Chapter 70

Thus the aforementioned Wednesday of Parashas Bamidbar passed over us. I did what lay within my power through prayer, and toward evening I aroused our fellow Breslover Chassidim to plead for mercy on the child’s behalf. The entire city was truly in commotion: very many people, in addition to all our fellow Breslover Chassidim, pleaded for mercy on the child’s behalf. Many people leveled accusations against us and angered my wife, taunting her with words because she had taken the child to Meron, had brought him to such a condition, and had killed him with her own hands. She answered them all that she looked toward Hashem, may He be blessed, so that she should not regret it, God forbid, and that Hashem, may He be blessed, would help her for the sake of the tzaddik Rabbi Shimon bar Yochai, may his merit protect us, amen.

The righteous Mrs. Gittel, may she live, went every day—twice each day in particular—to the Western Wall to plead on behalf of the child. She had been in Meron when the calamity occurred and the child became ill, and her compassion had been deeply aroused, and so forth. Rabbi Yonatan Binyamin Horowitz continually asked me after the child, for the matter had touched his soul as well.

That night, too, passed over us in anguish and suffering. At midnight we performed our devotions, recited prayers and Shir HaShirim, and so forth, as stated above, as well as prayers and pidyonos, as stated above. Nevertheless, we did not go to inquire by telephone after the child, for our hearts trembled at the possibility of hearing bad news, God forbid; may the Merciful One save us. We sustained ourselves solely with the fact that no one had come from the hospital to inform us of anything bad, God forbid. We did not wish to telephone because we were exceedingly afraid; moreover, that day was Thursday, a visiting day on which they allowed people to enter to see the patients. With the help of Hashem we would go and see the child. Why should we grieve our hearts beforehand? Until one receives the information, one’s soul can depart from anxiety.

We continued our devotions until nearly midday, with prayer, supplication, and petition. We ate a small morning meal, and my wife and I set out together for the hospital. We lacked the means to travel, for the fare required approximately one shilling each day. We therefore resolved to go together on foot. Although the long walk there and back was exceedingly difficult for us—particularly at midday in such heat—love nevertheless overturns the ordinary order, and on that Thursday we walked there for our first visit.

We walked together without speaking, for our hearts beat violently within us: who knew whether he was alive, and so forth. We traveled this road from the Old City to the new Hadassah Hospital on Mount Scopus, with the sweat of our brows and great toil, until we reached it. We were then compelled to wait further, since the fixed hour at which visitors were permitted to enter had not yet arrived. We stood amid the great multitude of men and women waiting to enter to see their relatives. We, too, stood and waited, our hearts filled with fear and trembling. I sustained myself, however, with the fact that we had seen the attendant and he had not handed us a note, God forbid, and so forth.

We entered and ascended to the third floor, where the children’s ward was situated. We entered the room in which he lay and saw the child lying upon a bed, but without any response or movement. We were certainly exceedingly crushed and pained. Nevertheless, we sustained ourselves with the fact that he lay upon a bed and had not been placed in the mortuary; thus he was still alive, and there was still hope. In particular, from the Tuesday on which we had placed him in the hospital, we had neither expected nor believed that we would merit seeing him still alive on that Thursday, the visiting day, and that we would merit coming to visit him.

Nevertheless, we sat beside his bed with grief of heart and soul and poured out our conversation before Hashem, may He be blessed, that He spare us and have mercy upon us. We also made vows: when Hashem, may He be blessed, would help us and I would see his condition improve, I would travel once more to Meron to complete what I had failed to do when I fled on Lag BaOmer, as stated above. We sat there throughout the allotted hour until the bell rang for us to leave. We asked the nurses what they said regarding the child. They replied that his condition remained the same as it had initially been; nevertheless, since he was alive, there was reason to hope.

We therefore walked back on foot. I strengthened my wife, saying that since we had merited visiting him after we had not expected to do so, we must strengthen ourselves that Hashem, may He be blessed, would continue to help, and so forth. We walked until we came near the tomb of Shimon HaTzaddik. My wife and I entered there and poured out our hearts and our conversation before Hashem, may He be blessed, with weeping.

