want to give it to him. I said to him: "I merited to it from hefker [ownerless property], from a garbage bin." So he said to me: "This book is mine and I want it. I do not need it — I only want that you should not read it!" So he overpowered me and took the book from me by force — and I remained without the book, like an orphan.

(Did you have troubles and humiliations?) Yes! Who can tell it over? Who can tell and describe what I endured? But one sees that we are standing and they are falling — they will fall, they will fall; there is an accounting. The world is not abandoned [without consequences]... Who can tell and describe what I endured? We were two against all the rabbis, against all the great ones — we were two: I and Rav Yisroel Karduner. And all the small children, when we would walk, they would point with their finger: "There are the Breslovers! There is Breslov!" When I came to Jerusalem? There were some who had fear of Heaven and were afraid of me — [afraid] to mock me — but there were great rabbis who said: it is necessary to distance him and throw him out — he does Breslov books all day. Do you know of this?

But I heard that there is a Chassidus in the world called "Breslov." So I remained without the book — but I continued doing hisbodidus, and I prayed to H"Y that He should have mercy on me: just as He had begun to help me and I found this book, and I know what it is — what it did to me — so I asked that He should summon to me the books of Breslov and Chassidim of Breslov. I lived in Tiberias and I did not leave Tiberias. I did not know of Safed, which was close, and everyone travels to Meron in Elul and on Lag BaOmer. And I was poor — I had no money — I did not travel to Safed. If I had traveled to Safed, I would have heard — perhaps in Safed there were Breslov Chassidim — but I did not know. I did not know of Breslov Chassidim. I asked of H"Y that He should summon Breslov Chassidim to me. I thought: perhaps in Jerusalem, perhaps in some place in the world there are Breslov Chassidim. So I asked — and this... a long time passed — and H"Y accepted my prayer and sent me — to Tiberias — Reb Yisroel Karduner.

Reb Yisroel Karduner did not want to budge from Meron. What did the Holy Blessed One do to him — He sent him a malady on one of his hands, and the pains were so great that it is impossible, in a natural manner, to endure such pain. And he was unable [to perform the rectification of] Midnight [Chatzos], and not to pray, and not to learn... A pity... So Reb Yisroel attributed this — not like the world, to chance — but rather he knew with complete faith that this was from H"Y, and he began to think: perhaps it is H"Y's desire that he should travel to Tiberias? Because in Tiberias the cold is not so great, so the malady would not pain him so much [he had such excruciating pain], and he could serve H"Y? But he was uncertain — he did not know clearly that H"Y's desire was that he should go to Tiberias. So he did not want to budge from Meron, even though the pain was great, but he saw that the pains were intensifying more and more each time, and it was impossible for him to serve Hashem.

So he did a great deal of hisbodidus and prayed much to H"Y, that He should illuminate in his mind with complete elucidation whether H"Y desires that he should travel to Tiberias — that he should know clearly that he should go to Tiberias. So he did a great deal of hisbodidus on this and prayed a great deal on this. And after all of this, he opened the book Likutay Halachos and found in it that the desire of the blessed Creator is that he should travel to Tiberias. I know that this book was [the volume of] Yoreh De'ah — from the first printing of Reb Noson; there was not then the kind of printing there is today. So since he knew clearly that the blessed Creator desired him to go to Tiberias — he arose early in the morning. Could he not have waited until after Shabbos? Only — since he knew that this was the desire of H"Y, immediately and without delay: "And Avraham arose early in the morning" — and he went on Thursday to Tiberias.

In this same week that Reb Yisroel came on Thursday to Tiberias — in this same week, on Sunday — we had started baking bread for sale, because our livelihood had been from grinding coffee, and it was then wartime. So there was no coffee and we had nothing at all for a livelihood. So our relative — a family relative — Rav Binyomin Barzel, yes, he supported my mother like his own mother. And then Father and Mother thought that we should start baking bread. But who would give us even one kilo of flour to bake bread? Because everyone knew that we were poor. So she went to Rav Binyomin Barzel, and he said to her: "No... don't be afraid — I will tell the miller and the flour merchant to give you a sack, two sacks — however much flour you need." So we started baking bread on Sunday.

And he [Reb Yisroel] came precisely in that same week, on Thursday, and he needed bread for supper. And when he got off the donkey and met Reb Binyomin Barzel [he recognized him from Meron], he asked him and said to him: "Do a mitzvah — show me where I can obtain, to buy, a loaf of bread." So Binyomin Barzel knew that we had started baking bread, and he brought him to us. And H"Y arranged circumstances so that I brought out the bread. We were five siblings in the house, and there were those older than me — and it was Divine Providence that I took the loaf of bread and gave it to Reb Yisroel. When I saw Reb Yisroel — his appearance, his face — I thought: this man is a hidden Tzadik, and by him I will find what I am searching for — faith and the fear of Heaven.

