Tape 1, Side A

...that we are speaking of our holy Rabbainu, Rebbe Nassan, {..}, and all manner of praises that we may say still do not amount to a drop in the sea of their greatness, yes. Rebbe, this... this is what Rebbe Nassan says, and I say only the words of Rebbe Nassan, yes. But Rebbe Yisroel, he {warned} me: the people of Rabbainu—we must speak about them, yoy. But no, everything, everything is—it is, it is only Rabbainu. He is {halakhah}; he rose above everything, yes. The main thing is Rabbainu. Ah... if only there were truth in the world and among our people. And... and they {would} speak about this and publicize the name of Rabbainu—what Rabbainu is. The redemption would already have come; the world would already be drawing close to Rabbainu. But falsehood—it, it, it separates and blinds, blinds his eyes—falsehood, yes. But the Holy One Blessed Be He—we are forbidden to harbor doubts about the Holy One Blessed Be He, yes. A time will yet come, yes, it will come; {Rebbe Nachman revealed} it will come, the time will come when He will remove falsehood from the world and reveal—and the truth will be revealed, yes. Only we need to believe and strengthen ourselves in prayer—to pray. Like this, with the... to speak with the Holy One Blessed Be He with the lips. Or to study from a book, or to say Likutay Tfilos with the lips. What is written in the book—to say it with the lips, yes. Without any {{. .}}—pay attention—without, yes, this... I say, ‘Blessed are You, Hashem...’ like a convert, yes. [Do you remember this story— that you said that you did not want to finish drinking milk; you drank...] Ah, and the mother's milk ran out. [The mother's.] Yes. [So I want you to tell...] So I went, I took out the—the thing, this... Then she said to me: ‘You are already—you are already big. Aren't you ashamed? What is with you?’ Then I began to cry: ‘Oy, I want the—the breast, {what will they say}.’

And I also remember that I was how old—how many years old. Then... I was sick; I was very sick. And I had a battle with, with, with the angel—the Angel of Death. I felt that I was about to die, but I... [How old were you?] Ah? I do not remember... [Ten? Five, six?] In childhood. [In childhood.] Younger, younger. [Younger than ten—what did you feel?] In any case. [What sort of...] The... yoy, ah... [Th... what did you feel—that the Angel of Death...] I was very sick and became very weak. Because when someone is sick, they need to give him something to revive his soul—milk! And she gave me milk and water. I receiv... ‘Give me milk!’ But she did not have any; she gave me milk with water. Then I said to her: ‘You are giving me milk and water; I want only milk!’ In any case, afterward I came ou... I became better. Then I said to Mother: ‘I am very weak; I need a little meat, soup.’ She gave me three coins. It was like three today—three groshn, three... And I went to the ‘Shafer’ inn, the father of Yisroel Shafer, yes. She, she, she cooked well, yes. She gave me three groshn to buy soup and with, with, with—soup with a piece of meat, or with a piece of chicken. Nu, nu, I tasted the—the soup. {Nu, already}, ah... I had not tasted soup at home, so it was—I felt a good taste, yes. But the Holy One Blessed Be He returned my soul to me through miracles. I saw miracles many times—miracles. The Holy One Blessed Be He showed me th... that He gives me in order to live, yes. [Pshh...] Oy, oy, oy... [So it healed you—this soup healed you?]

{{.….}}, yes, yes. [Gave you strength.] But she gave me only perhaps two times, or three times. I {…} needed it for several... a week, two weeks, two weeks. Nu, she did not have—there was none for us, yes. I live by a miracle. There was great poverty, and they accepted everything with love and joy— Father and Mother, yes. [You told me that there was—there was hunger. Your mother would give you for cheder a piece of bread with a drop, a drop of olive—olive oil.] With, with, with a few drops. [Drops of olive oil.] Yes, then I {…} asked: ‘Give me a few more drops.’ Then she said to me, ‘What...’... She shouted at me: ‘I need the oil for Shabbos. Do not say anything; this is enough!’ Yes. And afterward I went and gave the bread with the drops of oil—I gave it to a poor man... There was in Teveria an old man, a couple, an old man and an old woman, and he went to ask for charity. A poor man. So I wanted to do tzedakah and kindness—tzedakah. I took the bread—I had no money—I took the bread and went to the old man, to this poor man, and gave it to him. His name was Yosef Noach; Yosef Noach, that was his name, because to this day I remember his name. Yosef Noach, two names. It was, it was during Parshass ‘Noach’; this was after Sukkos, Parshass... Parshass ‘Noach.’ After ‘Beraishis’ comes ‘Noach,’ so this... good. I... it was on Sunday. I went and joyfully gave him the bread with the drops of olive oil. I went and gave it to him. I thought that I had done a great tzedakah; he and his wife would eat, and... Yes, yes. I went to cheder and had nothing to eat; I had given away the bread. Then my head hurt; my head hurt very much.

