קד

Hashem G‑d of truth — singular and primordial; Who devises thoughts so that no castaway be cast off from Him; good and beneficent to all; Who watches over the wicked and desires his vindication; Who calls the generations from the beginning; Who desires repentance: have mercy upon me for the sake of Your Name and for the sake of our holy fathers; and return me in complete repentance before You; and effect what is written: that I walk in Your statutes and observe Your commandments — from now and forever.

Master of the Universe — full of mercy; Knower of hidden things; Most High and Holy; Worker of mighty deeds; Maker of new things; Master of battles; Sower of righteousness; Causer of salvation to sprout; Creator of healings; Awesome in praises; Master of wonders — Who renews in His goodness every day continuously the act of Creation: for You do every day continuously new and very great and awesome miracles and wonders — which are hidden and very exalted from us; for we do not know the immensity of Your greatness and Your wonders which You do in the world at every time. And all Your dealings and Your wonders and Your goodnesses every day and at every time and at every hour — they are all together only for the true and ultimate good purpose: which is in order to bring about circumstances whereby we merit to draw close to You and to return to You in complete repentance in truth — for that is the main part of the true ultimate good among all the goods. And only You Yourself know all that You do anew each day in order to bring me and all of Israel back to complete repentance in truth; in order to purify and to repair our souls and our spirits and our neshamos; in order that the souls of Your people Israel be purified from their impurity. And every day and at every time and at every hour — You do entirely new wonders for this purpose; for no day is like its fellow; and every day and at every time and at every hour and moment You do wondrous deeds — to change the management of the worlds through many and wondrous changes without end or limit; and all for the good of the world — for their true and eternal good; in order to hint to them hints in many aspects and manners in infinite variety; to call each and every one from wherever he is at that very time and moment — to draw him close to You in truth; for only this is true good; and there is no other good in the world except this at all. And behold I confess and acknowledge before You — our Father; compassionate Father; the King Who is good and beneficent to all: for all the lovingkindnesses and the goodnesses and the salvations and the wonders that You have done with me from my beginning until this day; after all that has befallen me; and after all that I have transgressed knowingly and unknowingly; under duress and willingly — and after all these Your mercies have not yet been exhausted from me; and You still arouse me and strengthen me to await Your salvation and to arrange these words before You. Apart from that with which You grant me merit every day with good and awesome points to sanctify me in the holiness of Israel; in the holiness of Your awesome commandments — which You grant me merit every day to snatch up in this perishing and spoiled world — that passes and moves on in the blink of an eye. How very great is Your goodness which You have done with me. What shall I return to Hashem for all His bounties upon me? [Psalms 116:12]. Therefore Your servant has found his heart still to supplicate before You and to prostrate himself before Your mercies and lovingkindnesses. And so I have come before You — Master of mercies; Master of salvations; great in counsel and mighty in deed [Jeremiah 32:19]: that You teach me in truth the ways of repentance; and that You be with me always and guide me at every time and hour on the straight and true path; in such a manner that I merit speedily to return in complete repentance before You in truth — quickly and swiftly; and may You teach me and instruct me the true and very truth of the path — how to conduct myself in the matter of fasting; for You have revealed to us in many places in the words of our sages of blessed memory the immensity and the greatness of the value of the fast and the affliction — which is the very essence of repentance. However — against this, it is found in many places that it is forbidden to fast without the permission of the true sage [he'chacham ha'emes]; and in particular one who is a Torah scholar — concerning whom our sages of blessed memory have warned in many places that he should not multiply fasting — so that he not be prevented from words of Torah. And You, Hashem G‑d of truth — before You are revealed all the hidden things of the heart and all the doubts that I have in my heart about this. And apart from the multitude of obstacles I have in the matter of fasting from the gravity of the matter itself — added to this is the multitude of obstacles of the mind arising from the many doubts in my heart about the matter of fasting as I have mentioned before You. Therefore I have come before You — full of mercy; that You grant me merit to know at every time how to conduct myself in this matter and in all the matters pertaining to Your service; and that I not confuse my mind greatly with these doubts — so as not to nullify myself from my little service. Rather may I merit from You to true settling of the mind [yishuv hada'as] in truth. And may You guide me in Your truth and instruct me at every time how to conduct myself in all the matters and in particular in this matter of fasting. And may I merit through the fasting to humble and to nullify the materiality of my evil body; and may I merit to nullify the great dispute and to draw down great peace — both generally and in particular. Both the immensity of the dispute from the people of the world — who always rise up against those who desire to enter into the true holiness of Israel; who stand against them with many kinds of disputants and preventers and mockers in many ways to turn them from the point of truth. And the immensity of the dispute that is in the heart — that everything we want to do in Your service is prevented from us greatly beyond measure; so that the strength of the burden-bearer has almost given out; for every time I want to strengthen myself to purify my thoughts and ideas — many confusions rise up against me with alien thoughts and evil imaginings; all of which is called dispute. And against all these disputes — fasting is needed; as You have revealed to us through this Torah teaching. Therefore have mercy upon us for Your Name's sake; and guide me and instruct me and grant me merit to take to heart — to understand and to fast greatly as Your good will truly desires; in such a manner that I merit through the fasting to subdue and to nullify all manner of dispute; and may I merit to humble and to nullify all my blemished desires — to nullify them all against Your will and to cleave my heart in truth to You and to Your true service; and may I not deviate from Your will right or left from now and forever. And through this may You grant me merit that all the other desires of the preventers and the disputants against my desire be nullified; and let there be no power for any preventer or disputant to nullify me, G‑d forbid, from Your true service — even by a hairbreadth. And let all manner of dispute be nullified from the world — both the dispute from the people of the world; and the dispute in my heart: may everything be nullified entirely. And may I merit to truly great peace in truth in all its aspects; in such a manner that I merit to return to You in truth; and to be as Your good will desires always in truth from now and forever. And grant me merit through Your abundant mercies to very great and immense joy always for Your Name and Your service. Make us rejoice according to the days You have afflicted us — the years we have seen evil [Psalms 90:15].