I was thinking this. And he put his hand into his pocket and took out money to pay me for the bread — and I am thinking this — then he said [he gave me the money and said] to me: "Perhaps it is possible to eat the bread at your house?" Then I felt that he knows my thoughts and my desire — that I want to have a connection with him. But I saw that this was a remote prospect, because Father would not agree to this — not because he did not want [the guest] — but because on Thursday we already need to bake challah and bread to prepare for Shabbos, and we need to make it through the night and sleep. And also the house is small and we have no place for a guest to eat — and he will humiliate me: "What are you asking such a question?"... But I wanted to have a connection with Reb Yisroel. I fortified myself with all my strength and said: whatever will be — even if Father hits me and humiliates me — I will ask Father, whatever will be. So I asked, and Father said: "Yes, yes — there are some leftovers from the food. So give it to him — he will eat bread alone? Bread alone? So give him..." Then I saw that this was Divine Providence from H"Y, beyond nature — that I should have a connection with this holy Tzadik. And so it was.

They [the family] made it through the night — they recited the Grace after Meals and read the Shema, and they went and lay down to sleep. And I remained alone with Reb Yisroel. He sat on a step of the house and I gave him the bread to eat. And he performed the ritual hand-washing and recited the blessing of Hamotzi. And when I heard the blessing from him — on the hand-washing and the blessing of Hamotzi — I saw: this is true, this is a hidden Tzadik! Because such a blessing I had never heard. I grew up among Chassidim, among Torah scholars and God-fearing people — but such a blessing I had never heard. And also — such a face and appearance as Reb Yisroel [Karduner] had — I had never seen. So I gave him whatever was left from our meal so that he should eat. Then he said to me: "I eat nothing — only bread and tea."

But we had no tea, and we had no kerosene machine — only the wealthy had a kerosene machine; the poor used charcoal — and this is a craft: you need to know how to make fire. And I did everything until I successfully ignited the fire and made tea. And every time I entered the house I said to Reb Yisroel — I did not know that he was Breslov; I only knew that he was a hidden Tzadik — I said to him in a whisper, secretly, in the ear [using the respectful plural form of address]: "Know that you have come to Tiberias for me. I want so very much to serve H"Y in truth, and I undergo harsh battles, and I have been searching all the days of my life — I am searching for a place that will guide me and illuminate within me the light of H"Y, that I should merit to serve H"Y in truth. So H"Y has sent you to me to save me. You have come to Tiberias for me — and I ask of you not to abandon me."

I saw that he was very moved — because immediately upon getting off the donkey, H"Y had brought him to me, and he hears such words! He had to travel earlier [but held back], yet he — as long as he did not have complete clarity that he needed to travel to Tiberias — did not want to budge from Meron. Nu, oy vay... And after he ate, we went.

And he told me that he wants to go to the synagogue. Nu — I went with him to the synagogue, and along the way I spoke with him and told him my matter... yes. And he heard everything. And I wanted to make a verbal confession [viduy devarim] before him, and he did not want to hear it, and he said that this is forbidden. So I walked to the synagogue of the Karlin Chassidim. (Did you make a confession?) No, no — only in generalities, yes. In generalities — I spoke with him and I cried before him, because I wanted so very much. I felt that he has cures for me — that he should not abandon me, that he should not leave me and go back to Meron — so I cried before him and asked him not to leave me.

Nu, he heard such a thing and I saw that he was so deeply moved — because he saw with his very eyes that H"Y had arranged for him to come to Tiberias... and he had come straight to Tiberias, from the donkey straight to my house. And afterwards I went with him to the synagogue, but the synagogues were closed. I did not know where the key to the synagogue was. There was only one synagogue in Tiberias [that was open] — from the disciples of the Baal Shem Tov, and the grandfather of our holy Master, Reb Nachman Horodenker, and Reb Avraham Kalisker — all the holy Tzadikim. They had built a synagogue near the sea, so that they could immerse and pray in the sea whenever they wished — that it should be close to the sea. And so they built the synagogue next to the sea. And in winter, when there was much rain, the sea thickened and rose and entered this synagogue up to half the height of the tables — and they could not pray there. And this synagogue stood open, with the tables and chairs in the water, until the month of Nissan, until the waters receded.

