Tape 93, Side A

[.….………]... [..……………] {….} Father, {….} Father, my heartfelt father, have mercy on me, but miserable, a great fall Then from the magnitude of the sadness, the ascent.. [……] What will become of me in the end.. […..] Nu, nu, nu, nu And you know who says this “And about you I said, my little fire will burn until Messiah comes” [Saba, in Hebrew, we do not understand; Saba, in Hebrew] Ah, where are we? In Uman? [Yes, Saba] Still in Uman [Yes, Saba, yes] (Saba laughs) (Saba and the friends shout: ah.. ah.. ah.. ah..)… …He descended to me, I derive pleasure from you, and.. if you hold yourself firm and you do not fall If you listen to me, a.. fortunate are you [………………….] [……………..…..]... ...[Rebbe Yisroel, you have a fresh egg here with olive oil] [No, ?no, an egg, e..]… ...{Who is here?} Meir, Meir Maimoni [Yes, Saba] Yaakov, do you know him? [That is me, Saba] Ah? [That is me, me, Saba, that is me, Saba] Ah, ah, you are he… ...{Our righteous ones} the holy ones, our holy forefathers Avraham, Yitzchak, and Yaakov Our holy forefathers, who illuminated the holy Torah within us Every utterance of which is our entire vitality The essence of life is the Torah, “for it is your life and the length of your days” There are the commandments that the blessed Hashem gave us He gave us the commandments of tefillin, the commandment of tzitzis, the commandment of Shabbos, the commandment of Pesach, of festivals, of Chanukah, miracles and wonders that {Hashem} the blessed does with us, to illuminate within us The light of Hashem, the light of truth, the light of faith Without this, there is no, no, no {anything}, there is no, no life at all; they have no, they have no place {….}

Like, like an animal that always stands and eats, and that is its work To eat and drink {and...}.. "But we are Your people, the children of Your covenant, the children of Avraham, Yitzchak, and Yaakov" The gentiles are like donkeys; it stands all day and eats, and if it sees that there is none, none That it will no longer have any, then it {will not touch me}, the owner will bring the food Avraham, Yitzchak, and Yaakov, father and.. and.. and sons {What do we live for}, what is all the.., everything, living here for? Only in order to serve Hashem, so that we will have strength to serve Hashem with wisdom, and to serve Hashem {and do His will..} Without this there is nothing… ...{……………….} To illuminate in.. in the children the light of Hashem, the light of the Torah Without this, our life is nothing, is not worth {anything}.. anything {..} It wants to eat and drink, and rest and sleep Like an animal, its work is only to eat By day and by night, always to eat, to stand and eat [Saba sings: "Fortunate are we, how good is our portion and how pleasant is our lot.."]… ...Oy vey [………..…….] [……………...]… ...{There is no} such thing, all the Jews are fasting, and I did not, I did not fast So I fell and became very ashamed, "What did you do? What?" In short, everyone made fun of me, and said that I had lost my mind and I was already crazy, {yes} In short, I studied in the yeshiva at Rebbe Meir Baal HaNess in Teveria I {…} entered the synagogue, and I said to Rebbe Meir, to Rebbe Meir Baal HaNess: I failed, I fell, and I have no counsel at all how to repent, and how one does such a thing and is not ashamed Is not ashamed—a fast that the great ones of Yisroel established upon us as a fast, from the Gemara, from the law, yes And I failed, I fell, and.. and I ate before the prayer

I did not drink water before the prayer, and I, and I ate before the prayer And he did not.. I fell very badly, and became very ashamed "What, what did I do? What?" In short, I became ashamed and fell so far, and I found no place at all for how to live and what to do What did I do? The fast of the Seventeenth of Tammuz, all the Jews fast, only I did not fast What..? I could have, I could have died from the great shame, from the great {…...fall..} In short, everyone laughed at me, and I, I went to the holy gravesite of Rebbe Meir Baal HaNess in Teveria and said to him: "Everyone is laughing at me, and I do not know what to do, and how to repent" Then they told me: "Go into your room and take a sefer, any sefer at all, and open it, and you will find And you will find good words that can revive {yourself\you}" So I did this, I entered my room, and I had Rabbainu's seforim; I took some sefer It was the sefer, ah.. [["Likutei Halachos"]] "Likutei Halachos" that they printed, that they printed, of Rebbe Nassan And this is all the words of {the throat\the genius} of Rabbainu, of blessed memory They, they, they revive and repair the whole world, every word of his I entered my room, and took out a sefer and opened it, and I found the note there It was written there.. it was understood from the note that I still had hope The holy Rabbainu revealed and cried out in a loud voice, in a loud voice: "Oy, oy, gevald, do not despair, there is no despair in the world at all" Even though I ate before the prayer, and did such a thing, "There is no despair in the world.." Even I still have hope I found a note, and it was written there, written there what was written in the note

