Chapter 13

We arrived safely in Meron, opened the courtyard gate, and entered. We saw the devastation wrought by the savages: they had broken everything, and not a single window or door remained, etc. In the old-age home in particular there was utter devastation and destruction; even the stones had been taken. No one who has not seen it with his own eyes can conceive it. We likewise saw the magnitude of the danger involved in remaining there, for even the iron bars in the windows were broken, making it possible to enter through them. Our fear of lodging there at night certainly intensified; nevertheless, we paid no heed to it.

I immediately entered the holy tziyun and recited the Tikkun Haklali and its prayer with weeping and spiritual arousal, together with hisbodedus and other petitions. I remained there for several hours, until near evening, and afterward recited some Psalms, etc. They too entered, recited Psalms, and remained there for a long time. I took no pleasure in it, however, because the third man was given to melancholy and brokenheartedness, and I could not bear so much melancholy and brokenheartedness (for there I always experience vitality in the service of Hashem). I saw that, because of this, it was exceedingly difficult for me to possess my accustomed vitality in the service of Hashem, for the third man embittered my heart.

In sum, I already wished to flee from there, for I could not bear it. There was no counsel except to wait until the taxi driver came on the following day. I thought to myself, 'Everything the Merciful One does is for the good.' Their insistence upon traveling back immediately the following morning had seemed to me like an evil; in truth, however, it was good for me. I could not bear the melancholy and brokenheartedness even for a short time. How much more would I have been unable to bear it had they agreed to remain there a long time; what would I have done?! Even now, every moment seemed like a day to me.

I already wished to be rid of this situation, for I saw that he had confused me, confused me so greatly that on this occasion I could scarcely attain even a little - even a very little - of what I attained each time. How much I suffered from this! I spoke with the second man and said: People say that Breslover Chassidim are melancholy and brokenhearted, yet the melancholy and brokenheartedness of this man are far, far greater. The second man also spoke to him and reproved him concerning it, but it did not help.

I did not wish to say anything to him, for by nature I am unable to tell another person what view to adopt in the service of Hashem, even when I see that his is not the proper path; perhaps Hashem derives pleasure from it. I seek only counsel for myself, so that it should not harm me: I will perform my service as I understand it, and he will perform his. As the Simpleton said, 'This is my affair, and that is his affair' (dos iz yenems maaseh un dos iz mayn maaseh - 'That is the other's affair, and this is my affair'); see the tale of The Sophisticate and the Simpleton.

Although I am accustomed not to interfere with another person's divine service, whatever its nature, even when it harms me - I merely yield to the demands of the hour until I can serve in the manner I know, etc. - here I suffered from it so greatly that I could no longer restrain myself, and I spoke to him. I resolved that under no circumstances would I ever again travel together with this man, for to me this was literally a deadly poison. I was already counting the moments until we could leave that place.

We remained in this manner until the time of Minchah and prayed Minchah and Maariv there. The shamash went to the Arab village and lodged there, while we remained at the holy tziyun. Non-Jews entered the courtyard, causing us suffering and fear because they knew that we were lodging there alone. Afterward I ate an evening meal consisting of a piece of bread and cheese. I then lay down to sleep beside the holy tziyun. I spread one of my garments beneath me and covered myself with another garment, and the cold was severe.

In the middle of the night we heard a sound like a cannon blast and were greatly afraid. In the end, however, we saw that it was a mighty peal of thunder (the sound of thunder there is stronger, because the place lies amid mountains, hills, and forests, etc.). Powerful thunder and rain continued throughout the night.

Although my divine service had already been confused, as stated above, and I already wished to leave, I felt great anguish: I had confronted hindrances upon hindrances because of money, and had waited so long before I merited coming; now I was so confused that I wished to flee and escape from there, and had not yet attained even a hair's breadth of what I attained on every visit. I therefore strengthened myself, at any rate, to seize whatever I could in the service of Hashem, at any rate. In particular, while the others slept I had respite, for then this man neither mourned nor fell into melancholy. I then performed my divine service upon my sleeping place while gazing at the holy tziyun, with yearning and longing and whispered words of hisbodedus. This continued until Chatzos.

At Chatzos I arose and recited Tikkun Chatzos with spiritual arousal and weeping. They too then arose, recited Tikkun Chatzos, and studied several teachings of Rabbi Shimon bar Yochai, may his merit protect us, amen. Afterward the third man resumed his service, as stated above, and confused me greatly. I longed for the moment when we would leave and I would be rid of him. I comforted myself only with the resolve to exert every effort to return there soon, remain for at least a week, and perform my divine service in the manner I loved.

Nevertheless, I continued with the service of Hashem. I began reciting the entire Book of Psalms and prayers, and continued until the night had passed. Early in the morning I donned my tallis and tefillin and prayed. They occupied themselves with preparations - drinking coffee and going to the privy - and meanwhile I had respite, enabling me to pray joyfully in the manner I loved.

Afterward I donned the tefillin of Rabbainu Tam and recited the Tikkun Haklali, the pidyon prayer, the prayer of Rabbi Shimon bar Yochai, may his merit protect us, amen, and the other prayers that I customarily recite each day, together with additional prayers and, in particular, the prayers for Chanukah. Meanwhile they began to pray and afterward to recite Psalms. Although I still experienced disturbances from them, I at least had the comfort that we would soon travel. By then I was praying to Hashem that the driver should come quickly and not delay until evening, as I had requested earlier.

They then completed their prayers and sat down to eat. I did not eat, but continued my divine service at the holy tziyun until the taxi driver arrived. We traveled with him back to Safed and then hired that same taxi to take us also to Tiberias. While in Safed we also arranged our onward journey to Haifa, purchasing tickets from the Safed company, for it was then competing with the Egged company in Tiberias and had reduced its fare somewhat. We traveled to Tiberias and thought to visit the holy sites, but there was no time, for soon the bus would depart. My money had run out, and I was compelled to borrow from the second man enough money to complete the journey. We then traveled safely to Jerusalem, the Holy City, may it be built and established.