Segment VIII — White Garments, Tzitzis, and Atonement

Source — Prayer on Rising in the Morning and Netilas Yadayim.

Master of the Universe, grant me merit for white garments, and especially in the Days of Awe that are coming upon us for good. May I merit to clothe my soul in clean and pure garments, and may I merit to do complete teshuvah in truth, especially in the holy days.

May I merit to launder and purify all the stains and soils with which I have soiled my soul through my many sins; and may I weep before You with all my heart, every day, in truth, until I launder the garments of my soul. May I merit to draw whiteness from the kedushah of Yom HaKippurim through my teshuvah in truth; and may it be fulfilled in us: “If your sins will be like crimson, they will become white like snow; if they will be red like scarlet, they will become like wool.”

Build for us our Beis HaMikdash, and restore the avodah to the inner sanctuary of Your house; and there we shall serve You with fear and with love. May we merit the kedushah of the crimson thread, which whitens all the sins of Your people, the House of Israel.

Master of the Universe, You know how the garments must be guarded so that the chitzonim will not take hold of them, for such is always their way: to take hold of the garments, because they are the lower and outer level of the kedushah. Therefore, in them all the blemishes of all the sins are recognized and inscribed, Heaven forbid.

And so also in reverse: all the mitzvos, too, are inscribed in the garments; from each mitzvah a chaluka deRabbanan is made, garments and coverings for the souls, so that nothing will take hold of them, Heaven forbid.

Therefore You had compassion upon us, and You commanded us through Moshe Your servant regarding the mitzvah of tzitzis; for through this we have a protection for the soul and for the garments of the soul, so that the chitzonim will not take hold of them. Therefore have mercy upon us, that we may merit to fulfill all the Torah and all the mitzvos, and may we merit to fulfill: “You shall see it and remember all the mitzvos of Hashem, and you shall do them.”

May we merit to purify our moach and to raise our moach in kedushah, until we merit to draw whiteness to all the three hundred and sixty-five gidin, until there is fulfilled in us what is written: “At every time, let your garments be white, and let oil not be lacking upon your head.”

And through our moach shining in kedushah, may we merit to draw the whiteness to the three hundred and sixty-five gidin that depend upon the heart. May we merit to receive the kedushah of the thirty-two threads of the holy tzitzis, for through them whiteness will be drawn to all the three hundred and sixty-five gidin that depend upon the heart.

May we merit to purify ourselves from the impurity of niddah that we cause, Heaven forbid, through our sins and transgressions, and especially through pegam habris, which is the generality of the gidin.

May we merit to build malchus d’kedushah, and to clarify chasadim and gevuroas through the mitzvah of tzitzis, until through this malchus d’kedushah will be built. Through the sweetening of the gevuroas, may they be transformed into good chasadim, and may daas d’kedushah be made from them.

May we merit to fulfill the mitzvah of tzitzis in completeness, to fulfill the mitzvah of techailes within tzitzis; for through the techailes of the tzitzis, a deciding balance and peace are made between chesed and din. Through this, the garments will be complete, beautiful, and white.

Help me that we may be guarded from the prohibition of shaatnez in completeness, even inadvertently, for now, in our exile, we cannot sweeten the gevuroas below. Therefore, it is forbidden for us to wear shaatnez, because through shaatnez, Heaven forbid, the gevuroas grow stronger.

And through our meriting to fulfill the mitzvah of tzitzis in completeness through the techailes, and through our meriting that the hillazon be revealed speedily in our days, through this we will have strength to transform all the gevuroas and dinim into great rachamim. May it be fulfilled in us: “I bore you on eagles’ wings and brought you to Me.”

Master of the Universe, help me to fulfill the mitzvah of tzitzis in kedushah, for it is the whole of the entire Torah and the general tikkun of all the three hundred and sixty-five gidin. May we merit that the tzitzis be in kedushah, with the five knots, the thirty-nine windings, and the thirteen chulyos, and that the length of the tzitzis be twelve thumb-breadths.

Through this, may our soul be included among the twelve tribes of Kah, until we merit the general tikkun in truth. Through the general tikkun, may we merit the repair of the garments; and through this may we merit always to speak holy words before You, words that are accepted, words of daas and understanding.

And through the wrapping of my soul in the tallis, may I merit to arouse the yud-gimel middos of rachamim, and to clothe the Shechinah in levushin d’nehirin, garments of light. May I merit to pour out my heart like water before You with my whole heart, and to fulfill: “A prayer of the poor man when he wraps himself, and before Hashem pours out his speech.”

And You: accept my words and save me with a complete salvation; hear my tefillah and accept all our words with mercy and favor. May there be fulfilled in us what is written: “For He has not despised and has not abhorred the affliction of the poor man; when he cried to Him, He heard.” Amen. Blessed is Hashem forever, amen and amen.

Source — Prayer on Rising in the Morning and Netilas Yadayim.

