Chapter 42

Thus, blessed be Hashem, Pesach passed in peace and joy. On Tuesday, which was Isru Chag, we likewise ate a meal in honor of Isru Chag. On that day my friend Yaakov Zev asked that people pray for his wife, so that she might give birth easily, for she was experiencing difficulty in childbirth. On Wednesday, the twenty-third of Nisan, a son was born to him, mazal tov, in his home in our neighborhood. At that time a son was also born in the neighborhood of our bais midrash to one of the members of our fellowship who lived in Tel Aviv and had sent his wife to give birth in Jerusalem; she gave birth in the home of his friend, one of the members of our fellowship, in the neighborhood of our bais midrash.

In those days as well—at the beginning of summer—I performed my service in the service of Hashem, in hitbodedus [secluded personal prayer], and in preparation for Shavuos, particularly with regard to Sefirah [the Counting of the Omer], for the days of Sefirah are days of repentance. We prayed Minchah and Maariv at the Western Wall and counted the Omer there with awakening and intention, and so forth. We also had to prepare for Lag BaOmer. Blessed be Hashem that we have merited to reach this point.

I performed my service as on every Friday, including going to [the gravesite of] Shimon HaTzadik, and so forth. We prayed Kabbalas Shabbos at the Western Wall, counted the Omer, and so forth, and danced a little at the Western Wall. Yaakov Zev asked us to come to the meal on Friday night known as a “Ben Zachar”; here it is called a “Shalom Zachar.” It is a seudas mitzvah [a meal associated with a mitzvah], as brought in the Shulchan Aruch.

After the Friday-night meal in my home, I went down to his home for the Shalom Zachar. In the meantime, members of our fellowship came, sat there, and spent several hours. We ate some sweets, drank wine, and also ate seeds, as is customary. Together they sang the Friday-night zemiros and also danced and sang melodies, and so forth. Afterward they recited Birkas HaMazon. They then went to the second Shalom Zachar, near our bais midrash, as stated above, and spent some time there as well.

In the morning they were called to the Torah as prescribed and were blessed with “Mazal tov,” and so forth. As we left Shacharis, Yaakov Zev called us into his home, and we made Kiddush, and so forth. We then went to the Western Wall to pray Musaf, as on every Shabbos.

After I had eaten the holy Shabbos meal, the entire group from Shaarei Chessed and my friends among the members of our fellowship—with whom we had studied the books of Rabbainu, of blessed memory, near Machaneh Yehudah, as stated above—came to my home. I honored them by inviting them to sit, and for several hours we studied the books of Rabbainu, of blessed memory, together in depth, with an awakening toward deed and actual practice. We spoke at length about Rabbainu, of blessed memory—words of awakening and encouragement—and they derived great benefit from it.

They said that they would come every Shabbos, and also several times during the week, to study in my home. This was very convenient for me, because I would not have to go outside the city each time to study there, as I had before Pesach, which was a heavy burden for me. For lack of any alternative, since I did not wish to turn away communal Torah study and perhaps the young people would draw near to the service of Hashem, blessed be He, I did this contrary to my own will. Yet when Hashem, blessed be He, helped so that they came to my home, it was very good for me, for I could serve Hashem, blessed be He, in tranquility.

This did not last long, however. They came several more times and then stopped, because it was difficult for everyone to come. They did not relent from their insistence that I come to them, and they further requested that I come several times to the bais midrash of the chasidim in the Shaarei Chessed neighborhood to study with them, and so forth. I could not refuse them and was compelled to take this burden upon myself in even greater measure than before.

I would come to them, and we studied together in the bais midrash of the chasidim. Many times other people joined our study. After a long time, however, denunciations and disputes also arose, and opponents appeared, and so forth. I could not tolerate it and ceased going there, except to the Mishkenos neighborhood, to the bais midrash of Rabbi Aryeh, at midday, when they left the Etz Chaim Yeshivah, so that the bachurim and young married men could come to study, as we had practiced before Pesach.

My son also came, together with several of his friends, as did another bachur from the Kiryat Shmuel neighborhood who was of my own flesh and among my relatives. He was a precious soul. Some time earlier I had been at their home at the time of his bar mitzvah, and I had then given him Sefer HaMidos and another book as a gift. My intention was to fulfill the verse brought in Koheles, “Cast your bread upon the waters, for after many days you shall find it”—that is, I greatly desired that such a precious soul draw near to Rabbainu, of blessed memory, and merit the service of Hashem.

I was prevented from speaking with him about this, for I did not see him. Moreover, his father was our devoted friend and wrote letters for Kollel Chabad, and I feared that they might prevent me from doing so. I therefore said to myself: let this book of Rabbainu remain with him; perhaps it will benefit him. (It was always my practice, when sending portions or giving a gift, to give one of the books of Rabbainu, of blessed memory, in fulfillment of “Let your wellsprings spread outward.” Even if it did not benefit the man himself, it might benefit his offspring or others, and so forth.)

At the bar mitzvah meal, this bachur suffered discouragement, because the children were angry with him and his friends from the cheder did not come to hear his derashah and play music for him, as is customary for every bar mitzvah boy, and so forth. He became so discouraged that tears flowed from his eyes. I spoke to his heart, telling him not to pay attention to this, and that Hashem, blessed be He, would help him so that they would be ashamed before him, for “God seeks the pursued,” and so forth; and that Hashem, blessed be He, would grant him understanding to serve Him, and so forth. It had not entered my mind, however, that he would soon draw near to us and come study with us. Yet I yearned and longed for this intensely, and Hashem, blessed be He, helped.

I was astonished that he too came, but my son brought him each time. He listened very attentively to each and every word, while I spoke many fervent words and greatly kindled his heart. (He told my son that he derived great vitality from the book among Rabbainu’s books that I had given him as a gift, as stated above, but that he was distressed as to why I had not also given him Likutay Moharan and the other books of Rabbainu, of blessed memory.) In sum, he came continually, and his heart burned for the service of Hashem and for the matter of Rabbainu, of blessed memory.

Other bachurim and young men, newly drawn near, also came. I spoke to each one words that settled upon the heart. According to what each one told me about the obstacles and confusions that passed over him, and about his circumstances in the service of Hashem, so I spoke to him words of encouragement and awakening in terms of deed and actual practice.