אֲבָנֶי"הָ בַּרְזֶל

The drawing close of Moharan"as to the Admo"r ztzuk"l, with somewhat greater detail concerning matters not mentioned in Koachvay Or, as recounted by the Rav R. Yisrael

Cohen z"l, who heard them from Rabbi Avrohom z"l.

When he was still a child — the day of death entered his heart. For he was accustomed to sit with his grandfather the Rav R. Yitzchak Danzig z"l in the eastern wall [mizrach] — and he knew well all the elders who sat there — and they were accustomed to play with him. And once one of the aforementioned elders died — and it was difficult for him: where is the aforementioned elder? And he asked his grandfather — and he answered him that he had died. And he asked what is this "died?" — and he answered him etc. And he asked what happens to him — and he answered him that they bury him in the earth and cover him with dirt. And from then on it was difficult for him: what is this — Az dos iz der takhles fun der velt? [Is this the purpose of the whole world?] And from then on a fire began to burn in his heart — and he began to search for what is the purpose etc. And Moharan"as said: from then on he had a difficulty — and still has a difficulty — "Is this truly the purpose of all the matters of this world? Can this be the world?" And also from childhood he conducted himself in wholesomeness and simplicity. And when he was examined before the teacher in his Talmud studies — the other children would search for difficulties and answers — but Moharan"as z"tl would say it simply — and said: "What can I do — I have no difficulties." And the rest searched for difficulties until they ruined the simple meaning. And the teacher would say that the simple explanation of Moharan"as was better to him

than the difficulties of the others.

Afterwards he grew up in the manner of Torah scholars — and married into Sharhorod [Sharigrad] with the daughter of the Gaon the Tzadik Rabbi Dovid Tzvi z"l — Av Beis Din there and of all the surrounding region. And his father was an opponent of the Chassidim in general — and also his father-in-law was a great opponent. [He had initially wanted to draw close to the Chassidim — and traveled to the holy Rav R. Pinchas of Korets z"tl — and he found favor in his eyes. But he heard that people spoke greatly of the holy Rav R. Mikhli z"tl of Zlatchov. And afterwards he traveled to the Rav R. Mikhli of Zlatchov — and he too found favor in his eyes. But from this he fell — for he heard that they too were speaking about R. Pinchas mentioned and his people — "He is already pasukim — refuted — with him and his people." And he said to himself: "I believe that both of them are truth — what one says about the other — all of it is true." And because of this he distanced himself from all of them — and was accustomed to set a fixed time each day deliberately to speak against the Chassidim — in order to distance himself from them. And although he was a great Tzadik — as our master z"tl said to Moharan"as: Dayn shver iz a tzadik — [Your father-in-law is a Tzadik —] it was difficult for Moharan"as somewhat — since he was an opponent. And he [Rebbe Nachman] said to him: Vos meynstu — er vet khapn mit etlekhe shmits mer fin andere tzadikim. [What do you think — he will receive somewhat more blows than other Tzadikim.] And Moharan"as z"tl said: that before he drew close to our master z"tl — he did not understand the greatness and righteousness of Moshe our teacher more than his father-in-law. For forty years he did not lie in his bed to sleep — because he was afraid of the blemish of the covenant — only he leaned himself against the table. And when he slept at the table he held a candle in his hand — and when the fire reached his hand he was forced to wake up — and returned to study. And the entire week he did not wash his hands for a regular meal because of the stringencies of handwashing — only he ate pas kisnin [cake]. But on Shabbos he washed his hands for eating with great stringencies. And he was orphaned in his childhood — and his father came to him after his passing to learn Torah with him. And when the matter began to become known among people — he no longer came. [And regarding the aforementioned saying about Moshe our teacher — Moharan"as once said: before I drew close to our master z"tl — I could not picture in my mind how it was possible that Moshe our teacher was a man like other men. But afterwards — when I drew close to our master z"tl and saw his greatness z"tl — and yet saw that he was a man — I then understood that also Moshe our teacher was a man.] And regarding his father-in-law — he said: afterwards when I drew close to the Tzadikim who were disciples of the Maggid — I understood that there is a great difference between his father-in-law and the Tzadikim who conduct themselves in the way of the Baal Shem Tov. For his father-in-law — although he was a Tzadik as mentioned — his entire service was not with fervor as the way of the aforementioned Tzadikim. And Moharan"as z"tl once said: the difference between a Chassid and an opponent is like the difference between a cold knish and bread — although all the varieties found in this one are found in that one — only this one — since it is hot — has more taste than this one which is cold — and since it is cold it has not so much taste as the hot one. [And so the Rav R. Nachman of Tulchin once marveled — when he was in the Crimea region and ate on Shabbos at someone's table — and they gave him soup to eat. And the host said to him again and again: "Eat! Eat! For it is hot!" And the Rav R. Nachman of Tulchin said: although the soup was thin — even so — since it was hot it was good. So too in the ways of Jewishness — however it is — since it is hot — it is good. And the Rav R. Avrohom z"l said that this is elaborated in the Torah beginning "there are people who sleep" etc.]