So we entered this synagogue and climbed up onto a table, and we learned Torah [lesson] 7, Volume 2 [of Likutay Moharan] — "Ki merachamam yenahalem" ["For the One who has mercy on them shall lead them" — Isaiah 49:10] — and he learned this Torah with me the entire night! And I merited to this: that all the days of my life I had never felt the taste of Torah, the taste of the fear of Heaven, a taste like this night that he learned with me this Torah — this holy Torah, "Ki merachamam yenahalem." We were in the synagogue while the sea was there, all night — and I did not feel that I needed to sleep. And also he had candles and matches, which were very expensive.

And he was wealthy and lit candles and learned with me from Likutay Moharan until close to morning light — until I heard the sound of my mother crying, crying: "Oy, my son Yisroel Ber, my son Yisroel Ber is lost!" I heard, so I said to Reb Yisroel: "Oy vay — it is after midnight and my mother is searching, looking for me." So I exited the synagogue and went to Mother, following the sound of her voice. I reached her and said to her: "What is this crying?" So she said to me: "What did you do? Where did you go the whole night?! In any event — do you know? Now we have to throw in the garbage all the dough, all the challah, and all the bread!" Nu — did you not hear?! This night, Yisroel Ber became a Breslover!

And from this night there was an uproar in Tiberias: "This night, Yisroel Ber became a Breslover!" She told the neighbors from the surroundings; they came in the morning. "What is this? What was the crying?" They asked: "What? What happened?" So she told! "A man bought bread and went with him and did not come back the whole night!" They did not know who it was. But in the morning, when I went to the synagogue and Reb Yisroel was in the synagogue and I was speaking with him — they said to him: "Nu, nu — it has already happened what has happened — this night they led Yisroel Ber astray." And afterwards on Sunday we went to the Yeshivah; he learned with me the books of Rabbainu, and Talmud, and Shulchan Aruch, and the halachic decisors. Nu — and they saw! "Oy vay, Yisroel Ber has become a Breslover! Reb Yisroel Karduner..."

Nu, nu — strife passed over me, a great battle — Father and Mother and the relatives and the family and the whole Yeshivah, all of them — it is impossible to depict. They had great pity on me, just this? They said: "Oy vay! Yisroel Ber has become a Breslover! Yisroel Ber has become a Breslover!" They went from the Yeshivah, they went to my parents — Father and Mother — and told them: "Do you know? Yisroel Ber has become a Breslover!" So Father said: "I am not worried. I know my son — he fulfills the [commandment of] honoring one's father; unique in the generation, without equal. He is God-fearing and he fulfills the commandment of honoring one's father. Even if I sent him into fire — you know my son? He is God-fearing and he fulfills the commandment of honoring one's father. He will come from the Yeshivah; I will tell him that I don't want it — so it is over, he will not be a Breslover! I have not a single worry." So they said to him: "You don't know what Breslov is?! He will not listen to you! You need a heavy battle!" So he said: "I am not worried — I know my son!"

I came from the Yeshivah. So Father said to me: "I heard everyone from the Yeshivah saying — Reb Mottel and all of them came and said that you have become a Breslover. Know, my son, have compassion on me. I do not want you to be Breslov. I am a Karliner! I want you to be a Chassid! You can choose Ger, Chabad, Slunim — any Chassidus you desire — but only not Breslov!" So I said to him: "Father — you know, you are acquainted with me. I fulfill the [commandment of] honoring one's father — everything you tell me, I will listen to you — only this: no! I want only Breslov! I love Breslov! In this, I will not listen to you." "Ahh?... So they were right. They are correct — they said that I do not know what Breslov is?!... This is the first time I hear from you that you do not want to comply with my words!" Oy, oy, oy — what it was!

This is still not — still not — it is impossible to tell everything as it was. Reb Mottel and all the Chassidim and the whole city were like a boiling pot. Reb Mottel was a great Torah scholar and had fine character traits — he was humble, he learned day and night, and he was a very wondrous man. Even though I was a child and had a weak mind, he loved me — my temimus, my good desires; he loved [performing] a mitzvah. So he drew me close. Father was poor and blind — so he had compassion on me and drew me close, and I was by him like a member of the household. And he lifted me up: "From the garbage heaps he lifts the pauper" [Psalms 113:7 — and notably, the first three letters of the Hebrew word evyon, "pauper" — א.ב.י — are the initials of Odesser, Ber, Yisroel] — this is a very awesome story, for one who truly pays attention....

Even upon [enemy] nations there is not such cruelty! (Like upon whom?) Breslov, yes. Just the name "Breslov." And I — I merited to be such a warrior! I stood against all the great ones — great ones who were acclaimed and great throughout the entire world! Tiberias is a small city. I merited to see a true Breslov Chassid, and he lived only approximately forty years. And there was then a great opposition against Breslov, and I stood, blessed be H"Y, in battle against all the great ones. I saw one of Rabbainu's men — Reb Yisroel Karduner — how he served Hashem: with what strength, with what wisdom, with what deveykus [cleaving]. He was entirely bound to H"Y.

