לז

And behold — from then I understood that his wish in its simplicity was that we all come to Eretz Yisroel. And from then onward I very very greatly yearned to be in Eretz Yisroel. But the obstacles were very many. For during his lifetime zichrono livracha — I was unable to travel to Eretz Yisroel to establish my dwelling there. For I was unable to separate from him at all. For he was my life and the length of my days. And without him I had no vitality at all. And to travel alone with the intention of returning was also difficult for me — for several reasons. And because of the great expense that was not in my means. And also — how was it possible to separate for so long a time from Rabbainu zichrono livracha — since I was accustomed to be before him every time — and I heard every time the living words of G-d that give merit to the many for all generations. On account of all of these — I was unable to travel then. But my will was strong to travel to Eretz Yisroel every time I remembered the love of Eretz Yisroel. And also several times he spoke with us in his holy conversations — and made us yearn for Eretz Yisroel. And he informed us that it was an easy thing to come to Eretz Yisroel — and that it did not require as much expense as people think. And that it was not dangerous as people think. And from between the lines of his words I understood that his wish was that we be in Eretz Yisroel even just once — when he told of the very obstacles and dangers that were upon him in Istanbul — and how he was in great danger before he came to Eretz Yisroel and so on — he then answered and told us that we would be able to come to Eretz Yisroel easily — as if to say: upon us there would not arise such obstacles and dangers as there had been upon him. And if we wished — we would be able to come to Eretz Yisroel. And these words are lodged in my heart from then until now — and they were my help to strengthen my yearning to travel to Eretz Yisroel.

And behold — with our many sins the sun set at noon and our Master Teacher and Rabbainu zichrono livracha passed away — this was close to twelve years ago. And we were left like orphans. And soon after his passing it occurred to me to travel to Eretz Yisroel with my wife and those who come from my loins may they live — to establish my dwelling there. And I had already thought in my mind and saw that I could easily make a livelihood through our wealthy relatives and through our anshei sh'lomaynu. And I also had a little money then — about one hundred gold ducats and some jewelry and silver vessels. And through all of this I saw I could easily make some arrangement to support myself modestly and at small expense in Eretz Yisroel. But I saw that I was not permitted to travel to Eretz Yisroel to establish my dwelling there permanently — because of several affairs of very great public merit that I needed to do here in the Diaspora. That is: regarding the Torah of Rabbainu zichrono livracha that I had merited to write — and that I still needed to copy and print and so on — as I indeed merited in the first year after his passing to print his Sefer Likutay Tinyanna and the Sefer Aleph-Beis and the condensed version in that year. Therefore I saw it was impossible for me to travel to settle there entirely. And to travel alone was also not possible for me then — and also because of the great expense and other obstacles. Because of all of these I was unable to travel. And it is the way of a person that meanwhile forgetfulness comes upon him — and he forgets. Therefore several periods passed in which I forgot to long for Eretz Yisroel. But since in the Torah of Rabbainu zichrono livracha — Eretz Yisroel is mentioned many times — and it is explained there that everyone needs to ask Hashem that he should have yearning and desire for Eretz Yisroel and so on — therefore I strengthened myself every time. And I remembered the words of Rabbainu zichrono livracha. And I returned and yearned for Eretz Yisroel. And so it was many times. But every time I saw that it was impossible for me now to bring my desire and will to travel to Eretz Yisroel from potential into actual — because of the very obstacles that were then upon me. And behold — from the time I merited to write the Prayer from the Torah of the Nine Tikunim mentioned above — from then onward I began to pray every time before Hashem that He should help me to come to Eretz Yisroel. And every time I saw the very obstacles standing before me that were preventing me from Eretz Yisroel — precisely then I prayed greatly that I merit to come to Eretz Yisroel. For I knew that Hashem is great — and that Hashem can help even against such very obstacles — that I merit to shatter them all and come to Eretz Yisroel. For He is mighty and has great power to save. And nothing is too wondrous for Him. Afterward I merited to write several more Prayers to come to Eretz Yisroel. And every time my yearning intensified more and more. And even so — many days and years passed — and I did not merit to bring my thought into actual deed — to travel to Eretz Yisroel. And behold — all that passed over me in this matter — it is impossible to explain. And a multitude of pages would not suffice to explain them. For how is it possible to explain in writing even the thoughts of one single day — certainly not the many many thoughts of so many years such as these.