The Inner Situation — Mental Obstruction, Coldness, and Profound Loneliness

Thank G‑d — there is no opposition [מחלוקת — conflict or controversy directed against him] against me here whatsoever. But the mental obstruction [mniyas hamoyach — מניעת המוח — the inability to think clearly, concentrate, or find inner peace; a concept R' Shmuel has used throughout these letters] is very great — and coldness [קרירות — spiritual coldness, the opposite of the fire and enthusiasm that avodah requires], and laziness [עצלות — sluggishness of the limbs and will], and sadness [עצבות — atzavus: depression of spirit; in Breslov teaching, one of the most dangerous spiritual states, the enemy of avodah] — because I have no one to learn with, and I do not even have anyone with whom to exchange even a single word of Torah — for everyone is occupied with the vanities of this world.

And very greatly, beyond all measure, I yearn after your honor — to Jerusalem. But I am greatly afraid that there too I might have even greater mental obstruction and disturbances — for here at least I have a private home with books, and a locked beis medrash [study hall], and I am able to study without disturbance. But mental obstruction too — for one needs arousal and awakening — [Yiddish:] "and not to let the time fall asleep" [i.e., not to waste the days in dullness and inertia]. [Hebrew parenthetical immediately following:] (And not to let the days grow stale.) But there [in Jerusalem] — who knows whether I will have a private home and money for food?

For the person must see that however he is — however he is — [whether or not he prays with intention[ר"ל = רוצה לומר — "meaning / that is to say." The standard parenthetical clarification abbreviation: rotzeh lomar.] — whether or not he studies — (meaning: whether he prays or not — whether or not he studies with intention) — and even when he falls, G-d forbid, in what he falls — in any case[עכ"פ = על כל פנים — "at least / in any case."] — let him do what he can. And let him not retreat completely backwards. And even when he is unable to do anything at all — completely — [the compelled person is exempted by Heaven] — in any case let him not regret, G-d forbid, his good deeds. And in particular his drawing close — and what has passed over him for the sake of the drawing close.] Let him not regret the good thing he did — G-d forbid, G-d forbid — for if one regrets, G-d forbid — one uproots the thing from its root — and it is as if he did nothing at all — and through this he inherits two Gehinnoms.

[In Yiddish:] "One — that he toiled miserably for nothing and receives no reward for it — on the contrary" — [what he labored in vain with no reward for it — but on the contrary:] a great punishment — greater than all sins — as brought many times in Likutay Tefillot — for if you say "despair" — this is harder and worse than all sins in the world — for there is nothing harder and worse than despair, G-d forbid — for this one is punished more than for everything. Like one who destroys himself[א"ע = את עצמו — "himself / oneself." המאבד א"ע = "one who destroys himself." The same abbreviation throughout the correspondence.] knowingly in the physical — which is worse than all sins — so one who destroys himself knowingly in the spiritual — through despair and regret, G-d forbid — may Hashem protect us. And in particular: the adversary [הבע"ד = הבעל דבר — "the adversary / the prosecutor." Ba'al davar — the spiritual force opposing holiness. Standard abbreviation throughout Chassidic literature. Also abbreviated בע"ד.] — "the adversary / the prosecutor." Ba'al davar — the spiritual force that opposes holiness, also called the evil inclination. Standard abbreviation throughout the Chassidic literature.] does not stop himself — [he does not halt at any stage] — and since he has him in hand through despair and regret, G-d forbid — he causes him to fall more and more to all kinds of sins — "I will go and enjoy myself in this world" — like "Acher" [אחר — "Acher — the Other One." The Talmudic designation for Rabbi Elisha ben Avuyah — the great Torah sage of the Tannaitic period who lost his faith and abandoned Jewish practice, becoming an apostate. "Acher" ("the other one") is the name by which he is referred to in the Talmud — his original name too holy to be spoken once he had fallen. His fall began when he witnessed the death of a child performing the commandment of honoring parents — a commandment whose reward is long life — and despaired of divine justice. The phrase "Acher said: since that man has been expelled from his world — let him go and enjoy himself" (Talmud Chagigah 15a) is the expression of despair that led to his total abandonment of Torah. The author cites this as the ultimate example of what despair and regret can lead to.] and all the others who went completely off the path, G-d forbid — like that man [Shabtai Tzvi[ימ"ש = ימח שמו — "may his name be erased." The standard imprecation applied to enemies of Israel and false messiahs.] — may his name be erased] and [the false messiah] — may G-d have mercy on us — all only through sadness and despair.

