Why He Will Not Go to Jerusalem — A Detailed Answer

First, I hereby inform your honor that we are, blessed be G‑d, in good health. I received your postcard and rejoiced in it. And regarding the question you asked — why I changed my mind about traveling to Jerusalem, may it be established — the answer is as follows: A. The main reason I am not going is this: I will not find there a private dwelling, and I have no place whatsoever for hisbodidus [התבודדות] as I have here, blessed be G‑d — and this, for me, is the most essential thing of all. B. I do not have books there as I do here — here I have all of my father's books. C. Mental disturbance [מניעת המוח — lit. "obstruction of the mind/brain": the inability to think clearly, concentrate, or experience inner peace, a concept R' Shmuel returns to repeatedly throughout his letters] — for I would find no place of rest for myself, and I would be wandering without being my own master, unable to study and do hisbodidus as I wish. D. Where would I find food to eat? My mother would not send me under any circumstances. And the high cost of living in Jerusalem is great. E. All the relatives wrote to me that I shall not set foot on the threshold of their homes. And letters would also go flying from every direction to my father, etc., that I am with the Breslov Chassidim, etc., etc., etc. F. The intense heat in Jerusalem. G. The wandering and the great expense. H. My mother has decreed upon me that under no circumstances in the world shall I travel. And I have yet more reasons and reasons — it is simply impossible and out of the question for now to be anywhere except in Tzfas or in Meron. Therefore: the best of the best is to be in Meron.

For the eighth of Elul and for Tishrei — G‑d willing, I shall certainly be in Meron. During the Yomim Noraim [Days of Awe — Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur], R' Avner will be residing there, and chassidishe men [devout, pious men]. And my longing, desire, and wish — very, very greatly — is that you be with me in Meron for at least the entire month of Elul and half of Tishrei. At the very least — this must be without any excuse. Perhaps you will be able to arrange that they give you here in Tzfas your tiktziv [budget / stipend — תקציב] from Jerusalem. And additional money from somewhere — please work with all your strength toward this. And I, with my every desire, wish, aspiration, and longing — want to be for two full consecutive years in Meron on all the weekdays, except for Shabbos — to study and to do hisbodidus, etc., as is known among us [a reference to the well-known Breslov practice of spending extended time at the gravesite of the Rashbi in Meron for intensive Torah, prayer, and seclusion]. Most likely your honor will work with all your strength so that we may sit in Meron for those two years — or at the very least for the eighth of Elul and half of Tishrei. And I await and expect your clear reply on this matter at the earliest possible moment.

And this is the aspect of the Omer of barley — the food of animals. [עומר שעורים — "Omer of barley." The Omer offering brought on the 16th of Nisan (the second day of Pesach) consists of barley — שעורים (se'orim). Barley is the food of animals (ma'achal behemah) — considered a lesser, lower-grade grain than wheat. The Zohar and Kabbalistic tradition interpret this symbolically: during the Omer period, before the full receiving of the Torah, Israel is still in an animal-like spiritual state — not yet fully human in the spiritual sense.] And this is the aspect of the Divine Name — the letters Aleph-Heh [בחי' אהי' — "the aspect of Ehyeh / 'I will be.'" The divine Name אהי"ה (Ehyeh — "I am" / "I will be") is associated with the Sefira of Keter (Crown) — the highest and most hidden aspect of divinity, and specifically with becoming and potential. The word אהי"ה literally means "I will be" — the state of potential, of not-yet-realized existence. During the Omer, the Jewish people are in the spiritual state of Ehyeh — becoming, not yet arrived, reaching toward their full human potential.] — the aspect of teshuvah. "I will be" — I want to be — "Ana zamin l'mehevei" — I am preparing myself to become a human being through the holy Torah that is received on Shavuos. [אנא זמין למהוי — Aramaic: "I am preparing / readying myself to become." A phrase from the Zohar used in the context of spiritual preparation and readiness — one who is in a state of becoming, making oneself ready for a higher state of existence. The Aramaic "zamin" (ready / prepared) + "mehevei" (to become) = the spiritual posture of the Omer period: active preparation and readying of oneself to receive the Torah and become fully human.]

