Chapter 132

I prayed Maariv, and the kapparos were prepared for us. We arose at midnight and performed Tikkun Chatzos—Tikkun Leah alone, since the eve of Yom Kippur already possesses the status of Yom Tov. Moreover, the kabbalists who were disciples of the Rashash, of blessed memory, do not recite Tikkun Rachel throughout the Ten Days of Teshuvah, throughout the days of the Omer, or during an entire Sabbatical year in the Land of Israel. Afterward all the members of the household awakened from their sleep.

I went to the mikveh and returned. The members of the household dressed, washed their hands, and recited the Morning Blessings and the blessings over Torah study. I took my rooster and recited the Yehi Ratzon printed in the siddur of R. Yaakov Emden that is said beforehand. I then recited “Children of man,” and so forth, and “This is my exchange,” circling the rooster over my head in accordance with custom. My wife then performed the rite; I circled the chickens for the small children; my eldest son, may his light shine, did so himself, as did the second son. We afterward sent the chickens to the shochet to be slaughtered.

We went to the synagogue in Batei Machseh to recite the Selichos of the eve of Yom Kippur. Dawn then broke and we prayed the Shacharis service of the eve of Yom Kippur. I spoke with the gabbai of our beis midrash, telling him that I wished to purchase the privilege of removing the first Torah scroll for Kol Nidrei. The Arizal states that it is a great rectification to purchase the first scroll of Kol Nidrei at any price in the world, and the writings of his disciples state that it is equivalent to 233 fasts, and so forth. I offered to give him two shillings for it.

He refused, saying that he would auction it publicly and the privilege would belong to the highest bidder. I asked him to conduct the auction then, during Shacharis on the eve of Yom Kippur. Why leave it until evening, when there would not even be time for buying, selling, or discussion? I could not prevail upon him. He said that he would speak with R. Naftali Kohen to determine whether the latter possessed an established right to open the Ark and take the first Torah scroll, and so forth, and would also consult R. Avraham, may his light shine. At any rate, I would not know until evening whether the privilege would be mine. I longed intensely for this mitzvah, but what could I do? The matter did not depend upon me, and we would see what became of it. I could only yearn and long for it and petition Hashem, and so forth.

In the writings of the Arizal I had seen the greatness of purchasing the Kol Nidrei Torah scroll carried before the prayer leader. On the eve of Yom Kippur, at the time of Kol Nidrei, the Ark is opened, several Torah scrolls are removed, and their bearers stand before the prayer leader during the recitation of Kol Nidrei. The opening of the Ark, removal of the first Torah scroll, and holding it in one’s arms are collectively called “the Kol Nidrei scroll.” This is a great rectification for damage to the Covenant, is accounted as 233 fasts, and constitutes a complete rectification for one who has transgressed through vows and oaths. The Arizal instructed several of his disciples to purchase the Kol Nidrei scroll for any sum in the world. I therefore possessed a powerful desire to acquire this privilege.

Immediately after Rosh Hashanah I had begun speaking with the gabbai, telling him that I wished to merit this privilege, and had promised to pay two shillings. Although no one customarily purchased it and it was not ordinarily auctioned, he nevertheless refused to promise it to me. Perhaps R. Shlomo Wexler and R. Naftali Kohen possessed an established right to it, and he wished to ask them. If they said that they had no such right, he would auction the privilege publicly. The same remained true that morning on the eve of Yom Kippur, as described above.

When we completed the service, I returned home and we immediately ate pastries together with several other delicacies. On that day the principal rectification is accomplished through eating, for eating is a great mitzvah from the Torah. The sacred works state that one should eat the equivalent of two days, and that the eating is accounted like a fast. Even one who would ordinarily fast because of a dream—even on Shabbos—does not fast on this day. All the strength for the fast and teshuvah of Yom Kippur is drawn from the eating of the eve of Yom Kippur, as explained in Likutay Halachos.

I went to R. Avraham, may his light shine, for the custom is to visit distinguished men, eat a piece of honey cake and drink a little spirits, and bless one another with a favorable sealing and a good, sweet year. When I arrived, R. Tzvi Aryeh, may his light shine, and several other members of our fellowship were already seated there. R. Avraham spoke about Rabbainu’s eve of Yom Kippur and also about the final eve of Yom Kippur of Moharnat, of blessed memory, when he sat at a meal together with members of our fellowship. The Baal Shem Tov, of blessed memory, likewise sat at a meal with his disciples on the eve of Yom Kippur, as related in the stories.

