Chapter Nineteen: The Dream of the Sea

Happy are we that we speak of our holy Rabbenu! Rav Noson said that all the praises we could ever say would still not be even a drop from the sea compared to the greatness of Rabbenu!

Rav Noson says this — I am saying only the words of Rav Noson. But Rabbi Yisroel Kardoner was with me, and likewise all the people of Rabbenu must be spoken of — but not everything; the all is only Rabbenu. He rose above everything. The essential is Rabbenu!

Oy — if only there were truth in the world among our community, and they would speak of this and publicize the name of Rabbenu — what Rabbenu is — the redemption would have come already long ago. The world is drawing close to Rabbenu and everything would be repaired. But falsehood separates and blinds the eyes. But we must not question the ways of Hashem. Their time will come. The redemption will come. The time will come when falsehood will be removed from the world and the truth will be revealed. Only we must believe and strengthen ourselves with prayer — to speak with Hashem from the lips. If studying a book or reciting Likutay Tfilos — what is written in the book, to say it with the lips. Without paying attention, I say "Blessed are You Hashem" like a convert. We must completely nullify our own minds and intellects — not to think, not to reason — only as is written in the Likutay Moharan, as our holy Rabbenu says. This is certain and established and true.

Oy, oy — our holy Rabbenu had such a student, one who stood against the entire world: Rav Noson. Such a Rebbi and such a student — unique in the world since the day of creation! And likewise all the students of Rabbenu. What this is, what this is…

Rav Noson — we know nothing of how Rav Noson and his people could have lived. There was such lowliness, such cruelty — even the gentiles had no such cruelty.

I merited to see Rabbi Yisroel Kardoner and the elders of our community. They had mesiras nefesh for every single word of Rabbenu — this was not for nothing. And I merited to be strong, such a strong warrior. I stood against great ones who were respected and great throughout the world and in Yerushalayim. Yerushalayim was a city of geniuses, of the great Torah scholars, and not everyone was respected and famous. And it is a wonder how I was to the dayan like an only son and held firm. He was great in Torah and I esteemed him as a tzadik and genius. I slept by him, studied with him at night; there was such a bond, such great love between us. And he said to me: "Breslov — no!" How much poison against Breslov he planted within me — what he said, what he said. And I had faith in them all, and if they were saying such things about Breslov — it is a miracle how I held my ground. And likewise there was another rav who was extremely famous throughout the world. He had a name as a genius, wise, insightful, and understanding — such a man — and righteous. He had all the names. And everyone esteemed him and stood before him like a king. Whatever he said, it had to be fulfilled immediately. And I listened to none of it. And he thought: "There is no one in the world who does not listen to me — only Yisroel Ber!" This is a well-known and famous fact.

And I knew about this — I was born in Teveriah and had heard and known about this. And I stood against them and became a Breslover and drew close to Rabbi Yisroel. So I had miracles — if they were saying one should not be in Breslov, if my father was saying not to be in Breslov: "What — are you crazy?! What is this?! How is this possible?!"

And they pursued me for being in Breslov and spoke with me: "Breslov — we have heard from great ones, from holy tzadikim, that it is forbidden to draw close to Breslov." And I did not listen to them. This is such a wondrous thing. I was a warrior against them all — against all the scholars. I saw Rabbi Yisroel — I merited to such courage as has no equal in this world. Such courage — how I stood against such great ones, and also against my father and mother and against the entire family.

Oy yoy yoy… However much I tell — it is still not even a drop from the sea of what it was. Seeing is not like hearing.

And I see that the essential is mesiras nefesh for Hashem, for the Torah. Wisdom is also good — but the essential foundation, the essential of Judaism, the essential of Torah — is mesiras nefesh, the powerful will!

I was the worst of all. But one spark of truth stands against the entire world, against all the mighty forces, against all the powers. And also our holy Rabbenu hinted at this and said: "Give me your hearts — and I will lead you on a new path. It is a very ancient path that our forefathers have always walked — and yet it is completely new."

Nu — we must give our hearts. Blessed be Hashem, I gave all my life and my heart — my father and mother, the whole world — I gave everything for the sake of drawing close to Rabbenu. This is a very wondrous thing…

And there was also the dream I had after the passing of Rabbi Yisroel — the dream of the waves…

I was at sea and there were great waves like mountains. I saw a mountain of water coming — but truly a mountain — and it was moving in anger, straight toward me. I said: "Oy vey — in a few more moments it will reach me. What will become of me? I will die — there is no hope at all. I will die!"