And Moharan"as z"l — since he was among opponents — found it difficult to draw close to the Chassidim. But after two years of eating at his father-in-law's table — he returned to eat at his father's table. And he then became acquainted with R. Lipa — and R. Lipa argued with him that the Chassidim are men of truth and it is proper to draw close to them. And once a man came from Hanipoli [where the Rav R. Zusha z"tl was] to Nemirov — and they fulfilled the mitzvah of hospitality for him. And he washed his hands for eating and blessed the washing and Hamotzi with concentration — and he seemed very upright in their eyes. And they asked him: do you know R. Zusha? And he answered: certainly I know him — and I am also accustomed to enter before him. And all the awakening to the service of Hashem I received from him. And he recounted to them somewhat of the manner of his service — and how at midnight he would throw himself from his bed and cry out: Zusha Zusha — heyb zikh shoyn oyf — di resht vestu shoyn der shlofn in kever! [Zusha Zusha — get yourself up already — the rest you will sleep in the grave!] And other forms of service. And they were greatly aroused to travel to the men of the Baal Shem Tov — for they saw that they are proper men. And this was six years before the drawing close to our master z"l. And then [Moharan"as] changed for the better — for he saw that the truth was with the Chassidim. And from then on he began to travel to the Tzadikim who walk in the way of the Baal Shem Tov — to the Rav R. Mordechai of Kremenets and to the holy Rav of Berdichev and other Tzadikim. And Moharan"as had great sufferings because of the obstacles of his father and father-in-law and wife. And yet — if he felt that he had great benefit in the service of Hashem — he did not regard them at all. But since he did not yet have

complete benefit — only a little — therefore he was not so strong in this.

Once he sat with the Chassidim — disciples of the Rav of Berdichev — at a Melave Malkah [Saturday night meal]. And they cast lots as to who should go to buy rolls [beygel] — and the lot fell on the Rav R. Nathan z"tl. And he went. And in the middle of the road — bitterness fell upon him over the matter of the ascents and descents that he was accustomed to — even after drawing close to the Chassidim. And thoughts of repentance entered him — and was this what he was born for — to go buy rolls? And it was difficult for him to strengthen himself. And then he began to evoke somewhat the light of the Baal Shem Tov — and Moharan"as went up and came down several times and knew no counsel for this. And he envied greatly when he saw old men in Nemirov who say "Shalom Aleichem" truly. And then he went to the women's section of the house of study and began to say Psalms — and said until chapter fifty [kapitel nun]. And at every verse he rolled himself on the ground from the greatness of the anguish — until he was exhausted and fell to the ground. And he slept and dreamed — and behold a ladder was set up on the earth and its top reached the heavens. And he began to ascend — and ascended a little and fell — and ascended a little more and fell back — and so again. And each time — the more he ascended — the greater the fall. And he ascended again to the height of levels — and then fell and could not ascend again. And one came and said to him: Drappe zikh un halt zikh [Climb and hold fast] And this was about a year before his drawing close to our master z"tl. And afterwards when he came to our master z"tl — he recognized in him: that this was the very man who had said to him drappe zikh.

un halt zikh! [and hold fast!]

