צב

Thanks to you — that I am blessed be G-d alive. But I am not in complete health — nine weeks from the beginning of my great illness — for there is no song or praise in my mouth sufficient to bless the G-d Who is good and does good — for the great loving-kindness He performed with me — in the merit of Rabbainu ז"ל and his holy disciple — and in the merit of our joy — that we rejoiced together on the joy of the Torah and on the holy Sabbaths. And the merit of your prayers — that you pray for me.

But this I tell you — my beloved brothers: from the day I rose from my great illness — there is no day that I do not have some other ailment. And I attribute everything to the quinine that they gave me. And every night I sweat — which draws out all my strength. And I had several times constipation of four days. And I have no strength in my legs even to stand for one hour. And I cannot walk in the house even for a quarter of a quarter of an hour. And I have no appetite at all for eating — and everything I eat under pressure — I fear lest eating excessively work against me. But for everything I have trust that Hashem Yisbarach will set everything right. But from Tuesday past the fever has gripped me every day — may the Merciful One protect us — toward evening — and I tremble for approximately two full hours — and then a heat is born in me beyond all reckoning — and because of this I cannot sleep — and my mind is confused. And nearly day and night I concentrate and contract all my brain into prayer and supplication [מצמצם מחי בתפילה ובתחנונים — "I contract and concentrate my brain in prayer and supplication" — from tzimtzum — contraction and concentration; the Kabbalistic term for the primal divine contraction; here: the writer focuses all mental energy, concentrating and compressing his very brain into prayer — an intense, total focusing of his intellect into the act of prayer]. And I know and believe: "in distress You have relieved me." In any case — by day I study blessed be G-d — a little at a time.

And I ask of you — and of our friends, my truly beloved ones, Morainu v'Rabbainu Aizik, may his candle shine — and also Reb Henech, may his candle shine — that you go on my behalf to the resting place of the holy Ari — and to the resting place of my father ז"ל — and all the Anash — to pray for me — and to awaken the divine mercies on my behalf in prayer and supplication — that there be an end and a conclusion to all our troubles. For I have many words to write to you — to give life to your souls. For during my illness — my main study is the books of Rabbainu ז"ל and his holy disciple — for I study only one hour — a little of the Five Books with Rashi — and beyond that — as much as I have the strength — I study the books of Rabbainu ז"ל and Psalms and prayers. And this is my main life-force. But what can I do, my brothers my friends — that I have no strength to bring it from potential into actual? And G-d willing when Hashem Yisbarach helps me and I am in full strength — surely we will speak together G-d willing.

And regarding the money — G-d willing when it comes into your hand — take for yourself half the money against your debt. And the remainder send to me — although I am now in a time of need — but even so — your debt weighs very heavily upon my head. And also the money of Reb Shmuel Henech — send that too immediately — and do not wait for a receipt. And know that Reb Shmuel Henech does kindness with me constantly — and goes every day to visit me. And also — perhaps there will be letters for Reb Shmuel Henech — send them to his hand immediately — for it will be considered a great mitzvah. And also write about my truly beloved Reb Shmuel, may his candle shine — from where he draws sustenance — to give life to his soul — for he lies resting upon my head at all times.

And also I asked to say to Reb Nussun son of Reb Yekusiel ז"ל — perhaps he has herring — and let him send me two or three.

More there is not to write — only life for you and for us.

