ד

Master of the Universe — You have done great kindness with us, and brought us out of Egypt with great power and a strong hand, and separated us from the fifty gates of impurity, and brought us into the fifty gates of holiness. And You gave us, Hashem our G‑d, through Your mercies and Your great lovingkindnesses, Your holy Torah through Moshe Your prophet, the trusted one of Your house. Even if our mouths were full of song as the sea, and our tongues with joyous melody as the multitude of its waves, and our lips with praise as the expanses of the firmament — etc. — we could not sufficiently thank or praise You before all the good that You have done with us: that You gave us Your holy and perfect Torah, and chose us from all the nations, and sanctified us with Your precious commandments, which are more desirable than gold and much fine gold. And how many warnings did You warn us, and how many admonitions did You admonish us, not to transgress Your commandments — so that it might go well with us and with our children forever. And now — after all the great and awesome goodnesses and lovingkindnesses that You have done with us, and even with me, the lowly and despised one to the very ultimate degree, below whom there is no lowliness — You have given merit through Your great and mighty lovingkindnesses — for You have mercy upon all flesh — and created me among the seed of Israel Your servants, and placed Your Name upon me to be included among Israel, the holy people, upon whose name Your Name is associated. And now after all of these — what shall I say before You, Who dwells on high? And what shall I relate before You, Who abides in the heavens? And how can this servant of my Master — a despised and lowly servant like me — speak and set forth my speech before You, Hashem my G‑d? And how can I open my mouth to stand before You — after I was not careful to stand in my good, and I pushed away with my hands Your goodnesses and great lovingkindnesses, and did not guard Your precious and beloved commandments, which are the greatest good of all goods, and the greatest lovingkindness of all lovingkindnesses?

Please, Hashem — truly I have sinned before Hashem the G‑d of Israel; I have sinned, I have acted perversely, and I have transgressed, and I have done what is evil in Your eyes — such and such have I done. And in particular — [here one should specify one's sins, for it is necessary to specify the transgression] — to You, Hashem, is the righteousness, and to us is the shame of face as on this day. What shall I say, what shall I speak, how shall I justify myself? I have done evil in my deeds, and I have cut short my goodness and my holiness, and I have blemished greatly — my iniquity is too great to bear. My sins are beyond counting. And behold, I am now through my many iniquities like a drunken man and like one overcome by wine. For my iniquities have passed over my head like a heavy burden that is too heavy for me. And when I remember and am startled — my heart has wandered, trembling has seized me, all my bones have shuddered. For there is no peace in my bones because of my sin. And my iniquities have been engraved upon my bones. From the sole of my foot to my head there is no soundness in a single bone of mine because of my many sins and transgressions. For all my bones were broken and sawed through by my many iniquities that were engraved upon them. Woe to me, woe to me — very bitter to me, very bitter. More bitter than death, more bitter than all manner of bitterness in the world. And in truth I have not yet begun to feel at all even one pain from my iniquities — not even one part of a thousand-thousand millions and tens of millions. For through my many iniquities my heart has become dulled and my mind confused, until I do not know at all about myself and my own state. And were I to merit to know and feel even a tiny fraction of the intensity of one pain from my many sins and iniquities — in which I have damaged and blemished the root of my soul and spirit and divine spark, and in the supernal worlds, and I have rebelled against the Master of all — Whom the heavens and the highest heavens cannot contain, before Whom all His angels who are mighty in strength, and the seraphim and the ofanim and the holy chayyos [living creatures] and the supernal worlds and worlds above worlds, exceedingly high beyond measure and reckoning, all tremble and are terrified before the awe of His Name, and all of them do His will with awe and fear and love — and I, the most lowly and vile creature of all creation, a drop of putrefaction, a clump of earth, drifting dust, have rebelled against the Eternal G‑d, may His Name be blessed forever — I believe with certainty that if I were to begin to feel one part of thousands and myriads of the intensity of the bitterness and pain of one of my many sins and iniquities, there would certainly be no place that could bear the sound of my cry, and I would not be able to bear the sound of my screaming and the intensity of my pain and the bitterness of my heart even for an instant, and the entire world would not be able to bear the sound of my outcry. Alas, alas, alas — woe upon my soul; I have been made crooked from what I have heard, I have been terrified from what I have seen, and I have acted very foolishly. And through my evil deeds and my many transgressions I have blemished Your holy and pure and perfect Torah, and I have distorted and overturned the holy letter-combinations [tzeirufay ossiyos] of the holy Torah, and I have brought them into places where they cannot be mentioned. And those combinations which I overturned — words of the living G‑d — have been engraved upon my bones. And through this I have given power, G‑d forbid, to the nations [akum], and I have given them dominion, and I have lengthened the exile through my many iniquities. And now — what right do I still have, and what more cause to cry out to the King? But even so, my hope and my trust in Hashem have not yet perished, for He desires lovingkindness. For You desire the repentance of the wicked and You do not desire their death. And through Your abundant mercies You have taught us to confess before You all our sins and iniquities and transgressions, and You have instructed us through Your holy sages who are in the earth — to make a verbal confession [viduy divrim] before the true Torah scholar and the true tzaddik of the generation — so that through this You may atone for us all our iniquities and transgressions. As it is written: "The wrath of the king is as messengers of death, and a wise man will atone for it" [Proverbs 16:14]. And as it is written regarding one who makes himself as the leavings [shirayim] — "and He forgives transgression for the remnant" [Micah 7:18] — this refers to the true tzaddik, the sage of the generation, who is exceedingly humble above all people who are upon the face of the earth. And through this he is able to raise up our verbal confession before You and to atone for all our iniquities, and to extract all the evil combinations that were engraved upon our bones through our iniquities, and to overturn all the evil combinations from evil to good — that holy combinations be made from them again as at the beginning, through our verbal confession before him. And then the broken pieces of our bones will join and heal, and each one will return to its place in peace, and through this we shall merit to be included in You, Hashem our G‑d, in Your light of the Ayn Sof [the Infinite].