Afterwards — when he was compelled again to eat at his father-in-law's table — and the Chassidim who would travel to the famous [Tzadikim] at his father-in-law's [household] understood that he could not be a Chassid — they advised him not to travel with the members of his household to his father-in-law — only let her travel alone. And then Hashem put it into his thoughts not to listen to them. And he always gave praise and thanks to Hashem, may He be blessed, that he did not listen to them — for if he had committed half a separation [pelag guf] he would not have had the vessels afterwards to receive the mind of our master z"tl. For through the blemish of the covenant — the minds become ruined, G-d forbid. And then someone handed him a letter — to transmit it to the Rav R. Mordechai of Kremenets. And Moharan"as — since he feared his father-in-law lest he notice that he had become a Chassid — did not enter the home of the Rav R. Mordechai z"tl until Passover — when everyone sits in his own home and no one would notice. And then he entered R. Mordechai —

and marveled that the time of the letter was from long ago.

When our master z"tl entered Breslov — then Moharan"as z"tl said: Ot atsind kan zayn az ikh vel vern ayn erlikher Yid! [Behold now it may be that I will become a proper Jew!] And our master z"tl also said then: Ikh zeh a neshamah oyf der Ukrayne somukh liBreslov. [I see a soul in Ukraine close to Breslov.] And he said this to Rabbi Yudel — and greatly praised the soul. And from the abundance of the praises — Rabbi Yudel did not want to believe that our master z"tl intended R. Nathan. But after the passing of our master z"tl — he understood that our master z"tl had intended Moharan"as. And therefore he sent his sons to Moharan"as z"tl. And he said: to trade with young men — that is — to engage with the youth in the matter of the fear of Heaven — this our master z"tl transmitted to Moharan"as z"tl. And then when our master z"tl entered Breslov — Moharan"as z"tl said: "Now I am traveling to Breslov." And then they were saying: Apitke a guṭer Yid — [For a small coin you can travel to a holy Rebbe —] meaning: for a small fare one can travel to our master z"tl. For from far away it was difficult to travel because of the obstacles of his father and father-in-law and wife — and also because of the obstacle of the mind — that he did not feel complete benefit in the service of Hashem, may He be blessed. But now — since he was close — the obstacles would be somewhat

nullified.

Our master z"tl came to Breslov on Tuesday — and it was then market day [yarrid]. And people came and recounted the matter of our master z"tl — that he despises the practices of the famous ones — that is — they made the assembly of eating and drinking the main thing in the service of Hashem, may He be blessed. [And our master z"tl once said: Ikh kan shoyn nit oysshteyn zeyere prozhnikes! [I can no longer bear their celebrations!] But our master z"tl speaks only from Torah and prayer — and he commands to confess before him.] And one named Valtshi Nesanel's said about one of the people of our master z"tl: "I have seen a confessioner!" And all this he recounted as mockery and derision. And when Rabbi Naftali heard this — he shamed Valtshi Nesanel's mentioned and cursed him through his father — and said: "This you are shaming? — this is precisely my desire and will!" And Rabbi Lipa traveled to our master z"tl for Shabbos. And then the days of Selichos were long — and R. Lipa returned home from our master z"tl. And on Motza'ei Shabbos Kodesh — he stood under the stove [winter oven] and said Selichos and Aneinu with great concentration and in a strong voice. And this was very pleasing in the eyes of Moharan"as and Rabbi Naftali z"tl — for he was already somewhat an old Chassid — and yet he was warmed and renewed. If so — this is a novelty. Therefore they also traveled immediately. And the Rav R. Nathan and R. Naftali went to the market to hire a wagon to Breslov — and they met R. Leybush who wanted to travel to some place also via Breslov. And he said to them that he too would travel with them to our master z"tl. And they traveled together and came to the home of Rabbi Beril Dubrishis. And they saw the home of R. Beril Dubrishis — that it was full of stories and wonders from our master z"tl. And Moharan"as recounted in this language: Hob ikh gezen az di shtub iz shoyn ful mit dem Rebn! [I saw that the house was already "full" of the Rebbe!] And afterwards they entered our master z"tl — and each one arranged his lineage from his forebears — for Rabbi Naftali too was of distinguished lineage — a grandson of the Rav of Skoyl — and R. Leybush too was of distinguished lineage. And our master z"tl answered and said: Gale guṭe Yidn! [All good Jews!] And afterwards Moharan"as z"tl said that he was somewhat related to our master z"tl — because of the in-law connection of his father-in-law with the Rav Rabbi Nachman of Horodenka. And then our master z"tl said: Atsind bin ikh shoyn nit elnt! [Now I am already not alone!] And our master z"tl said: Mir kenen zikh shoyn fun lang — nor mir hobn zikh shoyn a tsayt [We already know each other from long ago — only for some time]

nit gezen. [we have not seen each other.] And then our master z"tl told three stories:

The first story of the Rav our teacher the Rav Mordechai of Neskhiz — that once one of his people came to him and excused himself regarding livelihood and rent money etc. And the Rav mentioned said to him: "I want the entire house where you live to be yours." And the man mentioned was in a large dwelling where many neighbors lived with him — and there was also an inn there. And when the man entered his house — and afterwards the owner died and it fell by inheritance to the heirs — and the house fell from its prosperity — for there were spirits etc. — and several people died who bought this house. And it got a bad name on the dwelling — and therefore travelers for the inn stopped coming. And also the neighbors left — and they made an announcement to sell it — and there was no buyer because of the bad name. And therefore they lowered the price each time until the price became a small amount of money. And then the words of his teacher of Neskhiz z"l mentioned entered the heart of the man — and he went and bought it. And from then on the prosperity of the entire house began to return — and many travelers began to pass through — and he became wealthy. And afterwards he traveled to his teacher mentioned — when he wanted to travel home again — he entered to take leave of his teacher. And he understood from his motions that he was not giving him leave wholeheartedly as he had always been accustomed to. And he was afraid to travel. And so it was several times — each time he entered to take leave etc. as mentioned. And therefore he delayed there thirteen years. And our master z"l said: when he was there at the time he returned from the Land of Israel — he still found the man there. [And the fear was that he would die as the previous owners had died — and after five days that our master z"l was there — the Rav mentioned passed away and traveled home and died immediately.] And in this story our master z"l hinted to them: that they must pay great attention to every single word that goes out from his holy mouth — even in worldly matters [and even to his motions] — and not to imagine in their souls that he speaks his words simply

— G-d forbid.

The second story of the Rav Rabbi Shneur Zalman of Ladi z"l — who had a disciple who said one Torah of the Rav for eight years. And in this he hinted immediately to Moharan"as z"l — that he should greatly increase

novelties in his holy Torah.

The third story — of the drawing close of Rabbi Mikhel of Zlatchov z"l to the Baal Shem Tov z"l. And at the time R. Mikhel entered before the Baal Shem Tov — awe of the Baal Shem Tov fell upon him. And afterwards [the awe] fell away — and the thought arose in R. Mikhel z"l's mind: perhaps he is an ignoramus [am ha'aretz]. And because of this the Baal Shem Tov z"l fell in his eyes — like what is brought in the Gemara: "An ignoramus — at first a Torah scholar seems to him like a golden vessel etc. and afterwards like an earthenware vessel — once it breaks it has no remedy." And then the Baal Shem Tov z"l grabbed hold of him and said to him: Mikhli — bistu a am ha'aretz! [Mikhli — you are an ignoramus!] And at the time Moharan"as came to our master z"l — it was also as mentioned. And the same matter fell in his mind as well. And our master z"l told him this story — and grabbed his hand and said to him: "Mikhl — bistu a am ha'aretz" — and through this he aimed at his thought that he had thought then. And he was startled and greatly astounded — seeing with his own eyes that nothing of all his thoughts and ideas that arose in his heart was hidden from him. And from then on they were drawn to him in very great closeness etc. — as is brought in Koachvay Or — Part of Anshei

Moharan, §3.

And afterwards — since they immediately heard that with our master z"l the essential thing is to be with him on Rosh HaShanah etc. — they understood that it was impossible to remain there eight consecutive days until Rosh HaShanah. Therefore they traveled home immediately and came back for Rosh HaShanah. And it seemed that then too there was a story in which our master z"tl hinted to Moharan"as z"tl that he should eat with him together. And he was ashamed to eat with him. And afterwards he regretted this all the days of his life. [And the Rav R. Avrohom z"l explained this according to the Torah §62 — Vayasei — "the offering of the king by the king" —

through eating.]

