אות - קפז

He said: it is a wonder to me if they bring a pidyon to someone and tell him the person's suffering — for example about a sick person and the like — when he does not feel the pain and suffering as the sick person himself etc. And what emerges from his words is that he feels the pain and suffering when they come before him to pray for the sick person and the like — just as the sick person himself feels it literally. And so it was heard from his mouth many times. And he said: at first I would ask from Him blessed He that I should feel the pain and suffering of Israel — for sometimes someone would come and tell me his suffering and I would not feel the pain. And I would pray that I feel the pain of Israel. Now when someone tells me his suffering I feel myself the pain more than him. And literally blood drips from me from the greatness of the pain I feel — more than him. For he can think other thoughts and forget the pain — but I feel greatly as mentioned above. And he said to one of his followers who asked him not to forget him: he answered and said: How is it possible to forget one of you? — for every single one of you has a place in my heart.

Once his grandson o.b.m. was lying ill with smallpox, may the Merciful One protect us (372). And he was complaining much before me that he has great pain from this. And he told me then and said that there are ways of Hashem that are impossible to understand. For it is brought that by the Ari o.b.m. a certain son passed away. And he said it was because of the secret he revealed to his disciple Rabbi Chaim Vital o.b.m. (373). But truly the Ari was compelled to reveal to him — for Rabbi Chaim Vital pressured him greatly. And when he pressured him he was compelled to reveal to him, for he said that he came to the world only to rectify the soul of Rabbi Chaim Vital o.b.m. It is found that he was compelled from heaven to reveal to him the secret — and even so he was punished through this as mentioned. And this is a way of Hashem that is impossible to understand through any reasoning (374).

And what is understood from his words regarding his own matter — that all his pain and suffering and the pain of his children, may they live — all of it is only because he engages with us to draw us near to Hashem Yisburach. And even though he is compelled to do so — for certainly Hashem Yisburach wants this, for He blessed He thinks thoughts so that no outcast be banished from Him — and even so he had very great and hard suffering because of this, for these are the ways of Hashem as mentioned. And he was going and telling before me his great pain that he had from his grandson's illness as mentioned. And he said he wants that he himself should be sick instead of that child. And he said he feels all the moans of the child (what is called "krechtsn") in his heart etc.