Chapter 131

I derived such immense satisfaction from Rosh Hashanah in Meron that I literally revived myself. In many respects the service of Hashem was far easier for me there than in Jerusalem. First, during these several sacred days of the year—the conclusion of the year, meaning the eve of Rosh Hashanah, and the beginning of the new year—one is immersed in body and soul solely in a holy place, in the place that is the Holy of Holies: the tomb of Rashbi, may his merit protect us. One sees no women or vanities of this world, and serves Hashem day and night. In such a holy place, together with other members of our fellowship who serve Hashem, one is aroused to the service of Hashem without interruption.

Second, the Days of Awe are exceedingly fearful and terrifying because of the severity of judgment and justice. Beside the tzadik, however, they are exultation and joy, for the tzadik sweetens the judgments and causes kindness to prevail. One perceives this palpably: there it is all exultation and joy, pleasantness, delight, and sweetness, because the tzadik is “the Shabbos of all the days,” and Shabbos is entirely joy, exultation, and gladness.

This is the reason for Rabbainu’s warning concerning travel to tzadikim for Rosh Hashanah. The Day of Judgment is fearful, and only the tzadikim can sweeten it. When one comes to the place of the tzadik, he is judged favorably, and so forth, as explained in the lesson “Sound the Shofar—Sovereignty,” Likutay Moharan II, Lesson 1, in many other lessons, and especially in the passages of Likutay Halachos by Moharnat, of blessed memory.

The service of Hashem is likewise easier there because one is devoted to it with heart and soul and does not interrupt one’s desire and yearning. One eats and sleeps there, and everything is conducted in holiness and purity; there is no need to interrupt in the middle. Before the shofar blasts, the mikveh is in the courtyard and the holy tomb is immediately at hand. In Jerusalem, by contrast, if one wishes to go to the mikveh before the blasts—and especially to the Western Wall to plead for mercy and settle oneself briefly in teshuvah—one is compelled to pass through the marketplace.

Above all, during that Rosh Hashanah I was greatly revived by the immense love that prevailed among us Breslover chasidim there. Although we suffered from the opposition of others, as described above, among ourselves there were love and unity. I was revived by the joy that existed among us; by the spiritual vitality derived from studying and discussing Rabbainu’s teachings and from the dancing and congregational responses; and, beyond all this, by the heartfelt awakening to teshuvah, prayer, and the service of Hashem, and by the way I poured out my conversation and the depths of my heart before Hashem, and so forth.

It is therefore impossible to explain or estimate how intensely my heart longed for that place. I literally regretted having returned before Yom Kippur and asked why I had not remained until after Yom Kippur. When I recalled the service of Hashem there and how, in so many respects, Yom Kippur would be easier, sweeter, and better for me there, I yearned for it exceedingly and desired intensely to travel there for Yom Kippur. I spoke with several members of our fellowship in the hope that one might travel with me, for the strain of the journey was very difficult for me alone. I also possessed no money for the expenses, yet I longed intensely to travel there once more for Yom Kippur.

I was embarrassed: I had only just returned, and would I immediately go back? Yet the longing and yearning for the spiritual vitality in the service of Hashem there, and for the relative ease with which the Days of Awe could be spent pleasantly and well, overcame the embarrassment. Still, I lacked money for the expenses; it was difficult for me personally to wander upon the roads and stand in line to board the buses; and when one traveled with a companion, sat beside him, and conversed together in the service of Hashem, it was much easier to escape the suffering and confusion associated with improper sights.

I found no member of our fellowship who would travel with me. I spoke with R. Tzvi Aryeh, who told me that he too longed intensely to travel to Meron for Yom Kippur and greatly yearned for the spiritual vitality in the service of Hashem that was found there. I spoke with him and increased his longing and yearning, and so forth. In sum, we agreed to travel together. Throughout that week we prayed in the Shaarei Shamayim Yeshivah. Every day I spoke with him about setting out, for my longing for the holy tomb burned intensely within my heart, and each day he promised that we would travel on the morrow.

So it was on Tuesday and Wednesday: each time he said that we would travel the following day, Thursday. Thursday was already the day of the Thirteen Attributes. Together we recited the Selichos of the Thirteen Attributes in the Shaarei Shamayim Yeshivah with weeping and great awakening. My heart burned within me to travel to the holy tomb that very day. He promised that he would prepare himself and borrow money for the journey. The day nevertheless passed, and we did not travel.

I remained for Yom Kippur, my heart embittered within me because I had not fulfilled my yearning. Yet what had passed had passed: most of Thursday was already gone, and the following day was both the eve of the holy Shabbos and the eve of Yom Kippur. How could one travel upon the road on such a day? I therefore remained in Jerusalem for Yom Kippur and was compelled to prepare my mind for the holy and awesome Yom Kippur.

I went outside the city to the tomb of the tzadik, the divine Tanna Shimon HaTzadik—may his merit protect us. I remained there for some time and poured out my conversation and my heart. I recited the Tikkun HaKlali together with Yom Kippur prayers from Likutay Tefillos and the prayer for the pidyon, and so forth. A minyan was present, and I prayed Minchah with intent and awakening. I poured out my heart and conversation before Hashem, petitioned for myself and my household, aroused myself to teshuvah, and prayed that on the holy and awesome day I merit to accomplish that which a Jew must accomplish. I then returned to the city. I also visited the Western Wall, in accordance with my regular custom of going there every day, especially during such holy and awesome days as the Ten Days of Teshuvah.

The writings of the Arizal state that when one performs teshuvah properly during the Ten Days of Teshuvah and spends those days in holiness and the service of Hashem, one can rectify on each day everything he sinned on the corresponding weekday throughout all the years. On Sunday he rectifies what he sinned on Sundays; on Monday, what he sinned on Mondays; and so forth; and on the holy Shabbos, what he sinned on Shabbos throughout the years. In sum, these days are exceptionally conducive to the service of Hashem and teshuvah. This is the season designated for those who return, and it is a time of favor for the individual as well as for the multitude. Concerning these days it is said: “Seek Hashem while He may be found; call upon Him while He is near,” and so forth.