And when Moharan"as z"l came for Rosh HaShanah — he saw that there were men who prayed as they should — and he was very envious of them — for he himself was then not capable of praying with proper concentration as he should. And afterwards he heard from our master z"l the Torah: Bachatzotzros [the Torah of the Trumpets] — §5. And he said that he had no attainment whatsoever in the aforementioned Torah — but the simple meaning of the verse "An ear that hears the reproof of life" [Proverbs 15:31] seemed to him — for this was very needed by him — in order to answer for him the essential difficulty of his father-in-law the Rav R. Dovid Tzvi z"l — that the Chassidim dispute with each other. And on that Rosh HaShanah — Moharan"as z"l took with him Rabbi Zalman HaKatan — who also did not agree with drinking spirits [vodka]. And Moharan"as z"l said to him: "You belong with us." And much earlier there had been the story that Moharan"as z"l was angry at the Rav R. Zalman — that he was angry at the Chassidim for pledging their tefillin for spirits. And afterwards Moharan"as z"l understood

that the words of the Rav R. Zalman HaKatan mentioned were correct.

Afterwards — in the Ten Days of Repentance — he entered before our master z"tl and told him all his heart. And then our master z"l said to him: Un vayṭer iz guṭ az me redet zikh oys… [And furthermore it is good that one speaks out…] And on Shabbos Teshuvah our master z"l said the Torah [§6] — K'ra es Yehoshua [Call Yehoshua] — and then he had a great feeling — as is elaborated in Chayay Moharan. And during the Ten Days of Repentance — our master z"l gave him guidance according to the root of his soul: eighteen chapters of Mishnah each day — and once in a period of a week he should eat nothing from living things — and once he should remain awake two continuous days and one continuous night. And afterwards he traveled home. And on Simchas Torah — several of the men of our fellowship gathered at Moharan"as z"l to rejoice with the joy of the festival — and they recalled the greatness of our master z"tl and his melodies. Hobn zey zikh gidraṗeṭ oyf di vent! [They climbed the walls!] — from the greatness of the attachment and the longing. And they had great regret that they had not traveled to our master z"tl for all the days of the festival. And therefore they decided to travel immediately at Motza'ei Yom Tov after Havdalah. And at that time when the men of our fellowship were in the home of Moharan"as z"tl — he was accustomed to enter his room each time — in order to complete the eighteen chapters of Mishnah. And when his father saw this — he marveled that each time he runs from the people to his room — and this is not a way of honor. And he asked the servant about it — and he told him that at this time he is studying the eighteen chapters of Mishnah which our master z"tl commanded him — and also told him that they had agreed among themselves to travel immediately at Motza'ei Yom Tov to our master z"tl. And then his father's anger burned greatly at this — for his son — who is such a great scholar — was given the rectification of eighteen chapters of Mishnah — and moreover because of the journey. And he said to Moharan"as z"tl: "You shall not come to my home again." And yet Moharan"as z"tl traveled with the men of our fellowship at Motza'ei Yom Tov. And they found our master z"tl still sitting at the table with the householders — for he was accustomed on Simchas Torah to sit with the householders alone — even though R. Shmuel Aizik and R. Yudel were also there and had not traveled home because of the distance of the road. And then the men of our fellowship sang in the street: "Tsahali veroni yoshevet Breslov" [Shout and sing you who dwelt in Breslov — adapted from Isaiah 12:6]. And then our master z"tl said the Torah §48 — Al asher me'altem bi [Because you trespassed against me]. And this is a wonder — for it is a Torah of Sukkos — but our master z"tl waited with the Torah —

for he wanted above all that Moharan"as z"tl hear it.

Afterwards Moharan"as z"tl traveled home — and did not go to his father's house — only to the house of his grandfather — his father's father — the Rav R. Yitzchak z"l of Danzig. And afterwards his father-in-law the Rav R. Dovid Tzvi passed through there — and they told him about his son-in-law Moharan"as z"tl — that he had become a Chassid. And they were thinking of getting a bill of divorce from him — for his wife was willing to receive a get from him. And also his father the Rav R. Naftali Hertz advised her to receive specifically a bill of divorce. And R. Dovid Tzvi asked: Lernt er khotsh? [Does he at least learn?] And she answered and said: he learns specifically much more than at the beginning. And he said to her: since it is so — I say not to receive a get from him. And she said to him: "And from where shall I take livelihood?" And he answered and said to her: Bay azoy a man viltstu parnose? Mit der noz zolstu akern in im gebn broyt! [With such a husband you want livelihood? Your nose shall plow and give him bread!] "Take a measure of salt and sell it in the market — and you give him livelihood." Afterwards they made peace: that he would travel occasionally for trade — and for now he would not travel to our master z"tl until Chanukah — that is — for the fixed appointed times. And he was compelled

to mediate with them for the sake of peace.