Words of one who truly loves you, Nussun from Breslov

Written Tuesday, Parshas Vayechi, 5641, from Teverya — nine weeks into the illness. A new fever cycle every evening. Day and night the writer concentrates his brain into prayer. Thanks to you — that I am blessed be G-d alive. But I am not in complete health — nine weeks from the beginning of my great illness — for there is no song or praise in my mouth sufficient to bless the G-d Who is good and does good — for the great loving-kindness He performed with me — in the merit of Rabbainu ז"ל and his holy disciple — and in the merit of our joy — that we rejoiced together on the joy of the Torah and on the holy Sabbaths. And the merit of your prayers — that you pray for me. נ נח נחמ נחמן מאומן In the merit of Rabbainu ז"ל and his holy disciple — who bestowed upon us every good and saved me from several life-threatening illnesses that I had — as nearly the entire city who saw me were reciting the blessing of resurrection of the dead over me — and Hashem Yisbarach helped me with His abundant mercies — so may He help all the sick of His people Israel quickly and soon. And even so — I still have no strength at all in any limb — and every limb is broken in me. And I cannot stand on my feet for even a quarter of an hour continuously. And to walk as well — I cannot even to my mother's house, may she live — who is also lying ill — and I cannot go to her to visit her. But I am confident in Hashem Yisbarach Who has begun with a good beginning — surely G-d willing everything will be completed G-d willing for good. And I will ask of Hashem Yisbarach — and also of you I ask — to give thanks — and to cry out on my behalf for the completion of the salvation. For Hashem Yisbarach knows the truth — that even in the midst of my great weakness I did not forget you from praying on your behalf. For you are engraved in my brain and in my inner awareness and in the walls of my heart. And the financial straits of our friend Reb Aizikl, may his candle shine, does not depart from my thoughts — for I know that his brain is too small to trust in Hashem Yisbarach with great trust. [שמחו קטן לבטח בהשי"ת — "his brain is small — to trust in Hashem Yisbarach" — mocho katan — literally his brain, the specific organ of intellect and da'as; a small brain here means a limited capacity to hold the trust and inner awareness that faith requires; the brain as the instrument of trust] And now he gave me life with his letter — and alludes even within the Torah — for "when He has mercy upon them, He leads them" — when one studies the new teachings from the true Tzaddik — then kingship returns to the hands of wisdom — and she receives her livelihood. And today I studied the Laws of Blood, law 1 — look there and you will find repose for your souls. Regarding the money that our precious friend, the beloved of our soul, sent to us — I do not know the explanation — whether he sent it by post — where is it? — for it is three weeks already since you received a letter from me that he sent the money. And also regarding what you wrote about Nachman — the son of your co-parent-in-law, may his candle shine — it certainly seems to me: at first your mother-in-law argues that there they will not accept him again — and how can she let him be in the diaspora? But now — that their precious son Morainu v'Rabbainu Moshe, may his candle shine, himself wrote that he should come there with a Turkish passport — I do not understand why she is delaying. דארטן וועט אי"ה זיין מער לייט פון איהם ווי דא [Yiddish: "there — G-d willing — there will be more people of his caliber than here"] — but I do not know whether now one can still travel — and where will he have the travel expenses? But she has no counsel except to be in the diaspora. And if they will listen to me — I very much agree — for here he is greatly disgraced — and there he will be turned into a different person. For in front of the crude and unrefined young people [בני הנעורים פראסטאקיס — prostakes — Yiddish-Russian: crude, coarse, unrefined people; from Russian prostoy — simple, rough; a Yiddish code-switch for coarse and unlearned people] here in Eretz Yisroel there is no purpose at all. But I do not know how your co-parent-in-law, our beloved, may his candle shine, can travel because of his legal matter. Therefore write to me the manner of this — and also what is this that at first you wrote to me that it is going well with the legal matter — and now you write to me that every day he becomes more deeply in debt? And I have greatly asked you to reply to me on every matter carefully — for at first you wrote to me about the proceedings — and I wrote to you again — and you did not reply again — and several other matters as well. And in the letter from last week I wrote to you that I have no appetite for eating — therefore it seems to me that if there were herring I would eat. And I asked of you to say to my friend Reb Nussun son of Reb Yekusiel ז"ל — and he would send me some — perhaps I will sustain myself. Words of one who truly loves you in truth and in fact, Nussun from Breslov Undated — winter 5641. Still in recovery. The city recited the blessing of resurrection over him. A Kabbalistic teaching on studying new teachings restoring livelihood. Advice about Nachman. נ נח נחמ נחמן מאומן There has come here from our city — from Breslov — one by the name of Reb Abba — and the wife of Reb Chaim Krish knows him — and he is a proper man who loved me like a brother — and used to send me money here every year. And he at first sat in Yerushalayim — but he specifically wanted to sit together with me. And in the end — what did Hashem Yisbarach Who sits in the heights and watches over those below do? — He fell ill in the city of Jaffa, may it be established, with the fever — and was detained there three weeks — and a doctor gave him his remedies — and he recovered. And he traveled by sea to Haifa — and from Haifa he traveled on a donkey to here. And he is a man who has a large hernia — and because of his riding on the donkey — every limb was jolted — and the hernia greatly worsened — and his entire body fell ill. And he came here in this miserable condition. And for six weeks he has been confined to bed — and his legs swelled greatly. And he asked of me — since he has a prescription for mastic — to anoint his legs — and in Jaffa they anointed his legs with it and they rested from their swelling — and here it is not available. To ask of his acquaintance in Tzfas — may it be established — for the sake of a great mitzvah. Therefore I ask of you my friend and my beloved — do this for the sake of the mitzvah and for my sake — to go with the prescription to Reb Aharon Yosef, may his candle shine — and to ask of him also for the sake of the mitzvah — that he give him this mastic. And if possible he has also some other ointment that is good for swelling — let him give that too. And pay him whatever the cost — and formally present it to my account — and send it quickly — on the second carriage — for this is a matter of life-saving urgency — for it is impossible for him to be without it — and he fears lest it crush and force itself, G-d forbid, into the abdomen [למעך לבטן — "to crush into the abdomen" — me'ach — to crush, to press, to mash; the medical fear of a strangulated hernia: the hernia contents being crushed and forced back into the abdominal cavity — an extremely dangerous, life-threatening condition requiring immediate intervention]. And send it — and give to the donkey-driver — and here he will pay him his fee — whatever you write to give him. And write a letter — how much the mastic cost together with the carriage fee — from the letter I am sending you now — and I will collect here. And also send the prescription back to me enclosed in the letter. And you will fulfill in this what Rabbainu ז"ל said in the Torah Chosam b'soch chosam — that the body must serve the soul through commandments of deed. And write to me also whether you received the letter I sent to you through your co-parent-in-law Reb Chaim Yehoshua, may his candle shine. And the letter with the prescription — seal them with a wrapper. And from my health — blessed be G-d, blessed be G-d — little by little my limbs are being strengthened. And G-d willing when we meet together — I will tell you what this man Reb Abba did for me now — and you will be astounded. And strengthen yourself as well [ותח' עצמך ג"כ — "and strengthen yourself as well" — abbreviation of v'titchazek atzmecha — from chazak — to be strong, to strengthen; an active strengthening and fortifying of oneself, not merely guarding]. And in the open — it is impossible to write [ועל פני השדה א"א לכתוב — "and publicly / in the open it is impossible to write" — the idiomatic meaning: there are things that cannot be written openly in a letter; they must be spoken in person; al pnei ha'sadeh — "on the face of the field" — the exposed, open, public surface; what is written in a letter is exposed to anyone who reads it]. Therefore do in this as if for my own sake — only may Hashem Yisbarach guard us from all illnesses — and particularly from this illness — may the Merciful One protect us. And greetings of peace to your dear co-parent-in-law, our beloved, Reb Shmuel, may his candle shine — and to your dear brother, our beloved, the wondrous and exceptional, the veteran Chassid — the honor of the name of his Torah — Morainu v'Rabbainu Sender, may his candle shine — together with peace upon his son the groom, the wise one, the complete one — the honor of our teacher Reb Avraham Eliezer, may his candle shine — with strong love — such that great waters cannot extinguish the love — for we are bound to the tree which has three roots. Words of one who truly loves you in truth and in wholeness, Nussun from Breslov Written Wednesday, Parshas Shemos, 5641, from Teverya. An urgent request for mastic ointment for a gravely ill Breslover. The writer's health slowly improving. What cannot be written in the open. נ נח נחמ נחמן מאומן But this I tell you — my beloved brothers: from the day I rose from my great illness — there is no day that I do not have some other ailment. And I attribute everything to the quinine that they gave me. And every night I sweat — which draws out all my strength. And I had several times constipation of four days. And I have no strength in my legs even to stand for one hour. And I cannot walk in the house even for a quarter of a quarter of an hour. And I have no appetite at all for eating — and everything I eat under pressure — I fear lest eating excessively work against me. But for everything I have trust that Hashem Yisbarach will set everything right. But from Tuesday past the fever has gripped me every day — may the Merciful One protect us — toward evening — and I tremble for approximately two full hours — and then a heat is born in me beyond all reckoning — and because of this I cannot sleep — and my mind is confused. And nearly day and night I concentrate and contract all my brain into prayer and supplication [מצמצם מחי בתפילה ובתחנונים — "I contract and concentrate my brain in prayer and supplication" — from tzimtzum — contraction and concentration; the Kabbalistic term for the primal divine contraction; here: the writer focuses all mental energy, concentrating and compressing his very brain into prayer — an intense, total focusing of his intellect into the act of prayer]. And I know and believe: "in distress You have relieved me." In any case — by day I study blessed be G-d — a little at a time. And I ask of you — and of our friends, my truly beloved ones, Morainu v'Rabbainu Aizik, may his candle shine — and also Reb Henech, may his candle shine — that you go on my behalf to the resting place of the holy Ari — and to the resting place of my father ז"ל — and all the Anash — to pray for me — and to awaken the divine mercies on my behalf in prayer and supplication — that there be an end and a conclusion to all our troubles. For I have many words to write to you — to give life to your souls. For during my illness — my main study is the books of Rabbainu ז"ל and his holy disciple — for I study only one hour — a little of the Five Books with Rashi — and beyond that — as much as I have the strength — I study the books of Rabbainu ז"ל and Psalms and prayers. And this is my main life-force. But what can I do, my brothers my friends — that I have no strength to bring it from potential into actual? And G-d willing when Hashem Yisbarach helps me and I am in full strength — surely we will speak together G-d willing. And regarding the money — G-d willing when it comes into your hand — take for yourself half the money against your debt. And the remainder send to me — although I am now in a time of need — but even so — your debt weighs very heavily upon my head. And also the money of Reb Shmuel Henech — send that too immediately — and do not wait for a receipt. And know that Reb Shmuel Henech does kindness with me constantly — and goes every day to visit me. And also — perhaps there will be letters for Reb Shmuel Henech — send them to his hand immediately — for it will be considered a great mitzvah. And also write about my truly beloved Reb Shmuel, may his candle shine — from where he draws sustenance — to give life to his soul — for he lies resting upon my head at all times. And also I asked to say to Reb Nussun son of Reb Yekusiel ז"ל — perhaps he has herring — and let him send me two or three. More there is not to write — only life for you and for us. Words of one who truly loves you, Nussun from Breslov Written Tuesday, Parshas Vayechi, 5641, from Teverya — nine weeks into the illness. A new fever cycle every evening. Day and night the writer concentrates his brain into prayer. נ נח נחמ נחמן מאומן