אות-סט

No matter how fallen, find some good point

When a person begins to look upon himself, and he sees that he is distant from being good, and that he is full of transgressions, then it is possible that through this he will fall, and will not be able to pray and do hisbodidus whatsoever. Therefore he must search, and seek, and find in himself some good, for how is it possible that never in his life he did some mitzva or something good. And even though when he begins to look at that good which he did, he sees that the good itself is full of wounds, for the good is mixed with ulterior intentions and a lot of rot, even still, how is it possible that there will not be in the little good some good point. And so he should search and seek further, until he finds in himself some other good points. And through this that he finds in himself some (sort of) merit and good, through this he will actually decamp from the measure of guilt to the measure of merit, and he will be able to return in repentance through this, in the aspect of (Psalms 37:10), “and a little bit [more] and there is no longer an evil person,” that is, through finding in oneself a(nother) little bit in which he is not evil, through this (continuation of the verse), “and you will contemplate his place and he is not there,” on his original level. And through this he can vitalize himself and bring himself, (even) the way he is, to joy, and then he will be able to pray, and sing, and express gratitude to Hashem. And this is (Psalms 104:33, 146:2), “I will sing to my G-d with my little bit {/while I am still living/ with my very being},” namely, with the little bit (more) – the good points which I still have, through this I can sing and pray to Hashem Yisburach. (Likutay Moharan, Torah 282; Likutay Aitzoas, encouragement 26).

[And see in the book “Ullim LiTrufah” (Leaves for Healing) from our teacher the holy rav, Rabbi Nussun zatza”l who wrote there in Yiddish, in letter 235, how our master, leader, and rabbi zatza”l said this matter, in order that the words would enter the heart of every person, to adopt this with temeemus (unfeigned simplicity/wholesomeness) and simplicity, and he wrote there, “And this is what our master, leader, and holy rabbi zatza”l would say: az <when> a mentch <a person> zeht <sees> ehr iz zehr shuffil <he is very low>, tor ehr nit arup fallin <it is forbidden for him to fall (despondent)>, nor <rather> ehr mooz <he must> zich micha'yeh zain <vitalize himself> in zul zich mi'yashev zain <and settle himself>: vey hub ich nit eppes amitzva gittun <did I not do some mitzva>, vey hub ich furt nit amuhl eppes gitz gittun <did I not do, at any rate, one time, some good thing>; ich fast in Yoam Kippur <I fast on Yom Kippur>, in Tishu Bi'Uv oych <on the ninth of the month of Av as well>, un kul hadalled taanaisim oych <and all the four fast days as well> chutsh <even though> dus hartz tit mir zehr vay <this heart pains me very much (-it is very painful)>. Un gai amuhl in mikva arain <and at times I go into the mikva>, un afeeloo in kul hakilkoolim <and even (despite) all the defections> Rachmuna litzlun <may the Merciful one save us>, mootshe ich mich zehr <I try very hard> un vil mich zehr matzil zain vichooloo <and I want very much to save myself etc.>. In vey seh iz <And however it may be>, al kul punim <nevertheless> eppes nikoodoas toavoas <some good points> hub ich in mir <I have in myself>, vus ich hub kamuh pumim gitten <that I have done several times> rutzoan Haboaray yisburach <the will of the Creator blessed He>. In dehr mit miz men zich micha'ye zain <With this one must vitalize himself> nisht mi'ya'ish zain bishoom oafen vichooloo <not to despair no matter what etc.>. See there in Likutay Moharan all these things, and internalize these words in your heart anew. And if Heaven forbid, the litigator (baal duvur – Satan) surmounts, it is necessary afterwards to go back and take this up, and so (too) every single day and every time, and in the process Hashem Yisburach helps substantially. “And specifically to be resolute and converse and say all of this before Hashem Yisburach, and to say, 'Master of the World, vey azoy ich bin <the way I am>, vey azoy ich bin <the way I am>, azoy vey dee vaist <like You know> in ich vaist mine vaytug <and I know my pain>, dee hust zich furt mit mir chessed oalum gittun <You have nevertheless done with me a world of kindness> in hust mich bashaffen mee'zerra Yisroel viloa usannee vichooloo <in creating me from the progeny of Israel and not making me etc.> oon meh hut mich furt gishnitzin <and I was nonetheless circumcised> oon bleet far gussin tzey acht tug <and given to bleed on the eighth day>, in oon chaider <and in religious Jewish elementary school> hub ich gillerint aleph bais <I learned the Hebrew alphabet> in siddur <and the prayer book> in chumash <and five books of the Torah> in gimura vichooloo <and Talmud etc.>. Veefil yisoorim <abundant suffering> in shmitz <and hitting> hub ich gilliten foon dee milamdim <I endured from the teachers>, oon alain <and of my own right> hub ich mich oich gimitchin <I toiled> kamu pi'umim <several times>. Vus tit men <what can be done> ritzoanee laasoas ritzoanchu <my desire is to do Your will>, ach si'or shebu'eesa mi'akkev oasee <but the leaven in the dough (-the evil inclination) restrains me> (Brachos 17a), and if the holy Tana (-sage) of the Talmud was not embarrassed to say this, badarfin mir zich bivaday nisht shemmin <we certainly should not be ashamed> shrayin <to scream> dus <this> far <before> Hashem Yisburach, in all types of expressions of vociferation: bitter, bitter, bitter etc., givald (-woe/alas/catastrophic), givald etc.. And if Heaven forbid, Heaven be merciful, the baal duvur (litigator – Satan) overbears, it is necessary to scream still more and more, and so every time, until Hashem overlooks and sees from the Heavens, “for Hashem will not forsake forever (Lamentations 3:31).” And that which the salvation is delayed, entails extremely esoteric matters, for His thoughts blessed He are very deep (Psalms 32:6; see below article 100), and certainly the impediment is on our part, what we don't arouse to properly surmount over everything which needs to be overcome, and also (because) Hashem Yisburach wants and desires the prayers of Israel (Yevumoas 64, Shemos Raba 21:4), even the worst of the worst, and wants that he should pray copiously and scream to Him blessed He more etc.,” see there.