Chapter 19

When midnight arrived, everyone awoke from sleep and we recited Tikkun Chatzos with concentration. Afterward we recited all of Psalms communally, with the shamash leading at the amud. Between each of the five books we recited the Yehi Ratzon. When we reached the Thirteen Attributes in the Yehi Ratzon, the shamash sounded the shofar - tekiah, shevarim, and teruah - with an exceedingly powerful and forceful sound. Together we recited the prayer “Acheinu, the entire House of Israel,” and pleaded fervently for Klal Yisrael, who were in such danger (for this was in the midst of the Second World War). We danced around the holy tziyun (having previously kindled olive-oil lamps), and did so between each of the books of Psalms.

After we completed the recitation of all of Psalms with great concentration, each person performed his own service. I recited prayers; principally, however, the entire night consisted of hisbodedus and longing, and of giving them verbal expression, as explained in Likutay Moharan, lesson 31. This continued until the entire night had passed. At the first light of morning we immediately donned tallis and tefillin and prayed the vasikin service with concentration and spiritual arousal. We recited Tachanun. When reciting the Thirteen Attributes, the shofar was sounded as above. We recited Avinu Malkeinu and greatly increased our prayer, supplication, and petition on behalf of Klal Yisrael from the depths of the heart.

Afterward we recited the Tikkun Haklali, prayers concerning the decrees, prayers over a pidyon [redemption], and further hisbodedus and petitions from the heart, each according to what he felt within his heart. Each of us was then treated to cakes and a cup of coffee. We danced a great dance and left the holy tziyun in dancing and celebration, after which the door was closed.

We boarded an Arab automobile that was traveling to Bethlehem, intending to wait there for an automobile going to Jerusalem. A few of our party remained outside Rachel’s Tomb and in the meantime recited prayers. I, however, was afraid and frightened to remain outside for any length of time in the early morning until the automobile should arrive from Bethlehem, and so I traveled to Bethlehem as well. Although this too frightened me, I was still more afraid to stand outside. Afterward, however, I regretted it, because standing near the holy tziyun and occupying oneself with the service of Hashem is better than standing for a long time in an automobile among uncircumcised men and women.

We traveled in the automobile to Bethlehem, where it remained standing in the gentile street and everyone gazed at us in astonishment. We waited there a long time, nearly an hour, until the automobile filled with uncircumcised men and women. We reserved places for our companions who were standing outside Rachel’s Tomb, as stated above. We traveled as far as Rachel’s Tomb, they all boarded, and we continued to Jerusalem. We were joyful, and we sang and danced in the automobile.

In truth, I was so joyful at having merited this service that an added awe rested upon my countenance, and I felt great benefit in the service of Hashem. I almost resolved to do this every Thursday night - to remain awake there throughout the night. Even today, in truth, I still rejoice over having merited seizing so long a night of hisbodedus, longing, repentance, and verbal confession, without ceasing for a single moment; I do not merit this every day, particularly in so holy and awesome a place. For the holy Zohar describes the great good accomplished by the holy Patriarchs at their burial place in the Cave of Machpelah: through their merit the entire world endures; were it not for the merit of these dwellers in the dust, the world would not endure for a single moment. Furthermore, if, Heaven forbid, trouble exists in the world and people go to the graves of tzaddikim, the souls of the tzaddikim fly to the Cave of Machpelah, arouse the holy Patriarchs, petition Hashem in prayer, and annul the decree.

The Kinos likewise relate that Hashem commanded Jeremiah the prophet to go to the Cave of Machpelah, inform the holy Patriarchs of the destruction, and bid them arise and pray. Yet Rachel our Mother accomplishes still more good through her burial in the middle of the road: the Jewish people will come to pray at her grave, and in her merit they will be redeemed.

This accords with Rashi on Parashas Vayechi, on the verse, “As for me, Rachel died upon me, etc.” It is likewise related in the Midrash and Kinos that, after all the tzaddikim, the Patriarchs, and Moshe Rabbainu, peace be upon him, had wept over the destruction and cried out, Hashem declared that in the merit of Rachel - who wept and cried out and refused to be consoled until Hashem swore to her - He would bring Israel forth from exile. Amen; so may it be His will.

We then returned to the city and entered our bais midrash. Afterward I returned home, but I had no peace, because my wife, may she live, had learned of what had happened and was angry with me over this journey - particularly because I had lied to her and told her that I was going to remain outside the city, and had not told her the truth. In particular, we were suffering severely from hunger, because the cost of living had risen still further. Even the small sources of income that we had occasionally possessed had ceased entirely. The sole remaining thing was a certain benefactor who would give us something from time to time, and this constituted all our sustenance; but this too was now lacking. My wife therefore became agitated and wept repeatedly throughout that period, out of compassion for the children, lest they become weak, Heaven forbid (as indeed the youngest child later became weak, as will be related below).

She would always say that this benefactor possessed an incomparable merit - the merit of reviving us literally from death to life. She envied him for meriting such a privilege, and wondered why it should be withdrawn at such a time.

At any rate, I now saw that I no longer had the strength to maintain this practice of traveling every Thursday night and remaining awake there throughout the night, although I had already prepared myself in my mind to do so, as stated above. I was also exceedingly weary from the service of the entire night, my eyes were heavy with sleep, and I lay down to sleep a little. In one way or another, the day passed over me in suffering.

Moreover, as a result of the loss and reduction of the pound, I developed an exceedingly severe and powerful toothache. I lay down in bed - this was Friday afternoon - and remained there for a full twenty-four hours without a moment’s relief from the intense pain, experiencing sufferings as harsh as death. I lacked the strength to move a limb and could not collect my thoughts about anything. I held brandy in my mouth, but it did not help. Amid these sufferings I was nevertheless compelled to welcome Shabbos, recite Kiddush, and eat at least a kezayis of the Shabbos meal while still in bed.

Baruch Hashem, I passed through that pain and those sufferings alive; I did not believe I would emerge from that pain. At that time I also suffered severe pain in my foot. Something had lodged in the heel, and after several days a wound began to form there. I did not wish to tell her, but afterward she saw for herself how I was suffering with my foot and asked me to place it in hot water. I did so several times. I then took a needle and inserted it repeatedly until I cleaned from the wound the filth that had entered it. For several days I experienced pain and suffering and was unable to walk, until Hashem had mercy upon me and I was healed of this as well.