For then — on Shavuos — one brings wheat [חטה — wheat. The two loaves (shtei halechem) brought as the festival offering on Shavuos are made from wheat — in contrast to the Omer offering of barley. Wheat is ma'achal adam — human food — the food of a spiritually developed human being. The move from barley (animal food / Pesach / Omer) to wheat (human food / Shavuos) represents the spiritual evolution of Israel from animal-like to fully human — from Ehyeh (potential / becoming) to Havayah (realized divine presence / being).] — the gematria [בגימ' = בגימטריא — "in gematria." The standard abbreviation for the Kabbalistic-Talmudic practice of calculating the numerical value of Hebrew words and letters.] of which is 22. [חטה = ח(8) + ט(9) + ה(5) = 22. Twenty-two — the number of letters in the Hebrew alphabet. The Torah is composed of these 22 letters. So the wheat offering of Shavuos = 22 = the 22 letters of the Torah = the full human spiritual state achieved through the Torah's reception.] Twenty-two — the 22 letters of the Torah — human food. And the Torah is at every time and in every person — and every year the rectifications are made in general [that is: for the community of Israel as a whole] and in particular [that is: for each individual person].

For in the days of Pesach — there is an arousal from Above upon the person — to call him to go out from his impurities and to draw close to Hashem — through showing him a flashing of G-dliness [התנוצצות אלקות — "a flashing / sparkling of G-dliness." Hitnoztzus — a flash or spark of divine light that breaks through — a brief, sudden illumination that gives the person a glimpse of what is possible. Not a full sustained experience but a momentary flash — like a lightning bolt that illuminates everything for a single instant.] — like one who shows a precious thing to a child and immediately takes it from him — so that he will yearn and long for it. [A beautiful and precise analogy: a child is shown something wonderful and then it is taken away — precisely so that the longing and desire are awakened. The experience of Pesach is this flash of divine closeness that is shown and then withdrawn — specifically in order to generate the longing that will drive the Omer work.]

And afterward — the flash from Above is taken away — and the person must himself search and toil [לחפש ולטרוח — two distinct verbs placed together: לחפש (lachapes) — to search, to seek, to look for — the active seeking of something that is not immediately visible; and לטרוח (litroa'ch) — to toil, to labor, to exert oneself strenuously — the effortful dimension of the search. Together they describe the Omer-pursuit: not passive waiting but active, strenuous, effortful seeking — searching with sweat. The distinction matters: the Pesach flash requires no effort (pure gift from Above); the Omer pursuit requires both searching (direction) and toiling (effort).] through his yearning for the holy flash — and this is the matter of the Omer count.

For one who counts the Omer — says it aloud [סופר הספירה בפיו — "one who counts the Omer — says it with his mouth." The halachic requirement that the Omer be counted verbally — not merely thought but spoken aloud with one's mouth. The author uses this as a jumping-off point for a deeper teaching about speaking one's spiritual longings aloud.] — so that he remembers that the days are counted — and each day is a great account of what he has to do in this world — and to serve Hashem through it. The essential: through his longings and his yearnings to draw close to Hashem.

For that is the essential thing. But one must not content oneself with this alone [אין להספיק א"ע בזה לבד — "one must not content oneself / satisfy oneself with this alone." א"ע = את עצמו — "himself / oneself" — the standard abbreviation appearing throughout the correspondence. Even the inner yearning, as essential as it is, is not sufficient on its own. Something more is required.] — one must also speak one's yearnings and longings with one's actual mouth — and this is the matter of hisbodidus [Hisbodidus — התבודדות — "seclusion / aloneness." The Breslov practice of secluded personal prayer: going alone to a private place and speaking directly to G-d in one's own words — pouring out one's heart, one's yearnings, one's failures, one's hopes. The author is teaching: the longing must be verbalized, spoken aloud in one's own words — not merely felt internally. The mouth gives the longing reality and force.] — to long for Hashem and to speak the longings with a full mouth.

