PART FOUR The Shabbos Zemiros Through the Anguish of Child-Rearing Source Lines 1958–2562

He [Reb Mottel of Slunim] heard my "Sholem Aleichem" [the Shabbos table hymn]. It was not like today then. I was then at the beginning of drawing close. My "Eshes Chayil" [A Woman of Valor — Proverbs 31]? My "Azamer BiShvochin" [the Shabbos table song of the Arizal]? Then he was completely nullified! So he said: "What is this? I am a Torah scholar — and I don't know what Shabbos is! My Shabbos is nothing! Yisroel Ber, Yisroel Ber — he knows everything, everything!" What was in his heart he told to his daughters. Yisroel Ber! Yisroel Ber! Yisroel Ber! And also the daughters — they esteemed Reb Mottel their father and knew that he was a great Torah scholar, with a great mind. And I — what? What? What value do I have compared to him? But he said to them: "I am ashamed before Yisroel Ber — I see his Shabbos! How he rejoices! And he has guests for Shabbos. I do not know how he lives?"

His daughters heard my Shabbosim — the zemiros and the joy — and they saw that I have nothing. That Reb Mottel gave me chairs, yes. Reb Mottel was the greatest opponent — because his Admur, of Slunim, was a great opponent. But nevertheless he loved me. So his daughters asked him: "What is this? Why does Breslov not find favor in your eyes? We see that he [Yisroel Ber] is such a servant of H"Y — he is always happy!" He was confused. I gave him a heartache!

He was a great opponent, and I showed him: "You are an opponent? Good! Then hear the 'Eshes Chayil' of Breslov!" He was left without hands and without feet — he was nullified! Yes. He was God-fearing; he was so sunken in terrible opposition. And he? And I compared to him — nothing! A mosquito, nothing at all! And he had a heartache — he could not find his place. He sees with his eyes my Shabbos and his Shabbos. And how? How is it possible to be an opponent? Yes. He had troubles — I gave him a heartache. In any event — on the second Shabbos, my wife already had, blessed be H"Y, shoes. His daughters — the daughters of Reb Mottel — came and said to him: "She has no Shabbos dress — she needs a dress made!" So Reb Mottel sent me to some merchant — he was a remnants merchant; remnants are pieces of fabric, and he was a merchant — he would select large pieces so they could make a dress. So he sent me to him, and he gave me fabric sufficient for a dress, and she was a seamstress and she sewed — and she had a Shabbos dress too!

And it was a tremendous scene! His daughters heard the opposition and heard my "Eshes Chayil." So they gave him trouble — Reb Mottel: "How? How? How can one oppose such a Jew?! Who recites such an 'Eshes Chayil'? Is it possible to be an opponent?" Yes — I gave heartache to the Tiberias Slunim Chassidim! They were the greatest opponents, and I gave them such trouble. But not for nothing, not for naught. They were in the Yeshivah of "Reb Meir Baal HaNes" — and they had a reputation greater than all the Yeshivos of Jerusalem! And they gave me two liras a month — instead of ten, twelve, fifteen. They gave me two liras! So they said they give me only out of pity: "He has small children. Nu, he needs bread. But he is not a Yeshivah student! He does not study Talmud — he studies Likutay Moharan! Likutay Tefillos! Psalms! Is that a Yeshivah? Is that a Yeshivah student?" But Likutay Moharan and Likutay Tefillos and Psalms — these gave them great trouble!

There was a baker who baked bread. So he [Reb Mottel] went to him. They called him Reb Mendel Vek, yes. Reb Mottel saw that I had no bread to eat. He said: "He deserves bread! Should one be without bread? I have to give him bread!" And so it was — he went to the baker, a Slunim Chassid, a friend of his, and said to him: "Give on my account to Yisroel Ber a loaf of bread every day. On every Rosh Chodesh give me a reckoning — I will pay you." So it was.

Afterwards he would investigate, investigate... I was living in his courtyard. I had a small kitchen. I came to the kitchen owner: "How much do you want to rent me the kitchen?" So he told me some small amount. Good — I took it. But I don't have even the small amount. I told him: "Don't worry — I will pay you! Nu, what do you have?" He gave me the kitchen. And I found from the merchants some broken crate and brought it into the kitchen — and I had one crate for a table and another crate. Yes — crates! I myself sat on the floor, put some rags on the floor. I sat on the floor and recited Likutay Tefillos, Psalms... Reb Mottel saw my dwelling — the kitchen. And how I busy myself with Likutay Tefillos — Breslov! And he sees that I have no bread to eat, and my wife is in Safed with her parents — and I am happy?! What is this? He asked: "What kind of life is this? What is this? Where does he draw from?"

