Writing from Meron — "This Is the Last Letter on This Matter"

[Yiddish:] "My dear, righteous, good brother — presumably you have received my letter through R' Shlomo Veksler. It is a great wonder to me that you do not reply to me at all. I received a greeting from you through R' Avner, may he live." [Hebrew:] (My good, dear, and warm-hearted brother — presumably you have received my letter through R' Shlomo Veksler. I am greatly astonished that you do not reply to me at all. I received a greeting from you through R' Avner, may he live.) And I greatly rejoiced upon hearing the good tidings that you wish to come for Rosh Hashana. Literally — I wanted to dance from joy. But even so, my dear and beloved friend — the joy is not complete for me, for that short time alone is not sufficient. And my hope is very strong that your honor will certainly be here the entire eighth of Elul and Tishrei together with me in Meron, in Torah and in Divine service.

[Yiddish:] "My dear, righteous, good friend — have compassion on me and on yourself! Now is the time when one can act together in Jewishness! Oh (Gott!) — if not now, when? When? Let your honor know: this is a loss that will never return [אבידה שאינה חוזרת — an irretrievable loss; a concept from Talmudic law applied here with devastating spiritual force]! Oh (Gott!) — we can save ourselves! My dear, righteous one — oh (Gott!) my throat is hoarse [הלא נחר גרוני — Psalms 69:4: "My throat is parched from calling out"]!" [Hebrew:] (My good, dear, and warm-hearted friend — have compassion on me and on yourselves! Now is the time when one can act in Divine service together! Oh — if not now, when? When? Let your honor know: this is a loss that will never return. Oh — we can save ourselves! My dear, my beloved — oh, my throat is hoarse, etc.) My eyes are spent with longing [כלו עיני — Psalms 69:4; Lamentations 2:11 — "my eyes are spent"] to behold your honor, that we be together this summer. And already the summer has passed — the summer is ending — and I have still not been saved.

[Yiddish:] "I do not understand you — why do you not want to heed my voice? I have been pleading with you from such depths of the heart, and my entire hope is that we be together in this time and save ourselves. And as much as I plead and cry out — there is no voice and no answer." (I do not understand them — why do they not want to listen to my voice? I have been pleading from such depths of the heart, and my entire hope is to be together in this time and to save ourselves. And as much as I plead and cry out — there is no voice and no answer.)

[Yiddish:] "Oh (Gott!) — have compassion on me and on yourselves! And see to do by all possible means to be the entire month of Elul — not a single day less. That is: from the second or third of Elul one should already be together! My dear good brother — I am going to break through the obstacles — but I hope I will not need to go so far. I have spoken with R' Avner — that for you it is very good to be now in Meron, in material and in spiritual matters — and he also asks of you to come. Know that everything is already arranged in the very best possible way — only what is lacking is that we should already be together! Know that blessed be G‑d there is absolutely no confusion — you will have the rest you need, as you require, and as you wish. And food will not be lacking for you every day." (All is ready — there is nothing lacking. I am going, G‑d willing, on Sunday to Meron to arrange everything and to sit there. And you for now write to me letters at R' Noson's address, and prepare yourselves, G‑d willing, for the journey — until R' Avner arrives in Tzfas, and I write to you to come. And we will sit in the courtyard of the Rashbi, of blessed memory, and serve Hashem in truth.)

"Oh (Gott!) — have compassion on the Divine spark that you planted within me. Do this for the honor of G‑d, blessed be He, and for the honor of the Tzadik, the holy Tanna [master of Mishnah; title given to the Rashbi], the Rashbi, of blessed memory — and for the honor of the holy gravesite of Na Nach Nachma Nachman MayUman, our holy and awesome Rabbainu, of blessed memory. Only for their sake — do this! And have compassion on a Jewish soul, the poor one who hungers before the rich [אביון התאב הקודם לעני — a Talmudic hierarchy of poverty: one who longs intensely for something is "hungrier" even than the poor; R' Shmuel places himself as the most destitute of the destitute spiritually]. Oh (Gott!) — it is in your hands! Oh (Gott!) — fulfill the words of Rabbainu the Holy and Awesome Nachman — to travel journeys for the sake of speaking with people and drawing them close to the service of Hashem [a direct reference to a teaching of Rabbainu: that one should undertake journeys specifically for the purpose of finding people and drawing them to G‑d — here applied directly: you must travel to Meron, for I am the person waiting to be drawn close]."