And grant me merit through Your abundant mercies to receive the holy Yom Kippur with great holiness and very great joy and immense exultation. And may I merit to fulfill all the five afflictions [chamisha innuyim] on Yom Kippur in ultimate perfection as is fitting; and to pray all the five prayers of Yom Kippur with very great and awesome concentration; and to confess all manner of confessions; and to feel remorse for the past with complete remorse; and to truly abandon my evil way and my confused and evil thoughts; and to accept upon myself with a strong and firm acceptance not to return to my folly; and not to do again what is evil in Your eyes as I have done; and to return in complete repentance before You in truth — with joy and with awe and with love; and to weep greatly from within joy.

Full of mercy — grant me merit to the holiness of this awesome and awesome and very sublime Yom Kippur; for it is this day — great and holy and awesome and dreadful and mighty; one day in the year which You have chosen for Your people — to forgive their iniquities and to atone for their transgressions on this awesome day. Have mercy upon us and grant us merit to receive this great and awesome day as is fitting; and to return in complete repentance in truth; in such a manner that You forgive and pardon and atone for us all our very great and many and heavy sins and iniquities and transgressions — heavier than the sand of the sea. And help us through the merit of the holy power of this holy day itself; and through the merit of the holy fast of this awesome day — the Day of Atonement; that we merit through this to subdue within us all the desires before You Blessed be You; to subdue and to break and to nullify all manner of our desires against Your will; until we have no desire and no craving against Your will at all; in such a manner that we merit to be as Your will always; and not to deviate from Your will right or left. And through this may we merit that You in Your mercies nullify the will of others before our will; and let all manner of dispute be nullified from us — both the dispute from the people of the world; and the dispute within myself; for now there is no peace within myself because of my sin. And everything that I want to do of something holy — I have very many and immense obstacles beyond measure; and the main ones are the obstacles of the mind and the heart. And all of it may I merit to nullify through the holy fast of Yom Kippur — which encompasses all the days of the entire year; as it is written: Your eyes saw my unformed substance; and in Your book they were all written — days were fashioned; and one of them is for Him [Psalms 139:16]. And our sages of blessed memory interpreted: this is Yom Kippur. Have mercy upon us and grant us merit to return in complete repentance in truth throughout the entire year; and in particular on the holy Yom Kippur. And help us to observe the fast of Yom Kippur with awesome and immense holiness and with great joy and exultation in truth; in such a manner that I merit through this to sanctify myself from now; and to know how to conduct myself in the matter of fasting throughout the entire year; and to be as Your good will desires in truth — so that I not be put to shame and not be disgraced and not stumble forever and ever.