In any event — H"Y had mercy on me. And his neighbor, who was living next to Reb Mottel, left for another apartment. So he [Reb Mottel] knew that I have no apartment, no wife, and nothing at all. So he rented the apartment from the kitchen owner. He was the kitchen owner — he was the landlord of the whole courtyard, of Reb Mottel. So he rented the apartment for me and said to me: "Come to me — write to your wife that she should come!" And he told me that he had rented an apartment for me. I said to him: "Good — there is an apartment? Walls! But there is no table, I have no chair, I have nothing at all. And what? How can I write to her to come?" So he struck me [a friendly blow] and said to me: "That is not your business! I will give you furniture — an apartment with furniture. You will have chairs, you will have a table and a bed — write that she should come!" And so it was!

In Tiberias there was a carpenter — an excellent carpenter, a good carpenter. I did not know him; I did not know that he was Breslov. He had drawn close to our holy Master and I did not know. He heard that I was suffering. So he began drawing close to me — and he was a warrior, a warrior and wise... yes. So I thought he was jesting, that it was mockery — he enjoys mocking me — that Chassidus meant nothing to him... And I did not know about him. He told me: "I am Breslov! I saw a couple from Russia who had come from Russia — they arose at midnight and recited the Chatzos prayer! And they brought me close to Breslov." So Reb Mottel brought this carpenter — he had in his storage several broken chairs — and he [the carpenter] was a great expert at carpentry, and he made furniture. It was a novelty in Tiberias — I had chairs and a table!

Reb Mottel had two daughters — one named Shloma and one Feiga. And they saw that Reb Mottel was enjoying himself with me — even though I was simple, he loved me. He himself didn't know what this was — why he loved me. So Shloma was smaller and Feiga was older. In any event — they came, the daughters. And I had brought my wife. She had no Shabbos clothing — no dress. So the daughters said to him: "You brought the wife? She has no shoes, no dress, she has nothing — you have to arrange things for her, do something for her! A woman comes with no clothing? No shoes?" So he was made aware — the daughters told him she has nothing — so he said to me: "Go! In Tiberias there was the city [cobbler], his name was Yaakov — he was an expert shoemaker, like Mordichai was in carpentry. He was an expert in shoes, and people waited in line; he didn't accept just anyone. He worked hard and made the shoe strong and beautiful."

So he sent me to Yaakov — he was the finest shoemaker in Tiberias; he doesn't charge a lot of money. So he sent me to him. Nu — there were no stores then; nothing was ready-made. And since people needed shoes, they had to stand in line, take measurements, and make them to measure. People had to wait two to three weeks in line. So I came to him and said: "Reb Mottel said you should give me a pair of shoes — this and this size." My wife told me her size. So he said: "I have her size! That size is ready — no need to wait." So he gave me the shoes — and they were beautiful and very good, made to her measure. So she already had shoes! Afterwards there were new furnishings....

Did I tell you once that I once met Rav Alter the Slaughterer? He was a Karliner — a Karlin Chassid. He had such a reputation — that he is a great Tzadik, that he serves H"Y, that he gives charity and loving-kindness. A reputation like a diamond. So I wanted to travel to Jerusalem, but without money it is impossible to travel. So I saw Rav Alter — he had a small free-loan fund. I said: "Perhaps he will lend me?" I said: "Rav Alter? I have a request of you! What is it? I need a loan — half a lira." So he looked at me as if I were crazy: "What is he talking about? Am I wealthy? Do I have half a lira in the bank?! Is there half a lira?! Are there liras?! I only have small coins — what is he saying, a loan of half a lira?!"

But my request gave him no peace. He could not take it out of his heart. It entered his head, his heart — it would not leave. I said with force, with firmness: "I need half a lira — he should lend me half a lira!" So he said: "When will he pay me back? Can he give half a lira? He can give a small coin, two small coins, five small coins — but not half a lira!" But my words did not leave his mind. How is it possible — half a lira? Half a lira? But he gave — half a lira! He gave me, yes. He told me that he would sit and think about whether to give me. Afterwards he saw me in the market, called to me and said: "Reb Yisroel Ber? What have you done to me? The half-lira that you requested — it doesn't leave my head. Since you asked of me — it won't leave my head! So fine — I will give you the half-lira. But not now. I will give you half a lira, tomorrow, the day after — I will give you. I will give you." Nu. Nu. My joy — I already had the trip to Jerusalem!

