Chapter 83

That Friday, too, passed over us with eyes raised toward Hashem, may He be blessed, broken hearts, and lowly spirits: When, when will You have mercy upon us? We overcame ourselves to receive Shabbos with joy, for the merit of Shabbos and its joy are sufficient to protect us. Thus we received this holy Shabbos of Parashas Korach with eyes yearning for deliverance and with the exertion required to receive it joyfully.

We performed our devotions on the night of the holy Shabbos through the recitation of Shir HaShirim before the light of day, “And on your New Moons,” petition and supplication before Hashem, may He be blessed, Tehillim, and prayers. In the morning I prayed Shacharis at Vasikin. Throughout the prayer I surely spread my hands toward Hashem, may He be blessed, and inwardly poured out prayer and conversation before Him.

This was particularly so when the month of Tammuz was blessed and we recited, “May it be Your will that You renew this month.” I surely raised my eyes heavenward in prayer and petition: “Please spare us; please have compassion; please have mercy upon us.” In the previous year, when the month of Tammuz was blessed on Parashas Shelach, my wife had already been in Hadassah Hospital because of her illness and weakness. We required abundant mercy for her to pass safely through the birth of this precious son. Hashem, may He be blessed, helped us, and on the following Monday, the twenty-fifth of Sivan, he was born to us for a good destiny, gladdening us with favorable news. So, too, now that we required abundant mercy for this child to recover and regain his health, I pleaded: Just as You performed deliverances for us then, so now deal kindly and wondrously with us and gladden our hearts.

I therefore spread my hands abundantly before Hashem, may He be blessed, from the depth of my heart, in prayer, petition, pleas for mercy, and supplication. Particularly during Mussaf at the Western Wall, I recited all the prayers that speak of healing and pidyon, together with much personal conversation, prayer, and petition issuing from the heart itself. I remained at the Wall for a long time, and my principal request concerned only the child.

My wife, may she live, likewise increased pleas for mercy and supplication. She went to the Western Wall as was her practice every single day at that time, and all her petitions concerned only the child, without any other request, whether communal or personal.

Particularly during the blessing of Rosh Chodesh, there was an arousal from heart and soul that Hashem, may He be blessed, should at last gladden our broken, crushed, and stricken hearts, which had remained in this state for so long without any respite. Our eyes already yearned throughout the entire day for true deliverance. It required great exertion for us to continue looking toward Him, strengthen ourselves in prayer, and not fall into complete despair.

Likewise, while eating the Shabbos meals and reciting the zemiros, we pleaded abundantly in our hearts before Hashem, may He be blessed, that in the merit of the sanctity of eating on Shabbos He should at last spare us and say to our troubles, “Enough.”

This was especially so while reciting “Master of All Worlds” after Shalom Aleichem on the night of the holy Shabbos. How intensely I pleaded the request, “Remember me and all the members of my household,” and so forth, “for good life and peace.” Particularly at the words, “Remove from me and from all the members of my household every kind of illness and every kind of malady,” and so forth, “have mercy upon me even in my exile, to redeem me,” and so forth, “then I shall observe Your commandments and statutes without sorrow,” and so forth—I pleaded all this with my entire heart and soul, with actual tears. Likewise, during the zemirah Azamer Bishvachin, at the line concerning wine, and so forth, “to strengthen the weak,” and so forth, I pleaded with all my strength.

After the meal I recited the whole of Tehillim and many prayers. I also studied the works of Rabbainu, of blessed memory, with my son, may his light shine, as was my custom. During the Shabbos Minchah prayer, which is a favorable time, I surely increased my pleas for mercy before Hashem, may He be blessed. This was particularly so when the ark was opened and the Torah scroll was taken out, for at that time all the gates of mercy open. In the morning as well, during Bircas Kohanim, which is a favorable time, I always increased my pleas for mercy. I exerted myself to plead abundantly before Hashem, may He be blessed.

After Minchah I recited Prayer 104, the prayer concerning the twenty-four forms of pidyon, for that is its principal time. During the third Shabbos meal we likewise pleaded abundantly before Hashem, may He be blessed, particularly during the zemiros. This was especially so during the song Bnei Heichala, at the line “Behold, I invite Atik Yomin,” which our fellow Breslover Chassidim prolong and repeat several times; at the line “May the Rock command His kindness,” and so forth; at “May we merit to see children,” and so forth; and during the other zemiros.

I likewise engaged in abundant hisbodedus and pleas for mercy during the meal, continuing until Bircas HaMazon and until Maariv on Motzaei Shabbos. That is the principal time for hisbodedus, as is customary at gatherings of our fellow Breslover Chassidim in Poland, where the young men then engage extensively in hisbodedus. During Maariv on Motzaei Shabbos I likewise increased petition and pleas for mercy, particularly while reciting Vihi Noam and Vatah Kadosh, and so forth. I did the same during the zemiros of Motzaei Shabbos, at the meal of King David, peace be upon him. I immediately performed the lot as was our custom. Thus this holy Shabbos, too, passed over us, while our eyes looked forward to deliverance.