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ימי מוהרנ"ת - Yemei Moharnat
וְהִנֵּה עָבְרָה כָּל הַשָּׁנָה וַעֲדַיִן תּוֹחַלְתִּי נִכְזָבָה כִּי לא הִגִּיעָה תְּשׁוּבָה נְכוֹנָה מִשָּׁם גַּם בְּאוֹתָהּ הַשָּׁנָה תקפ"ו הַנַּ"ל נָגְעָה בִּי יַד ה' כִּי נִלְקְחָה מִמֶּנִּי אִשְׁתִּי הָרִאשׁוֹנָה עָלֶיהָ הַשָּׁלוֹם בְּראשׁ חֹדֶשׁ אֱלוּל שְׁנַת הַנַּ"ל וְקדֶם לָזֶה הָיוּ בְּנִי וּבִתִּי וְכַלָּתִי שֶׁיִּחְיוּ מֻטָּלִים עַל עֶרֶשׂ דְּוַי וַאֲנִי הָיִיתִי אָז בַּדֶּרֶךְ וְהֵם הָיוּ בְּסַכָּנָה גְּדוֹלָה מְאד וּבְחֶמְלַת הַשֵּׁם שָׁבוּ כֻּלָּם לְאֵיתָנָם תְּהִלָּה לָאֵל, אַךְ אַחַר כָּךְ חָלְתָה אִשְׁתִּי הַנַּ"ל וְנִפְטְרָה לְשָׁלוֹם כַּנַּ"ל וּבָאתִי לְבֵיתִי בְּיוֹם שְׁלִישִׁי אַחֲרֵי הִסְתַּלְּקוּתָהּ וּבְעצֶם צָרָתִי וּמְרִירוּת נַפְשִׁי וְשִׁבְרוֹן לִבִּי, כִּי גַּם אַחַר כָּךְ לא הָיוּ בְּנִי וּבִתִּי שֶׁיִּחְיוּ בְּקַו הַבְּרִיאָה בִּשְׁלֵמוּת, וְהָיָה לִי צַעַר גָּדוֹל מְאד מִלְּבַד שְׁאָרֵי בִּלְבּוּלִים וְכוּ' וּבְתוֹךְ כָּךְ הִגִּיעוּ יְמֵי ראשׁ הַשָּׁנָה הַקְּדוֹשִׁים, וְנָסַעְתִּי בְּיוֹם רִאשׁוֹן דִּסְלִיחוֹת לְאוּמֶין כְּדַרְכֵּנוּ בְּכָל שָׁנָה, וְהִנַּחְתִּי בְּנִי וּבִתִּי הַיְתוֹמִים בְּבֵיתִי לְבַדָּם בַּחֲלִישׁוּת כּחַ מְאד וְעצֶם הָרַחֲמָנוּת שֶׁהָיָה אָז עָלַי וַעֲלֵיהֶם אִי אֶפְשָׁר לְסַפֵּר וַה' בְּרַחֲמָיו הָעֲצוּמִים לא עָזַב חַסְדּוֹ מִמֶּנִּי, וּבְזאת הַנְּסִיעָה דַּיְקָא עוֹרְרַנִי אָדָם אֶחָד מֵאַנְשֵׁי-שְׁלוֹמֵנוּ שֶׁאֶרְאֶה לְהַדְפִּיס גְּמַר הַתְּפִלּוֹת בִּדְפוּס אַחֵר שֶׁלּא בְּבֵיתִי, וְתֵכֶף נִתְחַזְּקָה דַּעְתִּי בָּזֶה וּבָטַחְתִּי בְּחַסְדֵי הַשֵּׁם שֶׁיַּזְמִין לִי הוֹצָאָה הַמְרֻבָּה וְכֵן עָשִׂיתִי, וְכָל הַמְּנִיעוֹת שֶׁעָבְרוּ בָּזֶה אִי אֶפְשָׁר לְסַפֵּר, אַךְ יְמִין ה' רוֹמֵמָה, עֲזָרַנִי בְּרַחֲמָיו הָעֲצוּמִים וּתְהִלָּה לָאֵל גָּמַרְתִּי הַתְּפִלּוֹת בַּשָּׁנָה הַזּאת הִיא שְׁנַת תקפ"ז, מָה אֲדַבֵּר וְהוּא אָמַר וְעָשָׂה, מָה אָשִׁיב לַה' כָּל תַּגְמוּלוֹהִי עָלָי, שֶׁזָּכִיתִי לִגְמר זְכוּת הָרַבִּים כָּזֶה אֲשֶׁר לא הָיָה מִימוֹת עוֹלָם:
And I merited to serve him then alone — and to hand him what he needed. Afterward I answered and said to him: "Rabbi — take something to restore your soul." He answered: "What will you give me?" I said: "A little tea." He answered and said: "With egg yolk." For at that time they would sometimes give him tea cooked with egg yolk — which is made to ease the cough. And so I did — I cooked the tea with the egg yolk and sugar and gave it to him. And he asked that a little water be given to him. And he washed his hands. And he took the tea and said it was still hot — for at that time he was careful not to drink a hot drink, lest it stir up the blood of the cough. For several days before his passing, the discharge of blood through the cough had ceased from him. And I took the tea and poured it from vessel to vessel to cool it somewhat, as is the custom. And afterward I gave it to him and he said it was still hot. And I took it and cooled it further — and he said it was still hot. And so it was approximately three or four times. Afterward — after I had cooled it properly according to his wish — he took it, made the blessing, and drank. Afterward I stood before him still until the day became light. And joy and vitality were added to me somewhat — that I had merited to serve him so much. For it was not every day that I merited to serve him — for his wish was that his attendant serve him. Only at rare intervals had I merited to serve him a little. And now I had merited to serve him for several consecutive hours at such a time. Therefore I was somewhat joyful. But I did not know that on that very day Hashem was taking our master. On the contrary — it seemed to me then that he would still live.
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