Nu — one did not travel from Tiberias to Jerusalem directly by automobile. First there was Haifa — from here one had to travel to Haifa by donkeys, and then there was the English railway — and from Haifa to Jerusalem by train....

Rav Aharon Luria! He was from a prominent lineage and was a Torah scholar. I was his neighbor in the Yeshivah — and he saw what I was suffering. He was envious of me. So he took from me the book "Likutay Moharan" and went into his room in the Yeshivah and studied Likutay Moharan! So a great commotion arose in the Yeshivah: "Aharon Luria is studying Likutay Moharan!" And they said to him: "What are you doing?!" So he said with great heroism: "I want to study only Breslov books — whatever will be." So they informed Rav Moshe Klirs. After this they said to him: "You want to be here, to study Breslov books? You can be here. Only know that you will receive a salary like Yisroel Ber. Do you know how much Yisroel Ber receives? Ask him — how much does he receive? Two liras a month! You will receive two liras a month — like Yisroel Ber."

So he said to me: "How is it possible? How can one sustain oneself like that? Even I receive twenty liras a month and it is not enough for me — what will I do with two and a half liras? So it is impossible!" He said to me, every time he saw me: "I envy you, yes. I could not withstand such a trial!" And I — I had two liras a month, and I danced all night, and traveled to Meron and to Jerusalem — and I lived a good life!

(Reb Aharon Luria said to you: "Tonight I am dying!"?) Yoa, yoa! I said to him: "Are you crazy?" So he said to me: "I am telling you — tonight I am dying!" And so it was — he was afraid of the Angel of Death. Ho! Ho!... Once he was ill. I went to visit him. So I said to him: "Aharon? If there is in you, Heaven forbid, any defect, any opposition against Rabbainu — cast it away!" And his wife knew and heard — his wife said to him: "Do what Yisroel Ber says! And no longer be an opponent against Breslov!"

Mordichai Luria? He was the brother of Aharon Luria. And he came to visit his brother. He had another brother — another brother, Avraham Luria. He had a heart condition. I went to visit him and took with me three books. And I said to him: "If you engage with these three books — then the illness will go and you will live many years! Many years!" He said to me: "Good! Every day I will study in the three books. Good! Good!" And he lived and existed — alive and well, healthy. (What were the three books?) "Likutay Tefillos," "The Letters" (the Letters of Reb Noson?) The Letters — and one more book. I gave the three books then for him to engage with. So he would live long and be healthy! So he saw what these books are: "I will do as you told me — I will be very careful to study in the three books every day." He was a Slunim Chassid — his father was from Russia, he was a Chassid.

In any event — afterwards his brother Mordichai Luria came and saw three Breslov books in the cabinet. So he said: "What is this? He has become Breslov? I will show him! I will take the books!" He took them — and he [Avraham] passed away! He passed away. And his brother Mordichai Luria wept all his days over this: "What did I do?!" I had gone to him and wanted to do him a favor that he should live — he received the three books from me, and studied in these three books every day, and told me "I am studying in the three books, I study every day" — and he was becoming healthy! And suddenly his brother Mordichai Luria came and saw the three Breslov books. "What? He has become Breslov? I will show him — I will take the books!" He took the books and went with the three books — and Avraham passed away! One day — he did not have the books — he passed away.

I said to him: "What is this? Why did you do this?" He told me: "I did not do it — he [his brother Mordichai] took the books; I did not have the books." I am not exaggerating — as I tell it, so it was. I went to him with a good gift — that he should be healthy. And his brother came and saw the Breslov books I had given him — and said: "What? Is he crazy? He has become Breslov? I will show him!" He took the books and went — and he suffered a heart attack and died! He took all three books and went. I came, said to him: "Avraham? What is this with you?" Suddenly he became weak — completely weak. "He took them and went — I did not have the books." He was a great Torah scholar, he studied the books every day, and he became healthy — and there was joy in his house, he and his wife. His brother Mordichai came to visit him and saw three books in the cabinet. "Breslov? What is this? He has become Breslov? I will show him!" So he took the books and went — and he passed away! At home he suffered a heart attack and passed away. The whole family and all the great ones know of this — and he himself admits: "I killed him, I caused this, I took the books — because of this he died!"