The midnight hour — this is very hard service. And he went into the field at night. No one knew of him, and he went into the forest and he cried before H"Y — he cried for us, in order to rectify us. He had five children. An only son — Mordichai — and a daughter — Esther. Mordichai and Esther. What he endured in this world — it is impossible to describe, to tell, to perceive. Such strength, such wisdom, such a Tzadik, such holiness — there has still never been such a thing in the world. Reb Yisroel Karduner. He was bound and attached to our holy Master. It was sufficient for me to have known one of Rabbainu's men....

But [He — Reb Nachman] is the leader of Israel. (Suddenly he became a leader) A leader — they take all the money and all the honor and all the grandeur of Breslov — and I? I am the leader! There is a lot. (There are many types, many varieties) Yes! Certainly! But that is not Breslov. Breslov is a little. But it is good — "Good is a little for the Tzadik" [Psalms 37:16]. [They sing together the melody "V'yeda kol pa'ul ki Atah pe'alto" — "And every created being shall know that You created him" — from the Rosh HaShanah prayers] He said these words: "V'yeda kol pa'ul ki Atah pe'alto" — he argued before H"Y: "When? When will this be? V'yeda kol pa'ul ki Atah pe'alto?"

The melodies of Rosh HaShanah... The opponents on Rosh HaShanah were shamed — they came to throw stones, but they heard our prayers of Rosh HaShanah, the melodies and songs, and so they went without [throwing] stones; fear fell upon them. "The righteous shall see and rejoice, and the upright shall exult, and the pious shall sing joyously" [from the Rosh HaShanah prayers] — oy, what that was! Such a melody there was! And this was the entirety of the resurrection of the dead. The whole year they were alive from the melody of Rosh HaShanah. If you had been there seventy years ago, you would have seen what Breslov is. Today you see how I look.

Reb Yisroel Karduner — he found in a synagogue the Tikkun HaKlali [the General Rectification — ten Psalms designated by Reb Nachman], and through this he drew close to Rabbainu, and became Reb Yisroel Karduner. To stand at midnight and go to the forest — that is hard! What strength that takes! Reb Yisroel was able to stand at midnight and go to the forests... "Even though you do not have a cure — but I can heal you!" [Reb Nachman of Breslov]

Reb Yisroel! How he would make his arguments! When he had arguments before H"Y, he spoke to Him the way we are speaking now. He would speak with H"Y like with a friend. Such faith and such total devotion... So we have a place before H"Y just as we are — He watches over us, He guards us, and He does with us such kindnesses as there are none in the world — not yet revealed in the world! Miracles and wonders and such kindnesses that have still not been revealed in the world. Oy vay... I see such wonders that are not revealed at all... Now H"Y cherishes Israel. The Master of the World said to us: "Come, come, come to me — and then it will be good."

Suddenly he came from Chevron* to Tiberias — [Reb Yisroel Karduner] — and found Yisroel Ber in Tiberias, and from this such wonders were made! The falsehood and the haughtiness were up to the sky. What Father and Mother and all the children and the whole city — all of them — the small together with the great — they pointed with the finger: "There is Breslov! There is Breslov!" I, blessed be H"Y, accepted everything with love and happiness — this was all my vitality. But now there does not remain from them even one — not a single one remains. See their synagogue: in complete ruins, there does not remain a single stone. All of them were falsehood. [Reb Yisroel Karduner] — he lived in Meron, he left his wife and children, and he came to Yisroel Ber in Tiberias — and a great commotion was made in Tiberias: "Yisroel Ber has become Breslov!" * Several times he recounted it this way — that Reb Yisroel Karduner came from Chevron to Tiberias. The first meeting between them was when Reb Yisroel Karduner came from Meron; here he refers to a subsequent meeting of special significance. For further details see page 44 [of the original Hebrew source].

The table and the floor trembled* — he was trembling, and the table and the floor were also trembling from his trembling. Afterwards came the time of prayer, and he made such a prayer! And the prayer — after such a midnight service! He made such a prayer that the whole settlement was unable to go [to work] — every one has his work [to do]... All of them surrounded our building, from his sounds, from his prayers in the Morning Prayer. In short — I saw that it was impossible for me to be in the room. So I [decided]: I will stand by the door — in the event that I cannot endure it, I can run away! And there was fear! Such awe and terror fell upon me. So I drew close to the door and grasped the door — so that if I would be completely unable to be in the house, I would manage to get outside in time! It is still impossible to explain how this was! Because one could think — he is [merely] telling a story! * [Footnote from source:] Several times he recounted in this fashion that Reb Yisroel Karduner came from Chevron to Tiberias. The first meeting was when Reb Yisroel Karduner came from Meron; this passage describes a subsequent meeting of special importance. For further details see page 44.

