that we are speaking of our Rebbe, the holy one — Rebbe Nassan — with all manner of praises that we could say, we still have not yet reached a drop from the sea of his greatness. Yes. Rebbe — Rebbe Nassan said this, and I say only the words of Rebbe Nassan. Yes. But Rebbe Yisroel (Kardonner) — he made me into a person of Rabbainu. We need to speak of them. Yoy. But not everything — everything — this is only Rabbainu. He rose above all. Yes.

The main thing is Rabbainu. If only there were truth in the world, and among our people — anshay shlomaynu — and they would speak of this, and publicize the name of Rabbainu, what Rabbainu is — the redemption would already have come, the world would already be drawing close to Rabbainu. But the falsehood — this, this, this separates and blinds, blinds one's eyes — the falsehood. Yes.

But the Holy One Blessed Be He — we are not permitted to harbor doubts about the Holy One Blessed Be He. Yes. A time will yet come. Yes. It will come, it will come — a time will come — it will come, the time will come — when He will remove the falsehood from the world, and reveal — and the truth will be revealed. Yes. Only we must believe and strengthen ourselves in prayer — to pray, like this — to speak with the Holy One Blessed Be He from the lips, or to study in a book, or to study Likutay Tfilos with the lips — what is written in the book, to say it with the lips. Yes. Without any — without any — without any heart. Without — yes. This… I say: "Blessed are You, Hashem…" like a convert. Yes.

[Do you remember that story that you told — that you didn't want to finish drinking the milk, that you were drinking…] Ah — the mother's milk ran out. [The mother's milk.] Yes, yes. [So I want you to tell it…]

So I went, I took out this — this… So she said to me: "You're already — you're already grown up, aren't you ashamed? What's the matter with you?" So I started to cry: "Oy, I want — I want the da'as, {what will become of it}."

And also — yes, I remember — that I was — how old was I, how many years — I was sick, I was very sick. And I had a battle with — with — with the angel, the Angel of Death. I felt that I was about to die. But I… [How old were you?] Ah? I don't remember… [Ten? Five, six?] In my childhood. [In childhood.] Less — less. [Less than ten. What did you feel?] In any case — [What kind —] Yoy. [What did you feel when the Angel of Death…]

I was very sick and became very weak. Because one who is sick — they need to give him something to revive his soul — milk! And she gave me milk and water. I received it… "Give me milk!" But she didn't have it — she gave me milk with water. So I said to her: "You're giving me milk and water — I want only milk!" In any case, afterwards I came out… I got better. So I said to my mother: "I am very weak, I need a little meat, soup (marak)." She gave me three coins — like today three, three groshn, three… And I went to the inn of 'Shafer' — the father of Yisroel Shafer. Yes. She, she, she cooked well. Yes. She gave me — with three groshn — to buy soup with — with — with — soup with a piece of meat, or a piece of chicken. Nu, nu. I tasted the — the soup. I had never tasted soup at home. So this — I felt a good taste. Yes.

But the Holy One Blessed Be He returned my soul to me through miracles. I saw miracles many times — miracles. The Holy One Blessed Be He showed me that He is giving me in order to live. Yes. [So that healed you — that soup healed you?] Yes, yes. [It gave you strength.] But she gave me only perhaps two times, or three times. I needed several… a week, two weeks, two weeks. Nu — she didn't give, she didn't have it. Nu. Yes. I live through a miracle. There was great poverty. And they received everything with love and joy — the father and the mother. Yes.

[You told me that there was — there was hunger. Your mother would give you in your room a piece of bread with a drop, a drop of oil — olive oil.] With — with — with a few drops. [Drops of olive oil.] Yes. So I asked: "Give a few more drops." So she said to me — what… She shouted at me: "I need the oil for Shabbos — don't say anything, this — this is enough!" Yes.

And afterwards I went and gave the bread with the drops of oil — I gave it to a poor man… There was in Teveria an old man, a couple — an old man and an old woman — and he went around asking for charity, a poor man. So I wanted to do tzedakah and kindness, tzedakah — I took the bread, I had no money — I took the bread and went to the old man, to that poor man, and gave it to him. And his name was Yosef Noach — Yosef Noach, that was his name — because I remember his name until this very day: Yosef Noach, two names. This was — this was during the Torah portion of 'Noach' — this is after Sukkos, Parshass Noach, after 'Beraishis' comes 'Noach'. So this is good. I… This was on Sunday. I went and gave him joyfully the bread with the drops of olive oil. I went and gave it to him. I thought I had done a great tzedakah — he and his wife would eat. Yes. Yes.

