פב

Today I received your letter with two Meizhides and a quarter Meizhide — and I did with them as you wrote to me. And also the Meizhide I will pass to the Rebbetzin — Reb Aitzikel's wife — but I do not know whether the Meizhide is against the old debt of two rubles pozit that she has been claiming for a while — or whether her son sent it now with your co-parent-in-law, may his candle shine, from Odessa. Therefore write to me.

And also know — from your letter I was left nearly faint — for you wrote to me those three words: and the above-mentioned has left us the living — and I read the letter many times until I settled my mind — that these three words go about the Gralene — and I do not know the explanation. And the greatness of my grief — even from my own explanation — is beyond reckoning and estimation. And particularly from the sufferings that have been aroused upon you now — may Hashem Yisbarach sweeten the judgments quickly — in the merit of Rabbainu ז"ל who is able to sweeten all the twenty-four courts of law.

And we need now to weep greatly over the destruction of the holy Temple — for one who has no inner awareness — it is as if the holy Temple was destroyed in his days. And when our words are not received — it is a sign that our inner awareness is not complete. Therefore we must weep greatly. And even so — we must find some expansiveness — from some exchange — and know that surely everything is for good. For one who has faith — his life is truly life — as is explained. And I have much to write to you — but because my intellect is thrown into confusion [שמחי מבלבל — "my intellect is confused / bewildered" — from sekhel — intellect, understanding; and mevulbal — thrown into disorder, confused; it is specifically the faculty of intellect and understanding that is thrown into disorder by the weight of the troubles] from the troubles that occurred to you — may the Merciful One protect you — may Hashem Yisbarach turn everything to joy for you and for us. And I have greatly asked to write to me the incident of the Gralene. And from all sufferings — we must nullify our own will and self toward the ultimate purpose. [לבטל עצמנו אל התכלית — "to nullify ourselves toward the ultimate purpose" — the specific Chassidic act of bitul — voluntary self-nullification of the ego and personal will; levatel atzmenu — to annul and make ourselves null; directed el ha'tachlis — toward the ultimate divine purpose and end-goal; a weighty Kabbalistic-Chassidic spiritual act]

Words of one who truly loves you, Nussun from Breslov

Written Wednesday, Parshas Matos-Masei, 5640 (summer 1880), from Teverya. Three Aramaic words left the writer nearly faint. The intellect thrown into confusion. Nullify the self toward the ultimate purpose. נ נח נחמ נחמן מאומן Letter 80 | פ (Pey)