This man... he wants to be like Reb Yisroel. Reb Yisroel had a great deal of money and gave him money, money, money. So we returned to Jerusalem — this man also returned... returned. In Jerusalem he had an apartment, and he gave us the apartment, and he gave us... he became such a Breslover! [Reb Yisroel] — he went to search for any mitzvah, until he found... until he found. He found this guest and gave him a great deal of money. He [the guest] was a convert; he came to Tiberias — Reb Yisroel was by him — he gave him all the money, even before he had become a friend of this man... And this man thought that Reb Yisroel is a millionaire — he is very wealthy, he gave him so much money! Afterwards we returned to Jerusalem; this man became completely Breslov. So he wanted... he saw such a wealthy person who gives such charity — he... good. This is life, a good life. He became Breslov! He merited...

Once in my life I saw a "new Purim" — how they lay with towels over their heads and over their eyes, in fear, in fear, in awe and terror. (Did Reb Yisroel Karduner study with Reb Moshe Breslover?) Yes. (The disciple of Reb Noson?) But he was a friend with everyone. He observed his yahrzeit [the anniversary of death of Reb Moshe Breslover], the day of remembrance, like [for] a father — he would fast on this day and learn Mishnah by the perpetual light of an olive-oil candle, like [for] a father... On Purim, Reb Yisroel, may he rest in peace — he began to drink at home and dance at home, and I saw every moment that as he would drink more — he was going out of this world into another world. Footnote from source [Footnote from source]: Reb Ayzik Klevsky understood that what had happened to him was because of his opposition to Rabbainu Reb Nachman, and he cried out in the hospital and acknowledged the greatness of Rabbainu. By Divine Providence he was lying next to the bed of Reb Moshe Klirs. [All this we heard from Reb Yisroel.]

(To the World to Come?) Yes. After Purim, he arrived [back], and he began to walk from the house, from the door to the street — to make known that it is Purim! "To make known, to make known, to make known!" I went with him, and he walked the whole street to the place of the Slunim. The Slunim Chassidim are scoffers — they mock at Breslov. The next year, he [Reb Yisroel] entered their house while all of them were sitting and drinking wine and getting drunk — and he entered as if it were his own home and danced. He said to me... there was an old man there — Reb Lishka — he got angry with me: "You want to make me deaf? I am already deaf. What do you want from me?" Then he said to me: "Do you understand his dancing? Of Reb Yisroel? Do you understand what this is? This is wondrous dancing!" So said their head — he was the head of the opponents. He was completely nullified! He saw the dancing of Reb Yisroel.

He [Reb Yisroel Karduner] entered among opponents, among scorpions — snakes and scorpions — and he made from them nothing and vapor [dust and ashes]. Who sees such a thing? How did he have such strength to enter into its midst — in the middle — and with joy on top of that! (The opposite of the Ba'al Davar) Yes. And to show it: "Come, come, come — I am not afraid of you!" (You also did the same thing — you danced for them at weddings?) No. Whoever saw his dancing was completely nullified. But after he passed away — then I went.

There was a time that Purim fell on Friday night, and I had nothing for Shabbos. But I — all my possessions were in my pocket: half a lira. Half a lira? What is half a lira? [A half-lira of those days] that was enough for Shabbos! (That's a great fortune!) Yes! Half a lira! But it was already [Erev] Shabbos, and half a lira was in the pocket. I said: "I want wine!" But there was none — no wine, it was already finished. So I said: "What? There's no wine? Take a half-lira and buy wine!" So they took the half-lira from me. What? What did I do? Why did I do that? Why did I give them half a lira? What will be with me? Tomorrow I will have nothing for Shabbos! Everyone laughed. They took the half-lira from me. (Did you at least drink from the wine?) No. They did not buy — they understood that I was drunk [and doing this in a non-lucid state]: I put out a half-lira?! They were afraid [to spend it]. That is my entire Shabbos — half a lira? (So they brought it back to you?) Yes...