I needed to eat, and I had nothing. So the rebbe's practice on Sunday was to tell the students: ‘This week goes—goes Parshass “Noach,”’ yes. He, he said it several times so that they would know that this week was Parshass ‘Noach,’ yes. He looked at all the students and noticed that I was not listening at all, as though I were not in the room. I was not listening at all, no, and knew nothing at all. So he left me alone and finished. Afterward he called me: ‘Yisroel Ber, tell me which—which parashah is this week?’ I, I was not listening; I did not know, and did not, and did not... My head was hurting. And I did not, did not, did not hear what he was saying at all. Nu, nu, he struck me with such cruelty. ‘What is this? I say several times like this that this week is Parshass “Noach.” Where were you? You were not... What is this? Where were you?’ He struck me, and I was ashamed before all the students. He struck me so cruelly, yes. [How old were you, Saba?] I do not know—small. [A child of five, six.] Yes, about that age; one begins to learn Chumash. [Ah, Chumash, yes.] Parshass ‘Noach,’ oy, oy. I said, ‘From today I will no longer give it away. I need... otherwise I will be beaten,’ yes. I would not know whether this week was Parshass ‘Noach.’ Even so, I again gave this poor man the bread. Oy. And within me was all of Yiddishkait—all, all that I heard about a spiritual matter, about a spiritual matter, about emunah, about Torah—it was within me. I received new knowledge—what had not, what had not appeared. Before, I did not know of the Holy One Blessed Be He, of Torah; I hear that there is Torah and the Holy One Blessed Be He, and then within me—within me was great joy, yes, yes.

Oy. And I was the worst of all, of all the children—the worst. I was born into poverty, and I also—I too was a weak child, yes. I have miracles in that I am alive, that I was able to live. I studied; I got up... early, and lit a small lamp. We had a small number ‘2’ lamp. I lit the lamp and said Tehillim and prayer; I began to pray. So all week I lit the lamp... for, for, for several hours, and there was not enough for... They had a bottle of, of kerosene; this bottle was to last from Shabbos to Shabbos. And I used this lamp, and Shabbos arrived and there was no—there was kerosene. Then they said, ‘Oh, Yisroel Ber, Yisroel Ber causes us such troubles. He, he burns the kerosene, and we do not have, and do not, and do not have enough to finish, finish the week.’ Yes. And also I—I was born a very weak person. It is a miracle how I, how I grew up and am alive, yes. But blessed be Hashem. And I was very simple, and I had a will—a strong will— to be, to be a truly upright person, to serve Hashem in truth, and to study and pray. Nu, nu. Especially when the years after bar mitzvah began, the battle of, of the sins of youth began. Yes, thoughts and... and I did not know what this was, yes. Oy, oy, nu, nu. Who can tell it? Who can imagine it? [So what did you do with the sins of youth? What, what—how, how, how did you overcome? What did you do?] What? [What did you do when you reached the age of youth?] I had difficult battles, and I had any blemish whatsoever from a thought or from some... No, no, no, Heaven forfend, I did not blemish myself as {today}, rachmana litzlan. Every blemish whatsoever was for me like, like being the most wicked man in the world, yes.

