Chapter 100

After midday on Erev Tishah BeAv, the mind and heart were surely filled with sadness and anguish. This was especially so when the time arrived for the seudah hamafsekes, when one eats the meal upon the ground, dips the bread in ashes, and so forth, and does not eat two cooked dishes. The heart was bitter and filled with anguish—and with a feeling of unwellness. I went with the volume of Kinnos to our beis midrash. There they had fitted coverings over the windows so that lamps could be kindled despite the blackout. We prayed Maariv in a low voice, removed the paroches from the Aron Kodesh, and then began reciting the Kinnos. We sat upon the ground and recited Eichah. Rabbi Avraham, may his light shine, served as chazzan, and we lamented and wept until the conclusion of the Kinnos.

Afterward we went to the Western Wall. We arrived there while Rabbi Ben Tzion Yadler was delivering his discourse and expounding Midrash Eichah with wailing and weeping, and so forth. We laid ourselves upon the ground near the Western Wall with wailing and weeping, our mouths in the dust, and remained thus for several hours. In the meantime, the young people who customarily go to the Wall on the night of Tishah BeAv were making their way there. The crowding was literally greater than on the festival of Shavuos.

We wished to remain until midnight. The British policemen and officers, however, when they wished to return to their posts, expelled all the people as well. We wished to remain until midnight, as in every year, but they insisted and would not permit us. Several people resisted and refused to leave. They telephoned the Jewish police in the city, who came and, with kind and gentle words, prevailed upon the people to depart from the Wall.

We therefore left and returned to our beis midrash. There I lay down upon a bench to sleep for a short while, but my stomach pained me greatly. Thus I lay upon the bench with severe abdominal pain, in mourning, anguish, and silence, until midnight. We then arose to recite Tikkun Chatzos.

The others insisted upon going specifically to the Western Wall, in accordance with the custom of every year, for there they recite Tikkun Chatzos with measureless wailing and weeping, to the point of literally rending the heavens. They went in search of routes by which they might reach it. I, however, had no desire to do this, and remained with several other people in our beis midrash. From there we went to Batei Machseh. We began to proceed by way of the small gate, but they did not permit us to pass.

I therefore remained there in Batei Machseh and recited Tikkun Chatzos with weeping and wailing. The others likewise recited Tikkun Chatzos there upon the ground. Thus, with weeping, wailing, mourning, and sighing, we recited Tikkun Chatzos, Tikkun Shalosh Mishmaros, the prayer for Bein HaMetzarim, and the prayer for Tishah BeAv. Afterward they studied a little from Midrash Eichah. I lay myself upon the ground and remained silent, filled with anguish and mourning.

They continued seeking routes by which to reach the Western Wall. They went by way of the large gate, but were not permitted to pass there. The route from Jewish Street toward al-Batrak Street was likewise closed. They subsequently went by way of Chabad Street toward al-Batrak Street, and from al-Batrak they reached the Western Wall near the rise of dawn. They then remained there to pray Shacharis and recite Kinnos.

I remained lying in anguish and silence until dawn. We prayed Vasikin and I heard the Torah reading. Afterward I went with several other people to recite Kinnos at the Western Wall, walking barefoot all the way to the Wall. There I secured a place near the Wall and recited Kinnos with a minyan, amid weeping, wailing, and bitter lamentation. Many additional minyanim arrived and recited Kinnos near the Wall, until the entire roadway was filled with people.

After the recitation of the Kinnos had concluded, having continued for several hours, I recited Eichah with weeping, wailing, and anguish. Chazzan Feier likewise came at that time and chanted Eichah with melody and cantorial expression. This broke my heart so profoundly that my tears flowed like streams of water without interruption. The more I sought to relieve my anguish and quiet my weeping, the more intensely I was aroused to weep, until I literally no longer had strength to cry.

I was likewise aroused to weeping by other people who recited Eichah with melody. Afterward I walked barefoot to the Mount of Olives and presented my petitions there at the holy graves as well. From there I returned to the Western Wall. It was already midday, and we recited Tikkun Chatzos with weeping, wailing, and lamentation, as well as Tikkun Shalosh Mishmaros, the prayer for Bein HaMetzarim, and the prayer for Tishah BeAv. We spent a considerable time in lamentation and in pouring out the conversation of my heart.

In the meantime, some people departed while others arrived and began anew to recite Eichah, Kinnos, and so forth, thereby arousing further weeping. This continued for several hours. I went home to rest a little and lay down for several hours while looking into Yosippon and a Midrash dealing with the destruction, and so forth. Afterward I arose, took my tallis and tefillin, and went to the Western Wall. There I recited Tehillim, Tikkun Haklali, prayers, hisbodedus, and the outpouring of my conversation. Several minyanim were already praying Minchah. Surely, when reciting Nachem in the blessing of Bonai Yerushalayim, one is aroused intensely to weeping and petition before Hashem, may He be blessed.

We therefore donned tallis and tefillin and completed those portions of the prayer that we had omitted in the morning. We prayed Minchah and recited Nachem in Bonai Yerushalayim with great arousal. We remained there until near evening. We then went to Batei Machseh to read Vayechal from a Torah scroll, since they did not permit a Torah scroll to be brought to the Wall. We read it there and likewise recited the haftarah.

Afterward we returned to the Western Wall and remained there until nightfall. We prayed Maariv as well with arousal and with expectation toward Hashem, may He be blessed, that He console us from our sorrow. We then recited Kiddush Levanah with arousal and performed a great dance. We presented our petitions and went home. I ate something, afterward went to the mikvah, and then we ate the evening meal.