(In China they study the Stories of Ancient Times [Reb Nachman's fairy tales]) Yes?! They study [his] books — and also by us at the university, every morning, they study the Stories of Ancient Times. (It was also on television) Yes?! (You should also be in Australia) In Australia? Are there wealthy people there? (The best is in South Africa) Are there wealthy people there? Only if there are wealthy people there! [Reb Yisroel laughs]

Such melodies! On Rosh HaShanah there were such melodies — whoever saw had to hold himself together! (To revive himself!) He would begin to sing the melody of Rosh HaShanah. (You told me that he would pray the Shmoneh Esrai for four hours?) In the morning I went to pray for Rosh HaShanah and ate — after the prayer I finished and went down — and he? He stood alone! (Still continuing the Shmoneh Esrai?) Yes. (He couldn't budge?) Yes. There was such trembling, such awe, such deveykus, such joy — the whole world did not know. Reb Yisroel, he... I knew that he was downstairs in the synagogue, so I went to hear and to see what was there. There was a wedding — shall I go? He could not move forward! I will receive great honor [by being near him]. He was trembling entirely, and also the whole building trembled. (The whole shrine trembled?) By Reb Shimon [Bar Yochai] below [at the tomb in Meron]. (He was barefoot?) Alone in the shrine of Reb Shimon — he would not enter with shoes. In winter, in the cold, in such cold — without shoes, like [entering] the Holy of Holies.

And he was crying — I cannot [describe it]... Could one think he was being insincere? Where are there so many tears? How? But I saw that every time he was stronger, the tears stronger. And it was a very cold winter. And he — in the spot where he stood — when he finished, he walked from the tziyun [shrine], he exited [from the shrine] like the opening of the door of an oven from the heat — he would exit from the shrine hot! Such heat from the shrine! And the shrine was wet from the tears, and the shrine was like a stream! And I said to H"Y: "How does one merit to this? I also want to cry — where is there such a thing? Where does one obtain this?!" Does one need to go to all the liars?! Oy vay... He was always worried about Israel. He always had such pain for Israel: "Where is the people of Israel? Where is the Torah? Where?"

Parnassa [livelihood], parnassa, parnassa, parnassa! So — [it was the same] with Rabbainu — everyone would cry out: parnassa! Parnassa! So... so our holy Master... what? Parnassa? Only trust [bitachon]! He gave them all parnassa! Ah! But Reb Yisroel, may he rest in peace, he... had a ledger. He was a "scribe," a "great scribe" — he had a ledger... He inscribed everything he had, income and every matter, and he gave a fifth [chomesh] every month. He gave a fifth of the money that H"Y gave him — he gave a fifth.

Nu... he... what? To anyone who asked him, he gave. I was specifically with debts. "My fifth pays everything!" Whoever has debts — the fifth pays! Once he complained before me: he was already so indebted to the fifth, he had great pain — he owed money to the fifth, a great deal of money. "I have a fifth — a fifth that pays all debt! All debts. The fifth is very wealthy..." He said: the same way the world searches for money, he searched for a mitzvah. "Perhaps H"Y will give him some mitzvah?" He went to search. Every time he found [someone], they became close to Rabbainu. [The righteous convert thought:] "If he has such Chassidim, I want to be Breslov! I do not want to be a Torah scholar — I want to be Breslov!"

He [Reb Yisroel] had a small ledger — he was a great merchant! He inscribed every penny that H"Y summoned to him, and every income and expense. He made an accounting: how much he was obligated, how much money he owed. And he was always happy, happy... He danced, he played melodies, he was happy — because he has all the money in the world! He has it. He had five children — daughters and an only son. The only son: his name was Mordichai. The only son — I knew him as a small child, but he grew up, grew up, grew up and became Bar Mitzvah — this only son. And also he had — the only son had a sister — she was such a righteous and modest woman that there is nothing to say, there are no words to speak of it. She thought of me as a brother.

The only son was named Mordichai. And also he had a daughter named Esther — and she was such a righteous woman like Queen Esther. She was already seven, eight years old — she was so modest! Ah, so modest, ah. Esther. In the house there was Mordichai and Esther. Mordichai... after the Bar Mitzvah he... was sick and passed away. No — Esther, Esther passed away [first]. And Mordichai — he passed away three days before Reb Yisroel. He [Mordichai] knew that he was dying, and also Reb Yisroel passed away.

So once it was... Reb Yisroel was not at home; there is a wife, girls and boys, and I was there — they need to eat. They were five children and they need to eat. They had nothing. I went to ask, to beg for donations, to ask [people] to have compassion... "I will go and search for money." Everyone said to me: "I still haven't sold anything! I have no money! I don't have it right now! I have no money!" So I went to search. I found one man and his son who had a merchandise store. A store, nu... but in the morning — no sales, no money! In the morning?! How I went to him at the store... and his son — and he gave me a great deal of money. I had [enough] to buy bread, and blessed be H"Y, in order to give the children bread to eat. So I was very happy that I had [something] to give the children... to eat, and bread — and happy.