I found no place for myself with the Holy One Blessed Be He, with Torah, yes. And this is what brought me to the Holy One Blessed Be He—precisely what I went through. And I strengthened myself and fought, and said: ‘I love the Holy One Blessed Be He. Whatever happens, I want to serve Hashem, I...’ Yes. Oy vey... I, I prayed in the synagogue, but I prayed with fiery enthusiasm, and with emunah and truth, yes. Until I was the only one in this, yes, and I looked like a madman. There was one old man named Rav Yaakov Kasir—Kasir, Kasira Kasira, Kasir. Rav Yaakov Kasir. And he knew some learning, and he was an upright person, yes. He was among the Chassidim of, of Boyan, of... But he loved me very much. He heard the prayer in truth and with fiery enthusiasm, yes. He loved me very much. By nature he was a great miser, yes. Even for tzedakah he was a great miser, yes. And he came to me, to the place where I stood praying, and gave me a large coin, yes. He put a large coin in my hand as a gift. Then I was astonished: ‘He is so miserly, and he gives me such a coin.’ [Was this before you knew of Rabbainu? Before?] Yes! [Long before this.] Yes! [Before you married, before everything.] Ah? [Before the wedding—before, before you married.] Yes, certainly. Who can imagine? Who can describe? Who can?... ...without vitality, without... and I had no one who... who, who would speak with me, who would educate me, yes. I was always in sadness, yes—broken, broken. [A broken heart.] But this was a great good, because I was broken, and this, this drew me close to the Holy One Blessed Be He, to Torah, yes, yes. It was for the good, yes. [What did you do? Did you go to tzaddikim? What? The broken heart.]

Nu. [When you were broken.] Nu. [So what did you do to emerge from it? From the broken heart—what, did you pray more? Did you go to tzaddikim?] Yes, I yearned; I had yearnings for the Holy One Blessed Be He, yes. And I was ashamed. I thought that only I had a yetzer hara, that I had desires, while everyone was pure. I did not know what—what there was among others. Then I said, ‘All the desires and all the troubles and all... everything, everything—I am worse than the whole world, than everyone.’ I did not know that the others also had a yetzer hara... Open? [Yes.] Oy, oy. [So what did you do? Did you go to tzaddikim? Did you go—what...] I knew only that I was a Karliner. I have, I have an Admo... I have Karlin—he, the Admo"r of Karlin. He knows; he possesses ruach hakodesh, and he knows... He is outside Eretz Yisroel, and I am in Eretz Yisroel. He knows me, recognizes me, and he... And I was very happy, because the Karliners, they, they... Every kind of Chassidus has some special thing in which it takes pride, and it... Yes, that he serves Hashem. Oy, oy, yes, yes. [So what?] Then, then I thought that my Admo"r, the Karliner—Karlin—was greater than all the Admo"rim. Because they shout in prayer, and I loved to shout to the Holy One Blessed Be He, yes—what. And they shout. But I shouted; there was an old man beside me who, who said to me: ‘You wicked one, I am an old man; I already cannot hear, and you want to make me completely deaf? What do you want from me? Why do you shout so much?’ Then I thought that my Admo"r was outside Eretz Yisroel; he recognized me and possessed ruach hakodesh. And he, and he... I have, I have, I had, I have the Admo"r of Karlin.

Until I rid myself of, of Karlin—do not ask. Oy... When I merited to draw close to Rabbainu—who knows, no... The klippos from before, when I had Karlin, this and this—this, this caused me confusion. There are Admo"rim who are outside Eretz Yisroel... There were no Admo"rim in Eretz Yisroel; in Eretz Yisroel there were no Admo"rim, only outside Eretz Yisroel. So I thought: before Mashiach's coming—Mashiach—as long as Mashiach is not here, has not yet come, then the Admo"rim are outside Eretz Yisroel. They cannot reach Eretz Yisroel, because their holiness is... yes. I thought all the Admo"rim were holy, but Karlin was the holy of holies. But blessed be Hashem, the Holy One Blessed Be He performed miracles for me, so that I merited to draw close to Rabbainu. And I merited to understand and see and feel what—what Yiddishkait is and what Torah is, what... yes. Oy. But, but I had no one to guide me; I did not have Rabbainu. I did not know of Rabbainu. Afterward, when I merited to draw close, then what did I know? Did I know what I know now? But every piece of knowledge through which I merited to feel the truth was... I felt, oh! This, this is such truth—there is, there is nothing like it. This... yes. Until I merited to rid myself of Karlin and all the klippos, yes, because, because I drew close to Rabbainu and traveled to Yerushalayim. And Yerushalayim is a city of Torah scholars, geonim, tzaddi... great geonim. But our people were broken, and they were humbled before them, what th... And every word that I heard from our people—I felt such truth; I saw, I understood. The Holy One Blessed Be He gave me wisdom and intellect to understand. I saw Rebbe Naftali Cohen. He was a wise and enlightened man, and he was, he was a great sage, yes. And he was a builder. He could build, build large houses, and he built the synagogue.