And so it was. It moved in anger, in haste — it was coming to kill me. It fell upon me and I was completely despairing — but I saw that I was rising over the mountain, that I was rising in the water — rising, rising, rising — until I reached the end and thrust out my head and was able to breathe air and I remained alive.

Fine — the wave passed and I remained alive. But I saw that a new mountain was coming — a new wave — it was moving. What would happen now? Miracles do not happen every time — what would come of me now?

Nu — it was coming, without asking me, it was coming toward me, and a new mountain fell upon me. And again it was a miracle that I rose in the water on the mountain until I thrust out my head from the water and remained alive. Nu — fine. Blessed be Hashem, I was saved twice. But the sea was roaring and new waves were coming: "What will become of me, what will happen of this!" I felt the danger of all these waves and mountains. I was in despair — I saw the danger there was. Each time I saw miracles — I rose over the wave, I rose in the water until I reached the end and thrust out my head and remained alive. But perhaps now who knows what will be yet. I saw and felt the danger of where I was. Such a dream…

Suddenly I saw in the sea, not far from me, a great building — such a building, large and beautiful, such beauty… I said: "What?! How can there be such a thing — buildings in the sea?!" I saw nothing but the waves — and suddenly I saw in the sea a magnificent and large building. I was astonished: "How is it possible — can there be a building in the sea?" But I saw a building. I thought: "Perhaps this is a hint that I will merit to be saved from the sea — for there is a building, so perhaps I will reach the building."

I made tremendous efforts but could not reach the building. I was already near the building — and a wave came and swept me away; I was carried far from the building. "What will happen? I have a place to be saved but I cannot — I have no strength to reach the building. There is no possibility of reaching the building — it is beside me and I cannot reach it."

Until I merited — I made such a supreme effort and managed to touch the railing of the building. The moment I was able to hold the railing I felt: "Now, blessed be Hashem, I can climb the stairs of the building. There is no sea, no waves, nothing — now I have hope!"

Nu — I climbed. There were many stairs and I held the railing and climbed with great joy. Every moment was worth immeasurably — I had merited to emerge from such dangers and I was on the building's staircase. I climbed the stairs until I reached the end, until I reached the door of the building. I reached the door of the building and opened it and entered — and there was a corridor. On one side were beautiful windows and on the other side there was a wall with doors. So I passed the first door and wanted to open it and see what was there — and I did not open it. Not intentionally — but I did not open it. I said to myself: "What is this — why did you not open it?"

Then I thought: "Now I will open — there are many doors." So I walked and again reached a door and again did not open it, and I was angry with myself: "Why did you not open it?!" I passed the door — and so with all the doors. I walked and wanted to open and did not open. Such a dream…

Until I reached the last door of the building — that was already the whole building. I had passed all the doors until I reached the last door of the building, which was the final one. I reached the last door and opened it — I opened and saw a room…

There was a table and a chair there, and on the chair sat a great elder. And a beard — such beauty, such whiteness, such grace… And also his form, his face had such grace and such sweetness as one does not see in this world — such grace, such sweetness…

I was very ashamed. I saw such an elder and saw his face — I was deeply ashamed and my heart sank: "How do I have a place to be here in this room and to see such an elder — how?" I wanted to greet the elder but found no strength in myself: "To greet him — I am far from this. How do I have any share in greeting him? How do I have the boldness to greet this elder?"

In any case — this elder extended his hand and greeted me and took my hand and held my hand with great love, gently rocking: "Shalom aleichem." And he continued and held me with great love, such closeness… I had no such boldness myself — but he did this. So what could I do — I accepted it. And I awoke…

I then remembered the entire dream. Until today I see his face as I saw it then. Naturally a dream is forgotten — especially a face. But as I had seen the chair with the elder, the beard, and the description of the face — I remember it as if I am seeing it now. So I had a great longing and yearning: "I want to know who this elder was — what great one, who was this elder I saw?"

So it seems I had this yearning, fell back asleep — and it was said to me, or I had the thought: "I will take a book and open it — perhaps I will find there some hint of who the elder was." And so I did.

I awoke and took a book and opened it. It was the book Chayay Moharan [The Life of Rabbenu, compiled by Rav Noson] in the first printing. I opened the book and set my eyes on this passage where our holy Rabbenu revealed: "That whoever merits it — I will appear to him in the form of an elder!" That was it — this is what I saw! And then I knew already that the elder was Rabbenu!

Such a dream…