He [Reb Yisroel] went... he was on the road, and left the house without money. Nu, I could... I could not bear it. There are small children, they need to eat — nu, and I have nothing. So I went to collect money in order to have bread to give the children. I went. I went from store to store, and everyone said: "What? I still haven't sold anything. I still don't have money." Nu — I was in great anguish. I have to suffer for the children. Nu — so I went, found a store — a father and his son — and it was a merchandise store for selling. Yes, nu — but now in the morning, so there is no money. I explained to him, and he went to the register and gave me a great deal of money. I was very happy from this — that I have, blessed be H"Y, [money] with which to buy food for the home! He does not know me — I entered his store, he went to the place of the money and took out money and gave me.

He [Reb Yisroel] went on the road, and I saw the house without money, without bread... without bread... And I was a young man — I was a young man, nu. I was in the house like a child, like... yes, nu — Reb Yisroel is away, and the children want to eat. I have neither money nor bread. I was in great anguish. I said: "Why does H"Y not give me money for the children?" So I went and found one store — he was coming from the synagogue with his son, and he opened the store. I entered after him. I said to him: "I have a house with small children — I need to buy." He heard [me], entered to the place of the money, opened [it], and gave me a great deal of money. I was left with enough to buy bread for the children. He gave for all... all the stores [i.e., what all the other stores together could not give, he alone gave]. They had no money — only he. He gave me a great deal of money. He does not know me. Divine Providence from H"Y.

He went to Meron — from Safed to Meron, three hours on foot. Who is this [kind of person]? The children suffered — they need to eat! "I will go to search for money in order to buy!" But in all the stores they said: "What? Are you crazy? In the morning there is money? In the morning I still haven't sold anything!" I....

He was a friend of Reb Yisroel Karduner — they were friends, true friends, friends. (Now they have made a book of Reb Shimshon Barski) Yes? (He made a book called "Likutay Atzos HaMevo'oros" [Explained Collection of Advice]) Yes, yes. (Did you know him — Reb Shimshon Barski?) No, no — only in the days of Reb Yisroel I heard [of him] then. I heard what I heard from Reb Yisroel — his words from the book "Likutay Atzos" [Reb Nachman's Collected Advice] — he is a great wonder. He was a grandson [descendent] of Rabbainu — Reb Shimshon Barski....

Reb Yisroel Karduner returned from the World of Truth after his passing — to make Kiddush on the night of the holy Shabbos — and he went! (What did you say to the wife of Reb Yisroel Karduner?) I heard what she said — no more. I heard: she said to me, "Yisroel Ber — what do you say about this? Yisroel came and made Kiddush for me!" After the passing he comes with a body?! I thought that she had lost her mind. After the passing of all her children, she is singing and dancing on Shabbos night?! And I entered to see what was with her — I thought she had lost her mind... No — I did not see [that she had lost her mind]. She told me what had happened... She had buried all the children, and also the only son Mordichai had died — and afterwards he [Reb Yisroel] came back to the house and made Kiddush for his wife... Does one see such a thing in the world? I do not know...

She told me, and she told me that he came and made Kiddush for her. More I do not know... She said to me: "What do you say about this? Yisroel — he came and made Kiddush for me!" And after the burial he came and made Kiddush for his wife. (After the passing of Reb Yisroel Karduner — did you also see him?) Nu, nu — we were always together by Reb Shimon [at his tomb in Meron], and I saw his crying, which was like pouring out a container of water from his tears...

He had a daughter — I was a member of the household by them, like a son — he had a daughter and her name was Esther, Esther... She said to me: "What do you say about this? Yisroel came and made Kiddush for me and went!" (Today is the yahrzeit of Reb Yisroel Karduner) Yoa?... (Do you want to light candles?) No, no, no — Shabbos! What is this? (It is Motzai Shabbos — after Shabbos — not Shabbos) No, no, no — I don't want...

When we returned from the burial, from the cemetery — and the only son was Mordichai... grown — and she said to me: "Yisroel — what do you say about this? Yisroel came and made Kiddush for me and went! What do you say about this?" Do I know? That is how it was! I came — she said to me: "Yisroel Ber — what do you say about this? Yisroel came to make Kiddush, to make Kiddush for me — and went!" After... this was after the burial! All the children had passed away and Reb Yisroel had also passed away, and she told me that he "came and made Kiddush for me and went! What do you say about this? Did you ever hear such a thing?"

