Chapter 74

We prayed the Vasikin service in our beis midrash with concentration, vitality, and great arousal, including the piyyut of the sacred festival of Shavuos. I experienced divine illumination from the vitality of the sacred appointed time and Yom Tov and from receiving the holy Torah, and so forth. Afterward they read from the Torah. There was also illumination and arousal from the recitation of the sacred poem Akdamus, which all Israel customarily recites verse by verse together with the shaliach tzibbur.

The illumination and arousal cannot be measured. The poem depicts the great sanctity of Israel at its root and the greatness of Israel’s service and prayer, from which a crown is made for the Holy One, blessed be He, and so forth. It describes how the angels have permission to praise Hashem, may He be blessed, only at very distant intervals, and so forth, and how many of them sing praise only once in their entire existence, whereas Israel praises and sanctifies His blessed Name three times each day, and so forth. It describes how the nations afflict Israel because Israel is set apart for His blessed Name and does not intermingle with them; how Israel endures anguish and suffering for the sanctification of His blessed Name, with self-sacrifice and the shedding of blood for His blessed honor; and how, on the contrary, this itself constitutes Israel’s greatness and glory. It also describes how all the nations will recognize that Israel’s present lowliness is for Israel’s ultimate good, for then all will behold the greatness of Israel when our righteous Mashiach comes, speedily in our days, amen.

There is also the line, “Lefum avadata avdin matlalta,” whose meaning is: “In accordance with each person’s service of Hashem, may He be blessed, they will make a sukkah for him.” At that time it will not be alike for everyone; rather, each person’s sukkah will accord with what he has earned for himself through his service, exertion, and toil for the sake of Hashem, may He be blessed, and so forth. Our fellow Breslover Chassidim interpret the line in this manner: “Lefum—according to each person’s service with his peh, his mouth,” namely, hisbodedus and verbal prayer with arousal, and so forth—which is higher than everything and constitutes the essential means of drawing close to Hashem, may He be blessed. In accordance with this will be his sukkah and his portion in the World to Come.

In sum, this sacred poem is exceedingly awesome, and through it one senses an illumination of the sanctity of Israel, and so forth. As Rabbainu, of blessed memory, said: “What Jews can accomplish through Akdamus with this melody!” The melody itself possesses great power to awaken a person. The holy Jewish people are so deeply immersed in goodness that they do not perceive it; see Sichos HaRan. This is especially so among our fellow Breslover Chassidim, who recite this poem with great arousal.

Afterward they read from the Torah concerning the giving of the Torah at Mount Sinai, which itself produces an awesome arousal, as does the reading of the Ten Commandments, and so forth. I was called to the Torah for the Levi aliyah, which I had purchased for myself. One of our fellow Breslover Chassidim from Meah Shearim, who was also a Levi, purchased Maftir of the Chariot. This haftarah likewise produces great arousal, to the extent that one is obligated to stand during its recitation, and it is assigned only to a person of stature and distinction.

The recitation of Megillas Ruth before the Torah reading likewise produces an immeasurable arousal concerning the greatness of Eretz Yisrael. Elimelech was one of the leaders of the generation and descended from a distinguished family of the tribe of Yehudah, from Nachshon, the prince of Yehudah, and so forth. Nevertheless, all his greatness did not protect him against the sin of leaving Eretz Yisrael. This caused his sons to take foreign wives, and so forth, for one who goes forth to the lands outside Eretz Yisrael is regarded as though he worshiped idolatry, and so forth.

One’s mind is also illuminated by contemplating how Ruth converted and abandoned all her greatness, although she had been the daughter of the king of Moav, and chose to become a dependent proselyte amid such poverty and straitened circumstances. After all the rejection with which Naomi distanced her, warning her concerning severe mitzvos and punishments, and so forth, Ruth accepted everything for the sake of truth. She thereby merited that the entire royal chain would issue from her—namely, King David, and so forth.

It is brought that for this reason Ruth is read on Atzeres, Shavuos: because of the lineage of King David, who was born on Shavuos and passed away on Shavuos, and so forth. Moreover, if one wishes to merit receiving the Torah, one must be willing to endure even anguish and suffering for the sake of the Torah and the service of Hashem, and so forth.

This accords with what is brought in the Gemara: the Holy One, blessed be He, gave three good gifts to Israel, and all of them are acquired through suffering—Torah, Eretz Yisrael, and the World to Come. In any event, all these sacred matters aroused us.

Afterward they recited Yizkor. Several of us ascended to the roof to see the entire site of the Beis HaMikdash and thereby fulfill the mitzvah of re’iyah—seeing the Temple site. We recited “Merciful King” with powerful arousal and intense yearning, presented our petitions to Hashem, may He be blessed, danced, and descended again to our beis midrash.