And everyone knew that he had killed him — Mordichai Luria. "He killed me! He found the books, went and took them, and his brother Mordichai Luria came and saw on the table three books from the Breslov books. What? Mordichai knew that I [Yisroel Ber] was caring for him — so he said: 'What? He has become crazy? He studies Breslov books? I will show him!' So he took them and went — and he passed away." I said to Mordichai Luria: "Give me the books — I only gave them to your brother. Give me the books." He did not give me the books! He was afraid. This episode was already known throughout Tiberias — that he, his brother Mordichai Luria, killed Avraham Luria — he took the books from him. I said to him: "You cannot survive if you do not study Breslov books!" He said: "I will study — only let me live!"

Avraham Luria? His wife asked him: "Oy Avraham! Do what Yisroel Ber told you!" So he said to her: "I will study in these three books every day!" And he became healthy. Afterwards his brother Mordichai Luria came and saw three Breslov books in the cabinet. So he took them — and he [Avraham] passed away. He passed away. He was a great Torah scholar — he studied the books, studied in them every day, and became completely healthy. He [Mordichai] took them [the books] and he passed away that very day. (Which books were they?) "Alim LiTerufah" [Leaves for Healing — Reb Noson's letters], "Likutay Moharan," and "Likutay Halachos" — these are the three books I gave him. I gave them to him — and he studied in them every day! He was a great Torah scholar, and he found vitality every day in the Torah. He felt that this was bringing him healing — and so it was: he had healing, and he was healthy! And his brother Mordichai Luria saw that his brother had become Breslov — "He has become crazy — him, Breslov? He took them, all three books — and Avraham passed away that very day!" It was forbidden [as far as he was concerned] to study them — he [Avraham] passed away!

I walked there — in the wilderness there was a large pit, and there was a very large and thick snake. I said: "Perhaps this is a pity? No? Such a large snake?!" I went down into the pit — and there was a snake! There was a snake. Blessed be H"Y — I came out, I was saved! And... that is all. And I walked from there. And the snake... I do not know, but I think it was as thick as this... He passed away like the snake — the wife of Avraham Luria asked of him: "Oy Avraham! Do what Yisroel Ber told you!" So he said to her: "I will study in these three books every day!" And he became healthy. Afterwards his brother Mordichai Luria came and saw three Breslov books in the cabinet. So he took them — and he passed away!

Reb Moshe Klirs [was the rabbi of Tiberias]. He was famous throughout the entire world — he had a worldwide reputation, in Tiberias and in Jerusalem. And everyone esteemed him, and he had a reputation as a genius, wise, educated, discerning, and a Tzadik — a righteous man. He had every honorific title — that he is so great. And I knew of this. I was born in Tiberias and he was the rabbi in Tiberias. I heard of this and knew of this. And I became Breslov — drew close to Reb Yisroel — and then I had miracles. If Reb Moshe Klirs says not to be Breslov — then that would be it! I would have had to listen to him. And blessed be H"Y — I did not listen to him! Father says not to be Breslov: "What? Are you crazy? What is this? How? Such a thing?" And Reb Mottel was also great in Torah and was as famous as Rav Klirs. Rav Klirs was famous in Jerusalem — everyone esteemed him and stood before him like a king, yes.

This is something known — known and famous. And he persecuted me for being Breslov — and I was a warrior against Reb Moshe Klirs and against Reb Mottel of Slunim. Reb Mottel was also a great genius in Torah, but Reb Mottel's natural abilities were greater than those of Rav Klirs — because he [Rav Klirs] had to toil greatly until he reached his level. And Reb Mottel did not need to toil — he only needed to see something once, in the Talmud or the Midrash, and immediately acquired it forever! And Rav Klirs — his grasp was not as great as Reb Mottel's — and he knew this too. But he had a famous reputation in Jerusalem and throughout the world. And I stood against him and against everyone. I drew close to Reb Yisroel — and he persecuted me and spoke with me. This is such a wondrous thing! I was a poor child, and Reb Mottel was a great Torah scholar. But he also loved mitzvos like simple people — not like Rav Klirs, for whom mitzvos were a small thing; only genius, wisdom [mattered to him]. But Reb Mottel had both — he too loved a mitzvah.