I went back to my room and had nothing to eat — I had given away the bread. So my head ached — my head ached terribly. I needed to eat and had nothing. So the Rebbe — the teacher — his practice on Sunday was to tell the students: "This week we go to — to Parshass Noach." Yes, he said it several times, so they should know what portion it was that week. Yes. He looked at all the students and noticed me — that I was not listening at all, as if I were not present in the room, I heard nothing at all — no — and knew nothing at all. So he let me be and finished. Afterwards he called on me: "Yisroel Ber — tell me, which — which portion is it this week?" I — I wasn't listening. I didn't know and didn't — didn't… My head was aching and I wasn't, wasn't, wasn't hearing what he was saying at all.

Nu, nu — he struck me with such cruelty: "What is this? I say several times like this that this week is Parshass Noach — where were you? You are not… What is this? Where were you?" He struck me and I was shamed in front of all the students. He beat me so cruelly. Yes. [How old were you, Saba?] I don't know. Small. [A child of five, six?] Yes, around that — they start learning Chumash. [Ah, Chumash, yes.]

Parshass Noach. Oy, oy. I said: "From today I will no longer give away — I must… if not, I will get beaten." I didn't know the week's portion was Noach — and yet I gave again to that poor man my bread. Oy. And within me was all of Yiddishkait — all, all that I had heard in spiritual matters, in matters of emunah, in matters of Torah — it was within me. I received new insights — things that had not appeared, things that I had not known even before… even previously I had not known of the Holy One Blessed Be He, of Torah — I heard that there is Torah and there is the Holy One Blessed Be He — and then it was within me, there was within me a great joy. Yes. Yes.

Oy — and I was the worst of all, of all the children — the very worst. I was born into poverty, and also I was a weak child. Yes. I have miracles in that I am alive, that I was able to live. I would study — I would rise early and light a small lamp. We had a small candle of number '2'. I lit the lamp and said Tehillim and prayed — I began to pray. And so the whole week I lit the lamp for — on, on — for several hours. And there was a shortage of… They had a bottle of — of kerosene. This bottle had to last from Shabbos to Shabbos. And I used the lamp. And when Shabbos came there was no — there was kerosene. So they said: "Ho, Yisroel Ber — Yisroel Ber makes us troubles like this. He, he burns the kerosene and there is nothing left for us, and there isn't, and there isn't enough for us to get through the week." Yes.

And also — I was born a very weak person. It is a miracle how I, how I grew up and am alive. Yes. But blessed be Hashem. And I was very simple, and I had a will — a strong will to be, to be a truly upright person, to serve Hashem in truth, and to study and to pray. Nu, nu. Especially when the years after my bar mitzvah began — the battle of the sins of youth began. Yes. Thoughts and… and I didn't know what this was. Yes. Oy, oy. Nu, nu. Who can tell it? Who can imagine it?

[So what did you do about the sins of youth? What, what, how, how — how did you overcome them? What did you do?] What? [What did you do when you reached the age of youth?]

I had very hard battles. And if there was any stain whatsoever — from a thought, or from some — no, no, no, Heaven forfend, I did not stain myself as {it is today}, rachmana litzlan — for any stain at all, no matter how small, it was as if I were the most wicked man in the world. Yes. I could find no place for myself before the Holy One Blessed Be He, before Torah. Yes. And this is what brought me to the Holy One Blessed Be He — precisely what I went through — and I strengthened myself and fought and said: "I love the Holy One Blessed Be He, whatever will be — I want to serve Hashem, I…yes." Oy voy…

I — I prayed in the synagogue, but I prayed with fiery enthusiasm, with emunah and with truth. Yes. Until I was alone in this — yes — and I looked like a madman. There was one old man whose name was Rav Yaakov Kasir — Kasir, Kasira Kasira, Kasir — Rav Yaakov Kasir. And he knew some learning, and he was an upright person. Yes. He was from the Chassidim of — of Bian, of… But he loved me very much. He heard the prayer — with truth and with fiery enthusiasm. Yes. He loved me very much. By his nature he was a great miser — yes — even for tzedakah he was a great miser. Yes. And he came to me at the place where I was standing and praying, and gave me a large coin. Yes. He placed a large coin as a gift in my hand. So I was astonished: "He is such a miser, and he gives me such a coin!"