I went after the prayer to say Shabbat shalom to her — how is it going, what is the news? She said to me: "Yisroel Ber — what do you say about this? Yisroel came and made Kiddush for me and went! He came and made Kiddush, made Kiddush for me — and went!" He knew that he was gone! So who would make Kiddush? So he made Kiddush and went! Mordichai and Esther — he had an only son named Mordichai and an only daughter named Esther — and she had buried both of them. And she said to me: "What is this? He came and made Kiddush for me and went!" I cannot [comprehend it]... "What do you say about this? Yisroel came and made Kiddush and went!"

After the passing he came — he stood by the table and made Kiddush and went... But no... I did not know anything — she told me: "Yisroel came and made Kiddush for me and went!" After the funeral, after the burial — she told me that he "came to the table and made Kiddush for me and went!" The orphans also wanted to hear the Kiddush — the orphans, the Kiddush...

Five daughters and an only son — and the only son was named Mordichai — and also a daughter named Esther; there were two [children]: Mordichai and Esther... He... Everyone said: if he had been in the time of Rabbainu, he would also have been a wonder! (How is that possible, since Rabbainu said: "From me until Messiah there will be no new wonder?") But he [the Saba] said that Yisroel [Karduner] stands against everyone — he stands against all! (But did you yourself accept this?) I accepted it! After several years that we were together and suffered what we suffered.

He danced at my wedding — his trousers fell down, they fell, and he danced with his trousers down! He did not feel it — from the intensity of the joy and the sweetness of the dancing and the music — and the trousers... (Fell down?! He didn't feel it?) Yes. And he danced in Meron on Friday night after the wedding ceremony — Kiddush and went... If you had been there, you would have heard the entire Kiddush — Shabbos ascends upon the table, one hears him making Kiddush — afterwards he went! He made Kiddush and went — after the burial and after the funeral — came to the house, made Kiddush and went... (He did not make Hamotzi?) Only Kiddush. He came and made Kiddush and went on his way... and went... He danced after the chupah, after the prayer, at the Rashbi [Reb Shimon Bar Yochai] by the holy tziyun — he danced. And also he danced in the hall — there was a hall where the family came — and he danced until his trousers fell, and he did not know that his trousers had fallen. (He did not feel it, from the greatness of the pleasure of the mitzvah of bringing joy to a bride and groom.) What a gift this is!

Something new! What we have now in the world! If we do not become mad from the greatness of the joy — that itself is a miracle! That too is a miracle! What would [people] have done without Rabbainu? What is this? Who could help us? But — if Rabbainu is already here? We have, we have everything! If I am here? Everything is here! And also Rabbainu's men were such holy Tzadikim that the whole world... they were a secret — like Rabbainu — a secret from the entire world. Similarly, Rabbainu's men and Reb Noson's men were also hidden — a secret from the entire world — and [people] do not know, do not know what this is...

I merited only to see Reb Yisroel. He was already of the final generations. I saw his truth, his humility, his life, his prayer — this was a kind of thing not of this world! In terms of the future — in terms of after the coming of the Messiah — yes! He was so bound to Rabbainu, with such love, with such longing. Then there was — he was — everyone knew that he was something, something special, yes. He was always in joy!

Reb Yisroel "Tchak" — this was one of the names he had in the world — Reb Yisroel Breslover. In Uman his name was Reb Yisroel "Tchak." Why "Tchak"? "Tchak" is such joy! "Tchak" — that is the joy of all joys, such joy! So they called him Reb Yisroel "Tchak" — he was always in joy, he was always dancing, always in joy! Oy — we, blessed be H"Y, that we are living in the world, in this world right now, in such darkness — this is an orphaned generation without Rabbainu! So all the scholars and all the great ones are orphans — they know nothing, they have no father, they have no mother, they have nothing. Our holy Master — he is the father, he is the mother, he is everything! He is the Torah, he is the faith — everything is Rabbainu! And they do not want to know — with all their wisdoms! What? All the great ones do not know! Only Breslov! Only Reb Nachman!

They do not accept [Rabbainu]. And also the liars — even the liars of Breslov — falsehood, falsehood... They do not want to nullify themselves; they want all the honor and all the money and all the publicity! This is falsehood — this is not Rabbainu! Truth — this is only Breslov. And falsehood — that is not Breslov; that is still nothing at all! Men of truth — Rav Naftoli Cohen. Only Naftoli — that is men of truth: such modesty, such humility... But not this! That is falsehood. The greater the publicity — the greater the falsehood! This is the general rule, the clear sign: the more one wants publicity — the greater the liar!

What is this? What is Rabbainu and his men! And Rabbainu's men and Rabbainu's books! This is something special — a secret from the entire world. If this were to be revealed to the world, it would already have happened — the Messiah would have already come and the Redemption would already be here. This... this is everything! Everything that is done for Rabbainu's sake, to bring Rabbainu into the world — this is such a wonder as has never been before.