מט

Rock of my heart and my Holy One — Rock of eternity, Fashioner of all; Sovereign of all deeds; Master of all souls; Knower of hidden things: You know my heart. You know the intensity of the burning of the holiness of the divine light that flows within my heart — for we are a portion of G‑d from above and the Shechinah of Your G‑dliness is within our heart.

Therefore my heart yearns for me — my heart hums like a lyre; my flesh and my heart fail — Rock of my heart and my portion is G‑d forever [Psalms 73:26]. My soul yearned and even pined for the courts of Hashem — my heart and my flesh sing joyfully to the living G‑d [Psalms 84:3].

And the flashes of the flame of my heart that burns and yearns for You — many waters cannot extinguish it and rivers cannot sweep it away [Song of Songs 8:7]. For the light of my heart is bound and connected to Your great infinite light [Ein Sof] — therefore the fiery flame-light of my heart is without end.

For there is no end and no limit to my longing for You — and my yearning and desire and aspiration toward You is firm and strong beyond measure and reckoning; until according to the intensity of the infinite fire-flame of the heart it would have been impossible to perform any service at all. For the light of the holiness of my heart burns and is inflamed toward You with a sharp passion and strong will — to be cleaving and absorbed in You always forever.

But You revealed to us through Your holy sages that this is not Your will — and this was not Your holy intention in our creation. For You know that we are flesh and blood; and it is impossible for us to always be cleaving to You.

And You desire our service through acts and good deeds — for which purpose we came into this lowly world: to serve You through Torah and practical commandments. Therefore You decreed upon us not to break through to ascend to Hashem and not to burn toward You beyond the measure — and You decreed upon us to constrain the light of the burning within our heart; and to create an empty void in the heart; as it is written: and my heart is hollow within me [Psalms 109:22].

So that through this we merit to form within our heart all the good and holy attributes — and to draw upon ourselves the yoke of Your service in truth; and to walk in Your good ways and to cleave to Your holy attributes; and to serve You gradually and in measure. And through this may we merit to accept upon ourselves a complete yoke of the Kingship of Heaven — and to reveal Your sovereignty to all who come into the world. For this was Your intention in the creation of man — so that Your sovereignty be revealed in the world.

And therefore I have come before You, Hashem my G‑d and G‑d of my fathers; G‑d of Avraham, G‑d of Yitzchak, and G‑d of Yaakov; and G‑d of all the true tzadikim; G‑d of the first and the last; and G‑d of all Israel.

May Your mercies and Your lovingkindnesses now be moved and stirred upon me — upon one blemished and confused like me. And may You instruct me and guide me in Your truth and teach me: that I merit to truly know how to conduct myself in this matter — in what way and in what manner to constrain the light gradually and in measure as Your good will desires in truth.

For You know that I must always yearn for You and long for You in truth; and to run toward You like a mighty man running a course — this particular path that I was able to walk in the time when I was under Your rebuke; for I have already consumed many days and years in vanity and emptiness. What shall I say before You Who dwell on high — and what shall I recount before You Who reside in the heavens?

I have no mouth to respond and no forehead to raise the head. And in these places where I was caught through my many iniquities — certainly there is no way to exit from them in a gradual orderly manner.

And certainly it is necessary to flee from there quickly and to run from there with great speed and alacrity: to hasten to save my soul; and not to look behind me — for I cannot delay any longer at all, G‑d forbid, not even for a moment. And You must stir Your true mercies upon me — Your hidden ones; and take me out quickly with Your mighty arm; and carry me upon eagles' wings; and bring me before You to draw me near to Your service swiftly and speedily.

For my hope and expectation from Hashem have not yet perished. For the lovingkindnesses of Hashem — that they were not exhausted; that His mercies were not depleted [Lamentations 3:22].

But even so I am compelled to constrain the light of my heart's burning — as is revealed before You, my Father in Heaven.

For it is revealed and known before You — into how many blemishes I came through the excess of the burning beyond the measure. And I am brutish and know not: I was as a beast before You [Psalms 73:22].

Therefore I have come before You, my Father, my Father, my Master, my Master; Redeemer of Israel and my Holy One; Rock of my heart: behold — I cast myself upon You. Behold — I surrender my body and my soul and my spirit and my neshamah to You alone.

Into Your hand I entrust my spirit — You have redeemed me, Hashem G‑d of truth [Psalms 31:6]. To You, Hashem, I lift my soul [Psalms 25:1].