From there we walked slowly until we reached the home of my father-in-law, of blessed memory. He asked us after the child, and we told him the truth so that he, too, would increase his prayer. My wife went to Meah Shearim to purchase meat and fish for the holy Shabbos, while I waited for her in my father-in-law’s home. The two of us then walked by way of Damascus Gate and reached our home. It was already time for Minchah. I went to the Western Wall, where I aroused mercy in prayer with a minyan of our fellow Breslover Chassidim, as stated above, and prayed Minchah and Maariv there.

That night I followed my usual practice at midnight with prayer and petition, and so forth. I prolonged my prayer that night, also because it was Thursday night, the eve of Friday, while my wife prepared for Shabbos, and so forth. In the morning I went to the mikvah and prayed. After prayer I followed my custom with prayer, the aforementioned lot, pidyonos, and so forth.

Afterward we wished to learn by telephone how the child was. I prevailed upon my wife to enter and inquire, for it is difficult for me to speak by telephone. She entered and emerged in anguish and suffering because they had not answered her. I went in with her once more, and she asked in my presence, “How is the child, Naftali Horowitz?” Suddenly I heard her recite the blessing “Blessed is the True Judge,” with Hashem’s Name and Kingship. I nearly fell to the ground from anguish to the point of the soul’s expiration, for they had answered her that he was not there.

Our condition may readily be understood. We thought that we would have to go and occupy ourselves with his burial, God forbid. I told her to speak once more. She did so, pleading that they have compassion upon her and tell her the truth concerning his condition. They replied, “The same condition as before.” We returned to our senses, but we were exceedingly shaken and agitated. My wife said that she would no longer go to speak by telephone, lest she become terrified and her heart depart, God forbid, before they finally answered truthfully. We prepared for the holy Shabbos, but we were not settled in mind so long as we had not seen the child with our own eyes.

After midday I went to the Western Wall, for that is a favorable time when, as people say, the Patriarchs come to receive Shabbos. My wife, may she live, likewise accepted upon herself to go every day to the Western Wall to plead for mercy. We also pledged that immediately when he would leave the hospital alive and well, our first visit with him would be to the Western Wall to offer praise and thanksgiving to Hashem, may He be blessed. We would also distribute charity to all the poor men and women who sat in the alleys near the Western Wall, and we would make a meal on the day of the passing of the holy Ohr HaChaim for all the poor people of the Old City.

She indeed went every day to the Western Wall to plead for mercy—she in the morning and I in the evening. On Friday it was difficult for her to go in the morning, so she went there to receive Shabbos and prayed there. On the holy Shabbos of Parashas Bamidbar, when the new month of Sivan was blessed, we certainly increased prayer and petition. I also prayed at length at the Western Wall. Nevertheless, I strengthened myself to receive the holy Shabbos with joy and to distance sorrow from my heart.

I certainly arranged for a Mi Shebeirach at the Torah, and likewise at the Western Wall each time. My wife went to Minchah at the Western Wall. Thus Shabbos passed over us with great toil and exertion not to draw grief and sighing upon ourselves, God forbid; nevertheless, I surely increased prayer, supplication, and petition. Even during the meals I pleaded with my mouth and heart before Hashem, may He be blessed, that He spare us for the sake of the holiness of this sacred day—a day of joy and gladness in all the worlds, and so forth. Particularly during the third meal I engaged in hisbodedus, secluded personal prayer, and petition before Hashem, may He be blessed, since that is a favorable time and a time for the sweetening of all judgments, as is brought in the holy Zohar in the Idra. I continued pleading until they prayed Maariv at the conclusion of Shabbos, after which I returned home to recite Havdalah.

A young man, the grandson of the neighbor whose telephone we used, was already standing at our home, urging us to go and speak by telephone to inquire after the child. My wife, may she live, answered that she had already been sated with anguish and suffering from this on Friday, as stated above, and did not wish to grieve her soul further through it. We would therefore hope in Hashem, may He be blessed, and wait until the following day, Sunday, which was a visiting day, and then go to visit him.

He replied that he himself would speak by telephone, for his soul longed to know at last how the child was. We told him that, on the contrary, if he wished to speak, he should do so and bring us good news. He went and spoke by telephone himself. He returned to us and reported that he had spoken by telephone and they had told him that “the condition was the same.” For us this was great news, for, blessed be Hashem, the child was still alive and there remained reason to hope. This greatly revived us.