Please, Hashem — O Merciful One, filled with mercy, Who thinks thoughts so that none shall be cast away from You. Remember Your mercies, Hashem, and Your lovingkindnesses — for they are from everlasting. And see: "the hand has failed and the isolated and abandoned are no more" [Deuteronomy 32:36]. What shall we do now, Hashem our G‑d — for we have been left as orphans without a father, and there is none to stand in our defense? The pious one has perished from the earth, and the true tzadikim and sages of the generation who possessed all this power I have mentioned before You — and more, and more than this — have they not departed because of our many iniquities, until we have been left empty and deficient of all good, and we stand like a flagpole on a mountaintop and like a banner upon a hill? And though in truth certainly no generation is orphaned, and certainly there are true tzadikim in this generation as well — yet they are hidden and concealed from our eyes, and we are not privileged to know of them or to draw near to them. And now, Hashem our G‑d — where shall we turn to seek a remedy and a balm for our wound? And where, where is the healer of souls to bind and heal our wounds and our very grievous pain? Woe to us, for we have been plundered — every heart melts and every knee buckles; at midday the sun has set and the precious treasure of our eyes has been taken from us: he who restores our soul, our life and the length of our days, the splendor of our head, the pride of our strength, our soul and spirit and divine spark, our holiness and our purity — these are the true tzadikim, the holy supernal ones who have departed because of our sins; they have gone to their rest and left us to our sighing. And see Your people — exceedingly wandering, sunk to the ultimate depth of decline. And You, Hashem G‑d of truth, Who examines hearts and minds — You know what is hidden in our hearts and the intensity of our longing, and the longing of all Your people the House of Israel whose souls have yearned and even expired — to find a remedy and a cure for their wound. Every person knows the plagues of his own heart — all together they hunger and long and await and hope to draw near to the true tzaddik, so that he may turn them back from their iniquities and rectify their transgressions, and show us the path on which we should walk and the deed which we should do. And now, Hashem our G‑d — where are Your former lovingkindnesses? For from eternity in every generation there were true tzadikim, shepherds of Israel, who carried them in their bosom as a nurse carries the suckling, until they guided them in the ways of Hashem and brought them near to You. And now — why have You abandoned us, and struck us with a blow that is not written in the Torah — this: the death of the tzadikim, which is more severe than the destruction of the Temple? And why should the congregation of Hashem be like a flock without a shepherd? And we are orphans of orphans, children who have not seen the light, defiled with all manner of foolishness, filled with sin and iniquity and transgression — what shall we do and what shall we accomplish, and where shall we go and wander to seek a cure and a remedy and a counsel, to emerge from the folly of our mind and the evil of our hearts and the ugliness of our deeds?