If one speaks against the Tzadik — he pays! Oy! Terrible and awesome! He spoke — Reb Moshe Klirs — with a kind of haughtiness against Rabbainu and against Reb Noson. On that same day — it was a Thursday — and on that day they [his son's wedding party] arrived in Safed. And from all the villages, all the goyim came and were working. And he arrived on Thursday — and at the house, his son arrived. And he was married, and he was a strong, powerful man. And he got into a fight with the goyim — and the goyim were enraged, and they cut him to pieces — alive! And then screams were heard there. I know — from a great distance. And then I saw how H"Y is exacting when one speaks against the Tzadik! Because this is more than any other thing, more than all the Torah — he spoke lashon hara against Rabbainu and against Reb Noson, Rabbainu's disciple. Nu, nu — what happened to them! H"Y can pay well! He paid them. When they went to the funeral — pieces from the body were being carried — legs and arms and limbs, pieces and pieces. His son was married — and the goyim cut him to pieces!

And afterwards he [the son] could not be recognized — because many goyim had come — and they were forced to wait in order to be able to conduct the funeral. Nu, nu. And afterwards he [Reb Moshe Klirs] contracted diabetes and fell ill — and was in the hospital together with Reb Ayzik Klevsky in the hospital. Moshe Volech — he [Reb Ayzik Klevsky] was the genius of the generation, a genius of the entire world, he was a great genius — Reb Ayzik Klevsky. Reb Moshe Klirs... (One who disputes the Petek is as if he disputes Rabbainu?) This — I do not know. He walked with great haughtiness up to the sky, and he walked with the whole community, and he spoke lashon hara against Rabbainu and his disciple Reb Noson — also spoke lashon hara, and said his name thus and thus. Nu, nu — on that same day, Thursday, he went, traveled by taxi to Safed, at the time that all the goyim, all the Arabs, came to Safed. And not close to Safed — and he came, and he had his one battle; he was a warrior, yes. So they cut him to pieces! He came from Tiberias to Safed — he came at the time when all the Arabs came from all the villages and Jews came to block Safed. And he was a warrior and he fought with them, and they — there were many — cut him to pieces! His screams were heard all the way to Jerusalem....

[Reb Ayzik Klevsky lay in the same hospital next to Reb Moshe Klirs.] Reb Ayzik Klevsky said [in Yiddish]: "A novelty such as Reb Nachman has never been in the world!" He [Reb Moshe Klirs] said to him: "What are you talking about?" [Reb Ayzik Klevsky answered him:] "I know what I am talking about! I had great miracles — the bullets that they fired, bullets, the Arabs with weapons, yes, and it passed me here, like this — the bullet fell by the side of my head and I remained... nothing happened, nothing! I was very hidden. The goyim inflicted such harsh torments — they grabbed stones, they grabbed here with knives, and here all over the body — but the bullet entered here..." One [who was] very young — and he became more and more ill, until he died, until he passed away. Footnote from source: Reb Ayzik Klevsky understood that what had happened to him was because of his opposition to Rabbainu Reb Nachman. He cried out in the hospital and acknowledged the greatness of Rabbainu. By Divine Providence he was lying next to the bed of Reb Moshe Klirs. [All this we heard from Reb Yisroel.]

(Was it only he who disputed, or were there more people who disputed against Rabbainu?) There were two — Rav Klirs and another one, his disciple. (Rav Klirs and who else spoke?) One that I don't know. He came to his house, stood and gave a sermon — he spoke about Rabbainu and Reb Noson, about Reb Noson... There was a Jewish man there — not old, not young. I said to him: "In these generations it is impossible [to do without Rabbainu]... he is such a wonder! Without this, life is not life — nothing at all." What is this? I said this to him. The words of Likutay Tefillos — I gave him [the book] afterwards. He said to me: "You have revived my soul! He [Reb Noson] writes — I did not know that we have such a treasure — Likutay Tefillos!" He would come every night to the synagogue with Likutay Tefillos to pray, and would recite Likutay Tefillos — and he did not know what to do with me [out of gratitude]! I gave him such a gift — Likutay Tefillos. Now everyone — all of Tel Aviv — have died, passed away. I remained only alone. All the friends and all the company and everything — they are not, as if they never existed in the world. Only I remained alone — with "Likutay Tefillos"....