Since the person wants to serve Hashem — he has obstacles — and more than everything: the obstacles from the physicality of the body and so on. And as long as the person has the awakening from above and the yearnings and longing increase within the person — he does not feel his physicality so much — and he performs the service of Hashem according to his capacity. But this cannot always be — the awakening from above — for the essential is the awakening from below — that the person himself should serve Hashem according to his capacity — in simplicity and wholeness — without cleverness — and this is more precious to Hashem than the awakening from above.

But the person finds it very hard — for he feels his physicality and his distance from Hashem — and how hard it is for him to serve Hashem. And then, G-d forbid, he thinks that Hashem is very far from him — and it is impossible for him to draw close to Hashem at all — and he falls, G-d forbid. And he is in great danger, G-d forbid — that he not fall to sins — and that he not fall more and more — even to destruction literally, G-d forbid.

And this is the Gehinnom of snow — upon the coldness from commandments and from strengthening in the service of Hashem. [הגיהנם של שלג — "the Gehinnom of snow." A concept from the Talmud (Chagigah 13b) and Kabbalah: in addition to the Gehinnom of fire, there is a Gehinnom of snow — of bitter cold. The fire-Gehinnom burns away the impurity of active sins. The snow-Gehinnom is for the coldness and deadness of not performing mitzvos — the numbness of spiritual indifference. The author applies this: the ba'al davar's goal is not only to cause sins (fire-Gehinnom) but to cause spiritual coldness — the extinguishing of the flame of mitzvos and service (snow-Gehinnom). This is expressed through regret over one's good deeds, which extinguishes the spiritual heat entirely.] And this: "she does not fear for her household from snow — for all her household is clothed in crimson" — do not read "crimson / scarlet" (shanim) but "two" (shenayim) — for Israel is a holy people. [This is not given to stop him, G-d forbid — only he continues the commandments however he is.] [This does not agree to let him stop, G-d forbid — only he continues to perform the commandments however he is.] — they perform the commandments again and again — even though he falls from ardor — he performs without ardor — and even though he falls, G-d forbid, even to sins — nevertheless he does not stop performing commandments and returning to Hashem. And this is their greatest praise of all — that they do not allow themselves to fall completely — and they do not despair of themselves. And through this they will truly merit what they merit — above the angels and above all the worlds — for this they were created — and this is their purpose: to rule over everything — over all the angels and over all the worlds. But they must stand in the tests of this world — and the essential is the tests of falling — upon which the adversary throws himself greatly.

Therefore my brother — be strong — and be in joy always — and in simplicity rejoice in the drawing close to our master the Rebbe זצ"ל — [for this alone stands above all the divine services that can possibly exist in the world — and even if it seems to me that elsewhere I could merit much more — and here at the Rebbe's place I am very cold and very very far from Hashem — it is still better to be connected to the Rebbe however one appears — than elsewhere — like birds in the air]. And in truth it is the complete opposite — for only here is the place of all the service of Hashem and all the levels in the world. Only this is the deed of the adversary — not to feel the vitality — through the sadness that he brings upon the person — through his disguising himself in commandments — thinking that he cannot serve Hashem — or that he is, G-d forbid, a sinner. But one must remember what our master the Rebbe זצ"ל said: "It is a great commandment to be in joy always" — [the meaning is: however he may be, G-d forbid] — and immediately when a person wants to return — then it is a great sin to have sadness. And when we remember this — and yearn for this — to fulfill this — certainly our end will be good. So may it be His will. Amen.

