The Truth Is Always Victorious
The Truth Is Always Victorious And I – such a small nefesh (soul) like me, a child of seventeen years, a plain (/coarse) lad, the plainest of the entire yeshiva… I was an only son [“a one son”] - a “one” of a kind… and this one (only) son, this child, it became of this such, such a type of kidush (-sanctification of) Hashem, supernaturally. And their head – the head of the misnagdim (-antagonists), he took me, like a friend, he went with me on walks outside the city, and he injected me with such poison of opposition, that I was made up that I would not be a Breslover! I will learn the books – (but) I will not be any (sort of) Breslover… Nu, so I was such a small nefesh (soul), how was it that there was such a change by me – to abandon the world, to nullify such scholars?! It can be seen from this that the truth is always victorious! The truth is such a sharp (/strong) thing, such, the truth is victorious always! (*See Likutay Halachos, Orach Chaim, Laws of Blessing on Sitings and Specific Blessings 5:2, “It comes out, someone who looks to the real truth, and goes in the way of the truth, and strives and toils always to reach (/perceive) the point of truth, certainly he isn't afraid of evil eye, because what can a man do to him, being that his intention is for the real truth, which through this he is always victorious.”) Afterwards, when I had made up that I will not be a Breslover, but my heart pained me, it was by me “woe onto me from “yoatzree” <my Creator>, woe onto me from “yitzree” <my (evil) inclination> (Brachos 61).” He injected me with poison, and I wanted – however I had battles. Even when I had already made up that I will not be a Breslover, but it wasn't willingly. I told over to R' Yisroel'n that he had told me such and such, HY had mercy on me and R' Yisroel spoke with me such words – that from all the poison there was absolutely nothing! I went back to being the child that I had been prior, he had extracted from me all the poison. * And this is all lessons for us, because even today when there aren't such big misnagdim (antagonists) like in the past, nu, but there still remain, there still … The world, scholars, the greats – even if they look inside a holy book – but the “chaizoo <facade> dihaye <of this> alma <world>” clouds over! And I – even though HY had mercy on me so that I came to the holy Rebbe, but what I need to be and what I need to see – it is still not this! We need still to pray more and more and more… Nu, we can make peace – I am a Breslover, but I needn't yet reject the entire world, one needs money… this is the story of the “country of wealth” - - “he speaks against the entire world!” “What are you saying here?!”… (*From the Story of the Prayer Leader). * Rabbi Nussun was born in a house of Torah and greatness. His father-in-law (-the gaon Rabbi Duvid Tzvi Aurbach o.b.m. Chief Justice of the Court (Av Bais Din) of the Holy Congregation of Sharigrad, Kraminitz, Muhuluv, and their surrounding (territory much larger than the current state of Israel)) was a lamdan (-skilled scholar), a talmid chuchum (-knowledgeable accomplished Torah scholar), and Heaven fearing, just he was a Litvak (- of Lithuania – insinuating that he was an antagonist to chasidus). And Rabbi Nussun was also a Litvak, he was a great (“gudol” - of great standing), and he was a son-in-law by a gaon (-genius), a tzaddik. Nu, this Rabbi Nussun saw the Rebbe'n, so he abandoned the entire world and remained by Rebbe'n! * Nu, and the stories, and also in the Toaroas – every Torah must be always new! What does new mean? One finds new light, new lessons! The essential learning is to bring us to what the holy Rebbe wants to bring us to – the true tachlis (-purpose, end). By the world, they look upon such a person like a meshugana (-crazy) - - the future world? There is time till the Future World! Now?! One goes into the synagogue, one puts on tzitzis and tefilin - - but the Future World?!… But I knew (“recognized”) a Jew that by him the main thing – his entire life – always – (every) word that he said – everything was just for the tachlis (-ultimate purpose, end)…. And the entire world laughs at this. However, the holy Rebbe warned that one must make a designated time every day – a way for every Jew – from small to big – hisbodidus! One must go away to a place where there are no people there, and there one speaks out his heart before Hashem Yisburach'n, and beseech everything he needs. First one must beseech for the fundamental tachlis (-purpose, end), and afterwards comes money - - yeah. And the holy Rebbe laughs at the entire world – that bread with cucumbers is good food!… (*Life of Our Leader Rabbi Nachman, article 528). And furthermore there is a seecha (-a talk, discourse), the holy Rebbe said (Sichos -Words of Rabbi Nachman, article 250), “What is the whole fear? That he won't have any parnasa (-livelihood) – that he won't have any bread to eat, and he will die? Nu, what is the big deal? Anyways one dies!” If – this way one lives forever, and this way one dies - - but either way one must die! Nu, so what will it be then?! [missing a little] - - “Black as a raven” - his face is black (*)! “Black as a raven” - and we go on further… but the “black as a raven” one must feel well! One must properly see to it that his face should be black - - despise the desires of this world! (*See Likutay Moharan 15:5, “And our sages said, 'someone who blackens his face like a raven, and someone who makes himself cruel to his children like a raven', and this is the aspect of 'black as a raven' etc., and through this one merits to the aspect of the hidden Torah, for the secrets of the Torah one merits to them through mesiras nefesh, that he blackens his face like a raven etc..”) * The Terrible Suffering of His Youth Such poverty that I had, isn't in the world! That there is not one piece of bread?! And I saw this with my own eyes! I saw the pain of the children that they had from hunger – I am embarrassed until today even to speak of it. I live in a desert?! I live amongst people! Jews, merciful people! However, with me HY dealt that all the gates were closed, I was like in a sea, or in a desert, where there is not any - - I am by nature extremely shy, however, when I see such a type of hunger – I wanted to take action, so that I can receive a piece of bread. There