They had already recited the prayer “Father of Mercy, Who dwells on high,” and so forth, which appears in the siddur. This is a prayer concerning those who were killed for the sanctification of Hashem’s Name: that their souls are in the highest heights and that Hashem should avenge their blood, and so forth. It surely produces great arousal. This is especially so on a sacred Yom Tov, when an arousal and illumination of repentance awaken and shine within every Jew. One is surely stirred profoundly by their holiness and strengthens oneself likewise to surrender one’s life rather than exchange the sanctity of Israel, God forbid. In truth, every Jew—even the very lowest, beneath whom there is none lower—is prepared at every moment to surrender his life for the sanctity of Israel, as we can observe directly.

Afterward Rabbi Avraham, may his light shine, sang the Yom Tov hymn before Mussaf, “Kah Keili,” and so forth, in the stirring melody of Uman. This melody and hymn surely produce arousal as well. They returned the Torah scrolls to the ark, and a minyan remained to pray Mussaf. Many of us, however, went to pray Mussaf at the Western Wall, walking by the new road near Batei Machseh.

It is impossible to measure the immense multitude of people walking there. Because this new road was wider, however, the passage was easier. The sight itself produced great arousal: some people were going while others were already returning, and so forth. Thus thousands and tens of thousands walked—may they increase. Upon reaching the alleys near the Western Wall, walking became difficult because of the congestion and crowding, as on every Yom Tov. On Shavuos, however, the crowding was still greater, for it is only one day and everyone must therefore go on that day, unlike Pesach and Sukkos, when many go on Chol HaMoed or on the last day of Yom Tov.

Many pilgrims likewise come from all places for Shavuos, since it is only one day and involves no difficulty connected with eating matzah or dwelling in a sukkah, and so forth. The multitude is therefore far greater, and by this itself the arousal is greater, for “in the multitude of the people is the King’s glory.” This is apart from the illumination and arousal of this Yom Tov, which is more elevated and exalted than the other festivals by virtue of its own sanctity, and apart from the great illumination that comes from receiving the Torah, and so forth.

We reached the alley preceding the Western Wall and were already compelled to press ourselves forward and stand in a line. There were two lines: one for entering and one for returning. Policemen stood between them to supervise order and discipline. With congestion and difficulty we at last merited standing in the alley near the Western Wall and seeing the Wall, but it was impossible to approach the Wall itself.

We prayed Mussaf amid the multitude, with abundant arousal, yearning, and longing: When will it be rebuilt?—and so forth. We also remembered the anguish of the Shechinah and her weeping when she remembers Israel in exile, as is brought in the Zohar concerning “peering through the lattices,” and so forth, and that this occurs on Yom Tov, and so forth. The great arousal of the heart cannot be assessed or measured. Tears quite literally flowed of themselves because of the abundance of yearning and longing.

This was especially so during the sacred Mussaf prayer, when one pleads from the depth of the heart. How much more was this true during the repetition of the shaliach tzibbur, when he recited, “Because of our sins we were exiled from our land,” and “Merciful King,” and so forth; many people shed tears then. This was particularly so when he recited: “May our supplication be pleasing before You as a burnt offering and sacrifice. Please, Merciful One, in Your abundant mercy, restore Your Shechinah to Tzion, Your city, and the order of the service to Yerushalayim,” and so forth. The magnitude of the arousal from the depth of the heart certainly cannot be measured.

We completed the Mussaf prayer. With immense difficulty and crowding I at last managed to press myself to the Western Wall and kiss it. I stood there and poured out my conversation from the depth of my heart, particularly concerning the child, and so forth. I recited Tikkun Haklali and the selections from Likutay Tefilos for Yom Tov, and so forth, with arousal, fervor, and the holy yearning of this sacred festival. I remained for some time in prayer and the service of Hashem. Repeatedly I merited interrupting in order to answer Kesser, Nakdishach, or Barchu, and so forth, and to respond to the Kedushos. The vitality one receives especially from Kesser on Shabbos and Yom Tov cannot be measured.

Thus I remained for a lengthy period in prayer, hisbodedus, the pouring out of conversation, and yearning before the Omnipresent. Afterward I began to return, and only with great difficulty did I press my way out. Meanwhile I ascended to a certain rooftop to see the site of the Beis HaMikdash and the pavement of the Temple courtyard. I recited “Because of our sins” and “Merciful King,” and so forth, and offered prayer, petition, and conversation before Hashem, may He be blessed, both concerning the community and concerning the individual, and especially that my son, may his light shine, should soon have a complete recovery.