Chapter 113

Thank God, we traversed the road to Haifa in peace, joy, and song, filled with yearning for the holy tomb of the divine Tanna Rashbi—may his merit protect us—and so forth. Immediately upon arriving in Haifa, we asked at the Egged station when the bus to Meron would depart. They told us that we would have to wait another three hours. We at once went in search of a Jewish taxi, but could not find one at an affordable rate, since the drivers demanded a great deal of money. We therefore went to an Arab garage, hired a taxi for a fair price, and traveled in it to Meron. Throughout the journey we sang and danced, traversing the road joyfully until we reached Meron. The taxi brought us as far as the courtyard and then continued to Tzefas. Carrying our belongings, we entered the courtyard of the divine Tanna Rashbi—may his merit protect us—and went to the mikveh there.

We then entered the awesome beis midrash and set down our belongings. I immediately secured a place for myself near the holy tomb, may his merit protect us. We found other members of our fellowship already there, including R. Avraham, may his light shine, and so forth; R. Avraham Baruch of Tiberias, who had promised to provide sufficient food for Rosh Hashanah, and so forth; R. Asher Zelig of Jerusalem; several people who were not members of our fellowship; and the Sephardic man Aharon, who lived there permanently. At any rate, we already numbered more than a minyan. Additional members of our fellowship arrived on the eve of Rosh Hashanah, so that altogether we ultimately numbered more than a minyan and a half.

I immediately applied myself to my service. I prostrated myself at the holy tomb and recited the Tikkun HaKlali with weeping, verbal confession, hisbodedus, and the customary pouring out of my conversation. I recited prayers for the pidyon, the prayer concerning Rashbi, and the Rosh Hashanah prayers from Likutay Tefillos. I remained for several hours in prayer and hisbodedus beside the holy tomb.

I afterward went outside, spoke with members of our fellowship and the other visitors, exchanged greetings with them, and conversed with them. I rested briefly and ate a piece of bread, and so forth, for I had eaten almost nothing throughout the day. I then recited Tehillim and my other fixed prayers and studies in the service of Hashem. Later we ate the evening meal, likewise consisting of the bread and other things I had brought with me. I recited Kreyas Shima before retiring with spiritual awakening, then lay down in my place to sleep near the holy tomb.

Everyone went to sleep in his place, since we had to rise at midnight and also had to recite the “Zechor Bris” Selichos early. I lay in my place as stated above, my eyes fixed upon the holy tomb with longing and yearning. In my heart and thoughts, and also with my lips in a whisper, I spoke to the tzadik, the divine Tanna, asking that he have pity and mercy upon one as brokenhearted as I, and that he serve as a favorable advocate for us on the great Day of Judgment that lay before us. We had no one upon whose merit to rely other than his and that of the other great tzadikim, whose great merit could stand on our behalf.

I also sought to awaken the ancient love: that he remember how I had drawn near to Rabbainu in this place, and how I had then felt great spiritual vitality and an immense drawing near. From that time until the present, what had befallen me had befallen me; yet the love remained embedded in my heart, and with all my strength I longed that our days be renewed as of old.

In sum, I lay there in this manner for nearly the entire period until midnight: engaged in hisbodedus in thought and speech, gazing with my eyes, and crying out from my heart to Hashem, as it were, and to the tzadik, that they have pity and mercy upon us. In several respects it was then easy for me to settle my mind thoroughly and pour out in thought and heart my conversation, my longing, yearning, and good desires before the true tzadik, and so forth. Everyone was asleep, there was repose, and I suffered no confusion from the cries of others.

Midnight arrived, and people began to awaken, for an alarm clock had been set. The members of our fellowship immediately arose and washed their hands. A vessel was brought to each person so that he could wash without walking four cubits before netilas yadayim. Everyone was also roused amid noise and awakening. I too arose, washed my hands, and went with them to the exceedingly cold mikveh in the courtyard.

From there we returned to the beis midrash. I recited the Morning Blessings, after which we performed Tikkun Chatzos with spiritual awakening and weeping. Each person served Hashem as he desired: some performed Tikkun Chatzos beside the tomb of R. Elazar in the large chamber; others did so beside the holy tomb of Rashbi—may his merit protect us—on the opposite side of the large chamber, near the eternal lamp; and the majority were in the small chamber beside the holy tomb of Rashbi, may his merit protect us. I, too, performed Tikkun Chatzos in the small chamber beside Rashbi’s holy tomb.

In sum, all of us performed Tikkun Chatzos with abundant weeping and great spiritual awakening, until our voices could be heard from afar. I likewise did what was mine to do: I recited Tikkun Chatzos amid profuse weeping and fully poured out my conversation, with tears streaming and with teshuvah.

We spent several hours in this manner, amid weeping, awakening, petition, and prayer. I in particular concentrated deeply in my thoughts and petitions: on Rosh Hashanah the entire world passes before Hashem like sheep, while Hashem surveys the whole world and beholds everyone in a single glance. He would therefore certainly behold me as well. I asked that He behold me for good, so that I might reach my true and eternal purpose and merit that which one must attain in this transitory world, and so forth.