Fires of Israel - Part 6
אשי ישראל
Source: https://ajew.org/reader/fires-of-israel/1/6

Segment 1
HE:
התבודדות כשאין לו דיבורים

EN:
There in Tiberius was someone called 'Reb Laizshikeh'. Reb Eliezer, he was a Cohen (-dynasty of the priesthood), and out of affection he was called 'Reb Laizshikeh', and he was an old man, seventy years ago he was already ninety years old, he had a hernia/hunchback (?), he slept on the floor (-in the Hebrew this was translated – he shlepped (-dragged) himself about like that). And he left Maariv (-the evening prayer) later than everyone else. Nu, from the synagogue to his house, how big is all of Tiberius already, from the synagogue to his house is not such a – nu, however, he would take tiny steps, and he would carry along at a crawl, and I would go with him – I went, I would help hold him so that he wouldn't fall, after Maariv, and I would go with him – at night – there is no one on the street. And I would speak out my heart before him, I wanted to hear from him words that I could use towards Judaism – towards fear of Heaven.

Segment 2
HE:
התבודדות כשאין לו דיבורים
התבודדות, טוב - יכולים פעם - כשלא הולך לו אזי עושים פעם התבודדות, אבל כל יום למשך שעה?!... 
רבי שלמה וקסלר היה איש קדוש ותלמיד חכם - תלמיד חכם אמתי, ואני ראיתי אצלו כזה - כזה 'מאמין' - כזה 'אמונה' שהיה לו - התפעלתי ממנו! אני ראיתי אותו, אז ראיתי שאני עומד בחוץ לגמרי! שמעתי האמונה שלו, נעשיתי בטל לגמרי! 
ורבי שלמה אמר לי שהוא אינו יכול לעשות התבודדות!... אין לו דיבורים!... נו, גם אני באותו הצרה... אבל אני הכרתי יהודי שהיה לו התבודדות, עם כל כך דמעות, עם כל כך דיבורים, שהיה צריך להכריח את עצמו להפסיק, היה צריך לילך להתפלל!... 
זאת אומרת - הגמרא אומרת שתפלה הוא "מהדברים העומדים ברומו של עולם ובני אדם מזלזלין בהם"! וכל שכן "התבודדות", לילך לשפוך לבבו לפני השם יתברך - זה לא כמו תפלה - תפלת שחרית או מוסף - - נו, לא חזקים בזה כראוי, ועל ידי זה אובדים כל החיות! זה כל החיות שלנו!... 
אני זוכר, רבי נפתלי כהן (מאנ"ש בירושלים, חותנו של רבי אברהם ב"ר נחמן בזוו"ש אמר לי - הייתי קובל לפניו שאי אפשר לי לעשות התבודדות, אין לי דיבורים - אני הולך, ואני כמו אבן! אז אמר לי; אם תגיד הרבה ליקוטי תפלות אז תוכל לעשות התבודדות! כי הליקוטי תפלות זה כמו 'שיעור' על התבודדות - זה 'לימוד' איך לעשות התבודדות! - הוא אמר לי; אם אתה רוצה לרחם עליך - אם אתה רוצה שתוכל לעשות התבודדות, אז תגיד הרבה תפלות! 
רבינו הקדוש מגלה לנו גדולת השם! ועל ידי רבינו הקדוש נודעים מגדולת השם! ובלתו - אין יודעים כלום! 
כן, יש דברים שנראים כדברים קלים, ולא מחפשים אחריהם כראוי, אבל הם עיקר גדול. למשל - התבודדות, זה דבר קל, אבל הוא מוכרח מאוד, ואין לו זמן... כי כשצריכים כסף - אם אבלה שעה או שתים אז ארויח - אפילו אם יש לי דבר אחר מה לעשות. נו, אבל על זה?! 
נו, משמע שרבינו אכן רצה שנהיה לנו שיעור קבוע בהתבודדות, בין מקום - ובין זמן! זמן - עיקר הזמן הוא חצות, אבל אם יש לו זמן אחר - שיהיה בקביעות! כשמגיע הזמן - אני עסוק!... 
למשל, היום - לא הייתי יודע לפני חמשים שנה מה שאני יודע עכשיו, אני מתבייש - - הליקוטי מוהר"ן, או הליקוטי תפלות - זה לא היה ככה. למה?! אם היה לי רבי ישראל - אז הייתי - - אבל לא היה לי מי - - הייתי יתום, נשארתי לבד! אבל זה לא הולך לאיבוד - הגעגועים והרצונות. 
ועכשיו שהרבונו של עולם נותן לי חיים - אני רואה עכשיו למפרע - איך יקָרָה היא העבודה הפשוטה, אפילו בלי חיות! ואפילו אם נדמה לי שאני עומד בחוץ לגמרי - רחוק לגמרי. 
*

EN:
And this Reb Laizshikeh told me about R' Yisroel'n – that he his such a thing, a novelty! Yeah, this Reb Laizshikeh - -

Segment 3
EN:
[- - R' Yisroel was in the Land of Israel twice, one time he came – the first time – he was here for a few weeks, he came – to go four cubits in the Land of Israel, but he traveled back. And the second time he came already to settle permanently in Jerusalem – he sat (-settled) in Jerusalem, however HY brought about circumstances which had him travel out of Jerusalem and carried him into Meron!….]