Please, Hashem — grant us pardon and let us not perish; seek the lost sheep, the scattered sheep that has none to gather it; draw us near Yourself through Your abundant mercies and Your mighty lovingkindnesses. For in truth, by my own understanding, I know and fully know: that in truth, according to my ugly deeds and my shameful actions and my muddled thoughts, it would not have been fitting to draw me near. And all my evil deeds I have repeated and tripled — beyond number; and how many, many times have I promised You and accepted upon myself not to return to my folly and not to anger You ever again — and I was not able to stand by my promise even for a brief time, and I rushed to ruin my deeds again, time after time, beyond number. And how could it even enter my mind to come before You, to request and to appease and to placate You? But we know, Hashem our G‑d, that Your thoughts are exalted above our thoughts, and Your mercies and lovingkindnesses have prevailed and are deep and mighty, very, very much — beyond the grasp of our understanding. And it is impossible to know or to attain at all to what extent Your mercies and lovingkindnesses are mighty and exalted. "The lovingkindnesses of Hashem — for they have not ended, for His mercies have not ceased forever" [Lamentations 3:22]. "He returns man to the dust — to the very crushing of the soul" [Psalms 90:3]. Therefore upon Your abundant mercies do I trust, and upon Your lovingkindnesses do I lean — for even me You will not abandon through Your mercies. And if I have blemished what I have blemished — as You know how far my blemishes reach, for I myself cannot possibly know or attain even one part of thousands and myriads of the blemish of my iniquities. And furthermore I still do not know at all against Whom I have rebelled and against Whom I have sinned — for the perception of Your transcendence is hidden from me through my iniquities. But You alone know what I have done and what I have blemished — how and what and how much and against Whom I have blemished — for there is none who knows besides You alone, may Your Name be blessed forever. And upon all of these Your mercies and lovingkindnesses have prevailed — for You know our inclination, and You desire lovingkindness. For You do not desire the death of the one who is dead, but rather that he turn from his ways and live. And until the day of his death You wait for him — if he returns immediately, You receive him.

Therefore I have come before You, Hashem my G‑d and G‑d of my fathers — with a crushed heart and a lowly, broken spirit — that You have pity and mercy upon me and upon all our company and upon all Your people the House of Israel. And send us true tzadikim who will have the power to rectify us, to bring us back in complete teshuvah [repentance], and to rectify our souls and atone for our iniquities. And may we merit through Your mercies and great lovingkindnesses to draw near to the true tzadikim and to behold the light of their shining faces — and through this, grant us merit through Your abundant mercies to save our wretched souls from the thorns and the pits — which are evil desires, sadness, laziness, and their offshoots. And through Your granting us merit to behold the luminous faces of the true tzadikim and to draw near to them — through this our souls shall be saved from these evil character traits. And may we merit through Your lovingkindnesses to remove and to break all desires from within us, so that we have no desire or longing for anything in the world except for You — and all our desire and longing and wish and will shall be only for You and Your service. And may we merit to be zealous in Your service with the utmost zeal, and to be joyful and glad of heart always — that no laziness or sadness ever fall upon us — rather: let us rejoice and be glad in You! And may we merit to serve Hashem with joy and with a glad heart from the abundance of all good, and to be in joy always.

And so, grant us merit through Your abundant mercies to give tzedakah [charity] to the true tzadikim — so that through this we may merit to be saved from evil beasts and robbers, which are lashon hara [evil speech] and idle words and arrogance and their offshoots. And help us, Hashem our G‑d, through Your mercies, that all our speech be for Your Name and Your service, and that we never speak idle words — rather, all our speech shall be in Torah, and service, and fear of Heaven. And in particular from the great and grievous sin — the sin of lashon hara and tale-bearing [rechilus] which is exceedingly severe — save me and all Your people the House of Israel, that no evil word ever come forth from my mouth against any person of Israel in the world. "My G‑d, guard my tongue from evil and my lips from speaking deceit" [Liturgy — end of Amidah]. And save me from lashon hara and from the dust of lashon hara and from tale-bearing and from the dust of tale-bearing, from now and forever. And grant me the attribute of true humility in complete truth — that my soul be as the dust before all; and may I merit to know my lowliness in truth. And save me through Your abundant mercies from anger — that I never grow angry over anything at all, and that I not be short-tempered at all, and that there be no anger or impatience in my heart whatsoever — rather, may I merit to cleave to Your attributes, to be good to all; and to those who curse me, my soul shall be silent. And save us through Your abundant mercies from poverty and from want, and arrange our livelihood before we are in need of it — in abundance and not in constraint; in permissibility and not in prohibition; in honor and not in degradation; in ease and not in suffering — from under Your wide and full hand, in such a manner that I may be able to do Your will in truth all the days of my life, from now and forevermore.