And I surrender all my heart to You alone. Teach me Your way, Hashem — I shall walk in Your truth; unite my heart to fear Your Name [Psalms 86:11].

Teach me and instruct me how to conduct myself in the matter of the longing and the burning toward You — and how to constrain the burning; in such a manner that I merit to complete repentance in truth; and to walk in Your holy ways and to cleave to Your good attributes; and to always accept upon myself a complete yoke of the Kingship of Heaven — in love and in favor; in awe and in fear; in great holiness and purity. And to truly serve You in absolute truth gradually and in measure as Your good will desires in truth.

Master of the Universe! Master of the Universe! You know that it is impossible for me to set forth my speech before You in completeness in any manner — especially in this matter. Help me!

Help me! Save me! Save me! Be gracious to me, be gracious to me!

Redeem me! Release me! Rescue me! Save me!

Save me please through Your mercies from the evil inclination! Save me from the stupidity of the heart — from the foreskin of the heart [arlas halev]. Redeem me and be gracious to me and rescue me through Your abundant mercies — from evil thoughts; from harmful wisdoms: which are the main evil inclination of the heart. Have pity and compassion upon me, have pity and be gracious to me.

Redeemer from death and Rescuer from the pit — redeem me from the depths of the sea; redeem me from evil thoughts. Rescue my soul from evil musings that greatly blemish the soul of Israel — as You know, Hashem my G‑d and G‑d of my fathers. Save me, rescue me — from every kind of alien thought and confusion. Which are the main evil inclination of the heart — which is the foreskin of the heart; which block the heart.

And they alone were my downfall — for through them I was caught and seized in my iniquities and my immense and great transgressions that I sinned and transgressed and rebelled before You from my youth until this very day. All of which came upon me solely through my not having been careful to sanctify my thought with holy and pure thoughts — and I followed the obstinacy of my heart; and I ruined my deeds through the multitude of evil thoughts and many confusions that I allowed to enter my heart; and I did not overpower them to drive them away from me; until they entwined and rose upon my neck and sapped my strength. Until through them I came to all the blemishes that I blemished before You — and to all the distancing with which I distanced from You until now. Until the path of true repentance was hidden from me — and I know no path at all how to go out and to escape from them.

And now: from where shall my help come? From where shall my salvation come? From where shall I seek rest wherein it will be good for me forever? Ahah, Hashem!

Help! Help! Rescue! Rescue!

Save! Save! Save me, O G‑d — for the waters have entered my soul [Psalms 69:2]. Save me!

Purify me! Sanctify me! Sanctify my thought in Your immense holiness; in Your great holiness; in Your awe-inspiring holiness — before which no Sitra Achra can stand. My Father in Heaven — drive away before Your holiness all the stupidity that is in my heart; all the foreskin of my heart.

And may the verse be fulfilled in me through Your mercies: And Hashem your G‑d shall circumcise your heart — and the heart of your offspring; to love Hashem your G‑d with all your heart and with all your soul — for the sake of your life [Deuteronomy 30:6]. Grant me merit to holy and pure thoughts. Save me from evil thoughts. Save me please from evil musings.

Save me! Save me! Sanctify my thought through Your abundant mercies; through Your great mercies; through Your immense mercies. Knower of hidden things — have compassion upon me.

Full of mercy — may Your innards be moved and stirred toward me. Holy One of Yaakov — sanctify me and purify me. Holy above all holinesses — give me as a free gift and a generous bestowal of lovingkindness Your awe-inspiring holiness; in such a manner that I merit to receive it. Grant me merit speedily — that my heart be empty and hollow from every kind of foreskin of the heart; from every kind of stupidity of the heart; from every kind of alien thought and evil musings and alien wisdoms drawn from the evil inclination.

And help me — that I merit to draw into my heart gradually and in measure holy and pure thoughts; pure and sound thoughts; good thoughts which are the good inclination. And may You give me power to prevail the good inclination over the evil inclination; to prevail the holy thoughts over the evil thoughts; to drive away and to remove from my heart all the evil thoughts and confusions; and all the disturbing thoughts in the world. And may I merit to truly think as is fitting — how to truly serve You in a pure and clear thought without any confusion of mind at all. And You shall always be with me.

