Chapter 117

When we completed the silent Shemoneh Esrei, the other men began arriving to pray. R. Avraham Baruch had already been present early in the morning, but he had not prayed with us; he had occupied himself with preparations and afterward recited Tehillim beside the holy tomb, and so forth. When we wished to begin the repetition of the Shemoneh Esrei with the liturgical poems, he would not permit us. He began quarreling with R. Avraham because we had hurried to pray so very early on Rosh Hashanah, leaving them behind without having prayed, and more generally because of our rite and order of prayer, and so forth.

He wished to lead the prayers, as was his custom every year, but R. Avraham would not permit him. First, we constituted virtually the entire congregation, whereas they numbered only two or three; the members of our fellowship numbered more than a minyan, and it was fitting that members of our fellowship lead the prayers and sound the shofar, as in Uman at Rabbainu’s Rosh Hashanah. Second, R. Avraham Baruch was in mourning for his father—may the Merciful One spare us—and when another person was available it was not fitting for a mourner to lead the Rosh Hashanah prayers.

In sum, he stirred up a quarrel against us because we had prayed early, and so forth. We had completed Shacharis through the silent Shemoneh Esrei and wished to begin the repetition—that is, the prayer of the emissary of the congregation together with the liturgical poems customarily recited on Rosh Hashanah. At that point the quarrel flared into a flame. The younger members of our fellowship insisted that we specifically continue praying and not wait for the few men who had not prayed with us, as stated above.

I, however, exerted myself with all my strength to preserve peace. I insisted that we wait for them until they had prayed Shacharis through the silent Shemoneh Esrei, after which all of us would pray the leader’s repetition of Shacharis, hear the shofar blasts, and pray Mussaf together. “In a multitude of people is the King’s glory”; great is peace, and strife is hateful—especially on such a fearful and awesome day, when “the angels hasten,” and so forth.

The young men, however, in whom youthfulness still predominated, were also angry because R. Avraham and the members of our fellowship had been humiliated. They therefore wished specifically to separate and pray by themselves, leaving the others to conduct their own service from beginning to end. Yet the other group consisted of only a few men and would have had to recruit people from among us to form a minyan. Who among us would wish to abandon the prayer, shofar blasts, and Mussaf of our fellowship, wait several hours for them, and afterward pray the entire service with them as described above? Their only alternative was to pray individually and rapidly during the time that our prayer leader would recite the repetition of the Shemoneh Esrei and the liturgical poems of Shacharis. They did not wish to pray individually on Rosh Hashanah, and so forth; consequently, the dispute continued to intensify.

I threw myself into the effort to extinguish the fire of the dispute. R. Tzvi Aryeh, one of the members of our fellowship, was likewise angry with the young men who were inflaming it. Together the two of us overcame their resistance. We prevailed upon all the members of our fellowship who had already prayed Shacharis, as stated above, to go out to the large chamber containing the tombs of R. Elazar and Rashbi. There they recited the Tikkun HaKlali together, after which R. Avraham studied with them a passage from Likutay Moharan concerning Rosh Hashanah.

Five men had not yet prayed. R. Tzvi Aryeh, mentioned above, joined them, for he was still in the midst of his own prayers: he had begun later than we did and was praying at length, and at that moment was still in Pesukay DeZimrah. He waited for them, so that they now had six men who were actually praying.

They still required four additional men to join them for a minyan so that they could recite Barchu, Kaddish, and so forth. I remained with them and found three more members of our fellowship to do likewise. We stayed with them in the small chamber beside the tomb of Rashbi—may his merit protect us—to complete their minyan. They began at the very beginning of the service, reciting the Morning Blessings before the amud, followed by “Vayehi Achar,” the offerings, and “Eizehu Mekoman,” all aloud before the amud and at considerable length. They recited Kaddish and began “Hodu,” “For the conductor,” and the additional psalms known as the Shabbos blessings, and so forth.

They prayed with intent and deliberation, so that the service continued for several hours. During this time I prostrated myself at the tomb of Rashbi—may his merit protect us—and recited the Tikkun HaKlali with intent and in a whisper, so as not to disturb their prayers. I afterward recited Rosh Hashanah prayers from Likutay Tefillos, the prayer concerning Rashbi—may his merit protect us—the general pidyon, and so forth.

My hisbodedus and pouring out of conversation were conducted almost entirely within my heart. The shofar had not yet been sounded and we were still in the state of sleep and dormita, as explained in the writings of the Arizal; moreover, Sichos HaRan states that it is fitting to minimize speech on Rosh Hashanah and that Rabbainu, of blessed memory, did not even recite the liturgical poems except those of HaKallir. I entertained thoughts of teshuvah in my heart and inwardly petitioned the tzadikim to draw me near to Hashem and secure for us a favorable inscription. Their power is exceedingly great; they know our essential nature, all the incarnations through which we have passed, and our required rectifications, and so forth. All our strength and hope rest solely upon them, as King David, peace be upon him, said: “My welfare is not incumbent upon You; as for the holy ones who are in the earth, and the mighty ones—in them is all my desire.”

Thus, throughout the entire period during which they prayed, I remained beside the tomb of Rashbi—may his merit protect us—occupied with inward supplications and petitions, thoughts of teshuvah, and sparks of spiritual awakening within my heart. They prayed deliberately and with intent. R. Avraham Baruch, mentioned above, led them in the Rosh Hashanah melody and rite, with awakening. They recited the Shabbos blessings, followed by Baruch SheAmar, Pesukay DeZimrah, the Song at the Sea, and Nishmas. They recited Kaddish and Barchu, to which we responded with intent; then the blessings of Kreyas Shima, Kreyas Shima itself, and Emes VeYatziv; and finally they stood for the silent Shemoneh Esrei and continued until they completed it.

In sum, their service lasted several hours. The members of our fellowship, who numbered nearly two minyanim, were compelled to wait against their preference, all for the sake of peace. Although they did not stand idle during this time, no one wishes to halt in the middle of a prayer service and wait so long, for the spiritual awakening of the prayer passes away—especially on so holy a day. Moreover, some were weak and unable to fast for so many hours, yet did not wish to taste any food before the sounding of the shofar, and so forth. Nevertheless, thank God, we prevailed upon everyone to wait for the sake of peace.

Because of my own weakness and illness, I would have preferred not to stop and wait in the middle of the service, but to continue praying without interruption until its conclusion. At the conclusion I rejoice that I have merited to complete the prayer. In view of my profound weakness, illness, and sufferings, who knows whether I shall succeed in praying with intent the whole of the long service recited on these Days of Awe? When the prayers proceed continuously, without interruption or delay, I exert all my strength to continue with intent. When one halts in the middle for so lengthy an interval, however, I experience anguish and suffering: who knows whether I shall afterward be able to exert myself in prayer with the same intent as before? In truth, one must begin anew and labor to restore the former state of prayer. Nevertheless, I was pleased that, thank God, I had merited to spend several hours beside the holy tomb with thoughts of teshuvah, petitions, and the pouring out of my conversation, as described above.