My father-in-law was — Reb Pinchas the Kohen, yes! Certainly! Yes! He wanted to hire two Arabs. And he [the plan was:] when Reb Yisroel Karduner would go to Meron, the Arabs would find him on the road — they would kill him — and no one would know of it. Yes. I am not saying this idly. Yes. And once — when Reb Yisroel entered someone's house, and he [the father-in-law] was there, and he was sitting on a heavy iron chair. And he was a powerful man. He rose from the chair — and when Reb Yisroel entered the house, he took the chair and wanted to bring the chair down on Reb Yisroel's head, yes! So there was a miracle — the host managed to grab the chair and did not let it hit his head. But he [the father-in-law] grabbed him by the beard [of Reb Yisroel] and would not let go of the beard — and he tore out half his beard! And there was very great anguish. And then he fell ill and was not feeling well — and that same week he passed away, leaving ten orphans....

(You told me once that you made a handshake-oath and he [the father-in-law] threw you from the window to the dogs?) Yes! He locked the house. Tonight — I will not go to Reb Yisroel. On Friday night? Nu — I have a handshake-oath with Reb Yisroel that every day and every night we must meet. And how will we meet? What will be? At midnight — he [the father-in-law] did not know. At midnight? He already thought that Reb Yisroel is sleeping and I should sleep. So he gave me the house key and let me go out. Yes. But he kept watch over me — and he immediately saw that I am escaping! So he understood that I am escaping to Reb Yisroel. He ran after me, chased after me. And I saw him — and I ran, ran, ran! I could not get out — so I jumped from the window! It was high, it was high, and there were dogs there. "No, no! I have a handshake-oath with Reb Yisroel!" And I jumped. H"Y saved me — I escaped! I had nothing wrong — I fell, I was saved — and I ran to Reb Yisroel!

There was in Tiberias one of the Karlin Chassidim. And when someone did good deeds, some good thing, charity, loving-kindness — then he is very esteemed in the city, and they give him the name of Tzadik. And everyone was mocking [Breslov] — but he was not mocking! He was a servant of H"Y and an upright man — he was not mocking. But nevertheless in his heart he had opposition to Breslov — because he cannot change the world. To change the world? Only the truth can — against the entire world!

He had a daughter! She did not ask her father, nor her husband — and she gave me every Friday, before the lighting of the candles, eighteen coins! This was a large coin. From this — Shabbos! The children lived and did not die! I am telling what was: the children were small — they took ill, went to the doctor once, twice — and died! He had a daughter. Her husband was a Torah scholar — a Yeshivah student. She did not ask her father nor her husband — and gave me every Friday before the lighting of the Shabbos candles eighteen coins! From that very day — the dying of the children stopped! Father and mother did not know of this. Only she made it a secret — gave me every Friday before the candle-lighting — I received eighteen coins. From that Shabbos — they stopped dying! The children lived!

He had beautiful children — very beautiful. He had a daughter — fifteen years old — and she survived, remained alive! She gave every Friday before the lighting of the candles — I received eighteen coins. From that Shabbos — the children no longer died! Her father thought he was esteemed before H"Y — he is the Yeshivah gabbai. But he did not give me bread — so the children died! His children died! Another child, another child! He had a daughter — she asked neither father, nor mother, nor any person. She sent me every Friday before the Shabbos candle-lighting eighteen coins! I had Sunday, and Monday to eat from it. From that Shabbos — the dying stopped! The children lived!

I knew nothing. I only knew that I receive eighteen coins — that is all! But this money? This charity? It protected the children from dying! I knew this — but everyone did not know of it. She did this in secret. She sent me eighteen coins every Friday before the Shabbos candle-lighting — and then the dying stopped! Only I knew, and the daughter of the gabbai — she knew that she sent me every Friday before the candle-lighting eighteen coins. And she saw that she gave eighteen coins — the children did not die and did not fall ill! But from the Shabbos that she began giving me eighteen coins every Friday — the children did not die! Stopped! I did not know all of this. She sent me eighteen coins — and I did not know! But afterwards — she saw that the children did not die! And I heard of this — that the children are very happy that they did not die! That they did not fall ill.

She gave me every Friday eighteen coins. This was a lot of money! Eighteen coins every Friday — and the children no longer died! Every Friday I was afraid: "Perhaps she will stop? Perhaps she will not give?" Did she make a contract? Every Friday? But she sent me — every Friday — eighteen coins! Every Friday I was afraid: "Perhaps she will stop?" She continued and gave me every Friday before the Shabbos candle-lighting eighteen coins. This was a great fortune! And she gave! Every Friday — eighteen coins! We kept the children alive! They loved me like their father. I received eighteen coins the first time. On the second Friday I also received eighteen coins. Every Friday — eighteen coins. And the children did not die! Azamer BiShvochin, Eshes Chayil — they were opponents! And she heard this melody. So she began giving me every week eighteen coins, every Friday before the Shabbos candle-lighting! I received eighteen coins. There were many children — and I had nothing for Shabbos, I had no money. No one gave me — and we suffered.