I learned from this, from the note, that still, I still have hope, and still, the holy Rabbainu cried out in a loud voice: "Gevald..! Do not despair, there is no despair in the world at all" Well, I did not understand; I took this upon myself, "There is no despair in the world at all," even I still have hope. And so I found notes from Rabbainu, of blessed memory, two or three times; I know one note by heart And this is the wording I opened a sefer and there was a piece of paper there, and this is what was written on it, in this wording, on the paper What, what, this is how it is, this, these are the words.. what? "It was very difficult for me to descend to you to tell you, my precious disciple, Yisroel Ber.. my precious disciple To tell you that I derived great pleasure from your service" I did not feel what service, what face do I have "I derived great pleasure from your service, and about you I said," there is a teaching from Rabbainu, of blessed memory: "There is no despair in the world at all" "And about you I said" There is a teaching from Rabbainu in which he said, he said, that he said.. […..] He this way, he said this: "Gevald, do not despair, there is no despair in the world at all" So, so from this I took strength to stand in the batt.., to stand against this darkness, against this trouble I ate before the prayer, what, have you heard such a thing? From these {Selichos\conversations} Jews fast a fast, a fast, and I did not, did not, did not do it And you said, the holy Rabbainu said to me: "And as a sign, on the Seventeenth of Tammuz they will say that you are not fasting" {Oh..\He}, the holy Rabbainu, even though I did such a thing And I ate on the Seventeenth of Tammuz before the prayer Even so, "There is no despair in the world at all" Begin from now anew to be a Jew I was born in Teveria, and I was born into such poverty, the only one in the world

I did not have what I needed, I did not have it; when I grew up {and became} a little bigger There was not.., all the children came for Pesach with, with new, beautiful clothes But I, my father was blind, and they had no money, and he did not make me a garment for myself for the festival All the children came to the synagogue with, with beautiful clothes, and I did not have new clothes Well, and I was very happy And my mother, she made my garment like new; she washed it, and she, and she {did upon it} And when I came to the synagogue, all the children came with new clothes Only I, my mother.. washed my festival garment, and I, and I came to the synagogue like all the children With a very beautiful garment, not new, but I had {like new} I.., the Karlin Chassidim shout during prayer; I shouted more than everyone And there sat, I here, and here was an old man, a very old man, yes, he had a beautiful beard I sat beside him, and shouted: "Give thanks to Hashem for He is good, for His kindness is everlasting" Then he said to me: "I am old, and I cannot hear, and you are making trouble for me, and you shout like this, I will not.. I will become deaf, I will not hear anything, what do you want from me? Why are you doing this, you shout {so much}?" He wanted, he was very angry with me: "Why are you shouting? I will not, will not hear {at all\anything}, what do you want from me?" Ah.. [Cola, cola..] {All the time co.. co.. co..} [Yes] Coca-Cola? [No, Pepsi-Cola] Eh? [Pepsi-Cola] Half cola? [……..] [Should I open it for you? Saba] I went after the prayer [……] And there was an elderly couple, an old man and an old woman; they had a room next to me, in some, in some courtyard, yes, thank God

What is this? [This is cola] Cola, what, this is..? What, was there a factory? [Yes] Blessed are You, Hashem our God, King of the world, through Whose word everything came to be.. [[Amen]]… ...I was the poorest child of them all, and I had no sense, I had no.. I entered after Sukkos, it was during Parshas 'Noach,' I remember my rebbe I came, all the children brought money to the rebbe, and I, my father was poor, I had no money I had no money, I was ashamed to come to the rebbe without money, what? This was his entire livelihood, {..} ah, he recounted to me and to all the students at the table, the order, the weekly parsha, Parshas 'Noach,' and I, Mother gave me a piece of bread, I gave the bread to the poor couple so that they would have something to eat, {yes} Nu, the rebbe said: "This parsha, it is Parshas 'Noach'" And I was hungry, and the rebbe's words did not, did not enter into me: "The parsha.., this week it is Parshas 'Noach'" The rebbe, he, he saw that I knew nothing, that I did not know what he was talking about, what So the rebbe saw, he, he discerned in me that I did not know at all, as if I was not, not not among the students at all, did not know at all what he was talking about, so he said to me: "Yisroel Ber, Yisroel Ber, which parsha is this week?" I did not know, because I was hungry and had a headache, and I did not know, and I said nothing He said to me.., what, he hit me and said to me: "How many times did I say that this week it is Parshas 'Noach'? And you were not, not here? You did not hear, do not know? What is this? What, what is this? What kind of student is this?" Especially since I had no money, I was ashamed, I went to the rebbe without money "How does one come without money on Rosh Chodesh?"