[Was this before you knew of Rabbainu? Before?] Yes! [Long before that.] Yes! [Before you were married — before everything.] Ah? [Before the wedding — before — before you were married.] Yes, certainly. Who can imagine? Who can describe? Who can?… Without chiyus, without… And there was no one for me — who, who would speak with me, who would guide me. Yes. I was in atzavus — in sadness. Yes. Broken, broken. [Broken heart.]

But this was a great good — because I was broken, and this, this drew me close to the Holy One Blessed Be He, to Torah. Yes, yes. This was for the good. Yes. [What did you do? Did you go to tzaddikim? What? The broken heart —] Nu. [When you were broken —] Nu. [So what did you do in order to come out of it? Out of the broken heart — did you pray more? Did you go to tzaddikim?]

Yes. I yearned — I had yearnings for the Holy One Blessed Be He. Yes. And I was ashamed — I thought that only I have an yetzer hara, only I have desires, and everyone else is pure. I didn't know what others have. So I said: "All the desires and all the troubles and all the… all, all — I am worse than everyone in the world, worse than all of them." I didn't know that others also have a yetzer hara. Open? [Yes.]

Oy, oy. [So what did you do? Did you go to tzaddikim? Did you go —]

I only knew that I am a Karliner — I have, I have an Admo"r… I have Karlin. He, the Admo"r of Karlin — he knows, he has ruach hakodesh, and he knows… He is in the lands outside Eretz Yisroel, and I am in Eretz Yisroel — he knows, he recognizes me, and he… And I was very glad, because the Karliners — there isn't, there isn't… Every kind of chassidus has some special thing that it takes pride in, and he… yes. That he serves Hashem. Oy, oy. Yes, yes. [So what —]

So, so I thought that my Admo"r — the Karliner — Karlin — is greater than all the Admo"rim, because they shout in prayer, and I loved to shout to the Holy One Blessed Be He. Yes. What — and they shout. But I shouted — there was an old man next to me who said to me: "You wicked one — I am an old man, I already don't hear well, and you want to make me completely deaf? What do you want from me? Why do you shout so much?" So I thought: my Admo"r is in the lands outside Eretz Yisroel — he recognizes me, he has ruach hakodesh, and he — and he… I have, I have, I had, I have the Admo"r of Karlin.

Until I was freed of — of Karlin. Don't ask. Oy, oy, oy. When I merited to draw close to Rabbainu — who knows — no… The klippos before, when I had Karlin — this, this — from this I had confusions. There are Admo"rim who are in the lands outside Eretz Yisroel… There were no Admo"rim in Eretz Yisroel — in Eretz Yisroel there were no Admo"rim, only in the lands outside. So I thought: before the coming of Mashiach — Mashiach — as long as Mashiach has not come yet, has not yet arrived — so the Admo"rim are in the lands outside Eretz Yisroel. They cannot reach Eretz Yisroel, because their holiness is… Yes. I thought all Admo"rim are holy, but Karlin is holy of holies.

But blessed be Hashem — the Holy One Blessed Be He did miracles for me, that I merited to draw close to Rabbainu, and I merited to understand and to see and to feel — what, what Yiddishkait is, and what Torah is. What… Yes. Oy. But, but there was no one to guide me — I didn't have Rabbainu, I didn't know of Rabbainu. Afterwards when I merited to draw close — then I didn't know — did I know then what I know now? But every piece of knowledge that I merited to feel — the truth was… I felt: "Ho! This — this is truth like this, there is nothing like it, this…" — until I merited to be freed of Karlin and all the klippos.

Yes — because I drew close to Rabbainu and traveled to Yerushalayim. And Yerushalayim is a city of great scholars — tzaddi… great geonim. But our people — anshay shlomaynu — they were broken, and they were humble before them in what… And every word I heard from our people — I felt such truth. I saw, I understood. The Holy One Blessed Be He gave me wisdom and intellect to understand. I saw Rebbe Naftali Cohen — he was a wise and enlightened man, and he was — he was a great sage. Yes. And he was a builder — he was able to build, to build large buildings — and he built the synagogue.