And this is the matter of counting the Omer with a full mouth — that one is pained, and aches with longing, and yearns deeply [שמצטער ומתגעגע ומשתוקק — three distinct emotional verbs, each capturing a different dimension of the Omer's inner experience: מצטער (mitzta'er) — from the root צער — is pained, feels genuine sorrow and distress at his distance from holiness. Not mere disappointment but real inner pain. מתגעגע (misga'aga'a) — from the root געגוע — aches with longing, with the deep wistful ache of one who misses something beloved and far away; the most tender and vulnerable of the three. משתוקק (mishtokeik) — from the root שוקק — yearns intensely, with a driving hunger and thirst — the most active and pressing of the three. Together: pained by distance + aching wistfully for the beloved + driven by hunger to reach it — the complete inner landscape of the Omer count.] to become purified and sanctified — like a woman who purifies herself and counts seven clean days. [כאשה המטהרת וסופרת ז' נקיים — "like a woman who purifies herself and counts seven clean days." After the end of her menstrual period, a Jewish woman counts seven clean days (shiva nekiyim) before immersing in the mikveh. The counting is intensely personal and purposeful — each day a conscious step toward purification and reunion. The Omer count is compared to this counting: forty-nine days of conscious, intentional spiritual purification and preparation — each day counted with awareness of what one is moving toward.]

And as we request in the Ribono Shel Olam [הרבש"ע = הריבון של עולם — "the Master of the World" — the opening words of the prayer recited after counting the Omer each evening. הרבש"ע is the standard abbreviation. The prayer is a detailed petition for spiritual purification through the Omer count: to be cleansed from the spiritual husks (kelipot) and impurities, to have the nefesh-ruach-neshamah rectified, to be elevated to the holiness of the Torah.] that we recite after the Omer count: "...to count... in order to purify us from our husks and our impurities... so that the souls of Your people Israel may be purified from their contamination... and through the merit of the Omer count... and I shall be purified and sanctified... to rectify the nefesh-ruach-neshamah [נר"ן = נפש רוח נשמה — "nefesh, ruach, neshamah." The three primary levels of the soul in Kabbalistic tradition: nefesh (the vital/animal soul — the lowest, most physical level), ruach (the spirit — the middle emotional level), and neshamah (the breath-soul — the highest, most divine level). Together these constitute the complete human soul. The Omer count aims to rectify all three levels simultaneously — the complete threefold soul purified and elevated through forty-nine days of preparation.] from all dross and blemish — to purify and sanctify us with Your supreme holiness." [The author strings together key phrases from the Ribono Shel Olam prayer — the standard Kabbalistic-Chassidic prayer for Omer purification. The phrases cited: לספור = "to count"; לטהרינו מקליפותינו ומטומאותינו = "to purify us from our husks and our impurities"; שיטהרו נפשות עמך ישראל מזוהמתם = "that the souls of Your people Israel may be purified from their contamination"; ובזכות ספירת העומר = "and through the merit of the Omer count"; ואטהר ואתקדש = "and I shall be purified and sanctified"; לתקן נר"נ מכל סיג ופגם = "to rectify the nefesh-ruach-neshamah from all dross and blemish"; לטהרינו ולקדשינו בקדושתך העליונה = "to purify and sanctify us with Your supreme holiness."] For this is the holiness of the holy Torah.

For the essential is the hidden Torah — the Torah of the future [תורה שבנסתר — "the hidden Torah / the esoteric Torah." As opposed to the revealed Torah (Torah shebenigleh — the publicly available legal and narrative Torah). The hidden Torah encompasses Kabbalah, inner meanings, the spiritual dimensions of the Torah that are accessible only to those who have deeply purified themselves. The Rebbe's Torah is identified with this hidden dimension.] — for which the true Tzaddikim merited — in the aspect of Moses — such as Rabbi Shimon bar Yochai, may he rest in peace — and our holy master the Rebbe — and the other true Tzaddikim, the unique ones of the generations.

And we must bind ourselves to them with love and connection and longing and yearning — for their awesome holiness.

