Chapter 89

On Motzaei Shabbos we deliberated concerning what should be done. From where could we obtain the money to sustain the child with the good foods he required? We resolved that since the matter was one of actual mortal danger, I was compelled to do everything within my power.

It was not at all my nature to tell any person of my condition and of the distress of my hunger. Neither I nor my wife ever wished or was naturally inclined to ask people for any material assistance. Nevertheless, since the matter was so critical, I resolved within my heart to act wholly against my nature: to ask verbally of everyone I could, and of everyone whom I thought might respond, that he have compassion upon us and help us sustain the child.

I first turned to our friend Dr. Spiegel, may his light shine. I showed him the child’s card from the Tipat Chalav clinic and Dr. Rabinowitz’s card specifying what was required to restore the child to health and sustain him. I returned home from Dr. Spiegel crushed in spirit with respect to obtaining support for the child.

I pleaded with many people and with everyone whom I thought might perhaps help me, but no plea availed. To everyone from whom I sought help, I poured out my entire heart and described the great compassion my situation concerning the child demanded: how he was in great danger, how he required sustenance to preserve his life, and how bitter and grievous our hearts were—that after everything we had suffered, when he could now be saved, he was in the end quite literally expiring before our eyes, while because of our extreme poverty we were unable to rescue or sustain him. Their ears and hearts were sealed. There was no one who spared, no one who had mercy, and no one who restored my soul at all.

I did not obtain even the smallest measure of assistance from anyone whom I asked. They sent me away entirely empty-handed, for they quite literally did not possess the merit to fulfill such a mitzvah. When I saw that I had already done everything within my power—that I had spoken and pleaded with everyone from whom I thought even some small thing might come, and nothing had helped—my spirit fell exceedingly and I became deeply grieved. What could we do to sustain the child? Where were we headed? The magnitude of our anguish over this, reaching to the very soul, cannot be measured.

In sum, we perceived with our own eyes that we possessed no hope except to raise our eyes toward Hashem, may He be blessed, and trust in Him alone. Nevertheless, I suffered greatly over the matter. The child was exceedingly weak. We also weighed him at the Tipat Chalav clinic and saw that he had lost weight.

We took him to Hadassah to see Dr. Rabinowitz. The physician was troubled by his condition and said that we were assuming responsibility for the child. If we did not take him to the Tipat Chalav clinic to eat there, we should no longer come before him at all, for we were endangering the child. We, however, remained firm in our conviction that under no circumstances would we give him the food at the Tipat Chalav clinic, for we had seen with our own eyes that it harmed him, as stated above.

There was also an incident when we gave him a small quantity of chicken broth. He did not want it and, while in my wife’s arms, lapsed into a faint, almost without any breath of life, becoming choked and overcome. My wife cried out to me that, may the Merciful One save us, nothing more could be done. The agitation of our hearts at that moment may readily be understood. She held him in her arms, opened the door, ran outside with him, shook him with all her strength, and cried, “Gevalt!” They dripped cold water upon him and dug their fingernails into his forehead until his spirit returned to him.

The taste we experienced then may readily be understood. We saw that we had no counsel except to look toward Hashem, may He be blessed, that He perform further miracles for us: sustaining and strengthening the child without the foods he required, or providing us—through a miracle analogous to the splitting of the Sea—with what we needed to sustain him. We could see no natural path whatever by which this could occur.

For we had already done everything incumbent upon us: we had sought, pleaded, and acted, yet nothing helped. There was no one who sought, no one who pleaded, no one who spared, and no one who had mercy. What could we do except cast our burden upon Hashem? Just as He had helped us in the entire matter of this child through His great miracles beyond the natural order, after we had fallen into complete despair, so may He complete the matter through His wondrous kindnesses and awesome mighty acts, showing us a way to sustain the child and strengthen him from his profound weakness.