קיא

I will tell you all the kindnesses of Hashem that He performed with me — and all of my journey was "in distress You relieved me" — and with great miracles I crossed over the sea and the land. And I give thanks to Hashem at all times — with thanksgiving and acknowledgment [b'todah hodaah — two distinct and deliberately doubled words: todah — thanksgiving; and hodaah — acknowledgment, the act of formally recognizing and admitting G-d's goodness; together they form a doubled and intensified expression: thanksgiving-acknowledgment in one complete act]. And nearly all four categories of those who must give thanks passed over me.

For at the beginning of my journey from your holy encampment — I had great suffering — for in the wagon was the Jewish driver known as Chaim — and he said to me: because I did not want to travel with him but only with the non-Jew — for Shmuel son of Chana told him that I do not want to travel with him or with any Jewish driver — only with the non-Jew — because of this he will take revenge on me. And he disgraced me with every kind of humiliation. Even so — through those humiliations he performed for me several good things — as is explained in the words of Rabbainu z"l: that through humiliations and the public shaming that pours out one's blood [shefichas damim — "pouring out of blood" — a Talmudic concept: public shaming causes the blood to drain from the face, which is halachically likened to bloodshed; Rabbainu z"l teaches that both humiliations and this kind of shaming lead one to repentance] — one merits repentance. And also in the name that he called me — Breslov dog — and in so doing he reminded me that I am a Breslover — and I was subsumed and encompassed within the name of Rabbainu z"l. This is one.

And the second — as there was some mountain — both on the ascent and on the descent — I was compelled to walk on foot. And I walked on Sunday for approximately five hours on foot — until I came to Terzinbah — until my entire body became heated. And immediately when I arrived at the overnight lodging I came to such a fever that I fainted from the heat — and my entire body burned continuously — burned like fire ablaze [kiyked yikod aish — the biblical intensified infinitive-absolute construction: "burning — it burned like fire" — the doubling of the verb root expresses ceaseless, unbroken burning; from Ezekiel 24:10 and related contexts; not a single burning but a continuous unrelenting flame] — and I could not feel any limb. And the entire night I burned — burned like fire ablaze — and I did not eat and did not drink — only I was as one who had fainted. And it was like this until three hours into the day — until it was in my mind to turn back to your holy encampment. And also the people of the wagon took firm hold of this position [achazu — "they seized, they took firm hold" — from achaz — to seize, to grip firmly; they had a firm grip on the assessment that he should be returned] — to return me — for they regarded me as a wretched, pitiable person. And then they told me: it is still a whole Eretz Yisroel until Sidon. But Hashem Yisbarach — in His abundant mercies — on that very day — returned my strength to me — and I traveled on the donkey — even though I had no strength at all. Until Friday night — after prayer — when I drank wine for kiddush — immediately I had great vomiting beyond all measure. And this was the completion of the healing.

And then I came to Barat and stayed at the inn of Reb Yaakov — as our friend the patron Reb Chaim Yehoshua, may his candle shine, wrote him a letter to draw me close. And "he drew me close" — so that all the people who stayed with Reb Betzalel gave two Napoleon coins for the ship — and he took from me two Turkish liras. And all the people who stayed with the above-mentioned Reb Betzalel did not pay for the lodging — but I stayed with him for approximately five hours and he took from me lodging fees of two groshen. And also my wife gave me a little borshht — and I tasted only one spoonful — for I could not eat it — for it had no flavor at all. And then he charged me seventy paras for the borshht. And then he added sin to transgression [hosif chet al pesha — a direct biblical citation from Job 34:37: "he adds transgression to his sin" — the phrase for someone who compounds one wrong upon another] — and gave me debased change [izdatziye — Yiddish-Russian: the small change given back; from Russian sdacha — change returned from a payment; specifically the problematic small-denomination coins the innkeeper passed off on him] from the Meizhide — paras that circulate in Barat — two and a half for four groshen — and I did not want to accept them — for perhaps they do not circulate everywhere. And he told me they circulate throughout all of Turkey. And in the end I had not a single coin for expenses — and I was compelled to use them. This is how that murderer "drew me close" — and I have no grievance, G-d forbid, against Reb Chaim Yehoshua, may his candle shine — for he certainly thought he was doing me a good. And blessed be G-d that I crossed the sea in peace.

And then I came to Galatz on the eve of the Shavuos festival in the morning — and immediately the captain stood to examine the passport — and there were two of us — and he said that he will not allow us into the city with our belongings — because the passport had already expired — and he will send us back on the ship to Istanbul. But it was a miracle for me that we had a passport from Wallachia — for three people who had Turkish passports — he returned them back to Istanbul before our very eyes. And I and the second who traveled with me were detained for approximately eight hours — and he led us with a soldier to the police — and there too we stood for approximately three hours — and then they let us free. And we spent the Shavuos festival in Galatz.

And on Sunday I wanted to travel by train — and the train does not go — because there the water had flooded all the bridges — and even the iron bridges — for since after Passover not a single day had passed there without great rains. And we were compelled to hire a wagon — and it came to a large sum. And then we were compelled to cross the water by small boat — and that too cost seven francs. And I did not have enough for expenses. And blessed be G-d — Hashem Yisbarach arranged for me in Galatz a certain man — who sent with me fifteen francs to my wife in Teiteira. And this was a great good for me on the road — no one knew me — until I arrived here.

And blessed be G-d — I arrived here on the night before the day — and it happened that there was a circumcision — and there was a vigil night at the home of a son of Avraham, Morainu v'Rabbainu Ze'ev, may his candle shine. And there were present my brother Michl, may his candle shine, and my brother Ze'ev, may his candle shine, and my son Aizik, may his candle shine. And we feasted at length on the spiritual feast of the teachings of Rabbainu z"l and his holy disciple [ha'se'udah me'Rabbainu z"l — "the feast of Rabbainu z"l" — se'udah specifically means a meal, a feast; the gathering around Torah-talk is described as a spiritual feast, a banquet of holy words — not merely "the precious things" but a full meal of teaching] — and we sat the entire night until the light of morning. For it was worthwhile — all the jolting and shaking of my journey [ha'tiltelim — "the jolting and shaking about" — from tiltel — to shake violently, to toss, to uproot; the specific physical jolting of a difficult journey — being shaken and tossed along rough roads; more vivid than merely "hardships"] — to be gathered together to speak of such a Rebbe and such a disciple. And the life-force that we had from those precious and pleasant words — more precious than gold and fine gold and pearls — and there is no name at all by which to describe the essential inestimable preciousness of the greatness of Rabbainu z"l and his holy disciple — they give life to the soul. And through the counsels of Rabbainu z"l and his holy disciple — I always found the business prospering.

Words of one who truly loves you, Nussun from Breslov Written Thursday, Parshas Beha'aloscha, 5641 (June 1881), from Teiteira. A vivid account of the entire journey: humiliation, near-fatal fever, miraculous healing, eight hours detained by police, flooded railway bridges, arriving to a circumcision vigil. נ נח נחמ נחמן מאומן