Her children began to die — so she gave me every Friday before the Shabbos candle-lighting eighteen coins, and the children stopped dying and they had no more illness. So eighteen coins was a great fortune! I thought: "Once she gave — that is it — so she will no longer give." She gave me every Friday eighteen coins — and all the children lived to this day! This was a secret — Father didn't know, her husband didn't know. What? Eighteen coins? Every Friday? Is that money? This is a great fortune! She merited [this]! It was a great secret — only I and she knew that I receive eighteen coins every Friday before the Shabbos candle-lighting. The illnesses stopped, the dying stopped. I had not considered such a thought — that she would give every Friday eighteen coins. This was a great fortune! But she continued and gave me — every Friday — and all the children are alive even today! She sent me every Friday before the candle-lighting — with her own children she sent me eighteen coins. It stopped — all the children did not fall ill and did not die! I am not telling an episode they told me — this is an episode that happened to me!

Master of the World! Oy! How much I loved Breslov — I gave over my life to travel from Tiberias to Jerusalem, at a time when I have no money, I have no bread for the children, I have no clothing for the children. I traveled to Jerusalem — they are all poor; our people were poor, yes. Nu — by poor people, can one eat? Can one receive money? Even not much — but they are poor. I suffered! When there is no money — there is no bread. I go to the store: he does not ask me if I am hungry or not — that is not his concern. "You want bread? Money!" I had no money. And also water — I had none. In Jerusalem there was a great scarcity of water. Today? There are springs and there is... everything. But then? There was one spring in all of Jerusalem. So there were two kinds of water — water for ritual washing and water for drinking. The synagogue? They do not provide drinking water, do not buy it. They buy cheaply water for washing. I had no water to drink — no bread and no water! When I traveled to Jerusalem, they looked at me as if I were crazy: "What? What are you doing? Where are you traveling? How are you traveling? To whom are you traveling? What will you do there? Will you have bread to eat?"

I did not look at this. I gave over my life — I need to hear from Reb Naftoli, from this one, from that one, from this one, from that one a saying, from this one a saying — to hear some word from Rabbainu. Every time there were other reasons and other miracles for the journey. What — that there is no money? How is it possible to travel to Jerusalem, to Haifa? One needs money to pay expenses — and for bread there was nothing! But before H"Y everything is inscribed; there is an accounting, yes! Everything is inscribed! H"Y sees my heart — He saw that I travel with self-sacrifice, to hear some word from Rabbainu. So for this Rabbainu writes to me "My dear student" — but I lived and suffered hunger — the shame of hunger! And also water I had none. Such a journey? This is unique in the world!

In Haifa there lived Reb Moshe Klein — he was close to Rabbainu and all of Haifa loved him. He walked alone throughout all of Haifa — he took all the hairs from the animals during the milking — he left no hairs there, [being careful] like everyone [who keeps the strictest standards]. He was unique in Haifa, yes. And also his milk? He was unique in Haifa — they felt the taste of the Garden of Eden in Moshe's milk! I came to Reb Moshe Klein, and his wife did not want guests. She said to him: "Guests? Take them to a hotel! I cannot — I have no strength and no... patience. I don't want guests!" So it was! He went with me to a hotel and gave me a bed, a room, and something to eat. Afterwards I went with him — he walked at midnight, after midnight, he walked to the village so that he could be present at the milking — so there should be no chalav akum [milk of a non-Jew, prohibited], non-Jewish milk, nu. He had a few canisters with milk. He took one and I took one. And we both walked with canisters — I with one canister and he with another — and we spoke of Rabbainu, from house to house, yes.

One sees that it is hard for a person to perform a mitzvah if he has not merited it, yes. If he had given me money — that I should have for bread, to send something home — he had the money! He gave me — his gift was the hotel, and food, and half a lira. That is what he gave me, yes. Half a lira. Nu — I saw a friend, Breslov Chassidim from Poland — Libermanch. The father of Libermanch, Reb Velvel Libermanch — he had a candle factory, and was wealthy, and had houses. And he averted his eyes from me, yes. He gave me a place to sleep, gave me food — but money he did not give! He was a miser with money. And I saw: whoever has not merited — he is not given the chance to perform the mitzvah of charity. If he had given me a few liras to bring home — that I should have bread to eat — what, what was I already looking for? What did I seek? Did I seek something superfluous? Bread for the children! Clothing for the children! Nu — if he had given me, he had the money — he would have gained [spiritually]. Yes. And he did not give. He gave me? His giving was ten coins. Yes — that is what he gave me. I did not reflect on this; I did not take offense... I had no grievance in my heart! Thus H"Y leads the world — whoever has not merited: is he given [the ability to give] money? "Do not give to Yisroel Ber — only ten coins!"