[But Rebbe Yisroel Kardonner — you met him before all of them, yes?] Ah? [Rebbe Yisroel — Rebbe Yisroel Kardonner — you met him before all of them, before Rav Naftali Cohen?] Ah, certainly! [All of them — first of all Rebbe Yisroel.] Certainly — first of all Rebbe Yisroel. Yes, yes. He opened all the gates for me — through him I merited to understand, I merited… Yes. And the man Rav Naftali — I, I asked him questions: what to do about the yetzer hara? And he loved to speak with me. He saw the simplicity and truth in me. So he loved me very much. Yes. Nu. He — he was unable — there was a great distance. He was already old, and I, and I… And also I am a simple person, and he was a son of Torah. And he spoke with me, he — he did not like to speak much, but… He spoke much, but in his words there was holy wisdom. Yes. And he, and he instilled in me a spirit — a new spirit. Yes. This is the matter of Rabbainu. Yes. He explained to me what false beliefs are. Yes. He said: "That false is falsehood — false beliefs." So I thought: Karlin — my Admo"r, the Karliner — he is not, he is not, he is not a liar. Until I merited to know that he too is together with them. Until I merited to know and understand this — because if I had not understood, it would have — it would have been a great trouble for me. This heart — there is a blemish in my heart. Yes. A flaw, a flaw. Nu — what does one do?

And blessed be Hashem — the Holy One Blessed Be He helped me, that the words I heard from our people in Yerushalayim were for me a consolation, a salvation — salvation and consolation — and it illuminated within me a great light, to know what this… Yes. I saw that Karlin — Karlin, Karlin, Karlin. Yes. And also everyone — I held on to all of them, to all the false ones. Only my false one — he is holy in Torah and… Karlin. Until I was freed of this — until I merited to understand that this is falsehood — Karlin too, and everyone. Yes. But I was joyful in my portion that I merited the light of Hashem — to know, to see, to understand, and to grasp that this is falsehood and this is truth — against all the world: "and it was reversed" — yes.

I, I, I did like this: "Who are you? What? What? What do you know? What do you understand?" Ho — the Holy One Blessed Be He contracts Himself, and Yisroel Ber too, yes. I merited to feel and to see and to understand that this is truth and this is falsehood! Yes. This — this was at a time when the whole world was sunk in the falsehood — in Admo"rim — and I merited to see the opposite of everyone. Yes. And it did not influence me — they are many, they are great in Torah. What? Who am I? What are you? No — the truth is strong, a mighty warrior like there is none other. Every word I heard from the people of Rabbainu — Rebbe Nassan, Rebbe Nassan the husband of Gittle after Rebbe Yisroel — his simplicity, his truth, his speech, his face, his speech — I saw that all of them have nothing in them at all. If — if — if you see {that a person had nothing in him} — this is Rebbe Nassan, this — this is serving Hashem. Yes.

Because I was in Yerushalayim and I received from this one a word, and from that one a word, and from another a word — and it entered my heart. And I came back to Teveria with merchandise — with new merchandise — new nigunim and a new Yisroel Ber. This is not the Yisroel Ber from before. Yes. Then everyone knew that Yisroel Ber had been in Yerushalayim. And this was a miracle from the Holy One Blessed Be He — beyond nature, impossible to understand. I was born among them, and I knew these were God-fearing Jews. They all had a name of falsehood — that they are yiray Hashem, that they are… Yes. But the Holy One Blessed Be He gave me wisdom and intellect, and I discerned and knew and saw and understood — the truth. Yes.

Were it not for the machlokes — were it not for the opposition — I would have known nothing of Rabbainu. It was precisely — precisely this that drew me close. Yes. These were good gifts: "I have brought you a gift from Eretz Yisroel — 'machlokes'!" This was such a gift as there is none like it in the world. Now give me all — all the money in the world — I don't want it, I don't want it. Yes. There isn't — time has passed. But even today Mashiach has not yet come — the truth is not yet so… Yes. But the world is beginning — beginning to hear and understand about Rabbainu Rebbe Nachman, about Rabbainu Rebbe Nachman. Yes.