For Your sake act and not for us.

Full of mercy — You know how many dead and truly lifeless days are lying in the place where they are lying; because of the multitude and the immensity of my very very many and great transgressions that I have committed from my beginning until this very day. You know how I have extracted the life-force from many days with very great cruelty; and not only did I not add life from above to the days through Torah and service — but I also entirely extracted from them their very life-force through the multitude of my iniquities that I committed in them. And the repair of all these dead days is through many fasts; as You have revealed to us through Your holy sages. Have mercy upon me and help me and save me through Your immense mercies and Your awesome and wondrous lovingkindnesses — that I merit through the power of the holy fast of Yom Kippur; and through the power of all the fasts that You grant me merit through Your abundant mercies to observe in my lifetime: that I merit through them to repair all those dead days; and may I merit to fast so very much — until I need to make use of the power of the days of nursing; with the power of the milk that I nursed from my mother's womb; in such a manner that I merit to revive and to elevate and to repair all the days that have passed over me from the day of my coming into being until now. And may I merit on the day of my departure from the world to come and to enter before You with all the days of all the days of my life — in great holiness; and may all my days be complete and holy and pure and repaired in ultimate repair as Your good will desires; and may I not enter in shame before You [v'la ei'ul b'kisufa kamach]. Help me, help me; save me, save me; do with me a wonder for life — that I not be as the dead, G‑d forbid. I shall not die but live — and declare the deeds of G‑d [Psalms 118:17]. Gladden my very wretched and very downtrodden soul — through the many fasts that You grant me merit through Your mercies to observe from now. And may I merit to greatly strengthen myself in this. Help me — full of mercy; save me — full of salvations; have mercy upon me — full of mercy. Who rewards the guilty with good — Who has rewarded me with all good and granted me merit to be of the seed of Israel and distinguished me from those who go astray and has not made me a gentile: reward me with all good — Selah. And help me from now to separate myself from this world entirely; and may I merit to be patient with great strength and to conquer my inclination and to govern my spirit and to strengthen myself at every time; until I merit from now to close my eyes from seeing this world entirely; and to fast many fasts and complete abstentions. And You in Your mercies shall receive them with love and with will; and draw me close to You with abundant mercies; and gladden my soul always; in such a manner that I merit through the power of the true tzadikim to repair all that I have blemished from my beginning in my lifetime. And may I merit to know You in truth and to serve You always in truth — I and my seed and the seed of my seed from now and forever. Guide me in Your truth and teach me — for You are G‑d my salvation; for You I hope all the day [Psalms 25:5]. Teach me, Hashem, the way of Your statutes; and I shall keep it to the end [Psalms 119:33]. Teach me, Hashem, Your way; and I shall walk in Your truth; unify my heart to fear Your Name [Psalms 86:11]. Teach me, Hashem, Your way; and lead me on a level path — because of my enemies [Psalms 27:11]. Send Your light and Your truth — they shall lead me; they shall bring me to Your holy mountain and to Your dwelling-places [Psalms 43:3]. For to You alone are my eyes turned — until Hashem looks down and sees from Heaven [Lamentations 3:50]. May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable before You — Hashem, my Rock and my Redeemer [Psalms 19:15]. He Who makes peace in His heights — may He make peace upon us and upon all of Israel; and say: Amen. Your mercies are great, Hashem; according to Your judgment sustain me [Psalms 119:156]. My soul cleaves to the dust; sustain me according to Your word [Psalms 119:25]. And may the verse be fulfilled in us: And you who cleave to Hashem your G‑d — you are all alive today [Deuteronomy 4:4]. To everlasting eternities and for endless eternity — Amen and Amen.