And all of this is through the longings and the yearnings and through speaking with one's mouth in hisbodidus and requesting from Hashem — and through this itself one is sanctified and purified — and receives upon oneself from a distance from their supreme holiness — each person according to his level and according to his longings and his yearnings — and according to the arousal from below that is his [ית'ערותא דלתתא — Aramaic: "the arousal from below / the stirring from below." The human initiative — one's own spiritual effort reaching upward toward the divine, in contrast to atirutha dile'ila (arousal from above). The more intense a person's atirutha diletata — their own self-motivated yearning and effort — the more of the Tzaddikim's holiness they can draw upon themselves.] — and according to his strengthening himself without falling in his mind.

For he who sees that days and years pass — and he yearns and longs — and yet he is still as far as he is far — and [yet] does not fall in his mind [לא יפול בדעתו — "not fall in his mind / not fall in his thinking / not become despondent." Nefila bada'at — the falling of the mind, the collapse of the spirit into despair. The specific danger of the Omer-type spiritual life: years of yearning, years of effort, and still seemingly no progress — and the temptation is to conclude that it is hopeless, that one is permanently distant. This is the "fall" that must be guarded against above all else.] — and waits and yearns — for the most part of the world that is far from Hashem — this happens only from this — from falling in one's mind. For all desire to fear His Name — but they do not have the power of waiting: to wait and to hope for days and years until one merits this. But the one who walks in this path — to yearn and to long all his days — in the aspect of counting — "When will I merit my holiness that is fitting for me?" — and is ashamed by the fact that he is still far — and does not leave his place — and waits and yearns. And in the meantime — Hashem helps a little — and one grabs hold of some holiness and some flashing — in the aspect of Shavuos — the receiving of the Torah — according to one's level. And afterward one longs and yearns further — and so on — until one's last day. In the end of all things — one will merit a good end — forever. So may it be His will. Amen. And this is the aspect of: "If in My statutes you walk" [Leviticus 26:3 — from the Torah portion Bechukosai read this very week] — as Rashi explains: "On condition that you shall be toiling laborers in the Torah" [על מנת שתהיו עמלים בתורה — "on condition that you shall be toiling laborers in the Torah." Rashi's explanation of the verse (Sifra, Bechukosai 1): "im bechukosai telechu" — "if in My statutes you walk" — does not mean merely that one observes the statutes, but specifically that one toils and labors in Torah — going with the Torah, walking alongside it, as a tireless worker alongside a demanding task.] — that is: to walk with the Torah — to study Torah — and in particular the Torah of the true Tzaddik which is the hidden Torah — the Torah of the future era — and to walk with it — to yearn to fulfill it — and to request this in hisbodidus and prayer — and to perform all the services with it: both the services in holiness and the services in the mundane — both eating, drinking, and so on — everything should be only according to this Torah. [And this is the entire matter of Torah 1 which we are printing with the commentaries — which is in the aspect of Torah studied in depth.] [תורה בעיון — "Torah studied with deep investigation / in depth." Be'iyun — with careful, contemplative, penetrating study — as opposed to bekiyus (breadth / rapid coverage). The printed book — Likutay Moharan Torah 1 with commentaries — is itself in the aspect of this deep Torah study that transforms one's entire way of living.] Through this: "And I will give your rains in their season" [Leviticus 26:4 — the first of the blessings that follow "if in My statutes you walk"] — and so on — that is: we will merit all the blessings and the promises — both in this world and in the World to Come. So may it be His will. Amen. I have received your letter — and also with the money: 40 dollars for the book. But the 10 [dollars] that you still owe for the book — I have not yet received. And with G-d's help — from this I will print one galley — in addition to the two galleys that I still owe for. And blessed be Hashem — the book has made somewhat of an impression: [עשה קצת רושם — "has