אות-יט

Have a broken heart but never be sad

When a person falls from his level, let him know that it is from Heaven — for the distancing is the purpose of the drawing close. Therefore he fell so that he would be more aroused to draw close to Hashem. And his advice: to begin anew to enter into the service of Hashem as if he had not yet begun at all in his whole life. And this is a great principle in the service of Hashem — that one must literally every single day begin afresh.

Even when a person is in exile — in materiality and in spirituality — even if he has fallen, G-d forbid, without limit, even there Hashem, may He be blessed, contracts Himself and conceals Himself in the wondrous ways of His awesome providence, and reminds him each time through many and various hints, each day and in every place — so that he should return to Him. And then all is transformed to good: specifically through the overpowering of the evil eye and the Ba'al Davar and the sitra achra — through which the light was greatly diminished and contracted — through this specifically a great good reached that the great Tzadikim can raise and elevate even those who have fallen very, very deeply. For through the light being so hidden by many contractions until it was hard to grasp and understand the hints — and the Tzadikim through their great toil with self-sacrifice merited to attain the light from within the force of the concealments — through this they attained great attainments. Until with their very wisdom they clothe the light for us in wonderful contractions, in a way that each person in his place can receive hints and advice and awakening in every place he is, to hold on to Hashem, may He be blessed, always. For the concealment is for the sake of the revelation, as is brought in the writings of the holy Ari, of blessed memory.

When a person begins to look at himself and sees he is far from good and full of transgressions — he can fall through this and be unable to pray at all. Therefore he is obligated to search and seek and find within himself some good. For how is it possible that he has not in his life done some mitzvah or good thing? And even when he begins to look at that good he did, he sees that the good itself is full of wounds and has no wholeness, for the good is mixed with ulterior motives and much dross. Even so it is impossible that there not be within this little good some good point. And so he must search and seek until he finds within himself yet another good thing — and even if this good is also mixed with much dross — even so, at any rate there is within it some good point. And so let him keep searching and seeking, until he finds within himself more good points. And through this — finding within himself some merit and good — through this he truly exits from the scale of liability to the scale of merit and can return in teshuvah. And through this he can revive himself and gladden himself somehow, and then he can pray and sing and give thanks to Hashem.

At the beginning, when a person starts to serve Hashem and things generally proceed in some order — he prays and studies and engages in the service of Hashem — this is the aspect of Shacharis [the morning prayer], which is the aspect of chesed. But most often afterward he falls from his service and Hashem begins to test him and the Ba'al Davar provokes him, as is known to all who wish to enter the service of Hashem. And then comes the essential trial of the person. And then one needs immeasurable and boundless strengthening — to strengthen oneself each time in His service and not to fall for any reason in the world. And the essential thing is to prevail against the mochin d'katnus [small-mindedness] that overpowers a person then and wants to bring him down as if there is no more hope, G-d forbid — or to prevent him from praying with intention and joy. All of this is the aspect of Minchah [the afternoon prayer], the time when the hold of mochin d'katnus is strongest. And one must fulfil the saying of our Sages: "A person should always be careful with the Minchah prayer" — meaning, at that time one must be especially careful to strengthen oneself in prayer and service of Hashem, and not fall for any reason in the world. Rather, one must know and believe in the words of the true Tzadikim who cried out loudly and powerfully that there is no despair in the world at all. And likewise in the general life of a person — the days of his life are called "day," and his death and passing are called "night and darkness." Therefore after half his days — which is the aspect of Minchah — it is then that the Ba'al Davar usually prevails more and more. For certainly one must begin the essential service specifically in the days of youth, as it is written: "It is good for a man to bear the yoke in his youth" [Lamentations 3:27], and "yanuktah k'lilah d'varda" [youth is the encompassing of the rose]. But even one who merited to begin the service of Hashem from youth — even so when he reaches the midpoint of his days and wants to reach what he must reach, then usually the Ba'al Davar strengthens and spreads greatly to prevent him from the path of life, G-d forbid. All the more so one who did not begin at all in the years of youth and when he sees that most of his years have passed and contemplates teshuvah and wants to begin then in the service of Hashem — the Ba'al Davar immediately overpowers him. Therefore one must greatly multiply prayer in the days of youth so as not to fall ever from His service.