Afterwards — once he stood to pray — and he was not capable of praying as he should. And he wanted to travel to our master z"tl — but was afraid because of the aforementioned command. And it was very bitter for him. And he thought: surely close by in Breslov sits a man who can illuminate me — and I am not capable of traveling to him. And he thought to himself: when his father eats the midday meal — in the meanwhile he would travel to our master z"tl. And before the evening meal he could return home — and his father would not notice at all. And so he did — and traveled. And in the middle of the road a heavy rain fell — and so he came to our master z"tl at night — and entered before our master z"tl after Maariv. And he told our master z"tl all the obstacles. And our master z"tl said to him: Az si iz gor shlekhṭ — tsit men zikh tsum emes — vu iz fort der emes? [When it is completely bad — one draws oneself to truth — but where after all is the truth?] And then our master z"tl said to him the entire Torah §112 — Tsohar ta'aseh [A light shall you make]. And he traveled home to his grandfather the Rav R. Yitzchak mentioned — who said to him: "What have you done — to endanger your father's life?" For his father had a stomach ailment, G-d forbid — and then from the anger —

the aforementioned stomach ailment was aroused in him, G-d have mercy.

Afterwards there was the matter of the Chanukah journey — as is elaborated in Chayay Moharan and Yimei Moharan"as. Afterwards there was the matter of our master z"tl marrying off his daughter Sarah at Medvedevka — with the son of the Rav R. Leib Dobrovner. And the wife of our master z"tl sent to Nemirov to buy lekech [honey cake] — in order to take it to Medvedevka. And Moharan"as z"tl heard of this — and wanted to travel to the wedding. And he understood: who knows now whether they will let him return to his house if he travels at this time to our master z"tl — for he understood he would have to remain there until after Passover — since the road was very far. And he took with him his wife's star-kerchief [shtern tikhl] — in order to have at least some precious and valued object with him. Afterwards he consulted with his companion R. Lipa about this. And he said to him: if you take the kerchief — she will certainly demand a get — for she will be ashamed to have nothing to wear to the synagogue. Rather it is better that you have trust [bitachon]. And he listened to his words. And he did not know the road to Medvedevka — and he decided to travel to the holy community of Linits — and from there the road to Medvedevka would become known. And so he did — and traveled to Linits. And immediately when the Rav R. Nathan traveled — his father understood that he would presumably be at the Rav R. Gedalyah of Linits. And therefore his father sent a messenger with a letter to the Rav R. Gedalyah — that when his son R. Nathan comes — he should immediately send him back — by the command of the obligation of honoring one's father. And since the Rav R. Nathan strayed on the road — the messenger arrived in Linits before the Rav R. Nathan came. And when he came to Linits and entered the home of the Rav R. Gedalyah — and asked whether he could enter to him — they answered him that he was sleeping at that time. And they also told him about his father's messenger. And the Rav R. Nathan immediately traveled to Medvedevka — and traveled to our master z"tl immediately — while the Rav R. Gedalyah was still sleeping. And on the road he met R. Yudel in a certain village — and R. Yudel was then reading the Megillah. And at first he [R. Yudel] was studying the kavanos [mystical intentions] of the Arizal z"tl in Moharan"as's prayerbook — for he prayed with the kavanos of the Arizal according to the command of our master z"tl. And they arrived before our master z"tl before the Purim meal. And our master z"tl immediately went and sat down for the meal. And then our master z"tl said to him: Shushan Purim iz oykh a Yom Tov! [Shushan Purim is also a Yom Tov!] [And the Rav R. Avrohom said: Shushan Purim is connected to the matter of Yehoshua.] And he was at the wedding. And then our master z"tl sang a niggun —

and with this niggun he called all the holy Forefathers.