[But you knew Rebbe Yisroel Kardonner before everyone, yes?] Ah? [Rebbe Yisroel—Rebbe Yisroel Kardonner—you knew him before everyone, b... before Naftali Cohen?] Ah, certainly! [Before all of them—first of all Rebbe Yisroel.] Certainly, first of all Rebbe Yisroel, yes, yes. He opened all the gates for me. Through him I merited to understand; I merited... yes. And the man Rav Naftali—I, I asked him questions: what should one do with the yetzer hara? And he loved speaking with me. He saw my simplicity and truth, so he loved me very much, yes. Nu, he, he could not—there was a great distance. He was already old, and I, and I... And also I was simple, while he was a ben Torah, and he spoke with me. He, he did not like to speak much, but... he spoke a great deal, but there was—there was, in his words there was holy wisdom, yes. And he, and he instilled in me a spirit—a new spirit, yes. This is the matter of Rabbainu, yes. He explained to me the matter of false beliefs, yes. He said, ‘False ones are falsehoods—false beliefs.’ Then I thought: Karlin, my Admo"r, the Karliner, is not—he is not, he is not a liar. Until I merited to know that he too was together with them. Until I merited to know and understand this, because if I had not understood, it would have—it would have been a great trouble for me. This heart—there is a blemish in my heart, yes, a defect, a defect. Nu, what does one do? And blessed be Hashem, the Holy One Blessed Be He helped me so that the words I heard from our people in Yerushalayim were for me consolation, salvation—salvation and consolation—and He shone a great light within me, to know what this is... yes. I saw that Karlin, Karlin, Karlin, Karlin, yes. And also everyone—I held highly of everyone, of all the liars.

Only my liar is—he is holy in Torah and... Karlin. Until I rid myself of this, until I merited to understand that it is falsehood—both Karlin and all of them, yes. But I was happy with my portion, that I merited to... blessed be Hashem, to make it known, to see, to understand, and to apprehend that this is falsehood and this is truth. Against the entire world—‘and it was reversed,’ yes. I, I, I was then like this: ‘Who are you? What? What? What do you know? What do you understand?’ No—the Holy One Blessed Be He constricts Himself, and Yisroel Ber does too, yes. I merited to feel and see and understand that this is truth and this is falsehood! Yes, this... This was at a time when the entire world was immersed in falsehood, in Admo"rim, and I merited to see the opposite of everyone, yes. And it did not influence me: they are many and they are great in Torah. What? Who am I? What are you? Yes. No, the truth is strong—a very strong warrior such as there is none like him. Every word I heard from the people of Rabbainu—Rebbe Nassan, Rebbe Nassan the husband of Gittel, after Rebbe Yisroel— his simplicity, his truth, his speech, his face, his speech— I saw that all of them—there is nothing in him. If, if, if you see {that a person did not have}, this is Rebbe Nassan; this, this is one who serves Hashem, yes. Because I was in Yerushalayim and received a word from this one and a word from that one and a word from this one, and it entered my heart. I came to Teveria with merchandise, with new merchandise, new nigunim, and a new Yisroel Ber. This was not the former Yisroel Ber, yes. Then everyone knew that Yisroel Ber had been in Yerushalayim, yes. And this was a miracle from the Holy One Blessed Be He, beyond nature; it is impossible to understand. I was born among them, and I knew that this was a God-fearing person. They all had a false reputation—that they feared Hashem, that they... yes.

But the Holy One Blessed Be He gave me wisdom and intellect, and I discerned and knew and saw and understood that... the truth, yes. This... were it not for the machlokes, were it not for the opposition, I would have known nothing of Rabbainu. It was precisely, precisely this that drew me close, yes. And these were good gifts. ‘I brought you a gift from Eretz Yisroel: “machlokes.”’ It was such a gift as there is none in the world. Now give me all, all the money in the world—I do not want it; I do not want it, yes. There is no—the time has passed. But even today Mashiach has not yet come; the truth is not so... Yes, but the world is beginning, beginning to hear and understand about Rabbainu Rebbe Nachman, about Rabbainu Rebbe Nachman, yes. Throughout my life there were those who feared, who were afraid to touch a Breslov book. And now one can read the Breslov books everywhere, nu. I had questions about the Holy One Blessed Be He: ‘Why is the truth—the truth is not revealed? The world would already have been a world, a world of rectification. When will this be? How is it possible for there to be—the redemption? How is it possible?’ So now I see—from eighty years ago until now— I see such a power, that the world is drawing itself to Rabbainu. It would have been fitting for the whole world to distance itself from Breslov, because all the great ones were, were opponents; they were not... yes. It became a wonder, such a wonder. Then the holy Rabbainu said: ‘I brought you a gift from Eretz Yisroel: “machlokes.”’ The entire world, all... He informs us that: ‘The entire world will oppose me, and then whoever draws close to me will be one of my people.’ What... oy, what they suffered. They suffered for the generations—in these generations; they prepared for Mashiach. The people of Rabbainu and the books of Rabbainu—every word, every word, and every... But falsehood, falsehood—it, it blinds the eyes, makes the eyes blind, yes, and does not...

