The Holy Books of Rabbainu Hakadosh
The Holy Books of Rabbainu Hakadosh Then there were no airplanes, it was necessary to travel by ship for a month or two, it was dangerous to travel by ship. Nu, today that there are airplanes, nu, one can't travel to America except by airplane, that is – if one wants to be in America within four hours – without an airplane it is not possible. Similarly if one wants to draw close to the holy Rebbe'n, wants to have mercy on himself – one must obey him! Like he teaches us! And there is already everything that we need; the Likutay Moharan, the Likutay Tefilos, the Likutay Halachos, it is already here! There everyone finds what he is missing, and what is not good by him, and what he needs! And so in every Torah (-holy teaching) – not to mention that there are already so many toaroas (-holy teachings)! I always thought – I saw so many holy books of Rebbe'n, the Likutay Halachos on the four Shulchan Aruch (-Code of Jewish Law), the pages of yore were thick pages… so I thought “N'achal N'oavaya M'ikor C'huchmu” (-Brook Gushing from the Source of Wisdom - an appellation of Rabbi Nachman, especially based on the acronym which spells out Nachman) – so many books! It is a fountain! However, afterwards I came (to the realization) – by myself, not that I received this from someone, I felt this – that every word which went out from Rebbe'n – from Rabbi Nussun'en – is a “Nachal Noavaya Mikor Chuchmu!”…. * [Returning to the earlier topic of R' Shlomo Wexler complaining that he doesn't have words for hisbodidus] I wondered – even though I was in the same predicament – I am unable to do hisbodidus, I don't have words, I am far from this. I go and arrive to do hisbodidus, and I am like a stone, it doesn't go. What does one do?! To leave? To sit, not to sit, to leave? What do I have from this?! No, one definitely has from this! And R' Shlomo – he was such a man of truth, he had the honor of the world, he had – the entire city of Jerusalem. Jerusalem is not an ordinary city, in Jerusalem there are oavday (devoted servers of) Hashem, great scholars, and R' Shlomo was unique in Jerusalem – unique in Jerusalem! Everyone – when R' Shlomo's name was mentioned there was - - *** [Continuation of the topic of hisbodidus without words] - - Another hour, and another hour. And it accumulates, and eventually HY has mercy – HY sees that he truly desires, and one does not let up, one does not doubt Him (- “think after Him”) - - Rabbi Nussun said this! I said this?! Rabbi Nussun said so! Rabbi Nussun said, when one has no words for hisbodidus he should sit and yearn. And eventually, if he is yearning and he is strong in will – he will merit it! (*see Likutay Halachos, Laws of Robbery 5:23, and Ullim Litrufah, letter from Wednesday, Torah Portion of Mishpatim 5602: Everyone has to go with this, that is, to begin to be quiet and silent before Hashem Yisburach with tremendous yearning to Him Blessed He, and with great mercy on himself “that I became so distant to the extent that I don't know at all from where to begin to speak etc.” and Hashem Yisburach is always full of compassion, and will usually have mercy on him and open the mouth (-give words) to someone mute like yourself etc..) And the holy Rebbe also speaks a lot about this (*see Likutay Moharan, vol. 2, Torah 25, brought down in the beginning of Outpouring of the Soul, article 2), the holy Rebbe - - * [Regarding the story of his drawing close, how he found the book Outpouring of the Soul] And from this book I saw wonders, from this that HY helped me, I found in the garbage the Outpouring of the Soul, something of such Divine Providence of the Creator! I reflect upon this now, at the time it happened one thinks, it is a natural occurrence, I saw in the shaimos (-repository for torn and ruined holy objects) – there happened to be an Outpouring of the Soul… however, now I see in hindsight what this was – clear hashgacha (Divine Providence)!… How did I leave - - they were tzaddikim, holy people, like such. Nu, there came one, a pauper (R' Yisroel Karduner o.b.m.) - - I didn't hear that he had a name (-reputation)… but this story was with me, I saw such - - Even though I was still completely outside then, this was the first night, but he shined into my heart his holy words, such as I never heard all my life – (repeats himself in Hebrew:) - all the days of my life. Nu, one learns out from this the great strength of the truth, It is such, what the truth – what strength it has! * [Continuing about hisbodidus without words] When one serves HY, when one goes to have hisbodidus – this is the main avoada (devotion), and this is a fundamental of all Judaism! In this hour we are wretched! One must have mesiras nefesh (-self sacrifice) for this. One must choose for himself a place, which will be a place, whether in a field – or in a settled place, but he should be prepared to speak before Hashem Yisburach! And if he is unable to speak, then – yearning, “Master of the World, I want to speak out my heart before You!” With simplicity and temeemus (-wholeheartedness). Eventually he will merit! One thinks, one desires to merit to an hour, I want to see, I beg, even when I already have words – I beseech for something, I don't see, on the contrary – it is only worse, or I know <not> what is, I don't see anything - - Things are happening! When one sets up to cook soup – immediately he has the soup already?! It continues along a lot - - cooking, cooking, cooking, cooking… (*see Likutay Moharan, Torah 2:6, and see Likutay Aitzos, entry of Prayer, article 3, brought down in Outpouring of the Soul, article 49). Certainly – on one foot (-instantly)?! One needs to have patience! When one has faith and trust – just like physical (matters) – one needs to have faith and trust for spiritual matters as well!