And may You teach me and instruct me Your good ways — and may You attach me to Your holy attributes; until I merit to accept upon myself a complete yoke of Your sovereignty: in love and in fear; in truth and in faith; in great holiness and purity. And may I return to You in complete repentance in truth — and to always cleave to You forever as Your good will desires in truth. And may I merit to swiftly run all this course that I was able to walk in the time when I was under Your rebuke — and may You help me that I merit to speedily repair in my lifetime all the blemishes that I blemished before You from my youth until this very day: through my many and immense and great sins and transgressions and iniquities. Have pity and be gracious to me and have mercy upon me and save me swiftly and speedily — a complete and true salvation; the salvation of the soul and the body in truth; the eternal salvation forever and for all eternity.

Help me — for upon You I lean. Save me — for Your Name is called upon us. Do not abandon us and do not cast us away and do not forsake us. Remember Your mercies, Hashem — and Your lovingkindnesses; for they are from eternity [Psalms 25:6].

Remember me, Hashem, with the favor of Your people — recall me with Your salvation [Psalms 106:4]. Purify my heart to serve You in truth. Awake, my glory; awake, the lute and lyre — I shall awaken the dawn [Psalms 57:9]. Awake now!

Stir now! Arise now! Stand now! Implore now the face of G‑d with the best of meditation — perhaps He will have pity; perhaps He will have mercy; perhaps He will have pity upon a poor and destitute people; perhaps He will have mercy; perhaps He will have mercy; perhaps He will have mercy.

My eyes have wept toward the heights — Hashem, I am oppressed; be my guarantor [Isaiah 38:14]. Master of the entire universe: I know not at all what to say — for there is no word on my tongue; behold, Hashem — You know it all [Psalms 139:4]. I have only come before You, Hashem my G‑d and G‑d of my fathers — full of mercy: to spread out my palms before You and to lift my eyes to the abode of Your holiness. Perhaps there is hope.

Give me good hope swiftly and speedily — give me true life; remove from me grief and sighing. Gladden the soul of Your servant — for to You, Hashem, I lift my soul [Psalms 86:4]. Grant me merit speedily to complete repentance in truth — and may I merit to return to the source from which I was hewn. And may I merit through my repentance to the supernal unity and the lower unity [yichuda ila'ah v'yichuda tata'ah].

And grant me merit to sanctify myself even more in the two holy months that are the two heads of the year — which are Nissan and Tishrei: which are days of repentance.

May I merit each and every year to return in them in complete repentance and to be sanctified in them with additional holiness and great joy.

And may I merit to draw upon myself great holiness and complete repentance always from these two months — upon the entire year. And grant me merit to stir and to reveal the ten types of melody [asarah minei niggun] — and may I merit speedily to always arrange before You each and every day many songs and praises in a voice of exultation and song for Your great and holy Name; in song and praise and melody and singing and strength and delight; in all the ten holy types of melody.

Until we merit that through us be stirred the song that shall be stirred in the future [hashir sheyit'ar le'asid] — which is the simple, doubled, tripled, quadrupled song [shir pashut kaful meshulash merubbah]; as it is written: The song shall be for you as the night when a festival is sanctified [Isaiah 30:29].

And may the verse be fulfilled in us: And singers like those who pipe — all my springs are in You [Psalms 87:7]. And grant us merit to know and to attain the secrets of the holy Kabbalah — until I merit to attain and to know the hidden ancient Torah [Oraisa d'Atika Stima'ah] that is destined to be revealed in the future to come.

And grant me merit through Your abundant mercies to fulfill the commandment of tzitzis [mitzvas tzitzis] in completeness — with all its particulars and minutiae and intentions and the 613 commandments dependent upon it; with a good heart and with great joy. And may it be the will before You that the commandment of tzitzis that we perform from white wool be considered as though we had also fulfilled the commandment of the blue thread [tekheles] of tzitzis.

For it is revealed and known before You that it is our will to do Your will — and we desire and yearn to fulfill the commandment of the blue thread in tzitzis; and if we were to merit to find tekheles for tzitzis we would spend great wealth in order to fulfill the commandment in its completeness. But through our many iniquities our Temple was destroyed and the chilazon [the creature from which tekheles is made] was hidden through our iniquities — and from then we no longer merit to fulfill Your commandment in its completeness.

Therefore may it be the will before You that the commandment of white tzitzis be considered before You as though we had fulfilled the commandment of the blue thread in tzitzis. And have mercy upon us and build Your city speedily in our days — and bring us in peace to the holy land.

