קלד

On Wednesday, Reb Altir, may his candle shine, came here — and told me that he has a letter from you for my hand — and told me orally that your precious son is ill with the fever-ailment. And the letter was lost with him. And immediately I went with my wife, may she live, to the graves of the Tzaddikim from our land — namely Reb Nachman and Reb Mendele and Reb Avraham Kalisker — and other Tzaddikim — may their merit protect us. And I performed a redemption for him — from my own gift-money — and also today I prayed for him. May Hashem Yisbarach hear my prayer and send him a complete healing — in the merit of all the Tzaddikim — and in the merit of Rabbainu z"l and his holy disciple. And I have greatly asked — to inform me every day what he has done. And perhaps you have no leisure — I ask of my friend Reb Aizik, may his candle shine, to inform me — for my soul is entirely spent [כלתה נפשי — "my soul is entirely spent, consumed" — from kalah — to be consumed, utterly exhausted; the soul that has given everything to watching and waiting and is now consumed by longing] — watching with expectant eyes [המצפה — "the one who watches with expectant eyes" — from tzafah — to watch, to look out, to scan the horizon with eyes turned toward the expected arrival; active watchful expectation like a watchman — not passive waiting but constant watchful scanning] — to hear at every moment the good news of his health — to give our souls life. Words of one who loves you — who watches and waits with expectant eyes for salvation and healing, Nussun from Breslov Written Thursday, eve of Rosh Chodesh Sivan, 5642 (late May 1882), from Teverya. Reb Altir arrived with oral news that the recipient's son is gravely ill. The writer went immediately to the graves of Reb Nachman, Reb Mendele, and Reb Avraham Kalisker. נ נח נחמ נחמן מאומן Praise to G-d — blessed be G-d, blessed be G-d — here all of us are in the line of life and peace. So may I merit to hear from you — life and peace and a complete healing — together with all of Israel — without limit. On Wednesday, Reb Altir, may his candle shine, came here — who is traveling to Jerusalem — and conveyed to me greetings of peace from you — and told me that your precious son is not in good health. And he had a letter from you — but he lost it. And immediately I came home and told my wife, may she live, and my sister, may she live — and immediately went with them to the graves of the Tzaddikim — and performed a redemption from my own money — which I gave as a gift for your son. And on Thursday I wrote you a letter — asking you to inform me every day what he has done. And perhaps you have no leisure — I asked of my friend Reb Aizik to write to me — for the suffering is beyond all estimate — that we have no news from you of his good health. And today the wagon came — and the blind non-Jewish driver brought me from the woman Chana, may she live — beans and butter and plum-preserves — but brought us no letter at all. And truly our souls are entirely spent — longing to hear from you the good tiding of his health. And in the end we have no news at all. Therefore I ask of you to spur yourselves with alacrity [לזרז עצמכם — "to spur yourselves with alacrity" — from zerizus — alacrity, zealous swiftness in action; to urge oneself with eager, energetic speed; stronger and more urgent than merely "rouse yourselves"] and write to us good news. And may the G-d Who is good do good for you — in the merit of all the Tzaddikim — and in the merit of Rabbainu z"l and his holy disciple — and may you merit to raise him to Torah and to the wedding canopy and to good deeds. And may He in His great mercies remember you this year with a male child — a seed that endures — for "two are better than one." [Ecclesiastes 4:9 — "two are better than one — for they have a good reward for their labor"; the verse of the advantage of partnership and companionship; applied here to the blessing of a second child alongside the sick son] And may Hashem Yisbarach merit us to be pure — for the receiving of the Torah — with fresh ardor — and to draw upon ourselves repentance from the fiftieth gate — and to receive the holy festival of Shavuos in holiness and purity — and to draw upon ourselves great lovingkindness and supernal knowledge from the mikveh of the fiftieth gate — and to receive the holy festival in joy — so that we merit true settled composure of mind — to reckon from now onward on our eternal ultimate purpose — upon what we have come into this lowly world — and in what manner we shall enter before the King [v'b'haych anpin ni'ul kadam malka — Aramaic from the Zohar: "and in what manner shall we enter before the King" — ni'ul — "we shall enter" — from Aramaic a'al — to enter; the soul's approach and entry before the divine King]. And nonetheless we should be in joy always — for Rabbainu z"l warned greatly about constant joy. And particularly on the holy festival — through which is repaired the encompassing evil in which all bad character traits are contained. And to merit all the true and eternal good. More there is nothing new — only long life and good life — without limit. Your friend, one who truly loves you — who seeks your peace always — with strong love, Nussun from Breslov Undated — shortly before Shavuos 5642. A fuller account of the same events as Letter 134. A radiant Shavuos teaching: the fiftieth gate as the mikveh of complete repentance. נ נח נחמ נחמן מאומן I am very, very astonished — that you have withheld the fruit of your pen — not to inform me about your son, may his candle shine. For we had news at the time that you wrote to me with Reb Altir — that your son, may his candle shine, is ill, G-d have mercy — but he did not give me the letter — for it was lost with him — only orally he told me. And immediately I and my wife and my sister, may she live, went to the holy resting places — and I gave from my own money as a gift — a redemption for him. And I wrote to you two letters after this — and in the end we have no news at all. And the magnitude of the anguish of our soul is beyond all estimate and reckoning — for our eyes are consumed with watching. [כלתה עינינו — "our eyes are consumed, spent" — from Psalms 69:4 — "my eyes are consumed" — kalu einai; eyes that have given everything to constant watchful scanning and are now utterly consumed by the waiting] And every day I go and ask — and they do not know. And even from Reb Aizik, may his candle shine — sometimes we have letters from him — and now — in order to cause us suffering — and may it serve as an atonement for transgression. For Rabbainu z"l said: through sufferings one is saved from many burning wounds of Gehinnom — even through light sufferings. And particularly sufferings such as these — where our very life hangs almost upon you. And particularly since we have a partnership in the eternal business. More there is nothing new — only life and peace. Your friend, one who truly loves you — truly and in truth, Nussun from Breslov Undated — shortly after Shavuos 5642. Deep anguish — two letters sent, no reply. "Our eyes are consumed with watching." Sufferings save from burning wounds of Gehinnom. נ נח נחמ נחמן מאומן