And then Moharan"as was at Passover in Medvedevka with our master z"tl. And the custom of our master z"l on the nights of Passover was to recline with his household at the table — to fulfill at minimum at least once in his life "and he shall gladden" [ve'simach es] etc. [the mitzvah of rejoicing his wife on the festival]. And therefore no guest sat at the Seder with him. And Moharan"as prayed with the entire minyan in the inner room. And in the outer room sat our master z"tl at the Seder at the table. And then our master z"tl heard the Hallel of Moharan"as — and said: "Fortunate is the mother who has such a son!" And then after the prayer — when the Rav R. Nathan wished to leave — he was compelled to exit through the room of our master z"tl. And our master z"tl was already sitting at the Seder. And Moharan"as saw our master z"tl sitting at the Seder — and was very pleased — and said: "Fortunate is he who merited at least to see our master z"tl sitting at the Seder —

even once in all the days of his life!"

After Passover — when traveling back home with our master z"tl — they were at the Rav Rabbi Gedalyah z"l. And the men of our fellowship prayed out loud — and especially Moharan"as. And the Rav R. Gedalyah asked our master z"tl: "Surely when one enters the King — one enters in a still small voice [kol damamah dakah]?" And our master z"tl answered him: Ikh halt fun amoldige Chassidim [I hold with the Chassidim of old —]

vos zenen arayngeshprungeyn mit dem farshmaltsinem arbil in Heichal haMelekh arayn! [who jumped into the King's Palace with a greasy sleeve!]

And in the summer there was the matter that the Rav R. Nathan traveled to our master z"tl — and then the Rav R. Boruch z"tl was in Tulchin. And then our master z"tl traveled to the Rav R. Boruch. And Moharan"as requested of our master z"tl that he take him along — and our master z"tl did not want to. And he implored him again — and our master z"tl said to him: Farshteyst — se shteyt dir nit on vi azoy di vest mir ankukn. [You understand — you would not be able to bear how you would see me.] And Moharan"as z"tl understood that he should not be stubborn with him. And our master z"tl traveled alone. And Moharan"as benefited from this all the days of his life. And our master z"tl came to the Rav R. Boruch — and while sitting with him he was sighing. And R. Boruch said to him: "Why are you sighing?" And our master z"tl answered: "I long to come to his level." And the Rav R. Boruch listed for him several levels of Tzadikim — and our master z"tl answered each one that he had already reached that level. Until he came to the level of the Baal Shem Tov z"l — and our master z"tl answered that he had also reached that level — and that he had reached it when he was thirteen years old. [And then the Rav R. Boruch pushed him until he almost fell from the upper floor [aliyah] — until his mother Marat Feiga z"l came from the supernal world and did not allow him to fall.] And from then the dispute between them began. And before this — there was the incident when the Rav R. Boruch asked someone who had traveled to our master z"tl: "What is doing my nephew [plimennik]?" And he answered: "I was there on Rosh HaShanah — and they prayed as I have never in my life seen prayer — and he said Torah such as I have never in my life heard." And the Rav R. Boruch z"tl said:

Voszheshe iz er — Got? [What is he then — G-d?]

And afterwards — when our master z"tl was in Lemberg — the Rav R. Boruch was accustomed to ask our master's sister about his health and wellbeing. Once she asked him why he disputed with him. And he recounted to her: that once he did not understand an explanation in a certain place in the Zohar — and he accepted upon himself not to dispute our master z"tl anymore — and immediately the interpretation of the Zohar became known to him. And from these words — the sister of our master z"tl thought that from now on he was no longer disputing him. And therefore she urged our master z"tl to travel to R. Boruch — and then surely a true peace would be made. And our master z"tl said then: even if an angel came from heaven and said to him that the Rav R. Boruch his uncle was at peace with him — he still would not believe it. But since it is not his way to be stubborn about anything — therefore he was compelled to travel. And he traveled etc. And on that first Shabbos of Moharan"as — when our master z"tl traveled to the Rav R. Boruch — Moharan"as was at R. Yudel's. And there were written Torahs [that had been said before Moharan"as had drawn close]. And he took these writings and studied them all of Shabbos Kodesh and almost all the night. And it entered his heart that now he could fulfill the command of our master z"tl — to remain awake two days and one night. For all that night he was studying the writings. And the next day our master z"tl would come home and he would have no opportunity to sleep.

And afterwards he would need to travel home — and also could not sleep. And so it was.