And grant us merit that the chilazon be returned and revealed — and may we merit to fulfill the commandment of the blue thread in tzitzis. And through this may You destroy and shatter and uproot and raze the wicked kingdom from the world. And may the verse be fulfilled: Consume with wrath, consume — and let them be no more; and let them know that G‑d rules in Yaakov to the ends of the earth, Selah [Psalms 59:14].

And grant us merit — us and all Your people the House of Israel — to always be cleaving to You; and to accept upon ourselves the yoke of Your sovereignty with love.

And may You draw and pour upon us long, good, and enduring lives. And may the verse be fulfilled in us: And you who cleave to Hashem your G‑d — you are all alive this day [Deuteronomy 4:4].

And may You sweeten and nullify all the judgments from upon us and from upon all Your people the House of Israel always forever — and may You draw upon us an overflow of goodness and blessing and mercy and life and peace and holy wealth [ashirus dikdushah]. And may the verse be fulfilled in us: And I shall pour out for you blessing until there is no more sufficiency [Malachi 3:10].

And grant us merit to the joy of a commandment — and help us to gladden a fitting bride and groom; to gladden them with every kind of joy; and to sing and dance before them in great joy and delight; in great holiness and purity.

And may we merit through this to unite the supernal Groom and Bride [chasan v'kallah ha'elyonim] — and to bring together the wife of youth with her beloved in love and fraternity and fellowship.

And may we merit to the supernal unity and the lower unity [yichuda ila'ah v'yichuda tata'ah] — and may the four letters of Your great and holy Name be joined together.

And may the verse be fulfilled: In your midst is the Holy One — and I shall not come into the city [Hosea 11:9].

And grant me merit to draw near to true tzadikim — and help me and all Your people the House of Israel: that we merit to go out from the alien wisdoms of the nations; and may we not incline our thought toward any alien wisdom at all. Rather may our thought always be cleaving to You and to Your holy Torah — forever and ever.

And through this may the light of the true tzadikim grow and be elevated — and may they merit to always attain new supernal attainments. And grant us merit through Your abundant mercies to receive and to enjoy from their great and holy light.

And grant us merit to the holiness of the holy Shabbos — that we merit to receive Shabbosos in great joy and immense and powerful delight; in song and praise, hallel and melody; in exultation, song, mirth and delight; in awe and in love, in truth and in faith; in great holiness and purity. And may we merit through the power of the holiness of Shabbos to shatter and nullify the desire for money from us — that we have no desire or craving for money at all. Rather may we merit to always desire and yearn for the eternal purpose — to be adorned for the day that is entirely Shabbos and repose for eternal life. Full of mercy — have mercy upon us; and fill our requests with mercy: that we merit from now to drive away and uproot and nullify all the evil thoughts from our heart; and may we draw upon ourselves holy and pure thoughts — pure and sound thoughts. And may we begin from now to serve You in truth gradually and in measure as Your good will desires; in such a manner that we merit to speedily arrive at the ultimate completeness — at the true ultimate. Our Father in Heaven — teach us Your ways; instruct us to do Your will. Draw us near to You. Set me as a seal upon Your heart — as a seal upon Your arm; for love is as strong as death; jealousy is as fierce as the grave; its flashes are flashes of a fire; a flame of G‑d [shalhevesyah]. Many waters cannot extinguish the love — and rivers cannot sweep it away; if a man were to give all the wealth of his house for the love — he would be utterly scorned [Song of Songs 8:6–7]. Who takes pity upon the poor — have pity upon us; and may You hasten and speed to redeem us in general and in particular; in the physical and the spiritual. And may You bring us our righteous Mashiach — and may we merit and live and see and inherit goodness and blessing for the days of Mashiach and for the life of the World to Come.

Return me and I shall return — for You are my G‑d [Jeremiah 31:18]. Return, Hashem — until when? And relent concerning Your servants [Psalms 90:13]. Return us to You, Hashem, and we shall return — renew our days as of old [Lamentations 5:21]. May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable before You — Hashem, my Rock and my Redeemer [Psalms 19:15]. Amen and Amen. And from the treasury of free gifts be gracious to us. And may the verse be fulfilled in us: And I have placed My words in your mouth — and in the shadow of My hand I have covered you; to plant heavens and to lay the foundation of the earth; and to say to Zion: you are My people [Isaiah 51:16]. Be gracious to us and answer us and hear our prayer with mercy — for You are the Hearer of the prayer of every mouth. May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable before You — Hashem, my Rock and my Redeemer [Psalms 19:15]. He Who makes peace in His heights — may He make peace upon us and upon all Israel, and say: Amen.