Moharnat spoke then about the Yom Kippur of the Kohen Gadol and his service: he entered the place he entered and stood in the place where he stood. He explained that there is always a higher degree above a higher degree. For example, the speaking being—the human—is lower in monetary rank than the animal: how much is a slave worth? It is uncommon for a slave to be worth several hundred, whereas among animals there are those worth several hundred; a horse may be worth such a sum, and so forth. Vegetation may be higher still, for some plants are exceedingly valuable, and there are medicinal herbs sold for far more money than animals. The mineral realm can be more precious yet, for stones and pearls are sold for many thousands. It follows that the mineral is the most valuable of all, because it contains many sparks of holiness.

We find a similar pattern with the Kohen Gadol. He did not enter the Temple to perform his service unless he was clothed in garments containing precious stones, such as the breastplate and ephod; these are called the golden garments. Yet there is so exalted a place—the Holy of Holies, the place of the Foundation Stone—that when entering it he had specifically to remove all these garments, as it is written: “He shall wear a holy linen tunic.” This alludes to the burial shrouds worn after one’s passing, when even all these sanctities are set aside and one strips away entirely the appearance of this world, and so forth. Moharnat chanted this verse in the melody of the Yom Kippur Torah reading and said that a Torah scholar is more precious even than the Kohen Gadol who enters the innermost sanctum, and so forth.

In sum, Moharnat, of blessed memory, experienced exceedingly great spiritual awakening at that time. Those present understood that during that year he was preparing himself to depart from the world, in keeping with the allusions they had already discerned in his earlier words, and so forth.

R. Avraham, may his light shine, related additional teachings and accounts concerning Rabbainu and the members of our fellowship and aroused us. We ate a little pastry and drank spirits, blessed one another with a favorable sealing and a good year, and so forth. He blessed R. Tzvi Aryeh and me that we should merit to arrange matches for our sons during that year. The members of our fellowship, including R. Tzvi Aryeh, then departed, leaving R. Avraham and me alone.

He spoke with me concerning the proposed match. R. Tzvi Aryeh had asked him to speak to me about becoming related through marriage, for he had a daughter and would provide a dowry and board at his own table. I did not wish to consent, because my eyes were directed toward a granddaughter of Rabbainu, of blessed memory. R. Avraham told me that R. Noson was misleading me and would not make a match with me, because he was not seeking a Torah scholar as a son-in-law, and so forth. I answered that I was not prepared to accept the other proposal and would consider the matter. I asked R. Avraham to speak once again with R. Noson concerning his daughter, and so forth, and he promised to do so.

I also spoke with R. Avraham about removing the first Torah scroll. I wished to pay ten grush for the privilege, but the gabbai would not agree and kept putting me off with empty evasions. R. Avraham replied that the gabbai had discussed the matter with him. First he wished to ask R. Naftali and R. Shlomo whether they possessed an established right to it. If they did, he would not take it from them for all the wealth in the world without their consent. If they did not, he would auction it publicly and the highest bidder would receive it. I answered that in my opinion no established right existed; moreover, how could he conduct an auction immediately before Kol Nidrei, when the time was wholly unsuitable?

R. Avraham answered that I should remain prepared. Immediately before Kol Nidrei—provided that R. Naftali and R. Shlomo did not assert an established right—since he himself was the prayer leader and it was his role to order the Ark opened, he would instruct me to do so and I would merit the privilege. When I heard this, I longed and yearned for it throughout the day and petitioned Hashem to grant it to me.

I left R. Avraham and returned home. For the time being we ate a meal of bread and fish, so that we would not remain fasting until the chickens were cooked. One of the kapparah chickens was given to a poor member of our fellowship, in fulfillment of my wife’s vow to give one kapparah to the poor. Since eating was especially a great mitzvah on that day, as stated above, we ate, recited Birkas HaMazon, and I lay down to rest briefly.

My wife, may she live, went outside the city to visit her father—my father-in-law—and receive his blessings for a good year. She took several of the children so that he could bless them as well. I told her that, while she was there, she should also visit the nearby tomb of Shimon HaTzadik and petition on our behalf for a good year and a favorable sealing. Meanwhile I recited Tehillim and prayers and prepared myself by studying in the sacred works the matters of Yom Kippur and the awakening to teshuvah, and so forth, until she returned approximately two hours later.