And the essential: the strengthening — for all this is only a test — whether he will stand firm however he is — and wherever he is. [Even if he has already fallen completely, G-d forbid — even like Acher and Yeravam ben Nevat and that man and the Shabtai Tzvi — may his name be erased — and when he has the wisdom to strengthen himself from there and to return to Hashem in simplicity — without cleverness — and regret his evil deeds — and guard himself at least from now on according to his capacity — from doing again, G-d forbid — and request from Hashem that He forgive him — and be ashamed for what he did — for this mentioned above is the proper teshuvah — Hashem receives him with love — and he can still merit what he can merit — a great level — and everything through the power of the true Tzaddikim.]

And as brought in the Talmud — Rabbi Shimon bar Yochai[רשב"י / ר"ש = רבי שמעון בן יוחאי — "Rabbi Shimon bar Yochai." The Tanna and Kabbalist, author of the Zohar. רשב"י = the full abbreviation; ר"ש = the shorter form used earlier in the same Talmudic citation.] said: even a completely righteous person all his days — and at the end, G-d forbid, he regrets the former good things — they do not recall his righteousness at all. As Rabbi Shimon bar Yochai[רשב"י / ר"ש = רבי שמעון בן יוחאי — "Rabbi Shimon bar Yochai." The Tanna and Kabbalist, author of the Zohar. רשב"י = the full abbreviation; ר"ש = the shorter form used earlier in the same Talmudic citation.] said: even a wicked person all his days — and at the end he returns [meaning: if he repents[א"כ = אם כן — "if so / meaning: if he repents." Im kein — the conditional/consequence marker.] and regrets his evil deeds] — they do not recall his sins. So too the opposite, G-d forbid — when one regrets the righteous deeds one did. [Talmud Kiddushin 40b — "R' Shimon bar Yochai said: even if one was completely righteous all his days but in the end he rebels — he loses it all... and if one was completely wicked all his days but repented in the end — he is accepted." The principle of irreversibility of the final state — with the corollary: regretting past good deeds retroactively destroys them.]

And the principle is: the person must regret his evil deeds and his distance from Hashem — but regarding his good deeds — and what has passed over him for the sake of Hashem — and for the sake of drawing close to the true Tzaddik — let him not regret this, G-d forbid, in any way in the world — however he is — however he is. For the adversary hates the person greatly — [and does not wish him his good deeds (for even one commandment stands higher than all the spiritual passages in Judaism that pass over one — all the more so the drawing close to the Tzaddik which is equivalent to the entire Torah and all the commandments — and therefore all of it is worthwhile — all that passes over the person)] — and therefore the adversary is not content with causing him to fall to sins, G-d forbid — he wants to uproot and tear out the commandments and the good that the person has snatched — and this is the Gehinnom of snow — of the coldness from commandments and strengthening in the service of Hashem. [This is not given to him — to stop, G-d forbid — only he continues to perform the commandments however he is.] — only the free choice is very great — and the test of the world is awesome — and happy is the person who so remembers.

[missing beginning]

This thirty-fifth letter — written Tuesday of Parshas Shemos, 5722 (January 1962), from Meron — is addressed to a new correspondent, Mr. Shmuel Toktchinsky. It is one of the most urgent letters in the collection — a passionate warning against the single greatest spiritual danger: regretting one's good deeds and drawing close to the Rebbe.

The essential danger (§2): The essential obstacle is of the mind and heart — lack of faith in oneself that however one is, one is precious to G-d. The worst fall: regretting one's good deeds and one's struggle toward Judaism and drawing close to the Tzaddik. This is the worst of all — completely and completely.