They had no dress — they had no shoes for their feet — I did not pay for them the money of education, of school — and they threw them out every month from the classroom, not to come until they bring money, yes. No bread, no shoes, no dress — and also they threw them from the classroom. Nu, nu — can one estimate this anguish? Such anguish?! And blessed be H"Y — I did not humble myself to the falsehood, yes. Blessed be H"Y — I was strong! I laughed at all of them. Who can estimate the pain? The anguish and the pain and the shame? Of one who has small children and they have no bread to eat? And no clothing? And no school? Nu, nu — who can estimate this anguish? Yes. So it was!

I did not reflect on this — about Libermanch, about Levi Yitzchak — why does he avert his eyes? He should have seen, should have made the effort to collect charity for me to give. They knew that I... that I have nothing — not even bread for the children. That I am alone in the world among everyone, without anything. Because they have not merited it, yes. And also I had to pass through such a path, to see what would become of me. Who can estimate? Now I am telling it and I am laughing and I am in joy — but then, who can estimate my heart? The anguish and the brokenness — the heartbreak that I had? I have small children: no school, no bread, no clothing, no shoes. Nu, nu — who can understand this? What anguish this is?! Yes. I was a strong warrior and I did not humble myself to the falsehood! Not at all. The children — until today they are ashamed. When they hear such a thing being told they are ashamed. And then? They were ashamed before each other: "What kind of father was there? What kind of father do we have? They have no bread to eat, and they have no dress, they have nothing..."

And so I would go to Sha'arei Chesed to speak of Rabbainu — with this one and that one, with this one... yes. And not... if I would say that I am suffering poverty: "Nu — in Jerusalem there are many poor people. What is the novelty? Are you the only one? So what?" Oy! Who? What? Who can tell it over? Who can estimate such things? I could have become crazy, or a thief, or such a thing... Can the mind estimate such a thing? A child has no clothing, no bread, no school! Oy — the Master of the World truly knows that we... that I — however much I tell you? Still not... still not! What there was — it still does not come even to some fraction of how it truly was. And they remember... and they remember this to this day.

Why are you not coming to me? Delights are being made [Above, from this...] He repairs, He renews — our holy Master! May there be all healings and salvations for every person! That one should speak before H"Y, before the Tzadik — he gives us rectifications for every matter, for all the days of our lives, for us and for our descendants and for every person... What I have to say? I cannot [describe it]... And also one must buy Likutay Tefillos, and also Likutay Halachos, Likutay Atzos, UMeshivas Nefesh, Hishtapchus HaNefesh — that Rabbainu revealed — they are rectifications and salvations for every person, however he is, whatever has passed over him... The rabbis? They are worth nothing! Nothing! The main thing is Rabbainu — he is the foundation of everything: of the Torah, of the prayer, of everything! Of all the rectifications! Ah! When I was young I spoke much of Rabbainu with the world — and blessed be H"Y there were many true baalei teshuvah! And even now I do everything possible — the main root and rectification of all Israel, of every single one. And he heals us and strengthens us and revives us — it is impossible to describe, impossible to estimate!

[In Yiddish, turning to a woman present:] "Where did you find me?*... You performed such mitzvos... Remember this... May you live to see much nachas from your children — yes, yes... Jewish nachas!" (Who is this?) From Bnei Brak! She is the woman — she did many charities for me without measure! She would come early in the morning and bring me food — and more and more and more — what she did! She searched greatly until she found me. She brought me food every day, on Shabbosim. (Good ones?) Yes! Blessed be H"Y — she has many grandchildren engaged in Torah study, yoa, yoa — going to Yeshivos, servants of H"Y. (This is by virtue of the charity she performed?) Ah? Nu — certainly, certainly — charity is something [of great consequence]! Footnote [source]: [The Saba's Yiddish translated:] "How did you find me?... You performed such mitzvos!... This is something to remember... May you live to see much nachas from your children — yes yes... Jewish nachas...."