קמא

And the essential matter was that he said to us: no one would wish to give for people who were now going to prostrate at the graves of Tzadikim in Eretz Yisroel — for it was a strange thing in their eyes. And if we had our own money — we had the right to do what we wished. But to give a donation for this — they would not wish. And I argued with him: had I then lost out because I was male? And had I lost because I was traveling for a mitzvah — to draw upon myself the holiness of Eretz Yisroel — that no one needed to help me? But he did not listen to me — and said that even if he sent people — they would accomplish nothing. And I had great anguish in his house. Only afterward — after much urging — we asked him that he should do his part and send two men — and may Hashem the Good do what was good in His eyes. Afterward he replied faintly that he would send — as if to say: I will send men but they will accomplish nothing. And I went from there in deflated spirit. But even so — I comforted myself — for I still had some books. And the rav had taken some books from me — and wished to buy them. And I understood that through this I would have money for expenses. And if it was not sufficient — we would sell our pillows and bedding. And perhaps even so Hashem Blessed be He would help that we would receive some assistance here from members of the community. And the rav bought from me books for the sum of forty taler — including a volume of Likutay Moharan and the volume of the Aleph-Beis [Sefer HaMidos]. And this was precious in my eyes greatly — that I had merited to leave the books of Rabbainu zichrono livracha in such a far land.