Segment 4
EN:
And this R' Laizshikeh showed me great friendship, he loved me dearly – a sincere Jew loves temeemus (unfeigned wholeheartedness). And the whole way I spoke with him, and afterwards when he arrived – he went into the house, he brought me inside the house, he sat down by the table, and spoke with me.

Segment 5
EN:
And this was before drawing close to R' Yisroel'n. When I drew close I was seventeen years old – and from before bar-mitzva until seventeen years I had an ordeal – I lived a life, I didn't know from Rebbe'n. And suddenly HY had mercy on me, there was a creation of the world!

Segment 6
EN:
I found the Outpouring of the Soul in the garbage, I take it and go to throw it into the geneeza (-cache of the tattered remains of holy articles). Before I threw it into the geneeza, I see that the name of the book is Outpouring of the Soul! And I had learned then many books, books of mussar (ethics), and many books of tzaddikim. Nu, and such a name of a book I still had never heard and had not seen. I contemplated, let me look inside, let me see what this is, maybe this is good for me. I started to look inside, previously I had just seen the name of the book, Outpouring of the Soul, I started to look and see – I only set an eye on the page I opened to – it was without a cover – I saw immediately that this was hashgacha (-Divine Providence) – that this was good for me!

Segment 7
EN:
I used to take the papers and go out between the fields, because the yeshiva stood between the fields. And I saw what I saw - -

Segment 8
EN:
Nu, it became known to me that these pages are from the books of Breslov, which one mustn't look in them…

Segment 9
EN:
I saw what is going on here – I saw the papers, what they have in them, how this saved me. Nu, HY brought about such circumstances that I came to know of the - -

Segment 10
EN:
*Here the tape is interrupted a bit, and apparently the missing part is the story of the boy who discovered Saba reading Outpouring of the Soul.

Segment 11
EN:
- - I told him that, “For me it is good! It is none of your business! For me it is good!!”

Segment 12
EN:
“Like that? You are so impudent? Such brazeness?!”

Segment 13
EN:
So he tore the papers from me and took them, and I was left an orphan – without the papers!

Segment 14
EN:
Nu, picture for yourself – what delight I had from the papers – and he took them away from me – he took from me my neshama (soul)!

Segment 15
EN:
However, I became aware of drawing close to Rebbe'n – that this was from the books of Breslov which are forbidden to look in them… So I began to inquire by the chasidim – there were precious Jews there, Heaven fearing, chasidim, so I asked, “What is this?!” I told over to them how I found a book which saved me more than all the books, and so and so came along – and says to me that this is from the books of Breslov which one mustn't look in them, “Who is this Breslover? What is this Breslov?”

Segment 16
EN:
He (R' Laizshikeh) knew, and he said to me – “There was a great tzaddik and gaon (genius) and his name was Rabbi Nachman Breslover!” I asked him, “If he was such a gaon, such a tzaddik – why does he say that one mustn't look in his books?” He said, “There was a conflict, and I say,” he said, “in my opinion, one needn't look at the conflict – men of our status - -!” Yeah, that is what he told me…

Segment 17
EN:
I told him how he had torn the book, and he had indignation. However he was really from the unique special individuals – one who held that one should not oppose Rebbe'n, Rabbi Nachman, yeah. However the majority – everyone – were misnagdim (antaganists).

Segment 18
EN:
And shoyn (-already, it is done, now) I did not have the book, but I became knowledgeable that there is Breslov! Previously I didn't know that there is in the world a type of chasidus by the name of Breslov, and now I became aware that this is - -

Segment 19
EN:
Nu, and I had already tasted the taste of the book, I used to go out – without the book – I would go out to do hisbodidus between the fields, because the yeshiva was situated between the fields. I would go out, and I would beg and cry before Hashem Yisburach - - I gave Him thanks for having brought me the book, and now that I did not have it – I begged Him, “Master of the World, have mercy on me that I should merit that You bring me – books of Breslov – and chasidim of Breslov!” That is what I beseeched before Hashem Yisburach.

Segment 20
EN:
Nu, people of our aptitude - - I beseech, who knows - - I beg - - however I saw the results of the begging, I saw – it wasn't long – R' Yisroel Breslover – that's what the whole world called him, and that is what is written on his tombstone… - was sitting (-settled) – nu, and he was sitting in Meron, and his entire avoada (devotion) was with modesty (-secrecy), in Meron there is hisbodidus, Torah and prayer. However he was alone over there, he was in the Garden of Eden, he was engaged there in avoadas (devotion of) Hashem – according to the Toaroas (-holy teachings) of Rebbe'n – with the prayers (-built on the teachings), with the halachos (-Likutay Halachos of Rabbi Nussun). Nu, he was in the Garden of Eden. From where did there come about R' Yisroel – if not from the holy words?! If not for the Toaroas?! From the prayers – from the books?!