It is a wonder — is it not written: "More than the calf wishes to suckle, the cow wishes to give milk" [Talmud Bavli, Pesachim 112a — a saying meaning: the teacher desires to give even more than the student desires to receive; applied here: R' Alter should want to come to teach R' Shmuel even more than R' Shmuel wants him to come]? And I am pleading with you so greatly — and you are pretending not to know! Oh (Gott!) — why do you not remember the letter you wrote a year ago: "until David grew great" ["עד כי דוד הגדיל" — R' Alter once wrote R' Shmuel a letter using this phrase, apparently expressing his commitment to seeing the friendship grow and flourish; R' Shmuel now quotes it back to him as a reproach]? How can you forget how we were always together, toiling and laboring in the service of Hashem? Remember how much you went through for my sake, and for the sake of both of us together — so many times they tried to tear me away from you with all their strength.

It seems our acquaintance already goes far back — only it has been a long time since we saw each other. So too did Rabbainu the holy one say to R' Noson, of blessed memory — and the deeds of the fathers are inherited by the sons [מעשה אבות ירשו בנים — a reference to the Talmudic principle that the experiences of the patriarchs are mirrored by their descendants; here R' Shmuel applies a specific tradition about Rabbainu's bond with R' Noson: Rabbainu once told R' Noson that their souls had been bound together from ancient times]. How much toil, suffering, and effort you expended on my behalf — and now do not lose it with your own hands! Indeed, I know the truth: I am not worthy of such great light. I know what I am — perhaps you too know a drop from the ocean of how lowly and despised I am, how distant I am, how filthy with sins, transgressions, and iniquities, lacking in understanding and counsel, a wretched soul, a miserable soul, a fool, a simpleton, a boor — the worst of the worst, the most despised of the despised, the most abject of the abject in the world. And if I were at least to feel this truth as it truly is — there would still be hope. But the evil inclination also blinds the eye and the heart, and deceives one into thinking the opposite — that one is a respectable person. And in truth — there is none more wicked than I, G‑d forbid.

But even so — G‑d forbid — even though I am as I am, even though one might say there is no point in having compassion on me, G‑d forbid — you must know: if you will not have compassion on me and draw me close to the Tzadik, the Foundation of the World, the holy Ir V'Kadish [עיר וקדיש מן שמיא נחית — Aramaic from Daniel 4:10: "a holy one descended from heaven" — a Breslov title for Rabbainu drawn from this verse], and the holy gravesite of Na Nach Nachma Nachman MayUman — and through them to G‑d, blessed be He — and pray for me always — then if not you, who? And nearly my hope is lost, G‑d forbid, and I am already lying in complete despair. One who begins a mitzvah is told to complete it. Remember how we concluded between us on that Friday when we walked in hisbodidus returning from Shimon HaTzadik — that we would always be companions, and watch over each other not to stray from the Jewish path, and also to strengthen and pray for each other, etc. Remember this well! And if you truly love me and truly have compassion on me — I will be able to see this: when next week I will see you in Meron! And I cannot write more — and this is the last letter on this matter. Therefore see, whatever money you can bring — certainly good — and pack your things, and on the Tuesday of next week let us already be sitting together, learning and serving Hashem. For the sake of Heaven — immediately, a clear and correct reply! For the sake of Heaven!

And for the sake of Heaven — conceal this letter together with my other letters in complete concealment, without showing to any person. For the sake of Heaven! For the sake of Heaven! From me — who awaits and expects soon to be together the entire month of Elul, not lacking a single day. Shmuel Horowitz. Write letters to R' Avner's address: Avner Luberbaum, Tzfas, Eretz Yisrael.