כט

Afterward we spoke with him a little. And afterward he told, before me and before his son-in-law Rabbi Yitzchok zichrono livracha, an awesome story on the theme of "Mazel Tov, Mazel Tov" [Chayay Moharan §82]. And afterward he commanded that we eat together with him. For the custom was, when we sat with him on weekdays, that he did not eat together with us — except at times when there was a special eis ratzon [propitious moment] and he was in good spirits, at which times he would command that we eat together with him. And that night mentioned above was also a time of some ratzon and joy, and he commanded that we eat with him. And we ate together — he zichrono livracha, his son-in-law mentioned above, and I.

And during the meal, he heard that one of our circle was at that moment also reciting the Kiddush Levanah — saying the blessing of the moon with arousal and burning passion from the very depth of the heart, in the manner of the people of our circle. And Rabbainu zichrono livracha was very, very pleased by this, and he began to speak about it. And through this the matter developed until he revealed before us a wondrous Torah teaching on the verse: "and let there be, now, a double portion of your spirit upon me" [II Kings 2:9; Likutay Moharan §66]. And it is already known among us that for every single word we merited to hear from his holy mouth zichrono livracha, we must say many times: "Even had I come into the world only to hear this one thing — it would have been sufficient." How much more so when we merited to hear a sustained teaching such as this! Happy is the ear that hears it.

And I remained there until Shabbos. And for the holy Shabbos, guests came — and one of them was from Eretz Yisroel. And Rabbainu zichrono livracha conversed with him about Eretz Yisroel — for it is absolutely certain [b'hechreiach] that he had deep yearnings [ga'aguim] for Eretz Yisroel, since he had merited to be there. And through this the matter developed such that Rabbainu zichrono livracha said at the table an awesome Torah teaching [ibid.] on the subject of breaking through obstacles. And likewise afterward at Motzai Shabbas Kodesh he also said an awesome Torah teaching [ibid.] on the subject of drawing down the spirit of Mashiach, and so on. And shortly after Shabbos a wagon became available for me. And I received leave from him before daybreak — for I was in very great haste — and I entered his room to take leave as was the custom. And there was no candle in his room, for he zichrono livracha was still lying on his bed. I wished to bring in a candle, and he said it was not needed. And I took leave of him in the darkness of the night and spoke with him a little — for I had already spoken with him much before my journey to Nemirov and afterward. And I traveled to Mohilov and arrived in Mohilov, and I found my father-in-law in his home — for he had arrived shortly after my departure from there to Breslov. And I received him, and certainly he did not show me a pleasant face — for he was very displeased with this, as mentioned.

And behold, my longing was very strong to return with my household to Nemirov — but until now we had been waiting for my father-in-law as mentioned, and now it was impossible to return in the winter. And yet I was hoping to return. But close to my arrival there, Hashem caused me to be ill [vayechale Hashem osi], and I fell bedridden three times in succession one after the other. And likewise my wife fell ill three times. And my children — may they live. And our maidservant fell ill and died. And my father-in-law's maidservant also fell ill — for at that time great sicknesses [chulushos] were very prevalent in our surroundings.