made somewhat of an impression / left somewhat of a mark." The permanent mark that the book has begun to make on its readers and on the spiritual fabric of the world. Roshim (impression / mark) — the same word the author uses throughout the correspondence for the Rebbe's desire that his words make a permanent impression on the souls of readers.] for several barren women, who had been barren for a long time, have conceived — [נפקדו כמה וכמה עקרות ישנות — "several long-standing barren women have been remembered / have conceived." Nifkadu (they were remembered) — the biblical formula for a barren woman becoming pregnant: "And G-d remembered Sarah" (Genesis 21:1); "And G-d remembered Rachel" (Genesis 30:22). The author reports that multiple women who had been unable to conceive for years have become pregnant — which he attributes directly to the power of the newly printed holy book. This is a traditional understanding of the power of holy books: they carry segula (spiritual power) that can effect physical changes in the world.] as our master the Rebbe זצ"ל brings in the Book [ס' המדות = ספר המדות — "the Sefer HaMidos — the Book of Attributes / Qualities." ס' = ספר — "book" — the standard abbreviation. Sefer HaMidos is Rabbi Nachman's collection of practical spiritual aphorisms organized alphabetically by topic (middah / attribute). Published by Rabbi Nossan Sternhartz, it is one of the Rebbe's most accessible works.] of Attributes — the Sefer HaMidos — under the entry "Book," [אות ספר — "the entry 'Book.'" In Sefer HaMidos, each topical section is headed by an ot (letter / entry-heading) — the word or concept under which the aphorisms are gathered. אות ספר = the entry headed by the word "Sefer" (Book) — the section dealing with the spiritual power of holy books. סי' = סימן — paragraph / section number.] §7: "Through a great book [ס' גדול שיוצא לעולם — "a great book that goes out into the world." ס' = ספר — book. The full aphorism: "Through a great book that goes out into the world — barren women conceive." The author applies this directly to his own newly printed Likutay Moharan commentary — and reports the miraculous confirmation.] that goes out into the world, barren women conceive." See there. Shavuos — the essential is to be awake through the night [שבועות העיקר דאס אוף זיין דיא נאכט — Yiddish: "Shavuos — the essential is to be awake / to be up through the night." The Yiddish af zayn (אוף זיין) = "to be awake / to remain up." The all-night Torah vigil on Shavuos night (Leil Shavuos) is a central Kabbalistic practice, based on the Zohar's teaching that those who stay awake through the night of Shavuos studying Torah become the "adorned wedding party" of the Torah — they prepare the "bride" (the Torah) for her "wedding" (the receiving at Sinai) by studying all night.] — and to recite the Shavuos night liturgy [הליל שבועות — "the Shavuos night [liturgy] / the Tikun Leil Shavuos." The all-night reading on Shavuos night: a selection of passages from each of the 24 books of the Bible and each tractate of the Mishnah — compiled in the Kabbalistic work Hemdat Yamim and widely practiced throughout Chassidic communities. Sometimes simply called "the leil" (the night) — reciting the prescribed Torah readings through the night.] — with joy — like [at] a wedding — as brought in the Zohar. And to receive this holy and awesome Yom Tov with joy and longing — and with acceptance in the heart to fulfill the Torah and toil in it according to one's capacity. This eighteenth letter — written Thursday 22 Iyar 5716 (May 1956), the 37th day of the Omer, thirteen days before Shavuos — is the most sustained and concentrated teaching on the Omer in the entire correspondence. It builds a complete theology of the Omer count from multiple angles simultaneously. The Omer as yearning (§§2–3): The entire Omer count is an expression of longing — "one day closer to the receiving of the Torah." The Omer of barley = animal food = the spiritual state of the Jew before receiving the Torah. Barley = Ehyeh (I will be / becoming / potential). The Shavuos wheat offering = 22 (gematria of חטה) = the 22 letters of the Torah = human food = the realized human spiritual state. The Omer is the spiritual evolution from animal-Ehyeh to human-Torah. Pesach flash → Omer pursuit (§4): Pesach: arousal from Above (atirutha dile'ila) — G-d shows the person a flash of G-dliness (hitnoztzus Elokus) — like showing a child something precious and then taking it away — specifically in order to generate yearning. Then