Chapter 76

We slept for a short while. I also completed the recitation of the 613 mitzvos and the other portions of Tikkun Leil Shavuos that I had not managed to recite during the night. I likewise completed the piyyutim from the Shacharis machzor that I had not managed to recite, and especially those of Mussaf, which we had not recited at all because we had prayed Mussaf at the Western Wall. There, because of the immense congestion, it is impossible to recite the piyyutim, and even the Mussaf prayer itself can be recited only with great difficulty. I therefore completed them at home.

I even recited the piyyut for the second day of Yom Tov, which is observed only outside Eretz Yisrael. The piyyutim are exceedingly precious in my eyes, for I derive abundant arousal and vitality from them, especially from the piyyutim of Shavuos, and so forth.

I likewise studied the passages of the Zohar concerning Shavuos, the passages of Gemara that discuss the giving of the Torah, tractate Bikkurim, and so forth—all that is brought in Likutay Tzvi. I ate some mezonos, and so forth, and afterward went once more to the mikvah. From there I went to the Western Wall, where I recited Tikkun Haklali and prayers and poured out my conversation from the depth of my heart concerning my son, may his light shine. I then recited the whole of Tehillim, which took several hours, because that day was the anniversary of the passing of King David, peace be upon him. It is therefore the custom of Israel in many places to complete the whole of Tehillim communally, with spiritual attachment to King David, peace be upon him, and so forth.

Afterward we prayed Minchah early so that we could go and eat the Yom Tov meal. I prayed Minchah there amid the many minyanim that were praying at the place, and likewise presented my petitions with arousal of heart, and so forth. I returned home and we prepared to eat the Yom Tov meal. We waited until the children had gathered, until my son Moshe, may his light shine, had prayed Minchah with the congregation in the synagogue of Batei Machseh, and likewise until my son Aharon had prayed.

In the meantime I recited the prayers, Prayer 104—the comprehensive pidyon prayer—and “And on your New Moons,” and so forth, on the child’s behalf. Throughout the entire day my heart and soul were in tumult over the child, and he stood first and foremost in all my petitions. It required truly great strength to rejoice on the sacred Yom Tov and trust in Hashem that the child would attain a complete recovery. I did everything within my power. He did not leave my mind; I pleaded only for him. Even when I could no longer plead verbally, I pleaded in thought, and so forth, and with eyes raised toward Hashem, may He be blessed, that in the merit of this sacred and awesome festival, the day of the giving of our Torah, Hashem, may He be blessed, should have mercy upon us, send him a complete recovery very soon, and permit us to rejoice with him, and so forth.

Afterward we sat down to eat the Yom Tov meal with joy and fervor. During the meal we also sang “The upper beings rejoiced and the lower beings exulted,” and so forth, which appears in the piyyut, as well as “Atah Nigleisa,” in the melody of Rabbainu, of blessed memory. This passage appears in the Mussaf prayer of Rosh Hashanah, but it refers to Shavuos, the time of the giving of our Torah, and so forth. We sensed the wondrous vitality of this sacred festival, on which all fifty gates of holiness are revealed, and so forth. Each person, according to his level and preparation, surely experiences wondrous spiritual attachment and vitality, repentance, and shame before the great light revealed at that time, and so forth.

We raised our eyes toward Hashem, may He be blessed, asking only that our joy become complete through the child’s recovery from his illness; he had also been born in this sacred month. After we completed our meal—with arousal, vitality, and the joy of this sacred festival on the one hand, and petitions for mercy and expectation of deliverance on the other—I studied with my son, may his light shine, Lesson 56 in Likutay Moharan, which was delivered on Shavuos and discusses the receiving of the Torah and the sacred festival of Shavuos, and so forth. We also studied in Likutay Halachos concerning the sacred and awesome festival of Shavuos. We certainly experienced wondrous vitality, an arousal to repentance, renewal anew, and the receiving and fulfillment of the Torah anew.

For the receiving of the Torah occurs in every generation, every year, and within every individual. Each year one must receive the Torah anew—and, in particular, even every day: “Each day they should be in your eyes as new,” and so forth. The Torah has seventy faces, and each year one must receive new faces of the Torah. In any event, people such as ourselves, who are far from this, must at least renew ourselves each year with new vitality and desire, and accept the Torah and fulfill it, and so forth.

After we had completed our study, which lasted approximately an hour, we went to our beis midrash. There Rabbi Avraham, may his light shine, spoke for some time with arousal, from the works of Rabbainu, of blessed memory, concerning this sacred festival. Afterward we sang the melodies of Yom Tov and Shavuos with wondrous vitality and engaged together in great dancing for a lengthy period, in joy and with an illumination of repentance and awe.

In general, our minds were illuminated by the teaching that “this awe is shame,” together with divine illumination and holy vitality that cannot be articulated by the mouth, but only “each person according to what he can estimate in his heart,” and so forth. Thus we spent several hours together during the night in dances, melodies, and yearning for Hashem, may He be blessed, His holy Torah, and His true tzaddikim, as well as in words of Torah and the conversation of friends. Afterward we prayed Maariv with concentration, and with melody and dance we took leave of one another.