The Gehinnom of snow (§3): Regret uproots the good deed from its root — as if nothing was done — and one inherits two Gehinnoms: the labor was in vain + a punishment greater than all sins. Likutay Tefillot: "despair is harder and worse than all sins." The ba'al davar does not stop — once he has the person through despair, he causes him to fall to all sins — "I will go and enjoy myself in this world" like Acher (Elisha ben Avuyah) and Shabtai Tzvi — may his name be erased — all only through sadness and despair. The Gehinnom of snow = the coldness from mitzvos = the ba'al davar's snow-weapon. Proverbs 31:21: "she does not fear from snow — for all her household is clothed" — read not "scarlet" (shanim) but "two" (shenayim) — Israel continues performing mitzvos again and again even after falling. Their greatest praise: they do not allow themselves to fall completely. Through this they merit above the angels.

The Talmud and the principle (§4): R' Shimon bar Yochai (Talmud Kiddushin 40b): a righteous person all his days who regrets the former good things at the end — they do not recall his righteousness. A wicked person all his days who repents at the end — they do not recall his sins. Principle: regret evil deeds and distance from G-d — yes. Regret good deeds and connection to Tzaddik — never, in any way. The Rebbe: "It is a great commandment to always be in joy" — immediately when a person wants to return — sadness is a great sin. Connection to the Rebbe stands above all divine services — even when one feels cold and distant — better than "birds in the air" elsewhere.

Key terms: Mr. Shmuel Toktchinsky — 5722 (1962) — the first letter with an explicit year; new correspondent · Hamutshnen zikh tsum Yidishkayt — the struggling toward Judaism; regretting this = worst fall · Im mischareit — oker hadavar me'ikaro — if one regrets, one uproots the deed from its root · Gehinnom of two kinds — labor in vain + punishment greater than all sins · Yiyash — kasheh v'garu' mikol ha'aveiros — despair is harder and worse than all sins; Likutay Tefillot · Acher — Elisha ben Avuyah — "I will go and enjoy myself in this world"; the ultimate despair example · Shabtai Tzvi — yemach shemo — the false messiah; cited as example of total collapse through despair · Gehinnom shel sheleg — the Gehinnom of snow; coldness from mitzvos = the ba'al davar's weapon · Lo sira l'veisa mishaleg — al tikri shanim ela shenayim — Proverbs 31:21; read "two" not "scarlet"; Israel performs mitzvos twice and again · R' Shimon bar Yochai — Talmud Kiddushin 40b — regret over righteousness = righteousness not recalled · Mitzvah gedolah lihyos b'simcha tamid — the Rebbe's teaching: it is a great commandment to always be in joy · Aveirah gedolah yesh lo atzavus — sadness is a great sin when one wants to return; LM II:48

Volume One • Letter 35

📜 Translator's Summary — Letter 35 [Added by the translator]

Behold — the essential of teshuvah is genuine regret — and to confess to Hashem — and to request from Him that He forgive him — and that He help him to be saved from now on — not to do such again. And one needs very very great strengthening — not to fall from anything — however it is and however it will be. And it is inevitable that ascents and descents without measure and count will pass over the person. And on the contrary: one who does not have ascents and descents passing over him — this is a sign that he is far from Hashem — or that he is foolish and does not feel.

And the principle: the person was created to break through the obstacles and to stand in the tests — this is his rectification. And all the more so[מכ"ש = מכל שכן — "all the more so."] in every test — in all that passes over him — and without falling at all and at all from anything and from any weakness of mind — and let him do whatever he can in the service of Hashem — and everything in joy. For one must greatly rejoice in what one has merited: to yearn for the service of Hashem and to draw close to the true Tzaddik — for certainly from this there will be a good end forever and ever. And the essential is according to the strengthening with which one strengthens — for to stand firm in one's place — and not to fall into the snares of the evil inclination — which always stands to bring the person down — this depends essentially on his strengthening and his faith in Hashem[ש"י = השם יתברך — "Hashem may He be blessed." ש"י = ש[ם] י[תברך] — a compressed abbreviation for the divine Name with its blessing.] — that Hashem sees everything — and judges favorably — and "the Eternal is righteous in all His ways" — and certainly all the distances and the descents — all are for the good. And in the end he will merit what he merits — if he merits to stand firm in his place — and not to fall in his mind from anything.