And in the aforementioned summer — when they saw the strength of his heart etc. — his father began anew to be reconciled somewhat. And yet the members of his household incited against him. His wife would then regularly send her brother-in-law to him at the study hall to speak with him about earning a livelihood, because at home she had no opportunity to speak with him, for as soon as he finished eating he ran to the study hall for his learning. So his brother-in-law went to the study hall and spoke with him: “What will become of earning a livelihood?” Rabbi Nathan answered him: “Nevertheless, one must die.” In these words: Di bist taki gerekht, nor vos zol ikh fort ton? Men vet ober fort muzn lign mit di fis tsu der tir. [Indeed, you are right; but what can I do? One will nevertheless have to lie with one’s feet toward the door.] Afterwards, some time later, the only son of that brother-in-law became ill. His brother-in-law went to the Holy Ark and wept, and said that he was giving himself in place of his son; and so it came to pass. For immediately his son began to recover, while he himself became ill and died. He wrote a letter to the Rav R. Nathan, asking him to see to his son, and he recalled the words of Moharan"as, who had said, “Surely one must die.” And he said: Ay, tut mir bank; ay, zent ir gerekht un hot gut tsugetrofn az me vet amol lign mit di fis tsu der tir. [Oh, it pains me; oh, you were right and you guessed well that one would one day have to lie with one’s feet toward the door.] And he said: Oy, bin ikh dikh mekane. [Oh, how I envy you.] Afterwards they reached an agreement with the Rav R. Nathan that he would travel to Berdichev only to purchase merchandise, but none of the other burdens would be upon him at all. And he did so, etc., as is brought

at length in Koachvay Or — in the Part of Anshei Moharan.

And once at the beginning of the drawing close — Moharan"as saw at our master z"tl the book Shivchei HaArizal [Praises of the Arizal] — and asked him for it. Afterwards, when he returned it, our master ztzuk"l asked him: Vos hostu dir epes aroysgenumen fun dort? [What did you take out for yourself from there?] He answered and said: What is written there—that R. Chaim Vital ztzuk"l was humble and regarded himself as exceedingly lowly; and when he entered before the Ari z"l and drew close to him, the Ari began to praise and glorify him greatly. This was a great wonder to him: “What is this? I know my own lowliness, etc., yet His Honor’s exalted eminence praises me so much.” The Ari ztzuk"l answered him and said: “In the footsteps of Mashiach, with few deeds they will attain the level of Rabbi Akiva.” And the reason he specifically mentioned Rabbi Akiva is that it is explained in the writings of the Ari z"l that R. Chaim Vital possessed the soul of Rabbi Akiva. Our master z"l answered and said to him: Ot dos hob ikh taki gemeint. [This is precisely what I truly meant.] For this very matter was likewise so with Moharan"as ztzuk"l: in his own eyes he was humble, lowly, and truly forbearing—a shtikl blote [a piece of mud]—as our master ztzuk"l himself testified about him. And when he drew close to our master ztzuk"l and the latter praised and glorified him, etc., it was a novelty

and a wonder to him; and through this the matter was resolved for him, as mentioned above.

Once Moharan"as ztzuk"l said that at the beginning of his drawing close to our master ztzuk"l, if he had not seen silver candelabra [zilberne laykhṭer] in the possession of our master ztzuk"l, he would not have drawn close (as may be understood in Chayay Moharan §201): this is the matter of how worthy people are clothed, etc. For even the Blessed One, when He wished to give us the Torah, clothed

Himself in stories, for the entire Book of Genesis, etc.; see there.

And Moharan"as z"tl used to recount: when I drew close to our master z"tl — Hob ikh mayn moyekh in gantsn avek gileygt — [I put my mind down completely —] as though I had no understanding whatsoever. And when I heard one utterance from our master ztzuk"l, hob ikh a shtikl seykhl; nokh a dibur, nokh a shtikl seykhl [I had one piece of understanding; another utterance, another piece of understanding]. And so the great men of our fellowship said of him that this is the difference between Moharan"as and the other disciples of our master ztzuk"l: they knew that our master ztzuk"l was the essence, but they too zenen oykh epes [were also something]—they had some opinion of their own. But Moharan"as z"l knew within himself that without our master z"l he was nothing—gor nit [nothing at all]—truly as naught.

Fortunate is he.