the flash is withdrawn and the person must pursue it through his own effort during the Omer — the atirutha diletata. The counting in the mouth — hisbodidus (§5): The halachic requirement of verbal counting becomes a metaphor: one must not only feel the longing internally but speak it aloud with one's actual mouth — in hisbodidus. The Omer count = the woman counting seven clean days (shiva nekiyim) — intensely personal, purposeful, conscious preparation for purification and reunion. The Ribono Shel Olam prayer / Nefesh-Ruach-Neshamah (§6): The prayer recited after each Omer count (abbreviated הרבש"ע) is cited at length: to purify from kelipot and tumah, to purify the souls of Israel from contamination, to rectify the nefesh-ruach-neshamah (נר"ן) from all dross and blemish, to sanctify with supreme holiness = the holiness of the Torah. The hidden Torah and the Tzaddikim (§7): The essential goal of the Omer is the hidden Torah (Torah shebenistar) — the Torah of the future era — for which the true Tzaddikim merited (Moses-soul: R' Shimon bar Yochai, Rabbi Nachman). Binding to them through love, connection, longing, and speaking aloud in hisbodidus. Each person receives according to their level, their atirutha diletata, and their not-falling-in-their-mind. The key — not falling in one's mind (§8): Years pass, one still seems as far as ever — yet one does not fall in one's mind (nefila bada'at). The majority of the world that is far from G-d — it is only from this — from falling in the mind. All desire to fear His Name but lack the power of waiting (koach hahamamtana). The Omer-path: yearning all one's days, ashamed yet not leaving one's place, waiting — and G-d helps a little — a flash of Shavuos — and then yearning further — until the last day — and in the end, a good end. "If in My statutes you walk" (§9): Rashi — "on condition that you toil in Torah" — the Omer-toil explicitly connected to this week's Torah portion. Walking with the Torah, yearning to fulfill it, speaking it in hisbodidus, doing all one's activities — even eating and drinking — according to this Torah. And this is the entire matter of the printed book (Torah 1 in depth = torah be'iyun). The reward: all the blessings and promises — in this world and the World to Come. Practical (§§10–11): 40 dollars received; still owe 10. Will print one galley with the 40. The book has made an impression: several long-standing barren women have conceived — citing Sefer HaMidos, "Book" §7. Shavuos: the essential is to be awake through the night (af zayn di nakht) — reciting the Shavuos night liturgy (leil Shavuos / Tikun) with joy, like at a wedding (as the Zohar teaches) — and receiving the Yom Tov with joy, longing, and acceptance of the Torah. Key terms in this letter: Nanter a tog tzu kabbalas haTorah — Yiddish: "one day closer to the receiving of the Torah"; the Omer as approach · Omer se'orim / chittah — barley (animal food / Ehyeh / becoming) → wheat (human food / 22 letters / Torah) · Bechinas Ehyeh — the aspect of "I will be"; divine name of becoming associated with Keter and teshuvah · Ana zamin l'mehevei — Aramaic: "I am readying myself to become"; the Omer spiritual posture · Hitnoztzus Elokus — a flashing of G-dliness; what Pesach shows and then withdraws · Sofer b'fiv / al pi — counting aloud / with the mouth; the halachic requirement made into spiritual teaching · Ka'ishah hamitaheret v'soferet shiva nekiyim — like a woman counting seven clean days; the Omer as purification-count · HaRibbono Shel Olam (הרבש"ע) — the Master of the World; the post-Omer prayer of purification · Ner"n = nefesh ruach neshamah — the three levels of the soul rectified by the Omer count · Torah shebenistar — the hidden Torah; the Torah of the future era; the Rebbe's Torah · Atirutha diletata — the arousal from below; human yearning reaching upward during the Omer · Nefila bada'at — falling in one's mind; the collapse into despair that ruins the Omer-path · Koach hahamamtana — the power of waiting; what most people lack · Im bechukosai telechu — she'tiheyu amelim baTorah — "if in My statutes you walk — that you shall be toilers in Torah" (Rashi) · Torah be'iyun — Torah studied in depth; the nature of the printed book · Nifkadu akkaros — barren women have conceived; the segula-power of the printed holy book (Sefer HaMidos, "Book" §7) · Af zayn di nakht — Yiddish: to be awake through the night; the Shavuos all-night vigil · Halayl Shavuos / Tikun Leil Shavuos — the all-night Shavuos liturgy recited with joy, like at a wedding