Nu, nu, I had Gehinnom, I was a small child, and I had Gehinnom All the children knew what, which parsha was going this week, Parshas'Noach,' only I alone did not know at all Whether 'Noach,' whether there is 'Noach,' {whether there is none at all} {..} [It is open] [It is open, Saba] Nu, I had Gehinnom twice, I went to the house, to the rebbe on Rosh Chodesh, and I did not bring money My father was poor, I had none at all, he had no money, I came without money So the rebbe said to me: "What is this? This is my entire livelihood, and you come on Rosh Chodesh without money? What? I do not need to live? I do not need a livelihood?" [………...….] [………..…..] Ah, ah.. This couple, his name was, I remember what was a hundred years ago His name was Moshe, and his wife's name was Rachel And there was, and there was always strife between them He said: "I want soup" And she said: "No, I do not want, under no circumstances נישט (no)" {They were never united, …. always} He said: "Soup" And she said: "No, no" My experience was the experience of Gehinnom, how do I go to the "cheder," to the rebbe, without money? All the students, on Rosh Chodesh they come with money, only I was alone I did not bring the rebbe money on Rosh Chodesh And the rebbe said to me: "Tell Father, tell Father, I, on Rosh Chodesh I need money, there is no livelihood, bring money" And I had none, I came tomorrow also without money, nu {...} The rebbe says to me: "What are you doing? Why do you come? I have no, this is my entire livelihood, Rosh Chodesh I, all the students bring money, from this, from this I have a livelihood, and you are the one child who does not bring money, you did not bring money"

Oy vey, and I {remember this a lot} and said, the rebbe said several times: "This week it is Parshas 'Noach'" And this poor man had two names, Yosef, one name, Yosef, Yosef Noach, Yosef Noach Oy, oy, my Gehinnom when I went to the house, to the school to the rebbe, and I had no money at all All the students came, on Rosh Chodesh they came with money, only I did not, I came without money "What is this? Without money? I do not need a livelihood? What is this?" And I had, I had.. a great thing.. {That not}, I went, and with every step I felt Gehinnom: "How are you going to the rebbe without money?" And the rebbe says to me: "Tell Father, on Rosh Chodesh one must bring money, this, this is my livelihood" So {from this} from this week a new thing was made in the city of Teveria A Talmud Torah without money, without money, free of charge [………..] [………..] I had {constriction} great happiness, I went without money, and did not.. Good, and good this way, without money Ah, nu, nu "Yosef Noach" I had none, I went to the rebbe without money, all the students, each one came with money Rosh Chodesh, Rosh Chodesh this, there is no such thing, on Rosh Chodesh one must come with money It is his livelihood, and I came without money, alone, the one student The rebbe says to me: "Tell Father, on Rosh Chodesh one must come with money, I need a livelihood What, what? For what purpose..? Why do you come to the "cheder" without money?" Ah.. I was born, I had love for the poor, to help them, to help them And I walked, with every step I felt Gehinnom: "How are you going to the rebbe.. on Rosh Chodesh without money?, {no}" I went without money, Rosh Chodesh is his entire livelihood

Every student brings money for.. for the month, and I came without money {….} I was {poor\, I}, I remember, it has already been more than a hundred years, and I remember it He said to me: "Why did you come on Rosh Chodesh without money? The whole month, I, I look forward to the money of of Rosh Chodesh, every student brings money, and you did not bring money, what is this?" [………….] [………….]… ...I was the one student who came to the "cheder" on Rosh Chodesh, the eve of Rosh Chodesh without money "What is this..? How does one come, Rosh Chodesh, Rosh Chodesh is my entire livelihood when all, everyone brings money, and you came without money, what is this?" I received blows from the rebbe, he said: "How many times, how many times did I say that this week it is Parshas'Noach' and you do not know at all which parsha, what is this?" {And he had\this costs} much money [………..…] […………..] I remember it as if it were now, the rebbe said to me: "The whole month I look forward to Rosh Chodesh, and it was Rosh Chodesh, and you came without money This, this is impossible, such a thing, my entire livelihood is Rosh Chodesh what every student brings me money on Rosh Chodesh, and you do not bring money, from where will I have a livelihood?" There was a couple, he came to Eretz Yisroel, and his money, what he had would buy an apartment, {and it is impossible for him}, yes ah.. All the students came to the "cheder" with bread and with olive oil And I had neither bread nor olive oil, and I was very hungry, and did not, and did not and did not know at all what the rebbe was talking about Oy, afterward the.. he, the rebbe, he saw, discerned in me, that I did not know at all, from what, who sits in the "cheder" he said to me: "Yisroel Ber, tell me, which parsha is this week?"

I did not know at all what he was talking about, what does he want? He hit me… ...My grandfather was Shimon, Shimon from the city of Odessa, I do not know, he was, he was apparently one of the rabbis, Shimon…