Chapter 90

The One Who has compassion upon the poor had compassion upon our poverty, and He brought merit through one who was meritorious. He placed it within the heart of the righteous Mrs. Gittel, who was aroused entirely on her own, without any request from us—for we knew her own difficult circumstances. Of her own accord she began sending to our home a container of cream and likewise chicken meat in order to sustain the child. The greatness of the mitzvah she performed may readily be understood, as well as how she fulfilled the teaching, “Whoever preserves a soul of Israel,” for she quite literally sustained his soul. Our own souls hung in suspense as we looked toward Hashem, may He be blessed. We never once asked her verbally; we waited only to see whether Hashem, may He be blessed, Himself would place it within her heart to send something with which to sustain the child.

Hashem, may He be blessed, Who brings about all causes, likewise arranged that my friend Yisrael Dov, who was poor and destitute, was at that time baking expensive challos for wealthy people. They were made solely of fine meal and the choicest flour, with eggs and oil and no water, and through this he earned a small amount for his livelihood. He, too, was aroused on his own, without any request from us and without our having described our condition to him. He brought us some of these challos in order to sustain and strengthen the child. Our entire means of sustaining the child consisted in these challos. Rabbi Yisrael Dov himself brought us each week a sufficient quantity to last the child throughout the week. We ourselves were likewise sustained by the dry remnants left from them; when we were hungry, we kept ourselves alive with these.

Later, when it became difficult for him to bring us the challos, he asked me that when my son, may his light shine, was in Meah Shearim, he should enter Yisrael Dov’s home and obtain from his wife the aforementioned quantity of challos, paying her the full price that everyone else paid. He gave me the money with which to pay for the challos. He did this so that his wife would not know of the gift, refuse to provide the challos, become angry, and cause strife in his home. He therefore devised this pretext: we would purchase the challos from his wife with money, while he secretly provided us with the money so that no one would know of it.

Each week he took the initiative and brought us the money beforehand so that we could go and purchase the challos from his wife, as stated above. Had he needed to wait until we went to obtain them from him, the matter would never have occurred, for under no circumstances whatever did we ask or speak of anyone giving us anything, nor did we even hint at it. Only when Hashem, may He be blessed, placed it within the heart of the aforementioned Rabbi Yisrael Dov that he should merit bringing the money for the challos, urging and asking us to send someone to purchase them with his money, did we do so out of great necessity. It was a matter of our very lives, one of actual mortal danger, to sustain the child, for he was exceedingly weak and we possessed no means of sustaining him. For that reason we acted as though we did not know and accepted this gift from his hand.

Likewise, we never spoke to the righteous Mrs. Gittel, may she live, nor drew her attention to our circumstances. At no other time did we receive from her even the smallest assistance. At that time, however, Hashem, may He be blessed, placed the thought within her mind, and she would send to our home—on one day a small dish of cream, on another day a piece of chicken, on another day a piece of meat, and so forth, according to whatever entered her mind. She conducted herself in this manner for some time and afterward ceased entirely. Had we not been in such a state that our entire life depended upon this, as stated above, we would under no circumstances have accepted anything from them.

This continued for some time, as long as Rabbi Yisrael Dov baked the challos for sale. He eventually ceased baking because he could not obtain good flour or could not find purchasers, and the provision of the challos then ended. By that time, although the child was still weak, he had at least passed beyond immediate mortal danger.

Through this we perceived the wondrous providence of Hashem, may He be blessed. At all the doors upon which I had knocked and all the people whom I had aroused—because the matter had touched my very soul, and I walked in darkness from anguish and grief over how to sustain the child—nothing whatever had been aroused. Then those who were destined to merit the mitzvah came and merited it on their own, without any prompting from me.

The matter likewise depended each day and each week upon a great miracle: whether the aforementioned Gittel would remember us and send something with which to sustain him, and whether the aforementioned Rabbi Yisrael Dov would remember us and bring what was required for the challos. There was also wondrous providence in the fact that this continued for the precise period required, until the danger to the child had passed. At that very point both of the aforementioned forms of support—from Mrs. Gittel and from Rabbi Yisrael Dov—ceased. The matter was astonishing beyond astonishment.

At that time the matter of the room for hisbodedus, discussed above, again arose. As related there at length, I had derived immense vitality in that room. A certain young woman had wished to go and reside there but, through the aforementioned Mrs. Gittel, had refrained. Now, however, Rabbi Yonatan Binyamin Horowitz took action and gave that room to a Sephardi man who had recently married. I knew nothing whatever of this. Suddenly the neighbors’ children came from the room and told me that it was open, that people were whitewashing it, and that my books had been left ownerless.

I immediately descended and saw that the room was open and that people were standing there whitewashing it. I understood that I had no alternative. I took my books and possessions from the room and brought them into my home. I suffered greatly over the loss of this room, in which every day I had tasted the taste of Gan Eden through my hisbodedus there, my study of the works of Rabbainu, of blessed memory, and the prayers I recited upon them, as stated above.

I understood, however, that the matter had been decided and could not be changed. I therefore consoled myself with the private room in my own home—the kitchen room that I had taken for myself—and the bodim, the loft, that I had constructed above. Nevertheless, whenever I pass the aforementioned room and see it, I recall the vitality I experienced there.

Although we sustained the child with the aforementioned foods, he nevertheless remained exceedingly weak. We endured much anguish on his account. He was extraordinarily thin and emaciated and also coughed. In particular, whenever he became upset, he would cough and become choked and overcome, so that we had to rub him lest he expire, God forbid.

Every morning his mother took him outside to breathe fresh, wholesome air so that he might regain his health. I did the same each day toward evening. In sum, we expended immense labor and exertion to sustain and restore him. We suffered greatly over his extreme weakness and emaciation, for he was nothing but skin and bones. Nevertheless, we greatly sustained ourselves spiritually with the immense kindness Hashem, may He be blessed, had performed for us in that the child remained alive. We quite literally felt ourselves to be newly created beings. We perceived with our own eyes that even in our servitude “our God did not abandon us, but extended kindness to us,” and that His hand was still extended toward us for good. We were therefore surely obligated to thank and praise Hashem, may He be blessed, for four classes of people are required to give thanks, and to recount the deeds and wonders of Hashem, may He be blessed.