And they profane and disgrace the Name—the truth. But Rabbainu already informed us: when he entered Uman, he said to Rebbe Nassan: ‘Even so, the Holy One Blessed Be He, the Holy One Blessed Be He always finishes according to His will.’ There was such a Rebbe and disciple—unique in the world. From the day the world was created, such a disciple, such a Rebbe and such a disciple. And also all the disciples of Rabbainu—what this is, what this is. Oy, blessed be Hashem. I was crushed and broken and submitted, and in submission, yes. But the heart within—the truth was burning like a flaming fire, yes, yes. It was a miracle! There were Chassidim of Karlin in Teveria. And they—when someone does good deeds, some good thing—tzedakah, kindness— then he is very important in the city, and they give him the name of tzaddik. And he—everyone jokes; he did not joke. He served Hashem and was an upright person; he did not joke. But even so, in his heart he had opposition to Breslov, because he could not change the world, yes. Only the truth can change the world—against the entire world. Oy, Master of the World, oy, oy... oy vey... How much I loved Breslov! I gave my soul to travel from Teveria to Yerushalayim, at a time when I had—I had no money, I had no bread for the children, and I had no clothing for the children... And I traveled to Yerushalayim, and they were all poor; our people were poor, yes. Nu, among poor people can one eat? Can one receive money? Or... not even much, even—but they, they were poor. I suffered: if there is no money, there is no bread. I go to the store; he will not give me any. Whether I am hungry—whether I am hungry or not—it is not his business. ‘You want bread? Money!’ And I did not have money. And I also had no water. In Yerushalayim there was a great shortage of water. Today there are springs, and there is...

But then there was one spring in all of Yerushalayim. Then there were two kinds of water: water for netilah and water for drinking—for drinking. In the synagogue they do not—they do not buy drinking water; they do not buy it. They buy cheap water for netilah. I had no water to drink—no bread and no water. Nu, and when I traveled to Yerushalayim, I looked at myself: ‘What, what? How, how, how, how are you traveling? To whom are you traveling? What? What will you do there? And you do not even have bread to eat.’ And I did not look at this; I gave my soul. Yes, I needed to hear from Rav Naftali, from this one, from this one, from this one—some word of Rabbainu. Each time there were other reasons and other miracles for the journey. What—when there is no money, one cannot travel to Yerushalayim, to Haifa, and to... One needs money to pay for the expenses and for bread; there was none. But with the Holy One Blessed Be He everything is recorded; there is an accounting, yes. Everything is recorded, yes. The Holy One Blessed Be He sees my heart. He saw that I was traveling with mesiras nefesh to hear some word of Rabbainu, yes. Then, then He writes me: ‘My dear student.’ But I was alive, and I suffered hunger—the shame of hunger—and I also had no water. Such a journey is unique in the world. I told you once that I met Rav Alter the shochet—Rav Alter. He was a Karliner, a Chassid of Karlin. He had such a reputation—that he was a tzaddik, that he was great, that he served Hashem, that he performed tzedakah and kindness, yes. Such a reputation as there would be {barganat}. So I wanted to travel to Yerushalayim, but without money it is impossible to travel. Then I saw Rav Alter. I said, ‘Perhaps he will lend me.’ I said, ‘Rav Alter, I have a request of you.’ ‘What, what, what is it?’ ‘I need a loan—half a lira!’

Then he looks at me as though I were mad. What is he talking about? Am I rich? Do I have half a lira? In a bank there is half a lira, there are liros, but I have only groshn...