קכד

I am informing you — that my wife, may she live, is still not fully in good health. The fever — blessed be G-d — has departed. But the harsh cough has not departed at all — and because of this all her limbs have become disjointed and unhinged — and it is impossible for her to regain her strength. And furthermore — since last Friday — a severe eye pain has intensified upon her — at first with very great heaviness — but now blessed be G-d it has eased a little — blessed be G-d, blessed be G-d.

My brother, my friend — it is impossible to tell you my intense suffering — only blessed be G-d that we know of Rabbainu z"l and his holy disciple — they give me life in all the troubles that pass over me now. And beyond this — I do not know from where one receives life-force — only that there is a kingdom in concealment that gives life to the world. Therefore I ask of our truly beloved — to pray for my wife, may she live — so that I may fulfill the commandments practiced on Purim — G-d willing — in great joy and in the supremely elevated awe. And may Hashem Yisbarach help you too to be joyful on the holy Purim — as per the will of Hashem Yisbarach — and as per the will of Rabbainu z"l and his holy disciple.

And I ask of you — that G-d willing on Friday — the eve of Shabbos — it is her yahrtzeit — may she rest in peace — distribute on behalf of my sister for the yahrtzeit — ten of our groshen — as follows:

And for the sake of Hashem — send the money — the sum of four Meizhides — for it is a shame for me regarding Reb Shmuel Henech, may his candle shine. And how many times I asked of you to write to me whether Reb Hirsh, may his candle shine, received the letter I sent him — to deliver the letter to Breslov — to my son-in-law, may his candle shine. And you do not want to reply to me — and you have greatly withheld the fruit of your pen from me. And you do not know that my life-force is bound to your souls.

More there is nothing new — only life and peace and joy and gladness — for the holy Purim days are palpably drawing near and coming [ממשמשין ובאין — "palpably drawing near and coming" — from memashesh — to feel by touch, to grope toward; Purim is approaching so closely you can almost feel it with your hands; a tactile, physical image of something you can touch as it arrives]. And through the joy of Purim — may Hashem Yisbarach merit us to begin anew — for "and now" [ועכשו — an allusion to Rabbainu z"l's teaching about the power of now in prayer: prayer must be grounded in the present moment of now; declaring now before Hashem is the foundation of genuine prayer; each new now is a fresh beginning] — etc. And to merit a kosher Passover — and to burn the leaven from within us — namely sadness and melancholy — for sadness and melancholy is from the Other Side.

Your friend, one who truly loves you, Nussun from Breslov

Written Wednesday, Parshas Tetzaveh, 5642 (late February 1882), from Teverya. The fever has left but harsh cough and eye pain persist. The mother's first yahrtzeit. Distribution for her soul. Purim palpably approaching.

נ נח נחמ נחמן מאומן Letter 122 | Kuf-Kaf-Beis