…. (*see Ullim Litrufah, Letter of Rabbi Nussun from Sunday, Torah Portion of Va-yaitzay 5597, and at greater length in Likutay Halachos, Laws of Sending Away From the Nest 5:2 and onwards). * [You know – it is befitting that I tell you - - all this what I tell you – nebach (pitifully, unfortunately) – HY knows the truth, it is embarrassing to speak out before people nebach how we look (-appear), how can he help me. Even R' Yisroel (Karduner o.b.m.) who could have helped me, he did not want to hear, if I wanted to tell him something personal – no! This is only before the true tzaddik - “veedoy devurim (-confession)!” (*see Likutay Moharan, Torah 4:5, summarized practically in Likutay Aitzos, entry of Repentance, article 1: The main rectification of all sins is through the true tzaddik, and whoever desires to merit to a good end for eternity, needs to endeavor with all his strength to draw close to true tzaddikim and their disciples, and tell over before the tzaddik all his heart, that is “veedoy devurim (confession),” and through this all his sins are forgiven, because the sins of a person are engraved on his bones etc., and through veedoy devurim before the sage the engraved letters leave his bones and everything is fixed). * Against what do I say this?! Yeah, one needs to be stubborn, one needs to be strong. The holy Rebbe said: The main might is in the heart! (*see Likutay Moharan, 249 and vol. 2, Torah 43, summarized practically in Likutay Aitzos, entry of Hischazkus (strengthening), article 24: The main might is in the heart, for whoever has a strong heart isn't afraid of any person or anything, and he can do mighty awesome things and conquer strong battles through the strength and courage of his heart, for he does not fear, and runs to the knot (/intensity) of the fierce battle, and it is mamash the same thing with the service of Hashem, and understand this well). Through this one wins all wars! One needs to be a geebor (-mighty warrior) – one needs to be a geebor. Similarly, the man who desires to purify himself from all the vanities of this world, then he is – the opposite of the world!… He must wage war with the whole world!… He must stand (Hebrew: prepared) – with mind, with daas (realization of knowledge) – it is not congruous with the world, it is the exact opposite!… * I am like this – I am embarrassed to speak out how I look (-appear), what is going on with me. However this is the pure truth! I speak of this, not “I” tell you – I tell you “hisbodidus” - - so it suggests that I already probably - - I am nebach (-pitifully, unfortunately) – I stand completely outside, I am embarrassed to speak out how far – also it is forbidden to say. However, when one hears more – the holy Rebbe commanded, “receive from one another (Targum Yonason Ben Uziel on Isaiah 6:3 and incorporated in the daily prayers)!” (*see Likutay Moharan 34:8 how everyone is required to speak with their friend about fear of Heaven). So what I tell (Hebrew: to what I want to achieve), what I yearn for all my years, I have still not merited to it, however one must talk about it – one must yearn, and must worry, one must see to achieving this, One must! One must! However, not G-d forbid – “I stand nicely, I have already achieved this….” * I will tell over to you “extra” about R' Shlomo (Wexler o.b.m.) - he said that he can't have any hisbodidus… such a Jew, a holy man, such a type of eating, sleeping, such a type - - sitting on (-completey committed, devoted, and engaged in) the Torah and avoada (-devotion to Hashem). Not for money, he had absolutely no knowledge from any money of the world. Every person – even an oavaid (-devoted server of) Hashem, even still one goes to a yeshiva, something, one needs to have parnasa (livelihood)! He – money was absolutely nothing! HY brought about that they would send him from Germany – he had family there – they knew that R' Shlomo was a holy man, so they sent him. Such a R' Shlomo – could it occur to me that R' Shlomo was unable to do hisbodidus – with him being such a holy man?! I saw that this troubled his entire existence… he can't have hisbodidus!… * [Continuation of the description of the prayer of R' Yisroel Karduner o.b.m.] And R' Yisroel (Karduner o.b.m.) - he was such a type of crier, I told over to you – by Rabbi Shimon (bar Yochai), what I saw (-standing in a pool of tears). However, he regularly poured forth tears, it happened to be that I saw – one time I saw – so it happened…. He was a crier, he used to cry so much before Hashem Yisburach, like a – more than a child that cries, “give me this, give me this!”