All my life there were those who were afraid, frightened to touch a Breslov book. And now one can buy Breslov books everywhere. Nu. I had a hard question to the Holy One Blessed Be He: "Why — the truth — why is the truth not being revealed? Or is the world already in a state of tikkun? When will it be? How is it possible — how can there be the redemption?" But now I see — from eighty years ago until now — I see such a power: the world is drawing itself to Rabbainu. It would have been fitting that the whole world should distance itself from Breslov — because all the great ones were, were opposed, were not… Yes. This has become a wonder — such a wonder.

And so the holy Rabbainu said: "I have brought you a gift from Eretz Yisroel — 'machlokes'!" The whole world — all… He is informing us of this: "The whole world will oppose me — and then whoever draws close to me will be from my people." What… Oy — what they suffered, they suffered across generations — in these generations. They prepared for Mashiach the people of Rabbainu and the books of Rabbainu — every word, every word and every… But the falsehood — the falsehood — this, this blinds eyes, makes eyes blind. Yes. And they do not… And they profane, they plunder — the truth. But Rabbainu already announced: when he entered Uman, he said to Rebbe Nassan: "Even so — the Holy One Blessed Be He, the Holy One Blessed Be He always finishes according to His will." There was a Rebbe and a disciple like this — unique in the world — from the day the world was created. Such a Rebbe and such a disciple. And also all the disciples of Rabbainu — what that is, what that is — oy, blessed be Hashem.

I was crushed and broken and I submitted — and submission — yes. But the heart within was — the truth burning like a flaming fire. Yes, yes. This was a miracle!

There were in Teveria Chassidim of Karlin. And when someone does good deeds — some good thing, tzedakah, kindness — he is considered very important in the city, and they give him the name of tzaddik, and he — everyone jokes, but he did not joke. He served Hashem and was an upright person — he did not joke. But even so, in his heart he had opposition against Breslov, because he could not change the world. Yes. To change the world — only truth can do that — against all the world.

Oy — Master of the World! Oy oy, oy voy — how much I loved Breslov! I gave my soul to travel from Teveria to Yerushalayim at a time when I had — had no money, no bread for the children, no clothing for the children. I traveled to Yerushalayim. They were all poor — our people were poor. Yes. Nu. Among poor people — can one eat? Can one receive money? Or… even not much, even — but they, they are poor. I suffered: if there is no money there is no bread. I go to the shop — he won't give me. Whether I am hungry or not — that is not his business. "You want bread? Money!" I had no money. And water also I had none.

In Yerushalayim there was a great scarcity of water. Today there are springs and there is… But then there was one spring in all of Yerushalayim. And there were two kinds of water — water for washing hands (netilah) and water for drinking. For drinking — in the synagogue they did not — they did not purchase for drinking, they did not buy. They bought cheaply water for washing — I had no water to drink. No bread and no water.

Nu. And when I traveled to Yerushalayim — I looked at myself: "How — how — how are you traveling? To whom are you traveling? What? What will you do there? And you don't even have bread to eat." And I did not look at this — I gave my soul. Yes. I needed to hear from Rav Naftali — from this one, from that one, from this one — some word of Rabbainu. Each time there were different reasons and different miracles for the journey. Because without money one cannot travel — to Yerushalayim, to Haifa and to… One needs money to pay for the expenses and for bread. There was none. But with the Holy One Blessed Be He everything is recorded — there is an accounting. Yes. Everything is recorded. Yes. The Holy One Blessed Be He sees my heart — He saw that I was traveling with mesiras nefesh in order to hear some word of Rabbainu. Yes.

And so He writes to me: "My dear student." But I was alive — and I suffered hunger, the shame of hunger. And water also I had none. Such a journey — it is unique in the world.

I told you once that I met Rav Alter the shochet — Rav Alter. He was a Karliner — a Karliner Chassid. He had such a name that he was a tzaddik, that he was great, that he served Hashem, that he did tzedakah and kindness. Yes. Such a name as would be {in the town of Bergen}. So I wanted to travel to Yerushalayim but without money one cannot travel. So I saw Rav Alter and said: "Perhaps he will lend me." I said: "Rav Alter — I have a request of you." "What, what, what is it?" "I need a loan — half a lira!" So he looks at me like a madman: what is he talking about? Am I wealthy? Do I have half a lira? In a bank there is half a lira, there are liros — but I only have groshn…