אות-ט

What we see — that there are people who are great evildoers for many years and transgress great and weighty transgressions, G-d have mercy, yet afterward become aroused to teshuvah and become complete penitents — as several such stories are brought in the Talmud and midrashim and other holy books, such as the story of Rabbi Elazar ben Durdaya and many similar stories in every generation. This seemingly is wondrous: for "one transgression draws another" and the more one transgresses the more he falls into the hands of the sitra achra — so how does he ultimately overpower the sitra achra and return in teshuvah? The answer is: in truth within each person of Israel there is a precious soul that has great power to stand against the evil inclination and its forces. For if he did not have power to stand against the evil inclination, the Holy One, blessed be He, would not give him such an evil inclination — for the Holy One, blessed be He, does not act unjustly toward His creatures, and Hashem, may He be blessed, does not give any person obstacles that he cannot withstand. But the essential root of all sins and all desires that a person is caught in — and the essential desire for licentiousness, G-d have mercy, which is the main evil inclination as our Sages of blessed memory said — comes primarily from shtus [folly] that causes him not to know his own power. This is the essential aspect of mochin d'katnus [small mind/constricted consciousness] — through this he falls to the desire for licentiousness which is the sum of all transgressions. The mind weakens and the intellect diminishes until he does not know his power and it seems to him he cannot stand against this desire — for the essential heroism is in the heart, and one whose heart is strong can prevail against all the desires in the world. And this is not humility — to diminish one's power and say one does not have a soul as lofty as the Tzadikim and upright men, as if one has no ability at all to be righteous and upright. For such "humility" is forbidden — it is invalid humility and is not humility at all, only mochin d'katnus, from which one must distance oneself greatly. Rather, on the contrary, each person must say to himself that he has a very lofty soul. For the soul of even the lowliest of the lowly of Israel is also very, very lofty and holy, and one must say to himself that it is not fitting to be dragged after desires, G-d forbid — all the more so to transgress any transgression, G-d forbid. As it is written: "And his heart was lifted in the ways of Hashem" — one must lift one's heart in the ways of Hashem and know that each person of Israel is at his root very far from transgressions, and each person of Israel is a possessor of great power to stand against the whole world with all its desires. And the essential thing is that he merit to know his power, as mentioned above. But since the sitra achra lies in ambush very much against a person, and the more a person transgresses the more the sitra achra suckles from him and swallows him — it therefore sometimes swallows him so completely that it reaches the very inner essence of his Jewish holiness, and it strengthens and prevails to swallow that point as well. But the moment it wants to swallow the inner essence of his holiness, that point stands in the sitra achra's throat — for this point of his inner holiness has very great power, and therefore the sitra achra cannot swallow it in any manner. And not only can it not swallow it — this very good point stands in the sitra achra's throat until it is forced to vomit and expel all the holinesses it swallowed from this soul. And from this comes the fact that sometimes a person is aroused to teshuvah after several transgressions — as mentioned above — for the inner point of holiness is truly a possessor of great power, and when it sees that the sitra achra wants to swallow it completely, it strengthens against it until it is forced to vomit. But certainly no person can rely on this — for one who says "I will sin and repent" will be given no opportunity to repent. For sometimes the sitra achra can prevail so much that it truly and completely swallows, as we see how many wicked people did not return in teshuvah even at the end, and were cut off and lost forever, G-d have mercy. Therefore one must certainly flee from transgression with utter flight. But after one has already transgressed whatever one has transgressed, G-d forbid, one must know and believe that there is no despair in the world at all. Even if he has already tried thousands of times to be upright and failed, and fell to whatever he fell — even to complete and serious transgressions, G-d forbid — even so there is still hope for him as long as his soul is within him. The essential thing is faith [emunah] — to have complete faith in Hashem, may He be blessed, and to strive with all one's might to draw close to a true Tzadik and pour out one's heart before Hashem, may He be blessed, that He reveal to him the true Tzadik so that he merit through him complete faith. Then certainly there is hope for him forever however things are — for the essential power to stand against the evil inclination is through emunah, which is the sum and essence of the entire Torah. (Halachos of Fragrances, Halacha 4, Ois 1–2) When a person falls from his level, let him know that it is from Heaven — for the distancing is the purpose of the drawing close. Therefore he fell so that he would be more aroused to draw close to Hashem. And his advice: to begin anew to enter into the service of Hashem as if he had not yet begun at all in his whole life. And this is a great principle in the service of Hashem — that one must literally every single day begin afresh. (ibid., Ois 261)