… (Yiddish?: I used to go! I used to go!. Hebrew: my heart mamash poured out inside of me). * (* The following description is about what Saba told over elsewhere, that once he went with R' Yisroel Karduner and suddenly there was a tremendous thunderstorm, a flash flood, and it took them hours of laborious trekking through deep mud and rain to reach a farmer's house, wet and weary to the bone. Even still R' Yisroel prayed the evening services with full intensity, and said the complete order of the Shema before going to sleep, giving an accounting to HY, and at midnight, Saba who was much younger and yet completely exhausted and almost unable to move, witnessed R' Yisroel get up out of bed and proceed to pray and learn Torah). This I saw, his praying, I stood by the door, halfway out, if I will already not be able to be in the house I can go out! I was with him, I already had fear that after the prayer he will already not be in the world!… He will go out (-to the next world)! I saw by pisookay dizimra (the second part of the morning prayer which is comprised of verses mostly from Psalms) – I had fear, by the blessing of the recital of Shema (-the third part of the morning prayer), I heard him say “Shema (-hear o') Yisroel” - - in any event, “Baruch Shem (Blessed is the Name – a verse said immediately after Shema), I hear a koal (-voice- sounding), I hear that he is alive…. Nu, I tell this over to you – this prayer which was then by the moashava (-early Israeli colony), that the rain happened to him, with the flood, and we had miracles, I saw such mesiras nefesh (-self sacrifice) – supernatural! How is it possible – I cannot move with any limb, after such a day, after such - - that he should get up for midnight?! And make such a prayer?! I came – I got up, I wasn't able! But I was lying on spikes, I heard such a chatzos (-midnight prayer) – can I shoyn (-already...) sleep?! Can I shoyn (-already…) lay down?! Nu, I fortified myself with all my strength and I got up, I sat by the table. He had (by him) candles with matches, this was a precious commodity, and he sat by the candle with a holy book, I approached, I saw his face, fear and shame fell upon me - - and the tiles there where he was sitting were trembling – the table with the chairs, yeah. * I want to go out, I want to be better, a person wants to improve, particularly when one is close to the holy Rebbe'n, one knows how one should be. One desires, one yearns, but what do you do?! - The body doesn't let up! The body wants its own (interest)! I saw – he did not eat anything, just bread with tea! A lion does not roar except from a trough of straw (-the Talmud in Brachos 32a – trough of meat) – a lion when he satiates himself with meat – he roars! The body, when it is given a piece of bread – bread with tea – it is entirely something else! However the body desires – it is hard to be exempt… it wants this and wants that – it wants everything! The Rebbe'ns mother had complaints (/arguments) on him; How is he alive?! How does he exist in the world when he doesn't eat anything at all?! So she asked – how is he alive?! So he told her, “By me there are men that they live with life-wisdom - that they can live – with life-wisdom in this world! (*see Life of Our Leader Rabbi Nachman, article 238, and see further regarding this in Words of Rabbi Nachman, articles 181 and 306, and in the Words after the Legendary Tales, and Life of Our Leader Rabbi Nachman, article 75). R' Nussun son of Pinchas Yihoshua Bitelmacher o.b.m. By R' Nussun Bitelmacher (the second husband of the righteous lady, Gittelle r.i.p., after she was widowed from R' Yisroel Karduner o.b.m.) - he didn't have any children l.u. (-not upon us), he sat (-lived, settled) with a wife and did not have any children. He married Gittelleh, so when I would come to Jerusalem I would be by Gittelle'n – by R' Nussun'en, I had everything! This is something else altogether! I would sit with him by the table, I would see his movements (/motions), with his words – this is something else altogether! He was – it wasn't R' Yisroel – but it was - - His father was R' Pinchas Yehoshua, R' Pinchas Yehoshua was from R' Nussun's disciples, he was a great man (-a man of greatness) – and truth… from the factory... (*see The Days of Rabbi Nussun, article 38, that Rabbi Nachman said of himself that he is the factory of Judaism). And this R' Nussun – he was his father – when he would speak of his father, when he would speak of R' Pinchas Yehoshua – I heard that he is passing out! In short, he was in wonder – what he saw by his father, and he felt that he is far from everything - - he had seen such things. (Someone asks: Do you remember some stories of R' Pinchas Yehoshua?) I heard but I no longer remember, I heard a bit about him – from our men – from R' Nussun'en. (Someone asks: Was he a lamdan?) Yeah, certainly, he was a lamdan (-skilled scholar) – and he was a buckee (-extremely proficient) in Tanach (-Torah, Nevee'im Kesoovim – all the written Torah – scriptures) – by heart! And he was a “chuchum atik” (-enormous sage), a very big “bar da'as” (-someone with practical comprehension), and truth - - this is a different sort, this is something else entirely… However, all of this is from the power of the holy Rebbe'n – from Rabbi Nussun'en. *