Chapter 133

That day, the eve of Yom Kippur, my neighbor erected his sukkah beside his home. Although this made passage difficult for another neighbor, the man building the sukkah wished to do the work on the eve of Yom Kippur because he had time then. We too had considered erecting our sukkah immediately beside our home. Because of the blackout regulations, we could not place it as in previous years in the broad courtyard near the stairway, for how would we obtain light there? If it stood beside our home, however, we could leave the doorway open: the lamp would remain inside the house and illuminate the sukkah without its light escaping upward.

In retrospect, it would be a great convenience to erect the sukkah specifically beside my doorway. It was burdensome to carry everything from a distance. Moreover, near the former site there was a cross, which had always caused me anguish, whereas beside my home I would have complete repose. Ordinarily I could not even raise the possibility of erecting a sukkah in so confined a space, where a narrow passage would have to be left for the neighbors and they would be compelled to squeeze through. Under the present circumstances, however, they could neither prevent nor protest, for how could I sit throughout Sukkos and Shabbos in darkness?

When my wife, may she live, returned, we sat down to the principal meal: challos with fish, as well as some of the chicken and tzimmes. We recited Birkas HaMazon and prepared ourselves for the sanctity of Yom Kippur. We arranged the lamps for both Shabbos and Yom Kippur—olive-oil lamps and the kerosene lamp—as on every Shabbos. We also filled a vessel with olive oil to burn in the house throughout the entire day and night of Yom Kippur. This is called the “lamp of life,” as stated in the Shulchan Aruch—“may there be health in the home.” We likewise prepared an olive-oil lamp to burn in the synagogue throughout the entire day and night, as prescribed in the Shulchan Aruch.

My wife went to the Western Wall to plead for mercy on our behalf, that we receive a favorable sealing and a good year, and prayed Minchah there. Meanwhile I remained home with the children and prepared everything required in honor of the holy day. I too went to the mikveh, apart from my customary morning immersion, and changed into all my other clothing in honor of the holy day, including the white outer garments customarily worn, as stated in the Shulchan Aruch.

I then went to pray Minchah at the Western Wall. It was filled—ben porat Yosef—with people petitioning and reciting Tehillim, and with many minyanim praying Minchah. Throughout the eve of Yom Kippur there was great crowding at the Western Wall because of the multitude who came there to plead for mercy and pray. I joined one minyan for the Minchah of the eve of Yom Kippur. We recited the Ketores with intent, preceded by “Give thanks to Hashem, for He is good,” which is said on every eve of the holy Shabbos. We then recited Ashrei with intent and awakening, followed by the silent Shemoneh Esrei with great intent, heartfelt awakening, and hot tears, especially during “Remember us” and “Who is like You,” and so forth. At the conclusion of the Shemoneh Esrei I recited the entire Yom Kippur confession—Ashamnu, Al Chet, “for the sins,” and so forth—all with heartfelt, profuse weeping.

I genuinely contemplated teshuvah and made verbal confession with my lips. Likutay Moharan, Lesson 4, and other lessons explain that a person must repeatedly confess aloud what he has damaged. In this way he elevates the holy sovereignty—the Shechinah—and expels the evil combinations formed within a person’s bones through his sins, and so forth.

I also recited the lengthy confession printed in Avodas HaKodesh by R. Azulai, of blessed memory, which enumerates every kind of sin and iniquity alphabetically. Even if one has not committed those particular sins, it is beneficial to confess them, for perhaps he committed them in previous incarnations. Furthermore, if another Jew has committed those iniquities, every individual is compelled to confess them, because all Israel is responsible for one another; they constitute a single body, and every limb feels the body’s illness. The writings of the Arizal explain that he would confess all sins even when he had not committed them, because of the mutual responsibility of all Israel and because every Jew is a limb of the one body, and so forth.

The emissary of the congregation repeated aloud the ordinary weekday Shemoneh Esrei with the additions of the Ten Days of Teshuvah, but did not recite the confession. We said “By David: Hashem is my light” with intent, followed by Aleinu and Adon Olam. I then recited the Tikkun HaKlali with intent and tears, the prayers for the pidyon, the Yom Kippur prayers, and so forth, all with weeping, intent, and an awakening to teshuvah. This continued for several hours, after which I returned home.

I entered the synagogue in Batei Machseh, where the shamash was administering the customary lashes to the men, as prescribed in the Shulchan Aruch, and I too received them. From there I went to the mikveh in Batei Machseh, fulfilling the practice of the Arizal, who first had himself lashed and then went to the mikveh in fulfillment of the verse, “We entered fire and water,” and so forth. I returned home, occupied myself in the service of Hashem, and prepared for the holy day.

We ate the concluding meal, consisting of bread, fish, and chicken. We had also reserved food for R. David, who had said that he would join us for the concluding meal. He came, ate with us, and led the invitation to Birkas HaMazon over a cup of wine. I blessed the children, in accordance with the ruling cited in the Chayay Adam.