קצה

Overview: Sunday, Parshas Va'eschanan — written after release from the prison. The briefest and most soul-shattering letter. Just received Yitzchok's letter — no word on my tongue — presumably they will speak face to face on Shabbas. The speech is withheld — *ne'elamti dumiyyah* (Tehillim 39:3) — *yitein be'afar pihu ulai yeish tikvah* (Eichah 3:29) — *ulai ulai*. Even if Yitzchok writes a thousand times from the depth of bitterness — Reb Nussun has already lived through thousands upon thousands of times more bitterness. All bitterness and suffering flows from the Churban Beis Hamikdash — *ein lecha yom* (Sotah 48) — and the personal Churban — *Churban Beis Hachochmah v'Hada'as* — in each person. No one stands for us — only His abundant mercies through the power of the true *tzaddikim* who draw new mercies at every time. *Mi yitein roshenu mayim v'eineinu mekor dimah* (Yirmiyahu 8:23). Signed: "the words of your father who writes in bitterness of heart without ceasing — *ad yashkif v'yireh Hashem min hashamayim*" (Eichah 3:50).

[Hebrew: אֲהוּבִי בְּנִי חֲבִיבִי....]

I received your letter just now — and there is nothing new to inform. And as yet we have

To my beloved son — my dear one — peace and life and all good.

I received your letter just now — and just now there is no word on my tongue [אֵין מִלָּה בִּלְשׁוֹנִי — Tehillim 139:4: ki ein millah bilshoni hen Hashem yadata kulah — "for there is no word on my tongue — but Hashem knows it entirely." The Psalm of Dovid on Hashem's omniscience — where even the unspoken word is known. Reb Nussun after the prison reaches for this verse: not silence of indifference but silence of the soul that cannot yet speak what it has been through] [Tehillim 139:4] — for in all likelihood you will be here — if Hashem wills it — for the coming holy Shabbas — and face to face we will speak. And just now the speech is withheld in the dimension of *ne'elamti dumiyyah* — I was struck dumb in silence [נֶאֱלַמְתִּי דּוּמִיָּה — Tehillim 39:3: ne'elamti dumiyyah hechesheiti mitov u'mach'ovi ne'gar — "I was struck dumb in silence — I held back from good — and my pain was stirred." The Psalm of Dovid in the depths of suffering — where speech itself has been arrested — only the burning within remains. Applied here with devastating precision to the post-prison state of Reb Nussun's soul] [Tehillim 39:3] and so forth — and one must fulfil: *yitein be'afar pihu — ulai yeish tikvah* — let him put his mouth in the dust — perhaps there is hope [יִתֵּן בֶּעָפָר פִּיהוּ אוּלַי יֵשׁ תִּקְוָה — Eichah 3:29: the verse of silent submission in the deepest destruction — pressing the mouth to the dust — not in despair but in the paradox of hope-within-hopelessness. The *ulai* — perhaps — said twice in Reb Nussun's letter: *ulai ulai* — perhaps perhaps — the double perhaps of the person who clings to hope when there are no words left] [Eichah 3:29] — perhaps perhaps. And if you write a thousand times from the depth of the bitterness of your soul — I already know — for I have gone through thousands upon thousands of times more bitterness — even more and more. May Hashem Yisborach have mercy from now on — and also upon the rest of the people — for most of them — it is inevitable that what must pass over each one will pass — as I have seen and as I see now with my own eyes from my very beginning until this day.

[Hebrew: נָתָן מִבְּרֶסְלֶב...]

And all the kinds of bitterness and distresses and sufferings and so forth that pass over each and every one every day and every time — all of it flows from the destruction of the Temple — where the root of holiness — the root of life — the root of the repair of everything was [הַכֹּל נִמְשָׁךְ מֵחֻרְבַּן בֵּית הַמִּקְדָּשׁ שָׁם עִקַּר הַקְּדֻשָּׁה עִקַּר הַחַיִּים עִקַּר תִּקּוּן הַכֹּל — one of the deepest teachings of Reb Nussun: every personal suffering and every communal suffering is ultimately a ripple of the great destruction — the Churban Beis Hamikdash — which shattered the root of holiness in the world. All pain everywhere is the echo of that original devastation] . And from the time that the house of our life — our holy house and our glory — was destroyed: there is no day that does not have its curse [אֵין לְךָ יוֹם שֶׁאֵין בּוֹ קְלָלָה — Sotah 49a: "there is no day whose curse is not greater than the day before it." The Talmudic teaching on the worsening of the exile after the Churban — cited here as the root explanation for why every day carries suffering] [Sotah 48] and so forth — as our rabbis — of blessed memory — said. What shall we say and what shall we speak — and especially the personal destruction — the destruction of the house of wisdom and knowledge — that is in each and every person [חֻרְבַּן בֵּית הַחָכְמָה וְהַדַּעַת — not only the national Churban but the personal inner Churban: the destruction of the *Beis Hachochmah v'Hada'as* — the inner house of wisdom and knowledge — within each person's own soul. This is Reb Nussun's personal application of the Churban teaching to the interior life] . And no one stands in our defense — and we have no one to lean on except upon His abundant mercies — through the power of the true *tzaddikim* who draw down new mercies at every time. And because of this there is still hope for us — not to despair — G-d forbid — from the crying out and the wailing — especially in these bitter times and days. Who will give our head water and our eyes a fountain of tears — that we can pour out our speech like water before Hashem — until He comforts and saves us from now on with true salvations forever [מִי יִתֵּן רֹאשֵׁנוּ מַיִם וְעֵינֵינוּ מְקוֹר דִּמְעָה — Yirmiyahu 8:23: the prophet's great lament over the destroyed people — "who will give my head water and my eyes a fountain of tears — that I may weep day and night for the slain of the daughter of my people." Reb Nussun takes Yirmiyahu's cry of weeping and turns it into a prayer of petition: that we may be given the capacity for tears — to pour out our speech before Hashem — until He saves us] [Yirmiyahu 8:23] . And even now we must give ourselves life with this — so that we have strength to say the *kinos* with all our heart — and to break our hearts appropriately — each one for his portion that he has in the Churban Beis Hamikdash and the distresses of Israel in general and in particular. Nussun of Breslov. The words of your father who writes in bitterness of heart without ceasing — until Hashem looks down and sees from Heaven [עַד יַשְׁקִיף וְיֵרֶא ה' מִן הַשָּׁמַיִם — Eichah 3:50: ad yashkif v'yireh Hashem min hashamayim — "until Hashem looks down and sees from Heaven." The verse of Yirmiyahu sitting in the pit — continuing to cry out — waiting for the divine gaze to descend. The signature of a man who has been in prison and come out — still in the pit of his soul — but still crying — still waiting — still hoping for the gaze from Heaven] [Eichah 3:50] .