And over all of these, grant us merit through Your mercies to make a verbal confession [viduy divrim] before the true tzaddik and sage of the generation, for all our sins and iniquities and transgressions — that we have sinned and acted perversely and transgressed before You from our youth until this day — so that he may atone for us through his wisdom and his humility, and guide us in the straight and true path: the path on which we should walk and the deed which we should do. And through him, grant us merit to be included in the Ayn Sof [the Infinite]. And may we merit to truly nullify ourselves, until we come to the shedding [hispashtus] of corporeality. And may we merit to return and to ascend to the place from which we were hewn. And may You open for us Your great light that has no end, and may we merit to be included in it in ratzo va'shov [running and returning]. And in particular at the time of our prayer, grant us merit that throughout the entire prayer we be truly cleaved to You and nullified to You. And may we nullify ourselves completely at the time of prayer, that the prayer be in the shedding of corporeality — for there is no restraint before Hashem in saving. And even according to our coarseness and our corporeality and the strength of our exile in the desires of the body and its evil character traits — in which we are very much bound as prisoners of affliction and iron — even so, You are mighty and great to save, and nothing is too wondrous for You and nothing is withheld from You. And we trust and wait and hope and look to You — that You will have mercy upon us through Your abundant mercies, and grant us merit to all that we have requested before You: that we merit to completely nullify all the desires of the body and its evil character traits, until we merit to come to the shedding of corporeality, to be included in You in truth in ratzo va'shov all the days of our lives, until the day that You gather us to You — and then may You grant us merit through Your mercies to be included in You forever and ever, and no sin or iniquity or transgression shall impede us, for You will pardon and forgive us for everything through Your abundant mercies and Your great and awesome lovingkindnesses. And help us through Your abundant mercies to nullify our will before Your will, so that we have no other will in the world — rather, our will shall be as Your will always. And may we merit to know that Hashem is the G‑d, and to know that all our experiences are entirely for our good, and to bless over everything "the Good and the Beneficent" — as it will be in the future. As it is written: "In G‑d I praise a word; in G‑d I praise a word" [Psalms 56:11]. And may we merit to raise up the Kingship to its place, that Your Kingship be revealed in the world, and nullify the wicked kingdom, and break and nullify the kingdom and dominion of all the nations over us and over all Your people the House of Israel — and may You reign, Hashem, alone over all Your works.

Master of the Universe, Hashem G‑d — You know that to all these levels we would have been able to merit through the true tzadikim. And so, be gracious to us through Your abundant mercies, to reveal to us and to show us the true tzadikim of this generation, and to grant us merit to draw near to them — so that through them You grant us merit to all that we have requested before You. And if, G‑d forbid, our many sins have caused to make a screen of separation between us and the true tzadikim — that they be hidden and concealed from our eyes, G‑d forbid, and we are unable to bring to light the hiddenness and concealment of the true tzadikim — may it be Your will, Hashem our G‑d and G‑d of our fathers, that You Yourself, through Your abundant mercies, grant us merit and help us to merit and to attain to all that we have requested before You. And the verbal confession [viduy divrim] that I have confessed before You — may it be esteemed and accepted before You as though I had confessed before the true sage and tzaddik of the generation. And all the good levels and good character traits, and the nullification of desires and evil character traits, and all the other good levels — that we would have been able to merit through the true tzadikim: those that we requested before You, and those that we have not mentioned before You — over all of them help us, Hashem our G‑d, through Your abundant mercies. For You are our Father, and we have none upon whom to lean except upon You — our Father in Heaven. For it is revealed and known before You that my desire and my longing is very strong to draw near to the true tzaddik — but through my many iniquities I am not privileged to know who he is and where he is. Would that I knew and I would find him — I would leap over the mountains and spring over the hills to come and draw near to him. "The number of my steps — I would recount them to Him" [Job 31:37]. O You Who is filled with mercy — see my affliction and my toil; see my affliction and my wandering in wormwood and gall. "I have been wakeful and become as a lonely bird on a rooftop" [Psalms 102:8]. For I have no one to turn to for salvation — only to You alone do my eyes look. Have pity and compassion upon me, please — and forgive and pardon and atone, please, for my many sins and iniquities and transgressions. "To Hashem our G‑d belong mercy and forgiveness — for we have rebelled against Him" [Daniel 9:9]. For Your Name's sake, Hashem, forgive my iniquity, for it is great [Psalms 25:11]. "For with You is forgiveness, that You may be feared" [Psalms 130:4]. And help us and grant us merit, and give us as a free gift and a generous bestowal of lovingkindness, all that we have requested before You. And if I have erred with my tongue, You, Hashem, shall atone for me. And grant us merit even in this world to taste something of the flavor of the World to Come — to be nullified to You, and to know that all our experiences are entirely for our good. "For Hashem is good to all" [Psalms 145:9]. And grant us merit to reveal Your Kingship in the world — so that all the peoples of the earth may know that Hashem is the G‑d, there is none other. "And Hashem shall be King over all the earth — on that day Hashem shall be One and His Name One" [Zechariah 14:9]. "May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable before You, Hashem, my Rock and my Redeemer" [Psalms 19:15].