was in Maya She-urim (-an ultra orthodox neighborhood in Jerusalem) a Jew, he was a talmid chuchum (-Torah scholar), a learner, a Litvak (- of Lithuania - not chasidic), he would always beg alms, and he would give to every poor person – when one came to him he would give him something. In short, it was on a Friday, it was already after midday, and there wasn't anything at all in the house! Absolutely nothing! No fish, and no challa (-bread) – absolutely nothing! In short, I was worried that Heaven forbid it would remain like this for Shabbos. In short, I strengthened myself, I went down to the shteiblach (-group of different prayer rooms), I lived in Maya She'urim, I entered the shteiblach of Maya She'urim. He would pray Mincha Gedola (-the earliest time one can pray the afternoon services – a half hour after midday), he was always to be found in the shteiblach of Maya She'urim. And he was sitting with another Jew, a great (“gadol”) of Jerusalem, and they would both be speaking in learning. In short, he was sitting with him and speaking with him. In short, I went to him, I told over to him - - HY had mercy on me, and he felt a bit that this is a correct (-true and worthy) matter - - In Jerusalem it was possible for a poor person who has “kul toov” (“everything good”) and when he wants that they should give him money, he says that he doesn't have (the necessities) for Shabbos… and the opposite, there comes someone who says on Friday after midday that he still has absolutely nothing, then he is (-considered to be) such a type of beggar…. - HY had mercy on me, and he recognized something in my speech – in my face – that this is a correct (-true and worthy) matter. Nu, so he went with me, near my house (there), there is a makoalet (-small grocery store), a store, and he spoke with a loud bellowing voice… and he said to the seller, the owner of the store, “Give him a rotel [-a coin which would buy approximately three kilograms of] flour! And afterwards he went with me to the fish, the store of the fish – my house was on top of the store. In short, he went to the owner and bellowed at him, “Give him a fish'el!” And I heard, and it was darkness on my eyes, I was ashamed – Friday after midday – and he says, “give his a fish'el,” “give him flour.”…. And this is now all for the good! At the time it happened I didn't want it, “not them and not their reward (Brachos 5b – regarding accepting suffering)!” Such a type of situation (-plight). * And furthermore – there was one person, he had a store in Maya She'urim. In short, he was a merchant, he was a mikurev (-someone drawn close, a chusid), of the Polish mikuravim (-plural). He would go in the synagogues in the morning and would make money (-collect charity), and he never once gave me. And even though I told him once, he made himself as if he didn't know, and nothing at all came of this. In short, it was in middle of the week, on a night that [the children] cried – a piece of bread. In short, I went down to the shtieblach (-group of different prayer rooms), outside of the shteiblach he was standing, so I went over to him, and said to him, “Do a mitzva – give me epess (-something - anything at all) a few pennies! I need epess for bread!” - - - Nu, when one doesn't have the merit, Heaven forbid - - but by me it was like that, all the gates closed! HY wanted it that way, so that I should experience (“feel”) such a taste. It could be that I was exonerated from death, harsh decrees (*that HY commuted this suffering from a more severe fate. See Character – The Aleph Beth Book of the Traits, entry of Money, item #17 that one who's children are starving is spared from death) – it was for the best. However at the time it happened, it was by me “katztee <I was disgusted> bicha'yee <with my life> (Genesis 27:46 and elsewhere).”…. * [Continuing the story of erev Shabbos] In short, by me every second was like a year, I wanted it to be as fast as possible - - on the way he went into a textile merchant and spoke with him, I thought that he would come out right away, but he was in no hurry to leave, and I stood and waited, and he stayed with him – I know how long (-for some time) – and spoke. And afterwards he went with me, he went into the store, and he said to his wife – when he was on the street then she was in the store, a store after all needs a person (-attendant), so she was in the store. He said, “Give Yisroel Ber'n a penny, he needs it urgently!”…. He couldn't go over to the register where the pennies were kept and taken a penny? He said out loud with amplitude, “Give Yisroel Ber'n!”… That is what HY dealt me, and this was for great benefit in this (world) and in the next (world)! I saw others who were experts in Jerusalem, by the rich, the wealthy, and they went collecting money, and they lived a life of expansiveness, yeah. One makes a wedding for (one's) child and has money. And by me it was – everything locked! I was one person who was not successful in this… Oy oy oy. This was already in our time, in recent times, in the last few years… * [Recounting of a time when he worked] - - I had a bakery in Tiberius, I thought that I was in (the servitude of) Egypt! The Jews were redeemed from there, but I entered Egypt with no way out… I stood by the oven, by the bread making - - I was not able to get out of there!…. The entire town - - there would come people of Jerusalem, they knew of me, they knew that he is a Breslover. Nu, a bakery… the entire town worried where to get money - “Yisroel Ber is a baker!” “Odesser's Bakery,” (he has) the entire world's money… they are (/were) beggars, they are sunken in “how to get money,” and Yisroel Ber – “the money goes to Yisroel Ber's, and (-whereas) we are Yeshiva men (-poor students),” beggars… I stood by the oven, by the bread - - and I demanded from myself, “What have I come to?!”” I had such a R' Yisroel'n, and I was engaged in avoadas (-service of) Hashem, and they were always laughing at me, and suddenly I enter into such an exile of Egypt, in such a type of exile, “bakery,” I didn't have any day or any night, I was alienated from Torah and prayer. How can I get out of this?! [-the end is missing. T.n. someone told me once, that Saba had helped someone destitute start up the bakery, procuring the necessary loans and everything, and then the person just left, leaving the whole thing on Saba...] - - *