I shall come to Your house with burnt-offerings; I shall pay You my vows, which my lips uttered and my mouth spoke in my distress. And my soul is very constricted to me; it is very narrow and bitter for me, and I have no mouth to reply and no brow with which to raise my head, for I have fallen very greatly into very filthy and disgraceful places, and I have no helper or supporter to raise me and bring me out from there.

For I have become very distant from all matters of kedushah, and I have soiled my mind with evil and very disgraceful thoughts and musings, both by day and by night, when I lie down and when I rise. I confess and forsake: in all this I myself am the guilty one and the transgressor, for I drew upon myself the yetzer hara and these blemished thoughts with deliberate heedlessness, with rebellion and treachery, and I brazened my face against You many, many times beyond number.

And now what righteousness do I still have, to cry out further to the King? For I have fallen so greatly that I am, Heaven forbid, as one despaired of himself, and it appears to me that I no longer have hope, Heaven forbid. For all my days passed in evil deeds, and there is no ability in my hand to make any gratification before You, for I am distant from all matters of kedushah, and especially from the holy Torah, and especially from the true tzaddikim, whose holy will, I know, is to help me even now; but what can I do, since my mind has been stopped up by the filth of the evil thoughts and the evil deeds that I have done from my beginning until this day?

And now, my Father in Heaven, I have no remedy and no refuge except to cry out to You with a bitter voice from the depth of the heart: perhaps He will have pity, perhaps He will have mercy. Master of the Universe, make known to me how to cry to You in truth from the depth of the heart. Master of the Universe, help me so that I may merit to search, request, and seek You at every time, and to find the kedushah of Your Godliness at every time; and may I merit that Your glory be magnified specifically through me, through one distant from all holy things like me.

And all this may I merit through the kedushah of the mitzvah of tzitzis: may I merit every day to wrap myself in fit and beautiful tzitzis. Through the mitzvah of tzitzis, may I merit that the tzitzis guard me and rescue me from all the kelipos and the sitra achra, which conceal Your holy glory. May I merit to reveal Your glory from the holiness of the sealed maamar, from which the supernal glory is drawn, from the aspect of Beraishis, from the aspect of “Where is the sheep for the olah?”

And through the kedushah of tzitzis, may I merit to repair the musings of my heart, so that I will not muse, Heaven forbid, upon evil thoughts; rather, may my thought always be attached to Torah and tefillah and to longings of kedushah. May it be reckoned before You as though I had offered a burnt-offering, which atones for the musing of the heart.

And may I merit, through wrapping myself in tzitzis, to find You on every side to which I turn. May I always find Your Godliness and Your glory, which fills the whole world, and leis asar panui minakh klal, there is no place at all empty of You. May I merit to subdue and nullify all the kelipos and the sitra achra that are drawn from soiled places; and may I know that Your malchus rules over all. Through this itself, may all the kelipos that are attached to the sealed maamar be subdued, and may I be able to magnify Your glory through the aspect of Ayeh, and to receive from there, through the sealed maamar, kedushah and purity.

May I merit to ascend from the impurity of the disgraceful places into which I have fallen. Through the holy tzitzis, may I merit to ascend from there, and to purify and sanctify myself through the sealed maamar; and through this may I nullify the nourishment of the chitzonim, the external forces, who nourish from the concealment by which the sealed maamar is concealed. Through the kedushah of tzitzis, which are of wool, may I merit to reveal the holiness of the sealed maamar.

For it is above all the Ten Utterances, for all of them receive their kedushah from the holy sealed maamar. May the sitra achra have no dominion at all; rather, may I merit to launder and purify my soul from every soiling of the whole day, so that through this all my sins, and the sins of all Your people, the House of Israel, will be atoned.

And by virtue of this, may You too, blessed are You, wrap Yourself in a white tallis, which is a tallis of favor, and arouse the yud-gimel middos of rachamim through the tzitzis. Fill us with mercy and favor, selichah and kapparah, and atone for us for all our sins; for You are forgiving to Israel and pardoning to the tribes of Yeshurun in every generation, for we have no King Who pardons and forgives except You. Blessed is Hashem forever, amen and amen.

Translator’s Addition — Summary of Prayer J: The two units close the prayers with a request for repair of the garments and the soul. White garments are drawn from teshuvah, Yom HaKippurim, tzitzis, and techailes; the tallis becomes a vessel for arousing the yud-gimel middos of rachamim. The second unit brings the same repair into a place of distance and descent: even there, through tzitzis and the maamar sasum, it is revealed that no place is empty of His Godliness, and the heart asks to launder the soul and receive selichah and kapparah.

Translator’s Addition — Diagram for Prayer J. White garments of the soul → teshuvah and Yom HaKippurim → tzitzis / techailes / tallis → yud-gimel middos of rachamim → atonement for musings of the heart → Hashem’s glory revealed even in concealment